I felt the blood rushing through my body from the adrenaline slow. And I started feeling the pain in my hands. It was still incomparable to the pain a moment ago, but I was just glad I could feel… something… again. It made me feel grounded in reality, alive… It made me feel humane.
Her two gentle arms slowly unwrapped from my torso and made their way up my arms. Once they gently caressed my wrists the dark wisps disappeared. Now the only thing holding onto me was her.
I looked bad down at the shattered tiles. I still had no recollection of what caused all this, did I really remember something? Was my single glimmer of hope shone in front of me then brutally ripped away a moment later? Why was reality so cold and cruel?
"Hey Luna?"
"Mhmm. What?"
"Why? Why is life so cruel sometimes? Did I do something wrong? Something to deserve this?"
I felt her hand's interlock with mine, staining her porcelain skin red.
I tried to pull away.
"Does it hurt?" She asked.
I shook my head.
"I just don't wanna stain you as well."
She then latched on so I couldn't pull my hands away.
"You can't stain something, when it was already the same colour from the start. Just like the carpet in your room, it only makes the original more beautiful."
I didn't understand.
"Are you saying your hands are already stained with the blood of your enemies?"
She lightly giggled. "Well, that too. But I was talking about you yourself. You can't stain me with the wounds of your past, just like I hope I'm not staining you with my own…"
"But, it's got nothing to do with you… why go so far to help me with my own problems?"
She tapped her head on my own lightly. "This is your problem, you're a hypocrite. You do things then fail to see why someone would do the same thing for you."
"What do you mean?"
"Sometimes you need to let someone else do the work for you, you're not capable of everything, you're not omnipotent or omniscient, let other people help sometimes."
I furrowed my brow. "But other people are idiots."
"Even me?"
"... You're different, plus, a demon, so technically not other 'people.'"
I flinched at the inevitable chop to the head, but her fingers never uncurled as she continued to hold my broken hands within her own.
"Why can't you understand that when you decided to help me, you lifted a huge weight off my shoulders? I no longer had to bear the weight of the baggage alone."
I don't understand what she's trying to say, what am I doing wrong? How do I fix it? She makes it sound like I can't do anything about it. Why would someone help me? I don't deserve it, I'm an asshole who uses and sees people as tools for my own progression or my amusement. How can someone care about me? How can someone like Luna, who is so amazing, want to help? Why? What did I do to deserve this?
As my thoughts danced in circles of tangled, unanswered questions I could only voice one thing.
"I-I don't understand."
"Pfft~ Of course you don't, fuckin hyporicte."
She shook her head lightly and gripped my hands a little tighter in affirmation.
"Didn't you do the same thing for me?" She pushed me to understand, but I was still confused.
"I just, I don't know, I just said that I'd help you out."
She shook her head again.
"You don't get it do you? You are the first and only person who offered me a hand when I was lost in the depths of the past, you helped me out of my shell, when I lived a monotonous, boring 'normal' life, just for the sake of living…"
She took a deep breath.
"... The only reason I kept going was because I felt that it would be a waste to leave that man, my father, alive in this world. Meeting you showed me a whole new life, with new meaning."
"I was locked within my room when I was a child. When I got out, I lost my mother, but was saved by a mysterious man. Then I was trapped within my own rage for my father, I only trained to kill him, but was still too scared to even leave the confines of my home and go after him. Because I didn't know what to do next, after I killed him then what? Go back to the boring life I hated living? I didn't know how to live, or even if I wanted to. I thought life was just existing, but when we met I learned so many new things, and started to want things again. I wanted to learn more about this thing called living, and see what will happen if I keep following you. You also gave me the courage to face my father and finally kill him. I feel like I'm finally ready to end this chapter of my life and start anew. Obviously only after I kill him though."
Ah, I think I'm starting to understand. I was the same after all, what purpose does my life serve? Why am I here? What should I do? What do I want to do? I used to find life so boring and only wished to leave the castle, I didn't even consider why I wanted that. Now I think I see, I wanted to find something, I wanted to end the boredom and repetitive, annoying cycle of days that was my life.
Then, I realized something else, I had already broken the cycle. The moment I had met Luna, my life had evolved from the colourless, tasteless thing it once was. I was finally having fun. Just by meeting someone who understood me and who I could relate to, I had found a friend to share this meaningless thing called living with, and before I realized it, it was no longer meaningless, but kinda fun.
I was doing new things and genuinely laughing when she made jokes, I was forced to take off the mask I always had on around other people and be myself. I was forced to be vulnerable, but it wasn't a bad thing, it was just… different. But different was exactly what I had always wanted. I had longed for the day I would be so… excited by something, and now my life had evolved into something that had joy in it.
Sure there were still other unfortunate things, not everything was rainbows and sunshine. Even the little outburst I had today would have never happened before, because I didn't care about it as much, but now that Luna is here, somehow not knowing about my past had taken on a different meaning, I couldn't explain it. But even that was better than the old me, who just cynically watched over the people around me and indifferently went through the motions of life, like a puppet on a string.
But that just brought me back around to another line of questions. If she had already done so much for me… what could she possibly mean that I did the same for her? How could I possibly deserve her kindness and gentle care?
"B-but I didn't do much. I barely did anything. I just said a few measly words."
She sighed deeply.
"Haaa, even if you don't realize it, you helped me out a lot. Even though it wasn't much for you, it meant a lot to me, you broke the spell placed on me before I even realized it was there. I hadn't even realized my unwillingness to push forward and break free from my past. Even if it was an accident you made me want to live again and experience things, plus you even said you'd fight the Demon Lord for me."
I think I understand now, if only partially. Because I was the same. I had lived my life for no purpose, but didn't even realize how depressing and sad that my life was. Only in hindsight could I see what I was missing out on. I thought I was normal, and that everyone else was the same, but now I realize I was broken, funny how that happens only after you are already fixed. What a cruel word.
I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders, so I joked back.
I lightly scoffed. "WITH you. I never said I'd fight him alone, just that I'd help you."
She giggled. "Now that I think about it, I wonder how someone as weak as you will even be of help. You can't even beat up a floor properly. Unless you're secretly some badass powerhouse?"
"First of all, the floor is a very strong adversary! You know not of the boundless power he possesses. Secondly, who knows? Maybe I'm the strongest person in the world."
"You know? I said it as a joke, but now that you say that, I feel like it's true." She replied skeptically.
"Haha. That's just how reliable I am."
She groaned. "You're insufferable, you know that?"
I finally smiled. "Hahaha. I know."
She then brought our linked hands towards my chest and examined them over my shoulder.
"Are you sure you're okay?" She asked in a concerned voice.
"Tis' but a scratch." I referenced, but realized she wouldn't get it only after the words left my mouth.
She seemed to have noticed. "Another reference?"
I nodded.
She smiled, placating the sense of dread and grief that was rising from the pit of my stomach as I remembered the past once again. But somehow, it didn't seem as scary now.
Why was I so mad earlier? I never cared about my past this much until I met Luna, but then why did I care now? I think I finally understand. I was scared about my uncertain past because now I cared enough about someone else's opinion of me that it mattered.
But that was a ridiculous hypocritical thought. It was only because she already accepted me for who I am that I ever cared about her opinion of my past. See how stupid that is?
It doesn't matter who I was in the past, or what happened in those 7 years, it doesn't matter. All I need to know is that it made me who I am today, and she accepted me for who I am today. So I think I can finally start moving forward, even if it's only slowly at first. I think I'm going to start searching for something to do in the future. Well, something else.
For now, I only have one thing in this dismal world that I care about as more than just a tool to sate my insatiable boredom. So, I'll do what I can to help her, and make her life one worth living, just like she did to mine.
"Teach me. I really do want to learn about these things. I think it would make my life a lot more interesting. It's one of the new things I'd love to experience."
I smiled and nodded. "Sure thing, Luna."