Chapter 13
*Adam's POV*
I jumped off the couch and immediately crouched in defensive mode. My lips snarled up in a growl and warmth spreading through my fingers as my body prepared to shift.
"It's just my honey." Mom walked to me and laid a gentle hand on my shoulder. Her eyes were sympathetic, but I caught a glimpse of fear when it took me a few seconds to register safety and sit down.
"The night terrors wouldn't stop. I don't know what they are doing to her."
She sat down next to me and pulled her legs up to sit with her legs crossed on the couch. "But you know she's out there. You have to hang on to that." She was right. I could feel...something. It started around one in the morning when we had returned home. I ran back out alone for two more hours hoping that if I ran in different directions it would get stronger as I got closer, but there was nothing else. Just a small feeling in my chest that told me I wasn't alone. No more and no less.
"Do you want some coffee?" I pushed myself off the couch and headed to the kitchen before I really waited for a reply. She would just shrug her shoulders and not eat whatever had been put in front of her. Since the move she had began to take nibbles and sips, but I didn't know if this reminder of loss would send her spiraling again.
I scooped the coffee grounds into the pot and flipped the button. The gurgling and dripping sound soon filled the room while the fresh smell of coffee spread its way through the whole house. I pulled three cups from the cabinet and placed them on the counter. Dad couldn't stay away from fresh coffee for long.
I glanced at mom for a minute and everything inside me went cold. She had pulled her knees up to her chest while still keeping her ankles crossed. Her forehead was dropped onto her knees while her long stringy black hair fell onto either sides in order to conceal her face. Her shoulders moved not in raked sobs but in a steady in and out breathing. She was fighting back the panic. Would that be me? Would I never want to eat again? Any time I don't have another distraction my body just crumbling in on itself? No. No we were going to find her. I hadn't lost her yet.
I slipped sugar into mine and mothers cup then a little bit of powdered creamer into hers. We hadn't gotten full groceries yet. Only the essentials and some powdered items that would withstand the move. Today was supposed to be grocery shopping and one of us would have to go.
At the clinking of the cups she propped her chin up on her knees and stared at the turned off television. "I have a doctor's appointment today. It will be a long drive."
"Hopefully they will give you good news." She shook her head with a level of tired that I didn't think I could ever see from her.
"We are done trying Adam. We wanted so bad to give you a sibling. A family like the others have, but something is wrong with me. I can't keep losing my babies. It takes a piece of me every time. I have you and that's enough." I poured the coffee over the sugar and watched it briefly bubble as the coffee made its way inside each and every space of the lump. I walked to her and gently sat her cup on the table.
"You and Dad are more than enough. We are in a new place. It's time for us to start over." I wrapped my arms around her and she collapsed into my chest. Her breath stayed slow and even. I wondered if she was out of tears.
Sometimes her grief made me angry. She would sit in that would be nursery all day and night touching every onesie, diaper, box of un put together toys. Sometimes we could hear her screaming at the goddess. The last pregnancy had gotten so far. We named her Charlotte. Most of Mom's pregnancies never made it out of the second trimester, but Charlotte lasted eight months. I remember driving to the hospital ready to meet my baby sister. Instead of a screaming bundle of joy they let me hold a purple silent body. Mom still hadn't recovered.
We were all sad, but she wouldn't let it go. I didn't understand how I was right here and I wasn't enough for her at the time. Dad pushed through. Took me to my baseball games. Helped coach the team. Dropped me off at different houses for sleepovers, but mom just sat in the dark nursery. I didn't understand until last night. I inherited a little bit of my mom's strength I think. When I thought Lily was gone I just sat. Resigned and heartbroken.
Dad's feet pounded down the stairs and he almost jogged to the hot cup of coffee. Mom pushed herself up off the couch and walked over to him. He wrapped one arm fully around her body while still sipping on the coffee with the other. She used both of her arms to wrap him in a hug. Her fingertips couldn't quite touch at full extension. He smiled down at her and kissed her forehead with a tenderness he only reserved for her. She gave him back a genuine smile.
"I'm going to be okay Leo." He nodded and squeezed her a little tighter then his gaze focused in on me.
"Any luck?" I shook my head and just leaned over the coffee table staring into the black cup.
"We'll get a lead soon. Don't you worry. Have you updated her family?" I got up and changed seating to the barstool in front of the dark marble counter.
"Have they talked to you about a transfer treaty?" He shook his head but didn't look surprised.
"Not yet, but it would be something that would have to be discussed soon. We are a smaller pack and the treaty would protect her brothers from laying claim to our people just as much as it would protect theirs from invasion."
"She went to the hotel because her father was making her chose. As far as they are concerned she is a member of our pack now. She left after the conversation which meant making her decision." He shook his head and sighed.
"From a leaders perspective I get it. He doesn't know us and we just came into their town. Now his daughter is missing and we could be asking them to fight against one of our own. It seems like a trap in order to deplete their numbers so we can take over."
I clenched my teeth together and a sharp pain went through my ears as I felt them grind. "But it's not."
"But it could be. As the leader of a whole community of people you have to make tough decisions. Sometimes that means decisions that are hard for you but better for your people. Pushing that feeling aside and making the right decision for them will be the hardest thing you do. It comes down to sacrificing who knows how many people for the possible life of one based off a personal connection." I squeezed my head between my hands so tight I thought I could shatter it at any second. "If it was a trap then the people who die will also be someone's child, sibling, parent. The life of a daughter is not worth any more or less than theirs." I understood his words and logically they made sense, but at the same time I didn't understand. "Who is the boy that came with you. He seems...imposing."
I dropped my hands on the table with a quiet plop. "Josh. He was...is Lily's best friend. He is in line to be their beta. They have a weirdly strong connection. I don't understand it completely, but she trusts him with everything in her and he feels the same for her."
Dad nodded and sat his empty cup in the sink. "Makes sense." I raised my eyebrows. It didn't make sense at all to me. "Take some time and think back to when you walked around school. What did everyone have from their pack that most of the children in ours don't?" My eyebrows furrowed together. I'm sure the connection was in front of my face, but I never paid attention to them. I had found Lily as soon as I got there and nobody else mattered.
"You have the house to yourself today. He's up in the guest room. I think those questions will be answered better by him." Both Mom and Dad walked up the stairs to get ready for their appointment. There was a dinner on the way that mom used to love to eat at. We would drive the hour out of town for her to go there once a month. Now it would be a happy treat before her appointment.
I slipped on my shoes and picked up my keys. I didn't know how late Josh would sleep, but after all his help last night he at least deserved a decent breakfast.
There was a diner just up the road. I grabbed us both a generic breakfast try with eggs, bacon, hash browns, and pancakes. By time I got back to the house he sitting on the same stool I had been on sipping a cup of coffee.
I slid into the barstool next to his and put the tray in front of him. He grunted a thank you and popped the top off the carry out container. His shoulders hunched in and he began shoveling the food in his plate.
I gave him the time to finish eating before I started in on the questions. He was here as a help to me, and I didn't want to offend him in any way.
"Can we talk?" He shrugged and moved over to the dining room table where he could sit back fully. I took the seat across from him and leaned over on the table. "If I ask something you don't want to answer then that's okay. I just want to understand."
"I'll do what I can to oblige." He crossed his arms over his chest and looked me straight on. His gaze was so strong that I had to look away. There was something almost empty and emotionless about his eyes. I wondered if that's how I looked or was this just a defense mechanism. A way to keep the enemy out during interrogation.
"I've never seen a relationship like yours with Lily. If I didn't know better I would have thought you were mates."
"There isn't a question in there." I was hoping he would just volunteer the full story, but I guess that was asking too much.
"I guess I don't understand how. I don't understand how two people who aren't mates can have a bond so strong it could rival a mated bond."
"I noticed most of your young pack isn't mated. For you all that may be normal. For a pack as large as ours that's...unheard of." I nodded my head and motioned for him to continue. "When you grow up as the only two people in your entire pack without a mate year after year there are things only the other can understand. Going out on date nights with your friends, but not having a date. Sitting around family dinners and hearing about your sister's second child before you've even found someone."
"Did you ever think you two could be it for each other?"
His gaze shifted to the glass door and he stared out into the forest for a minute before responding. "Maybe at one point in time, but not really. It wasn't a world changing love. Our bond never grew as we grew up. Her older brother thought it would be good for me to be her personal protector. I think that made us even closer."
"Why did he pick you?" I thought back to Lily's opinions on Josh joining our pack. Her brother seemed paranoid. I wondered if he could be a part of this.
"We were the same age and I already knew about her abilities. It also gave me a roll in the pack."
"What do you mean a roll? You're a beta so your roll is pretty much set."
He sighed and brought his eyes back to mine. "If Lily didn't find a mate then she would be beta. The figured either we were mates and when we finally realized it we would have grown the bond and I would take up being Josh's beta or neither of us would ever mate and she would become beta and I her protector."
"Man...that kinda sucks."
Josh chuckled and leaned forward. This was the first time I had seen him relax at all since we met. "It wasn't that bad. Lily is a pretty unique individual. One time some shifter kids were picking on a non shifter at school. I think we were maybe eight, but the poor kid was so terrified because these kids were supposed to shift into bears. Mind you as shifters we knew that if they could shift at all yet they would be tiny cubs, but the other kid didn't know that.
'Lily wasn't allowed to use her abilities at all. It was a danger. She had enough attention on her as an Alpha's daughter so she had to keep a low profile. After a week straight of seeing this little kid get tormented she couldn't stand it." He shook his head and rubbed a hand across his forehead. When he spoke again it was almost like he was going to cry as if remembering that he may never see her again.
"Well they backed the kid underneath a slide and we took cover underneath a picnic table out of site. A big fat mud puddle magically appeared behind the boys and a strong gust of wind pushed them back into it. Every time they tried to mess with that little boy for the next week the same thing would happen. They left him alone after that.
'Being a protector to her wasn't a step down for me. It was and is an honor. I've never met someone more kind, willing to take action, and strong. I would trust her with my life." I got up from the table and began to throw away our plates and clean the coffee cups.
"Are you going to protect her?"
I had been patient and understanding with another high ranking male have a close relationship with my mate. Even offered a position for him within our inner circle. Now he was sitting in my kitchen questioning my ability to protect her? I didn't look at him. Instead I closed my eyes and tightened my hands around the cup until it shattered in the sink.
"Shit." I brushed the glass off and rinsed my hands. Thankfully the glass only gave me a few minor cuts and they would stop bleeding on their own. It made sense for him to ask. She had been under his protection for years with no issues. I've only been here a week and now she is missing.
"Breaking something doesn't answer my question. If I am helping bring her back to you then I need to know I'm not returning her to a man that will push her to the side."
"I can't promise to always do right by her. I can promise to always do my best. I haven't known her as long as you. I don't have any stories of her bravery and strength, but I pray that I will."
He nodded and pushed himself off the chair. "Then I guess we better get searching again." I followed his lead and walked through the sliding door.