Avoiding the stares that will surely come with what Theo and I just did, we choose to stay at my parent's house tonight. The whispers and speculation will still be the first things we hear in the morning, but for now I want to avoid any and all questions. Not failing to ignore that I allowed Vampires into our territory. That will raise suspicion, unease and tempers. All things my exhausted mind is not equipped to handle at the moment.
The silence and emptiness without them filling the massive house, pulls at my insides. I can tell Theo wants to ask me a million questions too, but at the same time, he's focused on something else entirely. He trails me as we make our way through the hallways filled with photos of me as a child and our pack mates. Where the office is decorated in elegance, the walls of our home with love and memories.
My fingers trail over one of my favorites, from a time when Nia and I were small enough for my father to hold each of us in one hand. He had us hoisted high in the air, elbows extended straight. Our laughing faces focused only on him as he spun us around in circles, our bellies resting against his flat palms. There are so many memories like this between Nia and I, a bond of friendship born from the time when we could only waddle. It's only now, as my fingertips brush against the glass protecting that moment in time, that I let the hurt fill me.
I know Theo noticed the weird attraction between Lucas and Nia. His thoughts so loud there was no way to block them out. I noticed it too. Smelt it on them like bad perfume. What I don't understand is what she's hiding from me. I searched my mind for her voice, doing my best to block out the others of the pack, but never found her. As if her every thought were hidden away from me. Tucked into a corner of darkness I will never find. Her ticks told me everything I needed to know, though. The way her brow twitches when she's attracted to someone. Or the way her down turned lips pull wide when she's happy.
Letting my fingers fall from the frame, I continue down the hall, towards the opposite end of our home. The metal of the knob of my dark-wooded door chills my skin. It may be my room, but the ghosts of my parents will still be in there. Unlike those of many other species, wolf parents are constantly up your ass. The number of times my parents entered without knocking, either for something completely unimportant or to involve me in a pack matter that would be a learning opportunity, is more than I could even begin to count. Those same intrusions will be what I miss most.
The whine of the hinges gives me pause, Theo's hand resting against my shoulder blade. "We can go back to my house if you're not ready."
A long sigh escapes me, my body visibly deflating beneath his touch. "No. It's okay. I can't live with you forever." His fingers squeeze just the tiniest bit, an indication that my words affected him. Again, I search for his voice in my head and am flooded with everyone else's rushing in at once. They drown out his thoughts, his fears, his desires.
Stepping across the threshold, there's nothing but grim darkness. The moonlight filtering through the curtains that billow in the breeze. The slate blue drapes capture the light as if ethereal spirits float through space. Theo's heavy steps move around me as he heads for the windows, hands braced to yank them closed. "Don't" I whisper, immediately pulling his gaze back to me.
The bed is just how I left it, crumpled sheets of aegean topped by the white comforter. I've always been a messy one, leaving clothes strewn around the floor, my bed unmade, empty water bottles and books stacked on every surface. My room looks just as it always has, like nothing has changed but everything has. My world will never be the same. My parents are gone. Apparently, they were traitors too. An entire race wants my title and I just slept with my Beta, the man I've had eyes on since I was old enough to realize boys didn't have cooties anymore. Life is a chaotic mess.
Shucking off my jeans, I climb beneath the covers, tucking the soft fabric in a knot under my chin. It's only moments for Theo to join me, his body curving around mine. "Penny for your thoughts?"
"Pick a category." A puff of air escapes my nostrils.
"Nia…"
Much better than talking about the mind-blowing sex we just had. I certainly do not want to have the "well, what does it mean talk?" Part of me scared that he'll disappear, or think me nothing more than the child he's had to chase around for years. My body relaxes, his arm tightening around my waist as I roll to face him.
"Is there something going on between her and Lucas?"
"I was going to ask you the same." His brows rise in response to my question.
"There was something… off about their interaction tonight. We all smelt their arousal no doubt, but Nia hates vampires more than most, so it doesn't make sense."
"Nothing about these past few days does."
Snuggling further into the blankets and his warmth, I don't respond. He's right, but he's wrong too. So much makes sense now. If my parents really were traitors, then it's no surprise that both them and a chunk of our pack were murdered. It's not a distant leap to assume the world will believe my parents bred me to follow in their footsteps. It's no surprise, they all want to come after me too.
"You can't marry him, Kat."
Shifting my chin up, I search his face for a reason why. I need to do what I can to protect my pack and we no longer have the numbers. I'd lied when I said I wouldn't. I am considering every option. The best way to strengthen myself and care for those I love most in this world.
"Theo, I have to consider what is best for us all."
His body jerking upright, the moonlight streaking across his golden chest. I do the same, not willing to back down. I may need his guidance; his advice, but no one will tell me what to do. I am Alpha and I won't bow to anyone.
"You're still a stubborn brat. You know that?" He runs his hands through his hair, the muscles of his biceps and torso rippling from the minute movements.
Pushing him flat on his back, my leg drawing across him so I'm seated just below his chest. "Yes, Theo. I am stubborn. That won't change. I will do what's best for the pack. It's them I am fighting to protect. You can either get in line or get out of my way." Leaning closer, my long curls forming a curtain around us, darkening the room. "I do hope you will be with me though. I feel alone, with no one to trust. But you've been by my side for years. Do not abandon me now."
Snaking his long fingers up my back to the nape of my neck, he pulls me into a devastating kiss. His scent envelopes me as he holds me close. Although the kiss destroys me like each one before, I pull away quickly, resting our foreheads flush against one another.
"Kat, I couldn't abandon you if I wanted to." His breathing quickens, his anxiety rising, pulse bounding at his throat. This time when I search for his voice amongst all the others, I find it.
Don't marry him, because I want you for myself. Choose me. Us.