When I returned back to my room at the Light Academy, it was already night so I decided to examine the Shadow Blade before going to sleep. I put the old book on the table and pulled a chair under me. I touched the book gently and slowly transferred my mana into it. I kept doing this for a couple of minutes.
Just as my mana reserve was about to be depleted fully, my vision started to become blurred. My surroundings turned into an endless void. I felt my bare feet were in some kind of unknown liquid up to my ankles. It felt cold.
*Blop...*
Following the sound of a droplet hitting the liquid underneath me, my surroundings changed abruptly once again and I found myself in a beach house. There was no furniture in the house except a study desk and a stool. There was an old man in his 70s who was sitting on the stool. It seemed he didn't notice me at all, as if he wasn't even aware of my existence.
The old man's hands and face were wrinkled due to old age. His eyes had the look of a wise and experienced man. Tranquil and peaceful. But deep in his eyes, were the regrets, remorses and sufferings of his life. The pressure he emitted proved that he in fact had slaughtered countless lives. His strength was no joke.
A book materialized out of thin air on the desk. The old man put his hands on the book and closed his eyes. Slowly black mana threads started to come out of his hands. Soon the black threads gradually faded away. The old man took his hands off the book.
I peered at the cover of the book. It was the same cover of the old tome I had.
*Blop...*
Before I could express my confusion, I was thrown back into the void. I felt the same tingling feeling in my feet. In fact, it had become even colder.
*Splash... Splash...Splash...*
The sound of someone walking reverberated in the void. I couldn't perceive where it was coming from. I looked at every direction but I saw literally nothing, only void.
*Splash... Splash...*
The sound started to become louder as minutes passed by. Drops of cold sweat accumulated on my forehead.
"What's your purpose?"
Following the overbearing voice of a man, a silhouette of a middle-aged man appeared in the distant. He gave off a domineering aura that could even force a dragon to submit, the most prideful race. I felt like he stared directly at my very soul, like all my secrets were laid before him to see.
I didn't know who he was and why he was here in the first place but I wasn't in a place to question his presence anyway.
I gulped hard, "I -I am here to learn the martial art."
The figure heavily walked towards me. As he came closer, his silhouette became more visible, and eventually a man with jet-black hair appeared. He had a lean body. His dark eyes had the same tranquility as the old man I previously saw. But those vast eyes also carried a massive burden.
There was a long scar tracing down his face in a diagonal way. One of his eyes had lost its function due to the scar. However, that scar made him much more intimidating.
"And your name?"
"Theodore Miller."
"Theodore Miller... Miller... That's an interesting name. So you want my martial art?"
"Yes, I do." I said with the most resolute expression I could put on at that moment.
"Why do you want it, Theodore? For what reason do you want power?"
'Why do I want it? Was it because it sounded good, or was it because I wanted to be a hero? No, it's none of them. I knew why I wanted it so desperately. I was scared. So much scared that I ignored what I really wanted. I wanted this martial art because...'
"I need it to survive. It's not a matter of desire but a necessity."
The man paused for a moment. His expression didn't change at all. I couldn't even get a clue about his thoughts.
"Great power brings great responsibilities Theodore... You know what are those responsibilities?"
I pondered for a moment but nothing came up to my mind.
"I am not sure..."
"It's Protecting others Theodore... particularly your beloved ones..."
The man said in a low voice. His eyes flashed a bitterness, the regrets he had accumulated throughout his life forced their way up to his mind.
*Blop...*
The scenery changed again. But the man was still in front of me. We were in a ruined village. The ground was full of corpses and the sky was dyed in red. In the center of village, there was a young man with black hair who was surrounded by countless corpse. He was holding someone in his arms.
The man approached the young man. I reluctantly followed him. When we got close enough, I noticed what he was holding in his arms was a middle-aged woman. The woman had a striking resemblance to the young man.
"What you see here is a battlefield, where I lost someone precious to me for the first time. Look carefully."
I looked at the young man. Although his eyes were covered by his dark hair, I could clearly see a tear drop going down his cheek.
*Blop...*
As soon as it hit the ground I found myself in plain area. Under an oak tree there was the same young man and a little girl. The young man had gripped the little girl's hand firmly. He had a worried look on his face. He was in disbelief. The girl weakly met his gaze and mumbled.
"Brother..."
*Cough*
But she couldn't finish her sentence as she coughed a mouthful of blood. She smiled bitterly for the last time while looking at his brother. At the next moment her eyes lost any sign of life in them.
*Blop*
Another teardrop.
*Blop*
Another death.
*Blop*
Another loss.
*Blop*
*Blop*
*Blop*
...
I was at my limits. Fortunately, when I thought I would lose my sanity after all those experiences, I found myself back in the void where it all started. I was trying my hard to stay calm, but all those realistic scenes had eaten away a part of my sanity.
*Blop*
I closed my eyes. I didn't want to see anymore deaths. It was maddening.
*Blop*
*Blop
I waited and waited but nothing happened. I slowly opened my eyes. I was still in the void.
'Then where is this sound coming from?'
I turned my back. But what I witnessed stunned me. I looked at the man with my mouth agape. The sound of drops falling was coming from the man itself. One by one, teardrops fell off the side of his cheek. Nevertheless, his face stayed expressionless.
"Theodore, the fate of an assassin is a harsh one. Assassins are not meant to protect others. They are meant to kill others. I tried to protect others only to be toyed by the cruel reality. I say this so that you won't fall for the same mistake."
My throat dried and my heart tightened up. I tried to talk but nothing came out of my mouth. For what felt like an eternity, I just stood there looking blankly at the liquid below me as the droplets falling down from the man's eyes formed waves on the surface.
But after a while, something in my mind clicked. I started to grit my teeth, thinking of my former life, all those painful memories I had with my relationships. A sudden rage filled me within. My wrath wasn't towards anyone or anything in particular. It was just the anger I had accumulated throughout my existence.
The hardships I had gone through just to connect with other people, only to be abandoned by 'beloved ones' as soon as I had lost my value in their eyes. My rage was turning into frustration. And now this man before me was talking about protecting others. I was just... speechless.
"Haha..."
The man was taken aback by the abrupt chuckle that slipped out of my mouth. I wasn't really expecting a chuckle from my own mouth as well. But I didn't find it abnormal. I just accepted it, in a way. I was already aware that I had few screws loose in my head. And now my dark side was surfacing after witnessing all those painful scenes.
The man had an awkward look in his face. He had ceased crying and his solemn eyes were peering at my soul.
"Why are you laughing little kid?"
"Protecting others? Who told you I was going to protect others?"
What were whispers gradually became louder and soon my voice turned into screams.
"Why would you even think I would have someone to protect? Do you even know what paths I have taken to come here?! I tried to protect and care for what you call 'beloved ones'. And guess what?! I was left behind. They betrayed my trust! After all the things I have gone through just to preserve those relationships... In the end I was the only one I could trust!"
I took a deep breath and clenched my fist, I was struggling to keep my last bit of composure I had left. But it was in vain as soon tears began rolling down my face into the liquid below me, creating waves after waves.
"After... After all the things... What was left was pain and suffering, the poison that ate away my consciousness... I have changed my path a long time ago... I won't fall for the same mistake again..."
"I won't ever come to the point that I care for another human being! Never!"
"A relationship is just a chain in disguise. Those chains force you to move and think the way they want. Before you can even come to your senses, you find yourself feeling a hollow, a meaningless responsibility and expectation towards those bonds."
"I would rather be alone for the eternity than having someone exploit our relationship!"
The corner of my lips started to lift, I probably looked like a maniac.
"If you don't have any relationships then there is no one to protect. Problem solved, right?"
I was exhausted. from all the talk and screaming. I realized I had vented my anger but I didn't really regret what I have done. In fact I was feeling much better, as if something heavy was gone from my shoulders. Although I was trying to avoid my frustration over my past failed relationships, I felt quite stressed out hiding everything inside. It was quite the burden.
I glanced at the man. He hadn't said a word during my speech. After a few minutes of silence, the men opened his mouth.
"Naive." His voice echoed in my ears.
"What do you mean 'Naive'?"
"It's impossible for a human to live without a single bond. I have already tried it, it never worked. I always got caught up in the web called bonds in the end."
"Don't put me on the same page as y-"
Before I could finish my words, he cut me with a sigh.
"Ha... Don't forget this kid, bonds are inevitable. It doesn't matter wether you like it or not. Whatever, you will eventually understand what I mean. Our time is coming to an end. A fragment of my soul can only last this long. I will give you my martial art to you but I warn you. Power is a curse."
"Human brain is also said to be a curse, but I think it can sometimes turn into a gift."
The man grinned hearing my words.
"Now that I think about it, I didn't introduce myself, did I?"
He put his palm on my head. And black threads of mana appeared above my head. I flinched a little at the sight. It was a bit terrifying.
"My name ,is Jackson, Jackson Hill. You can just call me Master Jackson."
Those words were the last thing I heard.