The shift from man to wolf seems endless, with my need to follow Kat urging me forward. My heavy paws pound across the damp ground, following her by scent and sound, her gut wrenching, her sobs filling my head. She is by far the most stubborn and infuriating female I've ever encountered. All these years, doing my best to protect her and look out for her at her parent's request has nearly been the death of me for two reasons. One, she's an absolute pain in the ass, always needing to be in control and do as she pleases; that will be even worse now that she's Alpha. Two because I am head-over-heels, no-going-back, I-can't-live-without-you type in love with her. It wasn't planned or intentional and it damn sure isn't right.
As commander of the guard, it's my duty to ensure the wolves that fight and protect us are ready at all times. That means I am one of three that answer directly to the Alpha. She outranked me before, but now, for lack of better terms, she is my boss. There's never been any indication that she has seen me as anything more than another pack member, despite her kissing me while drunk once. It was an in the moment thing then, so she sure as hell won't want me now.
That night is one that plays on repeat in my mind like a broken record at night. As wolf shifters, we have what I like to call insta telepathy as soon as we shift. Our minds are connected in a weaving network of constant noise from anyone in wolf form to hear. It takes years to learn to hone in on a single voice, or specific words, and tune everything else out. The only time we have no control is when we sleep. Our dreams and the images that filter through our brains are available for the pack to see, hear, feel, smell. I can't risk anyone knowing that single kiss from Katrina is what I dream of every night.
There was nothing special about that night. Arnou Coinin, Nia and Katrina insisted on going to this human festival that happens every year. For us and our superior hearing, it's damn near enough to make us deaf, with the decibels screeching from the sound systems used. Her father insisted that I and a few other guards escort them. Out in the open in a crowd like that would be an opportune time for someone to nab her. Per usual, her and Nia were beyond plastered, a feat hard to accomplish for a wolf, but somehow they always do. Everyone was hooking up and making out around us, so I shouldn't have been surprised when Kat wrapped her tiny hand around the nape of my neck and crushed my lips to hers.
I tried to pull away, I really did. At least that's the lie I told myself. All it took were the cheers from Nia and other strangers around us, for me to hoist her into the air, her legs reflexively wrapping around my waist, while my erection grew between us and my canines nipped at her lip, eliciting a whimper that made me howl at the star-studded sky. The kiss lasted an eternity, but still ended too soon. I knew how I felt about her way before then, but that single moment in time damn near brought me to my knees at her feet.
Clearing my head, I focus on the task at hand. Wrangling her back is going to be a blast. She never does as she's told. Even when danger is kicking the pack in the face, the brat won't even listen to me. I want to say I'm too old for this kind of bullshit, but I'm only thirty-five, which for a wolf is as close to being a child as you can get. In truth, dealing with Katrina's desire to live wild and free is what keeps me young. I can barely keep up with the girl.
Her scent grows stronger as I get closer to her. Fortunately I'd stood behind her long enough while she fell apart, watching her parent's blood slipping through her fingers, to catch the nuisances of her change, the soft lilac and ocean she was before, mixing with something darker, richer and so utterly tempting as the Alpha gene activated within her, transforming her into our new leader and one of the wolf leaders of the world.
The lilt of her voice fills my head, the volume finally growing loud enough to down our the thrum of my pulse, her disbelief, rage and grief screaming for tonight to be a dream, for this to not be her reality. I want nothing more than to nuzzle into her with my warmth and provide her with every bit of comfort she will need as she grapples between emotional destruction and becoming the Alpha. But there's no time for that now and I doubt she would accept any comfort from me.
More than that, she needs the tough love I often give her. She doesn't have time to mourn the way she deserves in front of the rest of our pack or the world. Wolves can be worse than vultures, looking for the first sign of vulnerability and striking like a snake when it's revealed. That's both within our pack and outside of it.
When an old Alpha dies and a new one is "born", every Alpha and Luna of the other packs will feel it. An internal marker alerts them to the fact that one of their own has passed and they are to welcome a new. With that alone, they will know a new Alpha by scent and the internal instinct that presented itself in that moment, even if they've never met.
If Katrina has a mate somewhere out there in the world, he will feel it too, the bond that already exists between them like a thin thread, thickening and pulsating, drawing them together. The top two duties of an Alpha are to rule and to procreate. That's the instinct that will draw her mate to her. That's the only reason I know for sure I'm not her mate. Not like I didn't know before, no matter how much I tell myself, I wish I were. I'm not the one she comes home to at night, curls up against in bed and fucks until we're both howling at the moon in pleasure. I may not be her mate, but it doesn't mean she can't choose me. It's not as strong of a bond, but it still holds.
I find her laid out on her belly, still in wolf form, her small head resting on her paws at the edge of the roaring river that lines the edge of our territory. Her sobs have turned into a roaring wail of pain that tears my chest fibers apart.
Leave. Her wolf tells me, our mind-talk even stronger this close together.
I will not.
Leave Theo.
You're hurting. I understand. Let me be here with you.
Leave Theo.
But I can't leave. I won't leave her out here like this. Wolves of other packs will sense it and come for her. Instead I nestle against the damp ruffage on the river bank next her, close enough that I can feel the bristle of her fur next me, but not touching her.
Theo, please let me wallow alone.
Kat, you know you have no time for that. You are Alpha. You must show your strength.
Tomorrow.
See stubborn. So damn stubborn all the time. I don't want to push her, but I need to. It's the only thing that will get her off her ass and make her do what needs to be done.
Do you want to end up like them? Slaughtered and left for what remains of the pack to see, because that's what will happen if you don't get up and handle this pack. You are their Alpha whether you want to be or not. You are their leader, so put on your big girl panties and fucking lead.
My speech snaps her head towards mine. I see the rage roaring behind her golden eyes, the same eyes I get to stare into in her human form too. The endless pools of liquid that sometimes make me want to give into her demands, but I hold firm against her, using every shred of self-control I possess to hold out. To do what needs to be done, instead of what my heart tells me to.
Leave Theo.
I don't leave. Letting my muscles uncoil, I nestle further into the ground beneath me, waiting for her to move first. It's hours before she does, first rolling to her back, then again to her paws, shifting back to her human form.
Nakedness is something you become comfortable with from a young age. As wolves, every time we shift, we ruin more clothing. That also means random articles are shoved in tree trunks and alcoves everywhere around our territory and a few designated spots outside it too. Here in Louisiana it tends to be hot and humid, so you likely won't find more than a tank, a tee or some shorts. Good enough for me.
As her slight figure comes into view, the moonlight seeping through the tops of the trees making her appear as if she's glistening, she keeps her back to me. She remains breathlessly, still making no effort to find clothing. I shift behind her, moving in close, hoping she'll say something.
"Theo." She sniffles, her arms wrapped around her middle as if that'll help keep her from falling apart any more than she already has. "I need you."
Those three words make my heart thump in my chest so fast and loud I'm sure she can hear it. Our wolf hearing is impeccable, so I have no doubts. Taking several steps closer to her, I'm only a few feet away when she turns to look up at me. Her eyes are puffy and her lips slightly swollen as if she's already been kissed, but I know she hasn't. Not tonight. Her eyes don't break from mine, searching my face for an answer from me.
My arms don't hesitate to pull her close, our naked bodies flush against one another, my large palm sliding against her damp cheek as I press my lips to hers. She's still for a moment, before kissing me back. I know this is not what she meant, but I couldn't help myself.
Her body curls impossibly closer to mine, her hand trapped between us, pressed firmly against my pounding heart, making my length harden and grow between us. Still, she doesn't pull away, deepening the kiss, her arousal now being the scent that permeates the air around us. The urge to mark her is overwhelming, my canines elongating, ready to pierce the warmed flesh above her heart, but she's not mine to claim. She never was.
I'm first to pull away, holding her by her wrists and dropping my forehead to hers. "I'm here for whatever you need."
I mean every word and so much more than she's likely imagining right now.