Erica.
Reality hadn't fully hit me until I watched the so called portal close and disappear in to thin air. I just let my best friend go through a weird hole with two people I barely knew anything about. I got hold of my phone and tried to give her phone a call but I was shocked when it was read as user unavailable. I thought I'd give it a try later and persuaded myself that she was in a place that had no connection. If I had had my way, there would've been no chance of Alex going with them but I had no chance to begin with. Alex had decided to go with them and she always follows through with her decision.
"How macho is that?"
But that's who she is. And it's one of the things I love about her.
I've been friends with Alex since kindergarten and I know I can say I'm one of the few who knows her best. I can also say because I know her best, Alex is not okay. I walked out of their garage and made my way back.
Why I say she's not okay? I can explain. Back in grade school Alex was one of the freest person I'd ever met. She smiled a lot and made people around her smile. She wasn't one to look for trouble, but she would always fight back for what's right. She would let loose and complain when she should or cry when she should or even get angry when she should. She had been just a normal happy kid.
Until the accident 11 years ago.
I had gone on a trip with my family that day. When we came back and I finally got to see Alex, the look on her face had me tear up. I could never forget it. She wasn't in tears, neither was she in pain but her eyes seemed to have gone... dead. She shut everyone and everything out of her life. I included. I got a little of what happened. It was a car accident and she had been saved. Is what they all said.
But something was amiss.
I was beyond thankful that she had survived with barely a scratch, we all were. But as I got closer once again to Alex, I knew there was something more to the accident that she wasn't telling us. She never mentioned anything about it, and no one pressured her. Despite that, my suspicions stayed the same. I silently hoped and prayed she wasn't keeping more than she could take.
After shutting everyone out, she stopped reacting to things around her. She smiled less and increasedly showed her lack of motivation. She also has never cried since then. I thought it was a good thing. That she was a strong girl, but as I got older it slowly dawned on me that she might be strong physical, but what about mentally?. She was still keeping something in her heart. I was beginning to get more worried and sad.
Until we got to high school and I noticed Alex had picked up an interest. After 8 years, I finally saw that little hope I had desperately wished and prayed for.
Tyler.
She started talking more and eating more. Everyday she started looking forward to seeing him. In my normal life I would have passed this off as a normal love reaction of a teenage heart and something I didn't have to pay mind to, but it was a different case in Alex life. To me it was a miracle.
I would be lying if I said a little tiny bitsy pinch of hatred didn't build up in me towards Tyler but I soon got over it as I realized that I get to see Alex happy again. It wasn't like the old Alex I knew 11 years ago, but it was a step forward. In all honesty, it made me more happy than getting a chance at the Nationals.
I claimed to be her best friend but I couldn't do anything to help her. It still hurts when I think about it. About how I couldn't give her that shoulder when she needed one, and how it was still the same up till now. She hasn't let out, and she has to sooner or later. I just wish she would come to understand that sometimes, some things are better swept out.
Gzzzzz.
My head glitched a little and I felt a sharp pain on the side of my head as I walked down the street. I winced as I pressed lightly on it. Two built guys suddenly came out of a corner.
"Hi" I eyed them as I turned back, then I muttered to myself "Damn, those guys were hot"
I already miss Alex. I thought and immediately stopped in my tracks. 'wait a second. Alex is gone. Who am I gonna chat to about all the cute guys? Who's homework am I gonna cross check with? Who's gonna sing me my lullaby?! Whose hair am I gonna play with?!
I opened my mouth in awe as I started to realize how many things I couldn't get done without Alex. I'm in for it, I thought. My head glitched again.
"Ugh" This one actually hurt more. Am I getting sick or is this an Alex– is– gone sickness. I continued as I was almost home. My phone rang out as I got a call from Zoe.
"Hey girl!" she said sounding super excited.
"Hey, what's the good news?"
"I was just so confused on what to get. A white spotted pajamas or a tiger fur looking looking one?"
"Totally the tiger fur" I said immediately as she agreed
"I know right? Why'd I even bother? Oh, oh, should I get my hair permed or straightened or dyed instead?!"
I looked at my phone with a confused smile and put it back to my ears "Just to be on the informed side, we're both looking forward to the same sleepover party right?"
"I'm just so excited! Paula's already on her fifth nail polish. She couldn't decide which color to go with" Zoe said and shouted out on the other line "Paula! Erica said to wipe off those nail polish. She ain't having a clown over at the sleep over!"
"I didn't say that" Erica chuckled a little then added "but I'm totally with you girl"
Zoe and Paula were finally coming over. It's been four years since I last saw my cousins. They had brought up the sleepover and asked if they could come with a friend. Of course I had agreed. The more the merrier. Sadly, Alex didn't want to take part. I really wanted her in so my cousins could see how cool she is. Who knew there would be no Alex to bring in the flesh anymore.
"I knew you would" Zoe laughed a little and asked "Is Alex with you? I wanna say hi"
"Uh, no she's not"
"Hm. Guess I'll be seeing her at the sleepover. Can't wait"
"Yeah uhm..." I dragged "You wouldn't be seeing her at the sleepover".
"Why?!"
"I'll explain when you get here"
"Do you have any idea how it hurts to hear so much about a person and never get the chance to see them. That's like– mind killing!"
"It's complicated" it totally was. I didn't know how to break it down to them that Alex was on a trip to a place we have no idea about, and that the place was filled with monsters with also no idea how to contact her or when she's coming back.
"I was looking forward to seeing her" she whined as I finally got home and went straight up to my room. I jumped on my bed and lied on my back. No one was home, my dad was out to work, my mom was also out with my siblings for their practice, which meant peace time for me.
"Give me a call when you get here"
"Sure will. Byeeeee"
My smile wiped off immediately as another shot hit me hard again. It was getting worse by the minute. I actually now thought I was coming down with something. I can't be down with something, not after the sleepover plans. I stood up and went down to the kitchen. I knew we had some painkiller left.
Found it.
I took a cup of water and raised it to my lips as I suddenly got dizzy and the glass fell and shattered. I lost my balance but grabbed the edge of the cabinet. I could barely stand on my own now. What was wrong with me?!
All of a sudden my head glitched again and I screamed as Alex's voice filled my head. So many meetings and times with her flooded past as my surrounding started to spin.
Erica.
I fell to the ground as my vision blacked out.
************
"–ica, Erica! Erica can you hear me?!"
I could hear feint voices as I slowly blinked my eyes open to see my mom and two brothers looking worried behind her.
"Erica! Thank goodness you're awake. Are you okay?" She asked
"Mom" I called as I tried to sit up with her support. "What happened?"
Something felt off.
"You tell me. Why were you passed out on the floor with broken shards lying around you? You know what, forget that let's get you to the hospital" she said seriously as she stood up and took me with her.
"Mom. I'm fine" I said as I looked at her. Weirdly, I was fine. I wasn't actually in pain anywhere or feeling weak, but I felt something was off. I squinted a bit as I wondered how I had gotten to the kitchen. I could make out my mom and brothers saying something but I was too focused on trying to fix that hole I was feeling.
I remember talking to Zoe and then coming back with a splitting headache. Then I came down to get the drugs and I passed out. Feels about rig..."
Wait!
I was on the street when Zoe called. Where was I coming from? Who did we talk about?
Who am I forgetting?