Chapter one: Purpose

In the Year 1821, Carrington Estate, the City of Anaveah in the country of Sol.

My Name is Lady Blake Carrington, daughter of his Grace, Duke Charles Carrington; and I am dying.

As alarming and tragic as death is, Its looming self has had me in its grasp from the very beginning and I am aware of the grim Noose around my neck. A few years ago I was diagnosed with a rare blood disease that comes with a short life expectancy. Despite Its odds, I've made it to seventeen, in which I have been reminded is nothing short of a miracle. Although these past few years, I feel as if death is knocking at my door, ready to claim my soul.

Pending death is a hard pill to swallow and the despondency of it all makes one numb and philosophical. I'm riddled with questions; One in particular, 'is the meaning of life.' What is the purpose of life? It's a question commonly asked when a person feels a sense of melancholy or is facing a tragedy in their life.

Most don't have an answer to such a query, but there are a few opinions on the matter. One would say life is to experience, and purpose is what you make it, others would object and say life is a card dealt by the god they are subject to.

I've never met god so I can't say which opinion falls short, either way, none of them stands out to me in a particular sense, rather I believe life is just a random occurrence with no deeper meaning.

I wonder if my loved ones had the ability to read my thoughts, would they find me unrestrained? Would mother find me terrible? Maybe so, but as I fall into delirium as my handmaiden bathes down my body's fever and lulls me to sleep, I can't help but feel its pointlessness.

...

Night warps into day and the warm glow of the sun entangles itself across my frame as I wake to the touch of someone gently brushing aside my tangled hair in a loving manner. It was only until I felt a soft kiss on my brow that my eyes began to flicker open to see the source of such a gesture.

"There are those beautiful sky blue eyes, awake at last." Utters the Duchess of Carrington, my mother.

"It seems only God would bestow upon me two worrisome children. I fear your father and I are destined for a short life due to stress, but in all seriousness, how are you feeling my love?"She says as she continues to stare down at me with a gracious smile. Ever the perfect lady.

But I am not fooled by her lightheartedness when in the depths of her gaze holds such hopelessness, so what the use in lying when we both know I'm only growing more tired in each day that passes.

"Hearing those words I'm going to take a guess and suspect I look worse than I feel," I say groaning from the pounding ache my fever left behind as I try to seat myself forward in bed, although I'm immediately stopped by the pressure of mothers hand upon my shoulder.

Although reluctant, I obey her silent command and sink back down onto the plush velvet pillows beneath me.

"I'd say you feel as bad as you look, my love." mother faintly smirks as she tucks my quilt under my chin securely.

"You may be right." I snort inwardly.

"Your fever lasted well into the night. For this reason, I need you to rest! I fear it may come back in your weakened state, so please be kind to yourself, and eat enough to restore some of your energy," she exclaimed with worry in her voice, smile fading.

"Do you think you are able enough to have a bowl of porridge or some fruit?" The duchess questions as she rises from her seat beside me, her purple gown shimmering in the sunlight as it shines in her splendour.

Mother's beauty is described as timeless. If a poet were here to witness, I have no doubt they would say something along the lines of "The sun rises to be set upon you." Sometimes I truly wonder if I'm the daughter of her Duchess Carrington, for the only resemblance is our ebony hair that lays straight down like the finest of silks.

"My love, did you hear me?" Mother's voice Carry's through my thoughts from across the room by the doorway.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Is porridge suitable?" She repeats herself waiting for a reply.

"Ah yes, plenty suitable," I reply, rubbing the throb of my temple.

"Very well, I'll have Anne deliver your breakfast in bed, do not bother coming to dine with us, you need to rest up. Today I will be accompanying a guest to the capital of Sol and won't be back until noon." she pauses outside the door before adding, "Oh and one other thing, your father has something important to announce tonight at dinner, so get well soon my love."

As the Duchess leaves I'm left alone with my thoughts while waiting for the breakfast I'm too queasy to eat to arrive.

'What could father's announcement be about?'

...

After breakfast and some more sleep, Anne my Handmaiden helps bathe me and dresses me into a light silk royal blue gown, with an emerald embroidered sash around my waist. I am then seated at my vanity with a book as Anne brushes out my long wet hair with a wide tooth comb.

This routine has become my favourite part of the day since I can remember because it is time spent reading.

Books have been my pastime and enjoyment since I'm too weak to travel or take part in active activities. Books are my way of living through the lives of others and using my imagination to experience the things I may never have the chance to.

"My lady, would you prefer your hair to be placed up or down?" questions the maid as she brushes through a tough knot.

Not looking away from my book, I wave a hand in gesture as I speak. "Preferably down and out of my face if you will, my headache will thank you."

"If that pleases my…My lady! Goodness, your nose!" Anne stutters suddenly as she forces my chin up to look at her. Whatever is wrong with my nose must be a horrid sight because I fear the old crone may faint.

"It's bleeding!"

Ah, despite her shock this happens quite a lot as of late, so I'm not bothered by her dramatics.

"It's just a nosebleed Anne, I'm fine, I just need my handkerchief," I explain as I open the gold latch of my vanity's drawer, to find an array of hankies inside. All the while my maid is being absurdly loud in her cries for assistance.

I look into the copper polished mirror assessing the damage and tilt my head back pressing the piece of cloth to my nose, stopping the blood from running down my chin, as it would ruin my gown.

Besides growing a tad washed out to my otherwise ivory skin, I only feel slightly lightheaded, but I know it will soon pass as it does and the blood will stop eventually.

As I said, this happens a lot.

"We must notify the estate's doctor at once! This happens far too often to our Lady!" Anne exclaims in a huff to the guards that have now entered my room. Which now I might add feels rather crowded.

"Anne, enough! This estate is all quite aware that my condition is not as good as it should be, but I needn't be reminded of every inconvenience." I say closing my vanity drawer as I rise making my way past the Duke's guards and move into the hallway towards the winding staircase.

"My lady! Where are you going?! I still need to finish your hair and I was informed that you need rest!" My handmaiden shouts hastily, holding my comb tightly in her palm.

Looking back I give my most reassuring smile.

"I'll be fine, I just need air for a moment and space to think. I'll be back if I grow tired." I say making my way down to the dining room and out onto the back end of the manor, where the main garden resides most lavishly.

Summer has been kinder to the skin this year so I find myself under an old oak tree, taking in the warm rays of the sun that dance between the leaves onto the lush green grass of the garden. The heated kiss of summer clears my head as I wipe the last of my blood from my nose.

It then dawns on me that in all the chaos I forgot my book.

"Ugh dreadful." I sigh deeply in annoyance resting my head between my knees.

"And what could possibly be so dreadful dear sister? Did Anne finally get you to finish one of your embroidery lessons?"

Lord Bellamy amuses as he jumps down from the branch he was seated on.

Ugh, you are! if you must know. Where do you even come from? Were you born half monkey or have you finally gone insane? I doubt your many admirers would find your hobby of climbing trees that attractive at the age of one and twenty."

Bellamy puts a hand to his heart and grunts in pain to exaggerate the damage my words otherwise did to him, but his smile remains as indecent as ever.

"You wound me sister, and here I thought you would appreciate my comfort for your sorrows and bloody nose, but as it seems I am not worthy to be in your presence." brother snorts and brushes his hand through his thick raven hair.

"Insanity it is then," I mock, not impressed by his performance.

"Such hostility, really I am quite pained."

Scoffing

"You feel no pain Bell, the only thing that would hurt you is if mirrors didn't exist, and I thank whatever is holy they do because you are intolerable and least looking at yourself keeps you entertained, now what is it that you want brother or are you just here to pester me? Cause I highly doubt you're here to comfort me."

Smiling irksomely, Bellamy takes his place beside me, nudging me in the face with his elbow as he rests his hands behind his head.

"Your quite right little sister. I do love to pester although this time it was a mere coincidence, since I was here first! You see?"

"But, I'd be lying if I said I'm not trying to cheer you up. You had all of us worried last night Blakey." He says quietly, closing his eyes.

Feeling the atmosphere grow tense I quickly change the subject as I squeeze the small of my wrist tightly.

"Hmm is that right? I'm okay now though. You needn't worry so much. So what were you doing in the tree anyway?" I question, not really that interested in the answer and decide to focus on the little blue ladybug resting in my palm, its wings start to vibrate against my skin.

'What an unusual colour for a ladybug.'

"I needed a place to hide from father, so I thought a tree ought to do just fine."

"One, do I want to know the reason why you are hiding from father? And two, are you actually an idiot?" I say as I raise a dark eyebrow at Bellamy.

With a raised eyebrow in return to my comment, my brother turns in my direction with a serious expression, and I suddenly regret asking.

"What is it Bell? Is it that bad? What have you done?" I accuse suddenly and add, "Did he find out about your gambling escapades?"

Bellamy, seemingly shocked now, grabs me by the shoulders and causes the ladybug fly away in fright. "What! Have you gone nuts? Don't say that out loud, what if fathers henchmen are listening or worse! the man himself!

"Then tell me what's the matter, Bellamy?"

Taking a deep breath out he continues, "Well if you had let me start before going on a rant about your conclusions you would know by now! Anyway, our mother came to me this morning with some rather troubling news. Father has something important to announce this evening."

'Huh' "That's it? That's why you were hiding in a tree? No need to give me an answer for two, I think that much is clear." Now annoyed, I go to stand but I'm immediately stopped for the second time today. 

"That's it? Come on Blake! think! I thought you were the smarter one out of the two of us. Don't you see that father's announcement could be the topic of marriage? Do you now understand our predicament? I Can't Get married! What would become of us? Marriage is what boring Aristocats do when they have no fortune. I am so many things sister, but boring and broke are not those things."

Feeling rather stupefied by his utter nonsense I try my best to keep a straight face however I've never been one for dishonesty, so my best turns into hysterics and as one can imagine, Bellamy did not find my amusement all that humorous.

"I am being serious here Blake…" Brother trail's off amongst my laughter and gasps for air.

"Alright, I know… I'll calm down, I'm sorry it's just you are so dramatic at times it baffles me, ugh my stomach hurts and I believe you are misunderstanding the meaning of matrimony but that's beside the point, give me a moment…" I excuse catching my breath, "Why are you under the impression that the announcement is regarding marriage?" I inquire, batting off Bellamy's tight grip on my now bruised shoulders.

Following my gaze, Bellamy's eyes deepen with an apology when he notices the bruises he caused and the look of pain crosses his features at how fragile I've become. Nevertheless his sorrow for me was soon gone like a gust of wind.

"What else could it be?" he regards, falling back against the tree in thought, tugging down at the tie around his neck revealing his nerves. I then realise I've never witnessed Bell so put out before. Taking his hand in mine, I gently reassure him, "I'm certain any decent gentleman would not marry off their daughter to a mad man, so worry naught brother. Whatever father has to say might not be as scary as you think." I empathise assuringly, now trying to convince myself the same.

Adjusting my silk gown and tucking a stray hair behind my jewelled ear, I silently pick up the threads of my heart and its wandering thoughts as we both observe the scenery of our estate. But a thread falls loose and the thought has taken its hold.

'And who would want to marry someone who will wilt as fast as a flower, like the ones in the garden.'