It's been...5 weeks since I arrived at the hospital. My skin actually looks like skin now. My ribs are almost completely healed. School is ending next week and I am (a little) behind on school work. Oh who am I kidding? I really need help! I have been more focused on keeping Eddie passing these past few weeks. (He's doing AMAZING!) But me? Where do I even start?
Eddie has only left when I made him go to school. Besides that, he's slept next to me EVERY day. My nightmares have been decreasing—slowly. Eddie has gotten significantly more sleep. The only problem is...Eddie's mental health is like a dead leaf. If you touch it, it crumples. Eating has been hard for him. Luckily—I hope—he hasn't developed the self harm addiction. It's been harder for him to stay sober and I can tell he isn't clean. I wish I could help him more, but I'm bound to this STUPID HOSPITAL.
Robin has been visiting once or twice a week. (Mainly because her parents are making her go to tutoring so she will graduate.) Nancy drops in sometimes with Robin. Max comes almost every day after school.
They found Jason a week ago. He was hiding near the Ohio border. Jason is going to be tried as a serial killer. Hawkins is freaking out about their citizen who turned out to be a serial killer. My DNA results came back a positive match to Jason.
My mom's trial got dropped. I was told two weeks ago, which crushed my heart. My mom will live, free. She will be out to get me I know it.
"Ellie," the doctor came in with a bright smile on his face, "you are free to go!"
"Really?" I sit up.
"You have to be very careful. Don't do any heavy lifting. No exercising, although that may sound weird, but try to stay active. No running. No smoking. Don't play sports. You get the gist. Doing these things will only hurt you. You are almost fully healed though!"
"That should be pretty easy. I feel much better and in a lot less pain."
"If it ever gets painful, ice your ribs, and take some pain medication."
"Okay!" I scoot out of my bed and gather some of my stuff.
"Is there anyone you want to call to pick you up? We will also have to fill out your discharge paperwork."
I use the phone to call Steve. Eddie is still in school, otherwise I'd call him.
"Hello?"
"Hey, I'm being discharged from the hospital. Could you please pick me up?"
"Of course, I'll be there soon."
"Thank you, Steve."
A loud sigh exits my body unannounced. Steve and I haven't been as close as we used to.
I pack a little baggie with my school work and my walkman. Steve walks in about ten minutes later. He looks...fresh, new almost. Like he actually tried to make himself look good. His hair is slicked back. And he's wearing really nice clothes. Me on the other hand...not so much. My hair is knotted, acne crawling all over my skin, and I'm wearing a hospital gown.
"I brought you some clothes." He tosses them to me.
"I thought you'd be sick of that gown, so I swung by your house first."
"Thanks." I headed to the bathroom to change.
I've lost a lot of weight. Not that I was heavy to begin with, a normal, healthy weight. Now, I look heavily anorexic. The waistline of my pants hardly stay up. I slide on my shirt, which is only a little bigger than usual. I stare for a moment in the mirror.
"Wow," my fingers travel down my waist. I can touch my index finger to my thumb around my wrist.
Steve was filling out my discharge paperwork when I got out.
"This is a pain in the ass." Steve grumbled.
"Tell me about it," I rolled my eyes.
"I didn't even know I knew so many random facts about you." He laughed a bit.
"Like what?"
"Like your birthday, or your middle name. Why do I know those things?"
"Because..." I walk over to him and try to peer over his shoulder, but he's a little to tall, "I wanted to tell you." Steve turns his head to look at me, then sighs.
"You want to grab something to eat before I drop you off?"
"Yes, please!" Steve just laughed.
"You look like you were starved," he turns to face me, his hands at my side.
"I was," I look at his hands. I'm surprisingly...comfortable. "I guess I never recovered."
Steve leans in and kisses the top of my head, "I'm so sorry." His chin rests on top of my head. My head cradles between his arms, pressed to his chest.
The worst part about it is that Steve likes me. Everything that I do, only makes him fall more and more in love with him. It just breaks my heart that I'm breaking his. I'm with Eddie. I love him.
I break the hug, "you know I love you, Steve. As a friend, I'd love to be more, but I really love Eddie. I don't want to ruin our relationship we already have."
"I know," he whispers. I know this is hurting him, but I kiss him on the cheek before leaving the room.
"Sooo," Steve says as he opens my door, "what does the hospital princess desire to eat." He bows as he shuts my door.
"Hmmm," Steve jogs around the car, "Let's go to Roy Rogers!"
"Man, I haven't been there in a minute." Steve starts the car. "Eddie know you with me?"
"No, I'll call him later." I bite the inside of my lip.
When we get there I order the biggest burger they have. Steve just orders a milkshake.
"God damn, you were hungry." Steve chuckles. I try to say something, but the ketchup oozes out the side, onto my face. Steve laughs harder. "Oh, Ellie." He wipes his thumb across my cheek, wiping off the ketchup. Then he puts his thumb in his mouth.
"Steve!" I set my hamburger down.
Steve points at me, "that's the first time I've seen you smile in five weeks!"
"I had no reason to."
"I must have some sort of impact on you," he crosses his arms and turns away.
"Oh, please, don't let it get to your head." I wave my hand at him. Steve's eye travels back to me. He starts laughing all over again. "Steve stop!" I catch the giggles. His laugh is funny. Don't laugh now. I cover my mouth.
"I got you, Ellie." Steve points his finger at me again.
"Is there any way I could use your phone?" I ask the person at the counter.
"Just don't let my boss know," she points to a spot behind the counter.
"Hey...Wayne?"
"Why hello. Is this Ellie?"
"Yes, uhm, is Eddie home?"
"Not yet, he should be here soon."
"Could you just let him know that I was discharged? Steve picked me up, and I'll be home shortly."
"I will relay your message." I can hear his smile through the phone.
"Thank you, Wayne. Good bye."
"I'm excited to see you healthy. Good bye."
I smile at the floor before returning to Steve. "He isn't home yet, so I told Wayne to tell him."
"Mkay." Steve sips his straw.
I dip a french fry in my ketchup and raise it to Steve's face. I press it under his eye, dragging it across his face. I suppress my laughter as he scrunches his face together.
"Ellieee," he whines. He attempts to lick it off. "Come on, we should get going."
"Whyyyy?" I eat the french fry.
"That's disgusting," Steve points as he stands up.
"Where are you going?"
"To wash this," he gestures to his face, "off my face." I laugh at him again.
A girl walks over to me when Steve leaves. "Are you two dating?"
"Oh, no," I wave my hand.
"And you don't like, like him or anything do you?" She tucks her hair behind her ear. I realize now how beautiful she is. Her hair is a dark brown, but I can tell when she gets a lot of sunlight, her hair lightens up. She had doe brown eyes that I swear sparkle.
"No, I have a boyfriend. Steve and I are friends."
"Okay, I wanted to make sure. I think he's really cute, and I was thinking about asking him out."
"Aww really?" I smile widely.
"Yeah, you think I got a shot?"
"Oh, yeah." I reassure her, "Steve really needs someone to talk to. He's been alone lately. You should totally ask him out!"
"You really think so?"
"Definitely, also, you are like, so pretty. What's your name so I don't forget."
"Saylor, spelled with a Y. Also, thank you." She smiles, all teeth.
"Oh, he's coming," I turn around and smile at her.
"Hey, Steve," I smile up at him, "I made a friend!"
"Looks like it," his eyes are glued to her. He stands there with his hands in his pocket.
"Sorry, I practically stole your chair." She starts to stand up.
"No," he grabs a chair from another table. He positions it—the backside facing the table—sitting on it backwards, with his legs straddling the back. "There's plenty of chairs." Saylor suppresses her smile.
"I'm Saylor," she offers him her hand, and Steve gracefully accepts.
"Steve. That's a unique name," he brushes his hair back with his fingers.
"Well, it's spelled with a Y."
"Even more unique."
"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to go to a movie together sometime."
"I would love that," he sets his head in his palm, looking at Saylor.
"You free tonight?" She bites her lower lip.
"I'm free all the time."
"Bullshit!" I interject, "you have work all the time."
"Only 9 to 12...unless Robin wants off." Steve glares at me.
"Tonight? Call me." She leaves a piece of paper. "It's my home phone." And she was gone.
Steve turns to me when we leave the building. "Ellie...I think I'm in love."
"Called it." I go to grab the door handle, but Steve beats me to it.
"She was sooooo pretty. I mean did you see her? And those eyes. Her lips. Oh my god, Ellie. I'm delirious."
I laugh and shove his shoulder. "I think she's perfect for you."
"You really think?"
"Hell yeah. She came over to ask me first."
"No shot."
"I won't tell you everything she said, but she likes you Steve. Don't blow it."
Steve bites his lip before pulling away. The car ride back was filled with loud blaring music. Private Eyes. I ran. Plus, a brand new song! I Wanna Dance with Somebody. I was so exhilarated...until I got home.
"Could you do me a favor?" I ask Steve as I climb out of his car. Steve reaches for my hand, and I take it.
"Of course," he shuts the door behind me.
"Could you wait for me for a few minutes?" I have the feeling that I'm not going to want to settle.
"Sure," he shoved his hands in his pockets.
"Thanks, I will stop at my house, then stop at Eddie's."
I run into my room. Most of it's the same, but some things have been scattered. I fix up my hair and wash my face. I have this filth that never comes off no matter how many times I shower.
Then, I cross to Eddie's house. Eddie must've gotten home maybe 10 minutes ago. "I don't like that you were out with Steve." Eddie says, hardly able to stand up straight.
"Eddie, you don't look good." I bite the inside of my lip. I can smell the liquor off of his lips.
"I'm fine," he mumbles, "you need to stay away from him."
"He's not the enemy here. He helped me, that's literally all." Eddie grabs my shirt and pushes me down.
"You're not listening to me," Eddie crawls on top of me.
"Eddie, you stop right now." I push him and sit up. Eddie tries again, but I stand up and rush out of his room. I knock on Wayne's door. Luckily, he was not at work.
"Oh, hey Ellie!" He says offering a hug, and I do, lightly.
"Could you watch him? Make sure he's sober."
"I will do," He smiles.
"Thank you," I shifted my weight nervously, "I just really don't feel comfortable being here right now."
"I understand."
I run to Steve. "Do you mind if I stay at your place?" I hold back a tear.
Steve wipes the tear that falls, "of course." I hug him lightly. "He's drunk." I whispered, "he tried to climb on top of me." Steve squeezes me harder. "I'm so sorry, Ellie. You can stay at my house as long as you need." I pull away and force a small smile. "Let me grab some things." I rush to my room.
"Ellie?" I hear a faint, sweet voice. "Max?" I peer into her room. Her body was draped over the bed, but when she saw me, she jumped up. "You're back!" "Yeah, I was discharged." I hug her quickly, "but I don't feel comfortable here with Eddie drunk, so I'm going to go to Steve's house." "Okay!" she says. No other questions or anything. It was odd to me, but I shrugged it off. I packed up some clothes and some toiletries.
When I met Steve outside, Eddie was out there. "That's not what I mean," Steve groans. "Eddie, could you leave me alone for just a day? I need to settle." "So what? You're just going to cheat on me?" Eddie threw his hands up. "Just because I'm staying at his house doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with him." "You can't guarantee that, you slut." My jaw drops as Steve opens the door. "Get in the car," he whispers. "I didn't have a choice," I scream. "You could have fought!" "I did, I fought like hell! I passed out seven times in one day. I should have died!" I pause to catch my breath, then mutter, "and now I wish I would've." Steve didn't want to fight him because he was drunk. He just helped me into the car. "I won't see you till you're sober, Eddie!" I shout as we drive off.
"Don't listen to anything he says," Steve touched my hand, "he doesn't mean any of it." I take a deep breath, and there is a long silence. "One thing I learned is, drunk words are sober thoughts." "That's bullshit, I'm not saying 'I'm a panda' in my head, but...oh wait." I burst out laughing. "Why would you think that in the first place?" "Long story."
I settled into the guest room of his house, but he insisted on me staying in the master bedroom instead. He said it was 'more comfortable' and comfort was hard to find. So, I took his word for it and stayed in his parents room. Luckily, his parents hardly live here. They just travel, stay maybe a night, then leave. Steve doesn't mind though, he actually prefers it.
By the first night, the nightmares started again. I'd wake up screaming multiple times throughout the night. Eventually, Steve ended up bringing a cot into the master bedroom to sleep in there, so it would be easier to coax me back to sleep. He, however, refused to sleep in the same bed as me. For Eddie's sake. I understood, but hated to be a nuisance. We both woke up exhausted and went back to sleep the next morning.