"Can you believe all the nonsense you've been spewing since?" I flashed my new friend(who apparently just confessed to me now that she was a witch) a furrowed brow. Mostly because I was angry. My act of kind gesture had let me bring home a mad woman. "Can you?"
"Oh come on, like you don't wanna believe all of this." Carolina, my supposed witch new friend, rolled her eyes at me. She was sitting on my rather uncomfortable couch in the living room, opposite me.
I loved my room to be well cleaned and tidied, and that was the only reason I hadn't sold those horrible benches for a couch. Loosing them on purpose would make my home seem like a mad man's own—empty space of trash bag.
My roommates over the years had had no trouble with me whatsoever, because they too were always neat. I hated flowers, all kinds. So you wouldn't find them anywhere near me. There was a table just at the corner... It used to be the home of late Sam triple zero eight.
May his soul rest in peace.
Basically, my living room was almost like every other living room. My wife did her best decorating with splendid fancy rugs, a chandelier, full television set, well colored wall papers... Those are pretty much the only items I remember as I've sold the rest of them months ago.
Nevertheless, my home was still well tidied and quite an eye catching environment for many. Except for the ugly fact that I now had with me a woman who'd just escaped from a mental hospital.
"Sir, I just think that-"
"Haven't we passed that by now? I am not your sir." I corrected, still rather amazed that she was indoors with me. And... "Hold on, didn't you say you were a witch?"
"Oh so you want to believe that now, huh?" Her arms folded and she shot me some sort of disbelief glare. "You think I charmed you-"
"Charm is a rather strong word. How about, put a spell on me."
"Put a spell on you? Alright, just great." She scoffed out just loud enough for me to have heard.
"And you did say, abracadabra-"
"And that means what exactly?" She questioned and I was going to scream out: "and that means you're crazy, woman!"
Controlling my anger, I stuck with: "you're crazy," in a more muffled tone that was very close to a whisper.
"God Hell! Listen to me sir," she was saying and the only thing I could grab was why she would say God next to Hell. "My coming here is not a mere joke. This is a serious case here," her tone was sounding more serious now.
Wasn't good news for me at all.
"You mentioned my... My," I tried to continue but the words just wouldn't come out.
"Rainha." She said instead, and it pleased me to hear better from her than myself. "She said a lot about you, you know." It seemed as if she had read through my thoughts because all that she kept saying next did nothing but soothed my nerves. For a second, I was glad to have her over.
****
I heaved in a deep sigh, processing all of the details that had made contact with my ears. Few of it, made little sense. The rest...
"Total nonsense, dear Carolina."
"Total nonsense? Then how am I right about all of this? How?"
"I don't know. Some sort of ..." For some reason, my eyes wandered round the room as I thought of the right word to use. Moulding my hands to form a fist, I scattered them open as my head came up with a more plausible explanation. "Detective work. Yes! You my dear, are a detective. Now I don't know why you've been sent to me but- uh, well, go away."
"He is going to come for you again in your sleep. Really, what were you thinking summoning up a spiritual husband?" She said, and all the sound and noise in my head, suddenly came to a halt.
"A spiritual husband? A, a... husband who is somewhat, dead?"
"Believe me when I tell you this, he is not dead." She said, spelling the words right out loud. "In fact, he's very much alive, and somehow, you have upset him."
"Can you hear yourself right-"
"Oh come on, sir! We have to be very honest with ourselves. What plausible explanation have you got then, huh?"
I cleared my throat, scanning my brain for every plausible explanation there can ever be. "All of it points down to the fact that one of us is clearly not feeling well." I whispered to her, sounding as real as I can ever be.
****
I'd like to tell you dear old Carolina stayed and helped me, but no.
She left me all by myself. And I felt it might had been related to all the times when I had called her crazy.
****
I did not want to see him again, not after all of the threats he'd been uttering, but somehow, the universe did really made it obvious to me that he was I, and I was him.
In a way, we weren't too far apart. I rephrase: in a bad way.
This naked goddess woman was there too, and they were having a chat. A conversation not in general English.
These two went on for a couple of nightmarishly long minutes, until my evil twin's cold eyes found me. It was not as if I were hiding before.
"We meet again," his cold voice said. The woman did not look too happy to had seen me either.
"You, what are you doing here?" I asked, dumbly, facing her. (But I liked reminding myself it was a brave move.)
As you would have guessed, It was a stupid move. One minute I was standing tall and fit, the next, my own body on the floor. Dead. With eyes bulging out.
****
The next day, Carolina and I decided to rewrite history. Mostly I did, after intense seconds of severe apologies.
"I'm only here because she wanted me here, okay." Carolina said, and it did little to comfort me.
Why? Did she always knew a moment like this would happen?
"Alright. Why don't you tell me all about this spirit husb-"
"Spiritual husband."
"Right. Spiritual husband." I tried my best to remain calm. I did wanted to know all about this demon man and why he had tried to attack me.
"A spiritual husband is some sort of a real husband, except only in the spiritual realm." She said carefully and slowly, then halted, her head slightly tilting to the left. "Any questions?"
I waited if it were a test, or a prank she was pulling on me. My mouth parted several times for words to come out but I just lost the powers to construct them. "So, dear Carolina," I called and he replied with a few "hmm?" "I am absolutely sure even a dummy would have guessed that, you know."
"Well, how'd want me to put it?"
"There is no spiritual realm! That's why you sounded a little dingy as a bat in the belfry."
"Bats in the what now?"
"Nutty as a fruit cake."
"Okay, Grandpa, I have no idea what you're saying—"
"—grandpa?—"
"—but listen to me," she said, and I listened. I had to, to protect my sanity. "Your Rainha has a spiritual husband. And they've been married for ninety years now. Happily." She said, then muttered to herself, "or more. Maybe ninety one, ninety two...pretty sure close to a hundred years now..."
I couldn't help myself. Everything came to a complete silence with an annoying long dinging sound, like a bell. A really frustrating continuous door bell that wouldn't just stop.
"...sir? Sir?" The sound of Carolina's calling rouse me back to my dangerous reality.
"Huh?" My voice croaked, making me sound like an hundred years old man.
"You have to calm down. Are you okay?" She asked, and I could almost see the sincerity that came with her voice.
"No. No, Carolina I am not okay." My honest side took over. "My wife has been married to me for eight years. We've basically been lovers since High school,"
"Then you were too chicken of a man to ask her out until ten years after," she said, completing my story.
"You do know her," my sense of reality struck, and I realized I did wanted to trust Carolina's claims. Only, without any doubts at all would ever I believe in any paranormal hibby-gibbies.
But only a few days ago, I'd never imagined I would stand in front of a mirror and summon Satan himself.
"Yes." She said with a faint smile. One that was happy, yet couldn't conceal it's tinge of forlornness.
"Are you, her sister?" I asked out of pure curiosity.
"Well, not biological, but in a way." She said, but quickly changed topic. "Your Rainha knew a day like this was coming, which was why she appeared to me few months ago. She kinda like, prophesied this, you know?"
"No Carolina, I do not know."
"Don't take it too literally, sir. Anyway, there is a way out."
"A way out, to banishing this monster back to the underworld?"
"Not really, but yes. It's very simple." She said with glistening eyes. "You have to die, but in peace. In your sleep."
I was energized, pleased by the news I would receive from her, and in the blink of an eye, all bits of hope vanished from my whole self. My slight smile suddenly dulled into a depressed frown.
"Or!"
Or... Sounding more interesting now. This bits of hope are reforming once more.
"Or, you defeat him yourself." She said and I waited for her to say more. Nothing.
"Yes, I know Carolina. That is the whole point." My eyes rolled at her option.
"No, you have to defeat him the old way, sir. We have some rituals to perform."
"Rituals? Like in the movies-"
"Hehe! No." She frowned, like I'd been the crazy one. "Not like the movies. At all."
"Then, like what?"
"A real ritual. You have to speak to your late wife, sir. As soon as possible." She said, a little too serious if you asked me.
"Alright. I'll have you know that I was killed last night in my dreams, and I would not like history repeating itself-"
"Wait wait wait!" Her hands bolted in the air as she flashed all five fingers at me, hushing me up. "You were killed by your Rainha's spiritual husband?" She asked as if we had just not spoke about it earlier that day. I corrected her that I'd been killed by both of them. The goddess woman and my evil twin.
"That is bad news! It means he's getting stronger, powerful enough to actually keep you asleep, both in the spiritual realm and physical world." She said, though most of her words passing my ear by as the wind carried it. "Tell me everything that has happened."
Where do I even begin? I started off from the first moment my boss had told me to initiate the devil, stated how my process went, and basically all of what had happened in my previous dreams.
She breathed in heavily, like if she heard one more word from me, it would kill her. I took it as my cue to stop.
"Firstly, do not ever join that club your boss wants you in." She said, "are you even a baby? No good would definitely come from such group." Her eyes scanned me, sending signals of disbelief.
"If I don't, I could loose my job." I said, protesting.
"What job? Serving tea for people?"
"That job has always brought money on the table for me. It saves me from ever running back to my wi- uh, other wife. New one."
"Anyway, find some alternative. Don't do it, sir."
"Well, thank you dear Carolina."
"Keep your sarcasm to yourself sir,"
"What is number two, oh great one?"
She rolled her Anabelle's eyes at me, "secondly, you mustn't let fear control you when next you fall into this dream. Talk to your wife. Report this spiritual husband to her, and you might get a shorter cut at saving yourself."
"Moving on to the third please?"
She sighed. "I mean it. Anyway, lastly, one of the three is on to you."
"One of the three?" I asked, trying to recollect any memory of 'one of three'.
"Yes, the big three. The three mothers of the earth." She said, as if I was to make any sense of her information. "Do stay away from her. Today one of them notices you, tomorrow, two. And the next time, all three of them." She was saying with a big stare of seriousness, then she took off the mask and switched it with a sarcastic one. "Or if you ever live that long, that is. Since your evil twin, as you use to say, is already reporting you to one of the big Mamas, you are much likely going to be dead the next time she sees you."
The big Mamas are on to me.
"R.I.P, dear sir-"
"Stop it, Carolina!"
-•-•-•-•-