All of this remained difficult.
Why was I holding back? Hell-bent on solving this puzzle yet it felt as though I wasn't even prepared for its outcome.
Claire was right, I am a coward but who is to judge? From a hospital bed to a different time to find out your mom was a witch and that dark powers do exist and your dead dad is alive, your sickness is gone and there is a necklace that can teleport you around the world. How am I still breathing? All of this is enough to shut my brain down and then my heart.
It's all my fault. My selfishness– not wanting to die simply because I wasn't willing to let go of Chris or have him be with someone else. It should be me in that hospital bed. I am being put in a situation where I now realize that even in this nonsense there is sense. That it is either we quit trying to alter destiny or we choose a better one, make a better one, one where there wouldn't need to be changes made, one that is perfect for us and I have the power to do so. I just must embrace it.
The windows opened up violently, I was immediately snatched from my thoughts. A winter-like wind came rushing in as it settled within the room, sweeping off all that lay on the table. I should have been nonchalant about it, been tough but there was a feeling of fear that settled in my heart causing me to spring up on my feet almost immediately.
What was she up to this time? Why wouldn't she let me be? Could it be that she heard my thoughts? Has she come to stop me?
So many questions rumbled through my mind in that instant. Every source of light had gone off and now my heart beat fast as I stood there trying to peer through the darkness.
"Show yourself, Baba Yaga!" I said in a loud voice. Yeah, anyone could have deduced I was freaked out from my shakey tone but regardless, I didn't run.
There wasn't a response. I kept turning around to see if I would get a glimpse of her, but she wasn't there. I turned again and met with sudden brightness which caused me to take a few steps back as I shielded my eyes from it with my left arm.
My eyes were shut, it was hard to look but quickly I felt the light settle as the sunset.
Hard to explain but somehow I felt at peace. All my worries and pains seemed to have– vanished. I opened my eyes, and they met with a beautiful woman dressed in a white flowing dress. Her sandy brown hair cut across her right shoulder and she looked at me so lovingly.
Even harder to believe.
"Mom?" I voiced in confusion.
"Do not be afraid, love." She said,
"How–you–here? Alive? You're alive?" I tried to touch her.
"No. I'm not." She said,
Disappointed, I could feel my eyes heavy. They must be red too. My heart pounded, I couldn't get my eyes off her. I wished to hold her.
"You summoned me." She added.
"I don't understand," I said,
"You are wearing my necklace. Inside of the pendant is a bit of my blood mixed with a bit of yours. I knew this day would come. I had to prepare." She said to me,
"Wow." I voiced. "Just like that," I added. "You call this being prepared," I continued.
"Ann.." She voiced.
"Don't !" I cut in. "You may have prepared yourself for all of this but what about me? Look at me! I am a total mess! I am causing chaos because I have no f*cking idea what's going on or even how to have things under control!" I yelled.
"I did everything to protect you." She said,
"I didn't need protection. I needed a mom to tell me the truth, not some liar. You thought it would be hidden forever, well look at it, it's all out and I am in between, you're dead, dad's dead in my reality, in this one he being alive doesn't count as far as I am concerned, I'm alone!" I said,
"You are not. I assure you. I see all that's been happening. I realise now I might have made a mistake." She said,
"Oh, you do?" I asked in sarcasm.
"I know Sarah has come for you." She said,
"The friend you betrayed?" I asked.
"I never betrayed her. She always failed to accept that your father chose me. " she had become defensive.
"Is that what you tell yourself? Even in death? Know what, let's just drop that. You could appear like this and all the while this whole madness has been going on you never did. Why? Why are you here now?" I inquired, holding myself back from breaking down.
"The pendant is what connects me to you. You can summon me and not the other way round because you are the one alive. I knew someday you would find it and it was only then I could be with you whenever and wherever. You had to find it first, believe in it, and then your emotions, your zeal and will have to be strong enough to power it." She told me.
"Oh, yeah, sure. Since you know everything before it happens, why not begin with filling me in on how to save the man I love, because he is dying okay?" I looked straight into her eyes as I said this.
"She is doing all she can to get your powers out." She said to me.
"Yeah, I know that, and I also know she is my biological mother. I was her vengeance on you, did you know that too?" I inquired.
"Eventually, yes." She replied, walking past me.
"And what did you do about it?" I asked,
"Should I have killed you?" She asked, slowly turning back towards me.
"Ann, whatever she did, you came out of me. She saw it as vengeance, to me you were a blessing. Her powers fused with mine inside of you only spelt danger to everyone and yourself if I had allowed it to manifest, hence I did something. I protected you." She added.
"So what happens now? Are you going to help me save Chris or not?" I asked in frustration.
"I am only a guide in this form." She said,
"So you're useless then?" I yelled.
"As I said, she is only trying to break you enough to discover your inner strength." She replied.
"To her advantage," I said,
"Which could also be yours." She said,
"What are you saying?" I sighed and turned away.
"She is powerful but not enough which is why she needs you. You can stop her, you can change this, you can save Chris." She told me.
"Yeah, just like that ,uhn?" I said,
"Yes. Just like that." She replied.
I could see she was being serious. It was clear I was the only one who didn't believe in me. My eyes danced about in their sockets till they came to a stop and I moved closer to her, locking my eyes in hers.
"How am I sure that you aren't her–Sarah, trying to motivate me into unleashing these so-called powers just so you could attack?" I asked,
"I'm flattered that I raised you well." She said with a smile.
"Prove yourself," I said sternly.
"Very well then, shall we pay her a visit?" She asked me comfortably.
"What? Are you out of your mind? Do you wish to walk me into the lion's den? And how am I to trust you enough to go anywhere with you?" I asked,
"You rate her too high. If only you knew how much she fears you. " She said,
"Fear me?" I scoffed. "That b*tch doesn't seem to," I added.
"You ask for proof and don't even have the balls to get it." She said, looking away.
I saw what she did there. She did that a lot to push me to do something I was scared of just to teach me how fear was only a thought that didn't need to cross the mind.
"Fine," I said,
"Go on, take us there." She told me.
Puzzled,
"Me?" I asked,
"Yes, find her and take us to her." She stressed her words.
"Are you out of your mind? I can't do that." I said,
"Of course, you can. You can do anything. You just don't know yet. " She told me.
I stood there looking at her like some crazy lady.
"Deep breaths.." She said, "and concentrate.." She added.
Her voice has always been the hypnotic type. This was all stupid to me but what the hell?
I shut my eyes, took deep breaths and focused my mind on finding her.
Soon I could hear nothing. I opened up my eyes.
"Where are we?" I asked in a very low tone as I looked around.
"Where you need to be." She replied. "And don't say "we", you are the only one visible." She told me.
"What? " I whispered.
"Not to worry, you'd be fine." She added, walking ahead of me.
"No, I won't. We are in a f*cking cave!" I kept whispering.
"Yes, and you will be in worse places as time goes on," she assured me.
"Well, that isn't something you tell a first-timer!" I whispered in anger as I followed behind her.