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Chapter 9 - What if

After the brief call with Joanna, Brian decided to call Jane. Joanna told her earlier that Jane had already woken up from her sleep and she seem to be fine. He was slightly disappointed that Jane did not call her but how could she, she did not remember who he was. Focusing on this thought, Brian grew depressed.

What is going on with Jane? Are the headaches she is experiencing messing up her memories. Or did she lock up those painful memories, never to look back on them again? Brian was in deep thought. But he did not want to waste his time on speculation so he decided that it was better to ask Jane directly.

While still in the car, Brian decided to call Jane.

Jane was in the bathroom of Café France. She was standing in front of the mirror using whatever she can find in her purse to retouch her make-up. She did not want to embarrass herself much further in front of the Erika. Luckily, her make-up kit was complete. Kudos to my older self, she commented.

Just as she was finishing up, Jane's phone rang which startled her enough that her lipstick smudged above his lip. She cursed on a whisper and answered it while fixing the lipstick stain.

"Hello, Jane are you there?" Jane quickly understood that it was Brian. Her memories have come back and now she remembers who Joanna and Brian was and who she was before she woke up in this body. She wanted to tell Brian that she remembers and wanted to apologize for earlier, but no sound escaped from her mouth. She could not tell him since she cannot explain the absurdity of her situation.

"Hello, Jane. I heard from Joanna that you have already woken up. Are you still experiencing those headaches?" Brian's worrisome tone made Jane let out a smile in silence. "I think those headaches are messing up with your memories which is why you cannot seem to remember me." It was just Brian's theory, but he wished for Jane to confirm it. However, it was still met with silence.

Brian was just about to hang up when he heard a soft mutter. "I do remember you."

"You were right, I just had a bad hangover. Which explains the headaches. But I am fine now and got all my thoughts straightened out." Jane added. "It's nice to see you again."

Brian was elated. Jane's words had a degree of control on his mood that he cannot explain. But then, he reminded himself that Jane as a lover was the past and the Jane now is a friend.

"Will you come back to the apartment?" Brian feared that he sounded too needy but later reconciled that it was normal since maybe she left some stuff.

"Yeah, sure. I have left some stuff there anyway and I was not able to properly thank you for taking care of me last night." Jane also wanted to see Brian. Presently, she was still the girl that fell in love with Brian. She was not the present Jane who broke up with Brian. She did not how that happened but all she knew are her feelings and she cannot deny it.

"Okay, I will see you later." Brian ended the call with a chuckle. He gestured his fist with a mental note. Yes.

Erika was looking at her watch in a table in Café France waiting for Jane to relieve herself. But she knew that Jane was just fixing her make-up. That is what women do and she has met a lot of women as a journalist that she could name a few women stereotypes at the top of her head.

Jane finally went back to the table which made Erika gulp a wide sigh. "Sorry again. I had a lot to drink." Jane kept up her lie of going to the bathroom to pee. Though Erika knew the lie, she ignored it anyway.

"It's fine. You cannot help when nature calls, anyway." Erika was a great conversationalist which she honed from her experience as a seasoned journalist. "So, I know you're smart so I'm sure you caught on to why I approached you."

"Yeah. I can guess. You are here to do a feature story on me, right?" Jane was slightly unsure so as not to sound too arrogant.

"That's right. My friend, Eri, interviewed you on your penthouse and it got like two million views so I'm just here to follow the Buzz," Erika explained while sipping on some iced coffee.

"So, can you tell me your journey to becoming Masterchef?" Erika went straight to the point and summarized all the details she wanted to know in just a single question. It was the sign of a seasoned professional interviewer.

Jane was listening attentively to Erika. She had no experience on interviews since she was not the one who Eri interviewed. She panicked a little. This worsened when she remembered that she does not remember any memories of the body when it won the Masterchef. All she had was her own memories, memories of the present her, younger self.

Silence crept up on their conversation which unsettled Erika as she was staring at Jane waiting for her reply. Jane had invisible sweat trickle down her spine. She stared back at Erika and asked, "Before that, can I ask you something?"

She was trying to buy time thinking of what to reply about her journey to winning Masterchef. She thought that she would probably say something generic like it was hard, I had to be away from my family and all those things that are probably true even though she had no memory of it.

With a little hesitation, Erika nodded to Jane's question. She was a little bit disarmed when Jane turned the tables on her and asking her a question, but it was not she had something to hide then so what has she to lose?

"Have you ever felt like your life right now does not make sense because of a single decision you made in the past? And sometimes you just want to go back to that moment and think, what if I have done this differently, what would have happened?" Jane drew her words from her the summary of her thoughts since waking up that morning.

The depth meaning of Jane's question stunned Erika for a moment. She then remembered the moment in New York University when she last met Brian before he moved to the Philippines. They both decided to take a break and focus on themselves. She always had this lingering thought. What if she followed Brian to the Philippines. Would things have been different? Would they have made a family by now?

Noticing Erika's silence, Jane knew that her stalling had worked. Though it was meant to give her time to think about some story about her Masterchef journey, she could not help but also ponder on the question she asked herself which also left her in a daze.

"About my masterchef journey. Well, it was not an easy journey. I remember times when I almost felt like giving up, but my passion kept me at times when I am jaded. The joy of cooking food that people love makes me full every day. Also, the food culture of Filipinos is so diverse that I have something to learn and look forward to every day." Jane explained her story with such vigor. She was storytelling with emotions. She had to sell it.

Erika was nodding instinctively to Jane's story. However, she was occupied with different thoughts. Jane's question triggered her melancholy towards her reunion with Brian that morning. She could not stop thinking about the past. She has now lost the mood to continue the interview but it was rude to stop it in the middle of Jane's storytelling so she let her finish first.

After finishing her story, Jane was waiting for Erika's reaction. But Erika did not have any follow up questions. She seemed uninterested even. This caused Jane to slightly frown.

"It's already 3pm and I have to meet someone at 3:30 so--"Erika was in a slight hurry and Jane could notice it so she replied. "It's fine. It was lovely to meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine." Erika then grabbed her bag, paid for the whole bill, and left. Jane sat there for a few minutes watching Erika as she left. She could not help but think about the change in Erika's countenance after her question that was only meant to stall time.

I guess she was hit too close at home. Jane thought.

While Jane was still sitting alone in Café France, Joanna was preparing to leave her office in Manila and go home to her family. She was about to close the door to her office when she noticed a paper that was sprawled in the floor in the corner of her office.

She then picked it up and gestured to throw it away. However, she noticed some writings on it and decided to take a closer look at it. Looking at it, her eyes tightened as she was in deep thought. She then put it in her bag.

I hope I make it. Joanna thought as she rode her way home to be greeted by Rick who cooked dinner and Michael who was ecstatically running to her arms.

She kissed her child and her husband as she enjoyed the night forgetting all her problems.