"Like so many others, I was an orphan during the height of the Great War. We lived in shelters where space and food were luxuries. My time there is rather foggy and hard so remember as it's hard to take note of anything when you're starving. I watched so many of my brothers and sisters die that I quickly grew accustomed to the smell of rotting undiscovered corpses. Some of the children would at times make the mistake of becoming friends with each other and I would watch as they went insane from hunger and grief. My fifth birthday eventually arrived and my eyes began glowing. Our caretakers panicked and did their best to hide me from the order, but I was eventually discovered and taken to a knight's academy in Aurenia. It's there that I was taught the history of the world and the Knights all while being trained and turned into a warrior. Do you know why Cavumium is so important? We knights have most of our bones removed and replaced with Cavumium ones. The funny thing is that Cavumium, in its natural state, is a brittle crystal. Only when imbued with magic does it strengthen. This meant many children who underwent the many procedures didn't always survive as they didn't have enough magic within them to sustain the crystals. All of their artificial bones would then shatter into countless pieces, turning their bodies into heaps of flesh and since the Cavumium would be destroyed in the process, the order would simply discard the corpses or grind them into food for animals. Speaking of food, we were rather well fed and we'd get routine medical checkups to ensure we were as healthy as possible. Funnily enough, people rarely ever died during training and even the teachers were punished if one of us got too beat up. Anyway, life in Aurenia was rather peaceful, even though the city often suffered from many dragon attacks. Several years of training and studying passed and the time for me to graduate came. I ranked among the highest of my class and was given the highest possible rank for a graduate. Secundair. It wasn't a fancy ceremony or anything. Our names were just called out one by one and we received our ranks. I was then placed into the Tsudo Legion, who had just lost a member. We quickly received our orders and made our way north to a village where a dragon was said to be roosting and I bore witness to a new, much larger scale of death and destruction. Burnt homes and the smell of burnt flesh flooded my senses as we marched towards the dragon, who rested in the center of all the carnage. My seniors all acted with a swift lethality as they attacked the dragon. It was almost as though they were deconstructing it. They cut of its tail and wings before pinning it down and decapitating it. We would participate in countless more dragon hunts as the war raged on and I quickly became as efficient as my seniors in the art of murder. Whether it was dragons, treasonous humans or even my fellow knights. Years passed and we eventually began to push the dragons back as they were losing far more than they could produce. Dragons only lay eggs once every year and it takes several decades for a hatchling to mature into adulthood, so you can imagine how even a single loss affected them. After returning to Medelona, I was then promoted to captain and by the recommendation of my comrades, I was promoted to Primair." Yna said as I silently listened.
Her eyes had dimmed somewhat.
"After seeing that the dragons were fighting defensively, the Grandmaster decided to shift his attention to the Rendaro. You see, during the first few decades of war, mankind and Rendaro fought side by side to fight back against the dragons, but the Grandmaster, Moon King and many others decided that it would be best if humanity was the dominant race on the planet. We would conquer seventy percent of Edenton and leave the other races with what little land was left. The Rendaro didn't like this and so they resisted… as best as the could. My legion was sent south to what was then known as Rendaya and we… I… it started out as clearing out a few outposts and camps, but one day, the Dragon King flew over Rendaya and burnt almost the entire stretch land, killing indiscriminately. We then stopped receiving orders and… I decided to destroy every Rendaro tribe I came across in an attempt to snuff out any who would possibly become threats in the future. Village after village, I slaughtered and before I knew it, I just started killing anything that breathed… my bloodlust eventually targeted my own comrades and so, without saying a word to warn them, I killed them all except the Priest. I wanted to hunt and kill him, but it's here, where Coh now stands, that I froze. It's like every part of my body seized to function. Days turned into weeks as I stood in that forest. I thought about everything. My life, the war and my ultimate fate. I'm a golden knight, so I wasn't going to die of old age any time soon and so I wondered what I would do in all that time. I wondered what my life meant and the more I thought about that, the more I realized that I never really had a life to begin with. I was nothing but a weapon that acted on its master's will. After coming to this realization, my body began to move. I walked towards what sounded like a stream of water while removing my armor. I eventually arrived at a certain waterfall where I sunk into the stream. I watched as the layers of mud and blood washed off my skin further revealing my true nature. The golden lines you see are seams. Proof that this body isn't mine." Yna said before looking up into the sky which had turned bright orange as the sun slowly sunk into the horizon.
"I eventually emerged from the stream and after getting dressed in everything but my gold plates, I found a spot where I decided to sit. I sat there for what like years before eventually growing bored and building myself a cabin. I then made myself some clothes, scavenged some supplies and after decades of being alone… I found a bizarre talking goat. Who still looks quite tasty if I can be honest." Yna said with a pained smile.
I nodded before standing up and facing the setting sun.
My heart was surprisingly steady and my thoughts were clear.
I then faced Yna and saw that she, a golden knight, was in a strange, almost vulnerable pose. She had her arms wrapped around herself and her head was lowered. Even her eyes refused to meet mine.
"So… now what?" I asked.
"W- what do you mean?"
"Have you figured out what you want to do with your life?" I asked
Yna's eyes widened briefly as she glanced at me.
"On my own, I am a weapon, a murderer, but when I'm with you, I'm a builder, protector, advisor and so much more. I… I want to continue walking by you side on the dark path that you tread." Yna said.
"Oh, really? Why not live for yourself? I'm sure you could help and protect people on your own. Build your own community, heck, take mine and go from there." I said but this only made Yna's face twist in sorrow.
"What makes you think I want any of that?" She asked.
It's here that I noticed that she was desperately trying to cry, but after hearing what she said, I realized that she couldn't.
"I- sorry. I didn't mean it in that way. I'm just curious as to why in all this time out here you haven't done anything for anyone." I said.
"That's because I don't know how. I didn't think anyone would want the help of a Golden Knight, let alone mine. There's no bounty board with papers saying this person needs help with that and even then, it's not guaranteed that my help would be accepted. I also couldn't help the Rendaro because of all I had done to them and if I showed my face in Lanceberg, I would be hunted and killed for my actions." Yna said. Her voice a suppressed scream.
"I don't know, Katsíki. I don't know why I didn't take the risk and help those in need." Yna said before finally locking her eyes onto mine.
"But you… you are different. You always leap in to help everyone even if you aren't entirely sure what you'll do afterward and I enjoy watching your little self fracture and crumble under the immense pressure of every single situation-"
"You what?" I asked prompting Yna to cover her mouth.
"I didn't… mean it like that. I just meant it's nice watching you help people." Yna said, but I shook my head as I slowly backed away.
"Ah…" I sounded as my heart finally began racing.
"What?" Yna asked with an awkward smile.
"So that's it…"
"What, Katsíki?" She asked.
"You do enjoy watching me when I'm at my most vulnerable." I said before pacing around.
"No, Katsíki. That's not what I meant." Yna said as her eyes finally began glowing again.
"Oh? Then please, clear up this misunderstanding." I said with a chuckle as plumes of black smoke rose from my body.
"I… meant that your kindness is… Its- I…" Yna, for the first time since we'd met, was speechless.
"Haha! Well, of course you'd find me entertaining. After all, the only things you've ever known are death and destruction. So of course watching someone from another world desperately trying to patch together this broken one would be a gas!" I sang
"I'll cut you some slack, you're probably not as bloodthirsty as you used to he, right? Right?" I asked as panic and even fear surfaced in my mind.
Feelings I hadn't associated with Yna, even though everyone else clearly felt them when she was around.
Yna's eyes lowered.
"Oh my goodness! So that's why you've been visiting the waterfall so often. Who in the world do you want to kill?" I asked hysterically.
Yna's eyes remained lowered, even though her eyes had reached their brightest.
"Hey, if you want to take out your bloodlust on anyone, take it out on me."
"Katsíki-"
"What, Yna? Go ahead, justify your actions." I said.
"I would never hurt you." She whispered.
I…
"W-" I struggled to say as the darkness of night engulfed the Expanse.
"Why me?" I whimpered.
I needed to go.
I ran up the grand staircase and entered Coh before finding a certain patch of tree's where I released an cloud of darkness that engulfed my body as it changed.
I pitifully fell to the ground as fresh tears fell from my eyes.
Why did it have to be me?
Why was I doomed to struggle for the people of an entirely different world?
I wanted to go home.
Back when I was a mindless cog, doomed to die without accomplishing anything.
Doomed to be forgotten-
Wait a minute…
It was me who decided to helped the Ia.
It's also me who forced the Foph to stop mindlessly attacking their sister tribe.
I wanted a second chance and I was the one who wanted to do things differently.
So why did it all hurt so badly?
I sat up against a tree and rubbed my burning temples as I tried to figure everything out.
I needed to remember what I was doing.
I was helping the Ia and the Rendaro.
Yes.
Whether Yna enjoyed watching me fumble was not important.
The fact that she was a mass murderer would become a problem at some point, but yeah. I'd deal that when it came because dammit, this was my second chance and I wasn't going to let her ruin it.