A sharing. If only I can turn back time, well i'll re-live my live as I wish. So i write this. So I don't forget.

I am journalist. A mom of four and a wife to someone I love the most. My life is normal. As much as I remember. :)

I am a lover. Pencinta segala kejadian Tuhan. Well, if you know me enough, you would say I could be. But I tell you. what you see is what I wanted you see.

Truth is, my life is a lie the whole time. Sometimes, I cannot differentiate which is which. My lies seems to related to my real life. But I am happy.

Everything started when I was small. My mom passed away since I was small and when I was 5 my dad re-married. He was so busy with the new wife that he forget about me. As a child, and the only child, I crave for a lot of attention. 3 years living with only my dad, made me really rebelled when he remarried. I have a long stories of arguments and fights with his wife that he thought of me as a devil spawn. Well, he sent me to live with my grandma after I tried to burn our house down.

Grandma just shrugged her shoulder off when Dad dropped me off to her house.

"I am a very busy, I am sure she can manage on her own."

It was like I was living alone. I made my own breakfast, my aunt sent me to school in the morning and in the afternoon, i would be put into Daycare. Grandma only picked me up in the evening. It felt so alone without my father. He rarely came to visit me. And when he did, it was only because he wanted to give Grandma money for the expenses of me living with her. I resented my dad more. I had all the things I wanted but I need my dad. Until one day, everything changed.

Aaron, my youngest uncle came to visit. He was very nice to me. He gave me the attention that I thought i was missing from my dad. I love being kissed and cuddled by him. What to expect? I was only 6 that time. And i didn't really understand it when Grandma glared at him everytime she saw me on his lap. But I didn't care. I felt I had a crush with him. I thought that was love.

Aaron stayed longer that semester holiday. He offered to send and pick me up from school. Which made me happier. I can spend more time with him. And then, he started to teach me things. From kissing him to touching his manhood. Suprisingly, I liked it. The feeling of his skin, was euphoric. When he touched me, I didn't know that it was wrong. I just longed for his affection. He taught me how to touch myself, it felt weird at first but then i kinda addicted to it. I learned masturbation at the age of 8. We continued the relationship (that was what I think of our uncommon relay) for as long as i remembered. Until one day, Aaron brought his girlfriend Kara, home for dinner. I was already excited for our night together that i wore my nicest underwear. That bitch really ruined my night. I was outragouesly mad, so when the dessert arrived, I purposely spilled the fruit cocktail and basically it ruined the pretty pink dressed of her. But it worsened when Aaron offered to accompanied Kara to the bedroom. My imagination ran wild!!! what if they do what we used to do??? I cannot permit that!! I almost jumped to say no but Aaron's glare stopped me.

"I am full. Can I be excused now?"

Without waiting for the yes, I abruptly went upstair and caught Aaron and Kara making out in his bedroom. I stormed to my bedroom and screamed to my pillow. I hate Kara. I really did.

Later that night, Aaron came to my bedroom. I was so mad that I cried a lot. I long for his kisses and caresses. I long to see he aroused when I wet myself. But that was not happened that night. He apologized for his act towards me for the past 3 years and said that from that moment on, he will not stay at Grandma house anymore as he would be staying together with Kara in Campus.

"But I love you Aaron... I really do... how could you leave me this way, after what we have done together?"

Aaron hugged and smiled.

"I am sorry Cleo... i am truly is... You will get