Sitting before the large mansion, I was seething. This was the third day. For the first two days, nobody even cared that a life like me existed. They just passed by me. Since I refused to leave inspite of their mistreatment, the servants finally gave words to their masters.
They wanted to know the reason for my visit. It wasn't trivial. It wasn't something I could tell anyone I see on the road. God! Of all the tragedies that befell on me, why this? I know this is the gravest mistake I am doing in my life. But do I have a choice? No! There is a certain curse that follows me. I can't escape from it easily.
Finally I was summoned into the room. The rotating chair was turned away from me. I didn't know who it was. Why do I care? I was anyway just searching for a certain man.
The servant signaled me to talk. I kept my mouth shut. The man signaled the servant to leave. He still didn't turn back. The servant left giving me a stare. It was a warning. I didn't care. I was not living here anyway. I came for him.
Now that I am here, I didn't know from where to start explaining things. But I can't go back now. Can I? "Sir. I don't know who you are but"
"Sanju!" I couldn't finish my explanation before which he shouted my name. Things were too fast for me to process. But I found myself locked in his arms, pressed onto his chest. That familiar smell from six years ago assaulted my nostrils. Soon my forehead got wet. Tears? Soon his hands roamed all around my body. I hadn't even thought things through when I felt his lips on mine. Was I lying on a couch? His tongue soon entered my mouth. There was an urgency in his movement. Like he was trying to finish off things before the time was up. Did I change? I laid there motionless while I processed things. Didn't everyone say I lacked this ability? To think things through. Well, I'm doing that now. I could feel his passion escalating for even if his tongue still hovered on mine his hands pulled open my clothes. It would be surprising if he didn't. Six years was such a long time. Even if he could buy a truck full of women, seeing who he was today, he indeed could. But he couldn't get me, for I was special to him. He hadn't changed a bit. My Adarsh! But I have! Sadly I have. That familiar need didn't arise in me. I just felt groped. Well that was hell of an analysis.
I pushed him away. But he was strong. My hands searched the nearby table. I caught hold of something and struck his head. It was a light hit but indeed he woke up. He stared at my hands and then at my face. He left my body like he got an electric shock. What was that reaction? I struck him so light. Why was he giving such a reaction? How could I hurt him? I loved him. I loved him more than me. I loved him above everything good in my life. I would never hurt him. What did I hit him with?
It was a photo frame. A beautiful girl smiled at me. I couldn't stop laughing at the irony. I understood why he reacted thus. It would have been fine if I hit him with an axe. I took out my handkerchief from my bag, wiped the photo clean and kept it in it's original position. A very convenient position. You could take it and see it the first thing after waking up. Before going to bed you could kiss her goodbye and sleep. I smiled.
Three years. I actively competed with her for three years. I had consistently failed. Poor me. Is it good to feel pity for oneself? I don't know.
"Sanju." He called softly. The passion in his voice had completely evaporated. Not surprising. Six years. Nothing has changed in six years. It seems the time just moved for me.
"Hmm." I replied absent mindedly. I scanned his room for photographs. I was not searching hers. He always had only one of her's in his room as close to him as possible. I was definitely not searching for mine. If her's was here, mine wouldn't be there for sure. Not surprisingly mine was nowhere to be seen. But I was surprised that he didn't even keep his parent's photo in his study. Not that his love for Akansha required proof, he still proved it in every single way.
"It's not like that." He explained slowly.
It's then that I woke up from my analysis. My bad. People have scolded me this bad for being impulsive that I can't stop analyzing now. Leave all that. Why did I come here? Yes! I shouldn't forget my purpose.
"Adarsh. I need your help." I didn't care that he would think me shameless. I didn't want him to feel sorry for me or explain things to me. Thinking things through, it was good that he just had Akansha in his mind. That way I would be free from the guilt.
He was the last man I expected here. It should have been some unknown rich heir with blue eyes. I don't know the worth of his wealth if it was millions or billions. It didn't matter also. All that mattered was the blue eyes. Since it was Adarsh who was present and he already recognized me, there is no going back. All I can pray is that he would help me considering I was of some use to him in the past.
"Where were you all these years? I.." He started questioning me.
"That is not important." I cut him off. That is not important. It didn't affect him.
He looked at me for sometime. He was thinking, analyzing, calculating.
"Okay. I will arrange your stay." He said sighing.
"No need. I stay in a hotel. Anyway I have to leave soon." I refused him.
"Leave? Where to?" He suddenly caught me violently.
"Adarsh I came here to meet this family's head." I told him the truth. I didn't come for him. If I had known he would be here, I would have chosen another way even if it meant I would have to struggle more.
"What for? What do you have to tell my father that you can't tell me?" He was expressionless but I saw his confusion.
"I am looking for a blue eyed man." I stopped. My heart raced. My breathing increased. I shivered.
He turned to me surprised . His eyes had panic. It had so many questions. I knew he was controlling himself very hard. I know why he was silent. Why? I too was silent. Once I answer him, there is no going back. My life was always like that. I had to choose. And I never got a chance to go back afterwards. Either I had to jump in the poison pit or walk through fire. But I always had the freedom to choose. And this time too it was me who chose.
"I have a child with him."