I've always believed that life is too complex to be random, I believe each moment is just a link in this infinite chain reaction. How one thing leads to the next and the next never stops coming. Call it God, or The Universe, or Allah, whatever you believe in, but something out there knows why everything is happening. From big things, like why the Earth was set 152.04 million kilometres in that direction away from the sun, so we don't burn in the morning light, or why I decided to wait an extra 10 seconds before driving off from the Euro-Africa bus station right before she ran through the doors, even though she was 53 minutes late. I can't convince you that fate is as real as the air you breathe, but what are the odds?
We drove to Kitwe and we never looked back. I had seen Nafisi laugh and smile more times than I had seen her not, but the smile she had on her face that day, the sound of her laughter, made me thankful to have been alive in that moment.
"I've never been outside Lusaka" she said.
"Well, there's a whole world out here, and I think you're gonna love."
She looked through the car window with such astonishment on her face, flinching and screaming each time i sped up to overtake a truck. We bought food in Kabwe, a reggae CD in Kapiri and had several very random bathroom stops.
7 hours later we made it to Kitwe and I finally got to introduce her to my father.
"Dad, this is Nafisi, Nafisi this is my father."
"Nafisi" said my father, "do you know what your name means?"
"No" she replied, "I don't, Nyumbani asked me the same question the day we met."
"In Swahili, your name is pronounced as Naf'si, and it means 'soul'"
"I knew it sounded familiar" I said, "I just couldn't quite figure it out."
"Your mother loved to use it" said my father, " she would talk about this story of two cursed souls destined for each, always being reincarnated only to die when they found a home. What did she call it again? Hadi... hadithi ya nyumbani kwa naf'si, which translates to..."
"The story of homes and souls." The bewilderment on all our faces when we said this at once showed that were all thinking the same thing.
"I think I might be familiar with the story" said Nafisi while looking at me, and we both smiled.
The next day my father gave us his blessings, and he left for Tanzania. Never had I ever thought I would end up back here trying to build a life in the home I grew up, but something felt right.
It's crazy how the life the you've been building for so many years could just fall apart in a single moment. The tedious task of rebuilding now rests heavily on your chest, and sometimes seems even impossible, but somehow you manage, you do it, you rebuild. Now all the streets are different, there are new buildings and corners you don't recognize, but you know what? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that everything is different now, as long as it still feels like home.
The first couple of months were more of a feeling, euphoric to say the least. I made her more munkoyo than she could ever take, I showed her everything I loved about The Copperbelt and she sang, all the time. I gave her all I could and still wanted to give her more.
As time went by, things got harder. She started to get really sick, and we spent most of our nights in the hospital. I had to work extra hard to keep up with her hospital bills, but looking back, there is not a moment I would have changed.
Dr. Chanda had requested for an MRI scan that day I went to Levy Mwanawasa hospital with Dr. Naheem, it turns out a brain tumor in my nasal area was causing the headaches and nose bleeds, which, as they had put it, was actually very rare. I never told Nafisi about it, I didn't think it was fair to either of us, I just wanted her to be happy in her last days. I hope she was. I had only known her for a while, but it felt like I had known her multiple lifetimes, she felt familiar from the beginning, and learning her felt like a walk back home.
"Soulmates are a ridiculous concept" she said, lying in a hospital bed, as the light in her eyes faded slowly, "but Heathcliff was right, I would love you in any form, ghost or vampire. You have shown me what love really looks like Nyumbani, and for that I am eternally grateful."
She smiled, even in her last moments she still had the brightest smile I had ever known. Nafisi went through things that would have broken most people, despite it all, she remained herself, an overflow of sunshine and rainbows.
"Have you made that wish you were saving yet?" she asked
"No" I replied, failing at hiding the wreckage I had turned into, "I was gonna wish for you to stay, but that seems like a lot of pressure to put on a pretend star right now" she chuckled when I said this. "I'll just wish that we have more time in our next life."
"I found a video of your mother in your phone, she was beautiful. You look a lot like her, Nyum Nyum" she said with a breath of laughter.
She was quiet for a moment, then sang softly with her eyes closed.
"...and when the world comes to an end
I hope my voice still plays in your head
When you're alone, when you're afraid and lost in your way
I hope you know, ndinawe..."
She took her last breath, and almost immediately, the world turned to a mighty stranger, all over again.
See you soon my love.
THE END