Very good days! For those who don´t know me, I am the physician John Watson, also called Dr. Watson. On a wonderful day of the year 1888 or 1889, I married Mary Morstan, now known as Mrs. Watson, but I can´t remember the day neither the month nor the exact year. Sadly, my mind only retains information about some happy moments of this impressive celebration, and I was so embarrassed for this that I didn´t mention it to my wife, and kindly, every year, my dear friend, Sherlock Holmes, reminded me of this anniversary just a week before, so that I could prepare the party and buy her a well-deserved gift. Furthermore, the exceptional and faithful detective told me that I suffer from a rare and unknown degenerative disease, which can only be diagnosed and cured in the distant future, perhaps decades after my death. Likewise, other doctors and patients have told me that my gaze is very strange, with few gestures, and I look like Frankenstein or a man of stone. Sometimes, I limp and have a hard time hiding this from Mrs. Watson. Also, I don´t understand why I can´t sit up straight, losing my balance on one side, and I almost always want to put my right hand in a pocket. Again, the masterful Sherlock Holmes has told me that these are symptoms of the rare mental illness, and that one day I might lose most of my precious memory, and so, in a cynically way, my friend hopes that I will die before losing my consciousness.
Let´s go back to the nice, friendly and dear Mrs. Watson. Sometimes, I forget her name and maiden name. Luckily, I almost always remember my glorious last name! Also, there will be no problem if I forget it, since "Watson" is written in my notebook, in several of my notes and in some annotations that Sherlock Holmes has kindly given me constantly.
I also realized that certain emotional events or some that cause great concerns are not affected by this strange and incurable disease. For this reason, I remember that my wife's father, Mr. Arthur Morstan, a military expert highly regarded and respected by the British authorities, passed away in dreadful circumstances. Also, a long time ago, my dear wife's mother tragically died. Please, don´t ask me for her first name or even the last name because I can´t remember them. In addition, despite the fact that my wife has given me many details about the passing of her parents, I can´t remember the fine points of these sad events.
As I told earlier, when there were only a few days left to celebrate our wedding anniversary or my wife's birthday, my detective friend kindly reminded me. He wrote it down on a piece of paper, which I hide in the right pocket of my favorite jacket. If that day, I can´t remember the important details, before the questions of my wife and other guests, I ask permission to go to the restroom, and quickly read the note, in a hidden way.
Thank goodness that the rude and inopportune Sherlock Holmes didn´t give me away! I feel very privileged, since the eccentric, crazy and almost psychotic friend, Sherlock Holmes, defends me incessantly and protects my intimate secrets. I don´t know what kind of relationship is this… The only thing I am sure is that the deranged Sherlock Holmes only respects and admires three individuals in this world: me, Mrs. Watson and another person.
Of course, I am not the first favorite. Our strange relationship is one of friendship, we are almost brothers, whatever gossips say, rather to my relief and that of Mrs. Watson, the person most appreciated and loved by this detective is the only woman who has been able to fool him: Irene Adler or Mrs. Irene Norton.
I even realized how much Sherlock Holmes loves Irene Adler… I still don´t know how… It seems that my degenerative disease enhances other parts of my brain, or I am infected by Sherlock Holmes' incredible deductive abilities, or maybe he is a great teacher, who has helped me mature and understand how difficult life is, and how to analyze and deduce the complex human behavior, paying attention to relevant clues.
For now, let´s forget about the famous Sherlock Holmes. I went on too long with my comments. My main interest is in my relationship with the kind Mrs. Watson. She is a great lady, very happy, emotional and optimistic. Mrs. Watson is almost always willing to support me, despite my bad behavior when I can´t tolerate annoying people, which includes: patients, salesmen or debt collectors; and due to my multiple obligations and the need to hide my referred illness, I was almost never at home to accompany and care for her.
Many believe that she has no family. But… We all have relatives, even if they are on the other side of the world.
From the time of our marriage, some distant uncles appeared: Mr. and Mrs. Swindhit. Their stories are unusual. They lived most of their married life in Egypt and India, but they don´t know the languages of these countries and could never explain what their businesses were, although they supposedly sold all kind of merchandises. Sherlock Holmes once insulted them, calling them thieves, swindlers and false relatives, who only came to our wedding to start lucrative businesses. On that occasion, Mrs. Watson burst into tears, shouted at the unwelcome detective and confirmed that they communicated regularly, helped her financially after the death of the mother, and due to the disappearance of the father, they returned to London, in order to continue supporting her. Or in other way, they never left her alone! The Swindhit were excellent persons who collaborate unconditionally with their family members!
Of course, the suspicious Sherlock Holmes wasn´t convinced by the defense of the Swindhit family, and from then on he was considered as an unpleasant and unreliable individual in that family circle.
Now, honestly, it didn´t matter to me whether or not the Swindhit were biological relatives of Mrs. Watson. In practice, for many years, they have been part of my wife's only family. When she was single, they helped her a lot, paying her studies and personal expenses, without receiving anything in return. Mrs. Watson has even told me that Mr. Swindhit and his deceased father were partners in a tobacco business. I don´t remember how many times she told me this, but Sherlock Holmes believes that they seized her father's shares and to cover up their misdeeds, they helped Mrs. Watson with a tiny part of that company's profits.
Despite my neurological limitations, I still remember a strong discussion with the indiscreet and sometimes malicious detective, whose name and surname fortunately I never forget. Good thing the altercation wasn´t at our house! It happened in the apartment of the ungrateful Sherlock Holmes! Yes! In the 221B! Do you perceive it? Sometimes, I have moments of lucidity and can remember important facts… And fortunately Mrs. Watson didn´t know about this conversation! Luckily, I was able to convince the stubborn Sherlock Holmes, who butts in where he isn´t called, of not talking to my wife until he had proofs! But… I don´t know how long he will keep quiet! He wants to go to Egypt, India, Australia and Brazil to get the business records of the Swindhit's companies! But… He isn´t physically and mentally fit for such great journeys! He isn´t Marco Polo neither Christopher Columbus, nor is he an expert traveler who can go around the world in eighty days! However… Possibly, one day I will have to accompany him to other countries! I hope you can understand me… I don´t know if I am explaining well! As this concern was so great, I could not forget about this delicate matter, and if a few months passed, I would have to accompany and help my great friend, who never gives up when he faces a great obsession.
I was also worried about the following matter: How would I explain this trip to Mrs. Watson? Maybe she will join us. But… Keeping Sherlock Holmes quiet is a big challenge! Also… At that time, I was convinced that Mrs. Watson was suspicious of that project! On her last birthday, she told me: "Don´t you dare to go without me! Let´s escort that crazy detective around the world!"
Again, despite my degenerative disease, which doesn´t seem as serious as Sherlock Holmes suspects, or is only just in its early stages, I remember faithfully these details. So much so that sometimes I have sleepless nights, immersed in great concerns, and have to hide that I am asleep, in order to avoid suspicions of the dear Mrs. Watson.
Certainly, the problems with the Swindhit family were more serious than expected. Despite the criticism of my best friend, at first they didn´t seem bad people, but the Swindhit considered me as an arrogant and irresponsible person that imitates and defends a conceited braggart, who believes that he is the best detective of the world, and they suggested to my wife not to waste her time in a love relationship with no future, and ask for a divorce as soon as possible, because if Mrs. Watson gets pregnant, she would not be able to run away from this relationship, and if she decided to do this, the former Mrs. Watson would be classified as the great villain who separated a son of his father for the rest of its life.
I admit my failures in this marriage. I was almost never at our house, either because I had to attend the sick, save lives, be attentive to any medical emergency, and even give emotional and medical support to my dear and eccentric friend, almost another relative, Sherlock Holmes, and besides, I had to hide my strange illness. Sometimes, when I went home, even bringing the money for the month's expenses and gifts for other relatives of the Swindhit family, I am going to clarify that this constitutes a part of my big problems, the once kind Mrs. Watson yelled to me: "Irresponsible! You believe that I don´t know that from time to time you don´t even go to your office… You are spending more time in that madman's apartment! You act in this way, even when you have so-called medical emergencies for a few nights! Tell me the truth… Do Sherlock Holmes and you sleep in the same bed? What is your relationship with that crazy and rude person who doesn´t respect my dear family? Why don´t you give him up? Why doesn´t Sherlock Holmes find another doctor?" With great patience and controlling my bad temper, I reminded Mrs. Watson that Sherlock Holmes isn´t only my friend, rather, he is a special patient, who is under special psychological treatment, by orders of the Queen of England, and obviously, I could not betray the trust of Her Majesty, who was very grateful to this detective and hoped to continue counting on his collaboration, in order to continue fighting against the growing crime.
Nonetheless, Mrs. Watson, influenced by the Swindhit family, never was convinced by my explanations, which were the same, over and over again, but at least after she got off her chest, calmed down and didn´t kick me out of our house. Although she had another compelling reason for not dissolving our marriage, which I will explain very soon.
With regard to the Swindhit family and the problems they caused me, aggravated by the reckless behavior, although in my defense, on the behalf of Sherlock Holmes, really, there were not only two of them: also there are five daughters, considered cousins or sisters by Mrs. Watson, all married, and altogether they have fourteen children. The sisters, spouses and children have lived in several countries, before moving to London with both grandparents, and only two husbands speak English well, but with a strange accent.
According to Sherlock Holmes, who analyzed their strange clothes, customs and ways of speaking, they were very united, had no definitive residences and lived in some periods in: Egypt, India, Australia and Brazil; depending on the business cycles, and the two who spoke moderately acceptable English are Australians.
Once again, I insist… I didn´t care much about the size of the family or where they lived before moving to London, or their nationalities, but alerted by Sherlock Holmes, I began to worry that their businesses could be illegitimate, and that they had spread a network of prohibited drinks and narcotics in some nations. In addition, several times, they have reflected a certain fear for the police authorities and the enigmatic Sherlock Holmes.
Paradoxically, the Swindhit were simple citizens, who didn´t have lavish lifestyles. But… There was an exception! That is where the problems with them come from, as I have been warning… Their main requirement, which became a serious problem for me, is the commemoration of the birthdays and wedding anniversaries of the whole family. Yes! It´s about all the family! Every year they celebrate the birthdays and marriages of all the members! With expensive parties! I am getting to the point... Here come the problems and my horrible concerns...
In these colossal and pharaonic parties, perhaps envied by the British Royalty, it is mandatory to bring a gift to the birthday boy/girl and in the event of a marriage celebration, one to each spouse. In my case, if it is a birthday, I must contribute with two gifts, one from me and the other from Mrs. Watson, and if it is a wedding anniversary, my wife and I must deliver four gifts, two for each spouse.
At that time, I thought that this was the main reason that the dear Mrs. Watson, so fond of these great parties, didn´t leave me!
Of course Sherlock Holmes knew that these engagements were too demanding for me. Cleverly and with that speed that characterizes him, as if he visualized numbers and their operations in fractions of seconds, my dear and problematic friend, who deep down was worried about my situation of codependency with the alleged scammers and the fatal emotional consequences, one day told me: "There are two grandparents, ten spouses, without counting you, the Watson, and fourteen children. Therefore, as long as everyone is alive and no new members are born, there will be twenty-six birthday parties and six wedding commemorations each year, or thirty-two annual parties with thirty-eight gifts, twenty-six for the lucky birthday boys or girls and twelve for the happy spouses." However, he also pointed out: "My dear Watson… This is on the one hand, since you also pay for Mrs. Watson's gifts, in total there are seventy-six gifts that the Watson give to the Swindhit each year. What a scam! Can I ask the Swindhit to adopt me and put me on the birthday list?"
How ironic! This was one of the few times I was able to laugh at a joke of Sherlock Holmes. Since I know the intrepid and obnoxious detective very well, I am sure that he would rather die than joining a criminal family.
And of course, Sherlock Holmes also deduced that Mrs. Watson was unhappy for my complex relationship with him, which seems more familiar than professional and of friendship, and my long absences from our home. The brilliant detective continued with his analysis, confirming that my wife hadn´t left me because I always went to those magnificent parties and brought the respective gifts.
In addition, Sherlock Holmes, who knows by heart all the birth and marriage dates of the Swindhit, and the full names and surnames of all members of the clan, reminded me of his sensational discovery months ago, which ended in a heated discussion with the grandparents of the group, who denied that assumption: five children are adopted because two couples have fertility problems and can´t conceive sons.
Likewise, as I didn´t understand well the calculations about the number of gifts, on another occasion, seeing my puzzled face, kindly, the famous detective made the explanations on a blackboard.
On that day, although I understood the figures made by the great artist and mathematician Sherlock Holmes, I was surprised because he stared at the blackboard. Then, the detective said: "I have no doubt that this is a criminal group! They are not a real family!" Before asking, because he knew that I didn´t understand his reasoning, the clever Sherlock Holmes said: "Dear Watson, you see the third and fourth families, the fourth is fine, they have an adopted child, but the third isn´t Ok... Nobody adopts four children! I admit it… I was wrong before! The third couple has no fertility problems and they aren´t spouses… If they were a couple, they would have already had at least one legitimate child… The supposed husband is a widower and has two children… And the misnamed wife is separated or divorced and has two sons of her previous marriage… This is a fake marriage for convenience! When I go abroad, I will ask the civil authorities for the birth and marriage certificates of all of them… There may be more surprises!"
Despite his objections to these gift-giving practices and the suspicions that gifts were later sold for money laundering, which was also another objective of the festivities, surprisingly, it was common for Sherlock Holmes, a week before one of these celebrations, to give me a paper with the date, name of the birthday boy/girl or of the spouses, and the gifts that we gave last year or in previous years, expecting that I would not forget to acquire the gifts neither buy repeated gifts, and would be able to attend that great event, without being scolded by my wife or scorned by the Swindhit.
I admire the incredible intelligence and rationality of Sherlock Holmes! He is cold, callous and calculating, and despite his short temper and emotional problems, once he is relaxed, perhaps smoking, drinking or taking drugs, he comes up with some perfect plans. Anyway, like me, Mrs. Watson is a victim of the Swindhit, and in that sense, I got the impression that Sherlock Holmes was looking to protect my marriage at all costs, and at the same time, confuse the alleged swindlers, until he could go to other places of the world, with the purpose of unmasking and bringing them to the justice.
Nonetheless, Sherlock Holmes rightly told me several times that we had to hurry on our journey around the world, because I was going to go bankrupt if I kept paying those expensive gifts.
In addition, cunningly, Sherlock Holmes found a way of not giving gifts to those people. Of course! He is single… He has no family. And... The detective doesn´t have to be nice with the Swindhit!
On a birthday of a nephew of my wife, unfortunately, I don´t remember the date or who was honored, although it seems to me that from the indignant face of the child's mother, his father wasn´t at that meeting, the reckless Sherlock Holmes showed up without a gift, he cruelly mocked the birthday boy, didn´t apologize to those present for his rudeness, drank too much, told rude jokes, insulted my wife's supposed uncles or grandparents-chiefs of the tribe and ended up falling to blows with one of my wife's supposed brothers-in-law. Obviously, Sherlock Holmes possesses exceptional strength and although he won the fight, imitating the style of one of the best boxers in the country, he had to withdraw, being frowned upon by almost everyone in attendance. I still remember the cynical look of satisfaction on his face when he left, being so indiscreet that he shouted: "Long live to John Watson, the only honest man of this false family!" And he also exclaimed: "Norton… I am coming for you and your wife!" At that time, I didn´t understand his last sentence. So, is Irene Adler's husband related to the Swindhit?
Deep down, Sherlock Holmes' misbehavior didn´t bother me much, what scared me was this pressure with so many parties. Sometimes, in addition to the written reminder of the detective, a week before, usually, he showed up at my office, asking me to take the paper out of my right jacket pocket, go to buy the two or four gifts, and pick up my wife. Of course, on some occasions, I went first to a moneylender's place, who would give me the remaining money to buy the gift or gifts, with a monthly interest rate of 30% and just fifteen days to pay the total debt.
In short, these commitments of two or three and even four parties each month, which my wife enjoyed enormously, together with the large financial outlays to buy the gifts, were destroying my health, peace of mind and wealth. Sherlock Holmes knew this very well, and for the first time our relationship of doctor-psychiatrist to patient had been reversed. I felt as the patient of the distinguished investigator Sherlock Holmes, who despite his emotional follies was handling the situation better than expected, envisioning the consequences, in short and long-term.
Because of these serious emotional and financial problems, caused by the Swindhit and their accomplices, the possible failure of my marriage didn´t worry me as much as before. If my wife separated from me, she would have a lot to lose and would never be able to legally marry. Rather, with the Swindhit involved, she could only aspire to a fake marriage, and in that situation, I would enjoy certain tranquility, forgetting those unheard-of family commitments, and perhaps convincing Sherlock Holmes to give up his absurd revenge and great trip around the world. Certainly, my delicate mental health could not tolerate more troubles with the Swindhit! It was better to attend Sherlock Holmes than to remain as his patient!
And in a lucid moment, I recalled parts of one of my last conversations with Sherlock Holmes, who visited me at home, pale, skinnier than usual, and with a bloody hand. Fortunately, that day Mrs. Watson went out to play cards with her first cousins… At least we were able to talk comfortably. The clever and conflicting detective exposed:
-Dear John Hamish Watson, this is bigger than you think!
I was surprised. Sherlock Holmes never calls me by my first two names. Beforehand, I sensed that he had been summoned for a difficult mission. Inside of me, I just prayed that this wasn´t the search for Irene Adler or investigating the Swindhit network.
The troublesome detective continued the conversation:
-I was authorized by the police chiefs to go to the European continent.
-There is a powerful criminal, head of the Swindhit, that we must stop: James Moriarty...
-I think that in the following days we will leave. Please go packing and I am warning you... Do not inform Mrs. Watson of this conversation... For now, she is safe because the Swindhit thugs protect her...
-As you understand, we cannot involve her or allow dear Mrs. Watson to know of my plans.
That night, Sherlock Holmes quickly retreated around the back of my house, but he later remembered me about suffering three attacks, planned by the sinister James Moriarty, who had eyes and ears everywhere.
Given my memory failures, I am not sure if these were the exact words of Sherlock Holmes. And by now my separation from Mrs. Watson was evident, and whether I wanted or not, for the benefit of the United Kingdom and Europe, we had to put an end to these criminal groups. I was concerned that Sherlock Holmes was willing to do anything against these delinquents, and he didn´t mention the two magic words that spark his motivation: "Irene Adler." My great impression was that all the cases were closely related and by searching for James Moriarty or discovering the businesses of the Swindhit, all these paths would lead to the whereabouts of Irene Adler, which was the great obsession of Sherlock Holmes.
Before sleeping that night, I reached into the right pocket of my favorite jacket and pulled out a note from Sherlock Holmes. With astonishment, I observed a figure.
I easily understood that in the third family, both had previous sentimental relationships: the husband, perhaps a widower, had two children from another marriage, and the woman was separated from her first spouse, being Godfrey Norton, husband of Irene Adler, or one of his brothers, the biological father of those two sons. Sure enough, this was a personal matter for Sherlock Holmes! This wasn´t mainly about James Moriarty or the Swindhit. A relentless hunt was loomed against the cunning and malicious Irene Adler. Now I had the events clear: at that party where Sherlock Holmes behaved inappropriately, he made fun of a son of Norton, seeking information about that family and Irene Adler, and possibly his efforts to help me with the gifts weren´t to save my marriage, or else, the eccentric and Machiavellian Sherlock Holmes, whom I mistook because I thought he was only protecting me, was gaining time so he could study the Swindhit and their allies. Sadly, Sherlock Holmes' spite and thirst for revenge against the ruthless Irene Adler outweighed all my efforts to help him, and I was unable to stop the detective in his final confrontation against James Moriarty...