It has been some time
With a lot of time and effort, I somehow finished the dinner. The flying ball did not allow any leftovers so I had to swallow down anything that could be eaten.
It was a mind-opening experience.
I mean don't get me wrong, the food was bad.
Very bad
I can't emphasise enough on the 'bad part'
But it was still food, I considered it food even though it was raw, fresh meat and it was quite a change for someone like me, which made me realise the changes are not only physical but also physiological.
"I need to take note of the changes," I reminded myself.
But that can wait, first…..
[You can ask your questions, and I will answer them, as best as I can] it said.
I thought for some minutes and asked my first question "Why am I here? What's my purpose"
[You were chosen as the next Guardian candidate by The One. because yours is a fallen world it was impossible to nurture you there hence you were brought here]
'That was not useful at all'
I already heard about this earlier "Who is this 'One' guy, some sort of a God or something"
[The One is the first celestial born. Originated out of the void, it was the first light and the first night, the first life and the first death. It is the embodiment of the creation and destruction and the also one who represents 'All it was, All it is and All it will be']
"So he is the one who created the world?"
[Yes but No! To put into your understanding The One is the Universe, so it can be said that it was the One who created the world but it can be also said that this world is just a part of The One ]
"Why would such a being need a Guard? I mean really! What can harm him?"
[Mostly other celestial borns and I cannot tell you their name because you are still not qualified to know but let me tell you this, The One can do many things but it cannot fight an open battle and it's the same for other celestial beings, so they fight with their champions]
"And the Guardians are The Ones's champion"
[Correct]
"You said earlier that Eart-...my world was a fallen one, what do you mean by that?"
[You are not qualified to know that]
"Why was I chosen as a Candidate?"
[You are not qualified to know that]
"Is my family okay?…"
[You are not qualified yet to know that]
That was my last straw "THEN WHAT AM I QUALIFIED FOR!!!" I screamed "ARE YOU SAYING I AM NOT QUALIFIED FOR ANYTHING…..THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU BRING ME HERE?... YOU WANT ME TO FIGHT, I FIGHT AND YOU WANT ME TO EAT, I EAT.....DIDN'T I DONE ENOUGH, AT LEAST TO GIVE ME AN PROPER ANSWER…..AND IF I AM NOT ENOUGH YOU SHOULD GONE FOR ARMIN-uggHHH...."
I lost control. I never thought I would get genuinely angry...again. But I guess I reached my breaking point, I looked at the floating ball, the two blue dots were fixated on me. "Just leave me alone," I said, curling into a ball in that dark tight space, facing away from the robot. one of the oldest tricks in my book. 'if you are sad, just cover up your face cause nobody gives a fuck about your tears'
[You did something impossible] the robot said in its monotone voice
I squinted my eyes slightly, but I still laid down acting like I am not interested
[There are many things I cannot tell you because just knowing it would bring unwanted attention and corruption….but I tell you this]
Okay now he got my attention, I raised my head slightly at the floating robot.
[But you did something impossible, which made The One move, it has never happened before and it will not likely happen again. That is why you are selected as a guardian and I can only ask for your forgiveness but everything I do and say is only for your good after all your protection and growth are my sole purpose for existence] it said.
Shaking my head hearing at what bot said "no…..don't apologise", I said "I was wrong to get angry at you, I am sorry" I apologised
It's true, although I do feel wronged at getting dragged into this mess, there is no justification for me to be angry at the Robo ball whose entire existence is to help me in this mess. "I just-….my emotions is…- I looked in my memory for the right phrase to convey my words but found it was hard. Thankfully the robot did not say anything, it just floated in the air waiting patiently. It might be because it can only respond to me or it was being considerate to me. Both reasons don't matter, but I am grateful for them.
"You see I am just tired of people choosing decisions for me and...… mostly I am tired of hearing I am not enough"
For some moments there was an awkward silence in the room. I was kind of starting to think I said some unnecessary shit
[Can you share it with me? The reason why you are tired]
That got a chuckle out of me "what are you gonna do with it?"
[You carry a heavy burden in your mind and it's affecting your mental health, sharing it with others will help you a lot]
"Heh, you are a Psychiatrist now?"
[And a psychologist, if I want to be. for your growth having great physical and mental health is necessary, and I am equipped with a nursing programme for that]
"That sounds very useful..." I murmured,
[Yes, so you can treat this as a treatment session, tell me what are the problems that are haunting you] with a subtle change in its atmosphere.
"Well, where do I start? You see my parents have three children and I am a kind of unwanted child"
[Yes… please continue]
"It all started when I was in middle school. I don't know why it started. Suddenly I started to get cold treatment, and my brother became their priority, well they had their reason. My brother was a genius, he excelled at everything he did, I get why he became their favourite but why I was casted away I don't know and when my little sister was born it became much worse"
[Have you ever asked for the reason?]
"No….. I was afraid of asking. If they said to my face that I-..." I didn't finish that sentence, no I couldn't finish that sentence.
[What about your siblings? How did they treat you?] It asked entirely, skipping my half-finished answer, it seems like it realised that I don't want to talk about it yet. I am kind of grateful for that
"My brother…..as far as he was concerned I did not exist, never treated like me a sibling. he never forget to buy family clothes and presents on special days but funny enough he always forgets to buy me something.....always, and my sister, well during the younger days I was her favourite but soon she too became distant from me"
[I see, what was your response when you realised what was happening?]
"...."
[You can tell me]
"At first, I tried to regain their love and studied hard. Worked harder but I soon realized it was not enough, so I just stopped altogether"
I took a deep sigh, revisiting every memory….bad ones. the worst ones. There were many "When I was 19 I moved out of the for my job, something courtesy of my father. Then I decided to ghost on them, trying to show a strong upfront. I wanted them to know I no longer cared for them....."
I chuckled with a depreciating tone at myself "two years! For two years, there was no contact between us. The call I was expecting didn't come, I got impatient but even so, I still hold on hoping that the next day mom and dad will call me or at least message me, asking about my well-being, asking how I am all these years....but no call came for me until my sorry ass decided to call them first and very funny enough the way they talked was like they didn't realise the fact this is my first call in years"
I was pitiful, even after knowing the fact they will never see me as their family I still yearned for their acknowledgement and love, now that I think about it, I was truly living a miserable life. For some reason, I feel deep hate for my past self who was just pathetic.
[There is nothing pathetic in seeking love and companionship, especially it from your parents, that was your birthright and even after all these years of neglect you still hold your family in your heart when you have every right to hate them] the flying robot stated firmly
I looked at the robot with an indescribable emotion. Now at this moment, the two dots in its eyes looked like the kindest face I had seen in my life.
[You Ryan Halton are a good man, and you are no longer unwanted in this world, no! you never were unwanted in the first place, the people surrounding you couldn't realise who you really are, you are valuable and more important than you think...….]
Many times I asked myself if it was worth living so far, I asked myself so many times if there was a reason to go on anymore and I always...always tried to find an excuse to continue.... To live one more day, so I can try to find a hand that will reach out to me, that I mean something to someone.
And now I heard the words I waited to hear, the first soothing words I heard in years.
not pieces of advice
not words of praise.
just some words of comfort,
"Crap, I might cry" Suddenly, faced with words of tenderness and solace, I was caught off-guard. I wanted to ask 'what did I do to receive such kindness?
Why me?
I am me
I am a no-one
So why?
[You are not a no one, Ryan. Going through hard times is difficult but getting through them is amazing, how far you've come, everything you have gotten through, All the times you pushed even when you couldn't. All the times you resist the urge to just give up…..it made you stronger, didn't it? Now you are given a second chance by doing something impossible that too personally by The One.....you are an amazing person and the fact that you still had the heart to love and care for a family that treated you like you were a stranger makes you more amazing]
Hearing its words I could not reply, my throat was constrained, and a little embarrassed "I see," I murmured somehow in a low voice."You know you're good, very good at this" I complimented
I don't know when did it happen but tears were flowing from my eyes, I didn't realise it due to my hard scales
[That I am]. The small floating ball said looking at me strangely,
[This journey and the path you have to walk will be is filled with obstacles and we have no right to ask you to take on this responsibility but if you do, you will have the power to save trillions of worlds and their inhabitants, of course, It will not be a walk in the park it will be a hard path but this time you will not be alone, I will be with you till the end of the line but I want to make sure that you are ready for this ]
"Till the end of the line huh," for some reason I like the sound of it. Having someone there for you till the end of the line, it does sound great.
I lived my life for people who did not spare me a moment of their life, 29 years of it….alone. And now I have a second chance in a new world with a companion. I think I can do this, and maybe I can find new people in this world to share my next Christmas. I thought and for some reason I am having a Deja vu but I shook it off
I steeled my heart and made up my mind "Yes, I am ready," I replied.