You know what I said earlier?
Well sometimes, Reality is a bitch.
"..."
But not in this case!
Hah!
As soon as we finished inspecting the entire small room, I sat on the ground and rested my back to the wall.
"Haaa..."
Thank God... Finally.
Just a little bit more and I would've collapsed.
Closing my eyes and taking a few seconds to refresh my breath, my fatigue finally caught up to me.
I was in pain, covered in wounds, blood and sticky sweat but... I feel like I can finally take a little breather.
To be honest, I really thought I wouldn't make it this far. Maybe, the only reason was because of the Endurance stats.
Endurance stats for the win.
...
"..."
...Ah crap... my thoughts are slowing down...
I feeling sleepy...
Thud.
I felt my head land on something soft before finally losing my consciousness.
-
Yowamushi Ayano Pov
-
"..."
I noticed that Yabuki-san was dazed as soon as he sat down. By instinct, I sat beside him but just as I did, his head suddenly fell sideways.
"!!!"
I hurriedly caught him with my hand before lending him my shoulder.
After a few seconds, I readjusted his head properly so both of us could sit comfortably.
Just like that... I too, found myself in daze.
On my shoulder, I felt Yabuki-san calmly breathing. I stole a glance on his face and he seemed to be in peace.
...I've noticed it before since Yabuki-san always sleeps with his face buried in his arms but... Yabuki-san strangely has an adorable sleeping face.
'He's quite cute.'
"..."
...What am I thinking?
Am I going crazy?
Why am I having these kinds of thoughts in the current situation?
...Nevermind.
Right now is not that tine to question my sanity... I think.
Anyway, I really thankful that my skill managed to help Yabuki-kun...
But still...
I hate myself.
How could I let my... I mean, How could I let Yabuki-kun fall into this state....
If I could just do better.
If I just tried.
...
...But I didn't.
Again... I just stood there, dazed at everything that was happening.
Grip.
Pain invaded from my palms as I clenched them into a fist.
It's so... frustrating.
Unaware that I was biting my lips in frustration because... I felt so irritated at myself.
...How... since when was I... this much of a useless woman?
The way I almost just stood there and did nothing.... I could just-
"..."
I stopped my own palm which was about to slap my cheeks.
...I can't cause trouble to Yabuki-san who was resting on my shoulder..
I wanted to laugh at myself...
For once in my entire cheerful life... I felt depressed... extremely depressed.
I hated myself so much that I wanted to hurt myself.
...Is this why some people I knew harmed themselves?
I finally understood...
I.. I want to change... and I really thought I would when Yabuki-san encouraged me earlier but!!
What was I doing earlier?!
I couldn't even bring myself to protect Anna-san!
I just stood there like an idiot!
Stupid hands! Stupid body! Idiot Ayano! Coward! You're so useless! I hate you! I hate myself! I wish you died instead!
Why did you even bother living?! Are you that much of a shameless woman?! You're a fucking bitch! I-
A palm suddenly held my cheek.
"!"
It didn't take me long to realize that it was Yabuki-san's.
...Oh no...
"D-did I wake you, Yabuki-san?"
This is it Ayano... you just messed up again!
Such a simple thing to do and you couldn't even do it right!
"It's kind hard to sleep when your body is trembling.."
"I-I'm sorry..."
I felt Yabuki-san gently shake his head.
"It's alright so... what's wrong?"
Yabuki-san asked while clearing up the tears.that fell on my cheeks.
Oh no... Damn it...
...When did I start crying?
Can't I understand that crying does nothing?! Why- why- why am I so pathetic?! Why-
"Calm down, Ayano."
Before I realize it, My face was now buried inside Yabuki-san's chest with his arm wrapped around me and his hand gently caressing the back of my head.
"..."
"..."
...It only took a few seconds... before my thoughts calmed down again.
I felt warm and comfortable... especially now, I feel at ease.
...
...Yabuki-san... why are you such a kind person..
even though your body is aching with wounds..
and yet you still do this for- for- for me!
For such useless and incompetent person like me!
"Y-Yabuki-san..."
-
Yabuki Jin Pov
-
Ayano-san really is... a high maintenance person.
And to be honest, As much as I want to invade her vulnerable heart right now, I won't do it.
Because I do not want a puppet nor a dog.
What I want is a partner in crime.
This means that she is capable of thinking for herself.
I don't want to make her a toxic woman who is solely dependant on me in every possible way.
Though the hormones in me says, 'Ah who gives a crap, we can totally make her into our onahole', I don't listen to it because, if you still hadn't realize by now, I'm a principled man.
So the best way for me to get what I want is to keep supporting Ayano-san but not to the extent where I will take over her entire heart.
She can have some feelings for me but not to the extent where her life will revolve around me.
For now, I will help her recover her heart as well as her frame of mind.
Of course, I wouldn't forget to corrupt her values little by little during the process of her recovery.
But returning to reality, Why is she acting like this?
What set her off to become upset again? Is it the situation? No, not really. We moved passed that and accepted it earlier.
If not then... me getting hurt? Does she feel guilty about me?
....I have a feeling that, that is more likely but it isn't the main source of her feelings.
If so... then what is it?
As much as I want to go ahead and ask her what it's about, She probably wouldn't tell me honestly since firstly; although I am a person she depends on, this doesn't necessarily mean I'm in her heart yet.
After all, we only met for a few hours and this the longest time we've been talking to each other.
Secondly, Even if she had trusted me to a certain level, it still wouldn't work because what if my speculation was correct and I was the source of her guilt?
Wouldn't this just make her feel more pathetic and frustrated about herself?
Hmmm... I think my train of thoughts is correct. I mean, it sounds like a plausible outcome if you consider her personality and what she had to go through so far.
Her kind heart who always sought to help others failed in doing so. Not only that, but she was absolutely helpless and instead, she was the one who got helped.
Her heart can't and won't accept that, her nature doesn't allow her to.
Which is a good thing since this means that she's still holding herself together but is on the verge of cracking.
Most people who crack really do not end up well. Losing their hearts leads people to doing dangerous and scary things, most ending up harming themselves.
Which is why I need to have patience with this girl and heal her broken heart while corrupting it in the process.
...Only that's the way for me to get my "Partner in Crime".
"...Thank you.. sniff... sniff... Thank.. you... Yabuki-san..."
"No problem..." I continued to caress the back of her head.
You know, I've been doing this for so long that I can't help but think that her hair was soft and silky as well as very fragrant.
I'm no pervert but its just inevitable to smell it when her head is burried in my chest.
No- this isn't the time to get distracted.
"Ayano-san... whatever you may be feeling right now... I just want you to know that I'm grateful to you..."
When I said these words, I felt Ayano-san gasp from my chest before leaning backwards. With her teary red eyes, she looked at me with a surprised and confused expression.
"..W-why...?" She asked.
I almost wanted to roll my eyes because what she had done was quite obvious.
"It is because of Ayano-san that I'm still alive right now."
"B-b-but I..."
"I still haven't thanked Ayano-san for doing what she did for me, which is why..."
I looked at her straight in the eyes before making the most sincerest smile I could.
...And I'm not lying.
I'm really thankful since it was because of her that I'm still alive.
"Thank you."
Thede two simple words escaped my mouth but as soon as it did, the feelings inside me disappeared.
...This... this is what I don't like about myself.
All my feelings, sentiments, and emotions only last for a short amount of time.
And after that... I would feel empty.
Call it emo or something but... don't you just sometimes feel like... nothing?
And I don't mean it in a significant sense but more like "I'm so numb that I think I'm dead".
But then again, this must be a common depression for not only teens like myself but as well as countless adults in the entire world.
Honestly, I don't think there's much difference between us... except the fact that I hadn't attempted to take my own life yet.
...I mean, sure I'm bored as hell and the emptiness was suffocating but... I'm not stupid enough to kill myself just because of that.
Anyway, I got a little sidetracked.
After Ayano-san heard my words, she immediately bursted into tears before wailing like a child while burrying herself in my chest.
Yeah... this girl is high maintenance...She's starting to show signs of self harm out of hate for herself.
Strangely enough, her skill requires her to do this so... this strangely matches perfectly well with her current situation?
Regardless, It's important that I monitor her closely... yeah, despite being just as mentally exhausted as her if not, more.
Not only that, I am also physically tired but... I need to hold on.
For my goal's sake.