This chapter features a web cartoon from GLITCH! I won't do anything complex with them, so the show won't be required viewing. It's a pretty good show though, and not very long either!
Jerome's team were awed by Copper Moon's beauty, a pure, glistening white with its own white ring around it. But only by getting close to the moon did its hue start to fade. There were dreary mechanical structures and desolate forests. "At least it's an oxygenated moon." Vweeb observed.
"Copper used to be a warmer and prettier moon." Quatre explained. "But its core possessed special magma that was similar to molten metal. Thirty years ago, a company called JCJenson harvested all that magma and turned Copper into this. They had a unique brand of Worker Drones, both to help with the job and to act as servants for menial tasks. But by the time the moon was emptied, a strange virus had spread between their drones. They went mad and became… murderous. Numerous workers died. This led to lawsuits, which led to the company shutting down. And the 'Murder Drones' were left abandoned on this rock, along with their old outposts."
"And no fear of them flying off and invading the main planet?" Vweeb asked.
"No. Perhaps their programming kept them locked to the moon. Or perhaps another reason… Either way, we'll have to watch out for them on the way to the Mother Chip."
"Leave this to Bender, baby!" Bender blew a smoke. "I'm sure I can find some even ground with some murder bots."
"Yeah, leave it to me, too." Artie loaded his Electro Rifle. "You guys are lucky I'm used to horror shooters."
"My drones will alert us to any danger." Quatre said. "Let's land in that clearing there."
"Haylee, Harry, and Jenny, you three take the ship back to orbit." Jerome ordered. "Might be too dangerous to leave it parked here. We'll signal you to pick us up afterward." (Play "Rumbi Factory" from Hat in Time!)
Act 4: Copper Moon
The boys disembarked in the forest and proceeded cautiously. They stayed close together and skimmed every direction around them. "!" Artie gasped, stubbing his shoe on something: "Oh, just a ball." The object rolled only a few inches in the snow. It had a white half and black half… and the side facing them had a closed mouth and a long blue "X". "Oh…no it's not."
"Rest in peace, you poor soul." Bender stuck his cigar in its mouth. However, a barrier would block their path a few more feet further. There was a switch inside a glass tube with an opening at the top. The only thing that could fit in it was the robot's head, so Jerome kicked it in with a little kickball action. With the barrier deactivated, the boys approached a short cliff, in which they could balance up a slanted log to climb it.
"Hu-!" Artie briefly saw some yellow eyes in the darkness above the cliff, but they swiftly vanished. They grew more wary reaching the height of the cliff. A path between parallel walls led to the outpost entrance. They glanced up, seeing two winged silhouettes glide from one wall to the next. "It should be just here…" Quatre whispered as they reached an open yard. They saw the hand sticking from the mound of snow… but when they approached, it was empty. "It's gone! Where-"
"HAAAH!" A robot crashed behind them: it hissed through fanged teeth, bearing claws, and a digital yellow "X" splayed across its eye screen. It had pale hair, a dark outfit, bladed wings, and a long tail with a syringe of yellow liquid.
"Howdy, stranger!" Bender waved. "Name's Bender! Do you like killing humans?" The drone lashed its wing, lopping Bender's head up into the air, and landing upside-down. "Okay, I know traveling with these humans sends the wrong message, but…"
Quatre's dog, X.E.R.O.S. pounced the drone and tore at its neck. The drone forced the dog off, but Artie blasted it with his EMP rifle. The drone shook its head rapidly and hissed, lunging at Artie. "EEK!" Artie narrowly ducked its claw swipe, but when the drone stabbed its tail, Jerome warped Artie out of harm's way. Vweeb burned through the drone's head with a Powuh Shot from his Tri-gun, but it regenerated with nanomachines. It spun and swiped wings at Jerome, who evaded backward while throwing bombs. Artie tried burning the robot with a S.P.I.C.E.R.; it seemed to over-react to the fire and jump away from him. "Whoa, I don't think he liked that!"
"So, fire is their weakness?" Jerome asked. "Then let's heat things up for them!" He warped behind the drone and blasted it toward Artie. Jerome formed a Space Block around it, leaving a small enough gap for Artie to burn the S.P.I.C.E.R. through. The Block threatened to shatter as the drone slashed it violently, but it overheated from the flames and shut down before it could.
"It's good to know that trick, but we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves." Quatre said. "For now, X.E.R.O.S., see if you can pick up any scents from that hand."
"Ruff!" The dog sniffed the hand. It displayed holographic text.
"Huh…there are traces of some kind of hair dye chemical. Odd."
"Actually, I'm just now noticing some footprints." Vweeb pointed. "The snow's almost covering them up."
"We need to watch out for more hostiles, anyway. X.E.R.O.S. is safer for tracking the scent. Go." His dog yapped and led them through a corridor of the outpost. They used their weapons' built-in flashlights to see, with Bender's eyes shining some, too (he fixed his head on right). They shone lights on as many corners of the passage that they could; there were several arched support beams along the way. "HAH!" A Murder Drone dropped from an arch and lunged at X.E.R.O.S., but F.I.O. defended its comrade with a barrier. Jerome bent gravity to slam the drone into a wall, then formed a Block over it. He left a gap for Artie to burn it, but the drone broke free in time and lunged at Artie. He dodged its claw swipe by the skin of his shirt, then Bender tackled it before it could follow-up.
Bender chugged some beer and belched a flame right into its head. Writhing in agony, the drone stabbed Bender's rear with its tail. "NO! MY SHINY METAL ASS!" He rolled off as it dissolved from acid. "You know how much poker I had to cheat at to buy that model?!" The drone stood, but Artie flicked a M.A.R.B.L.E. to explode its left wing and right leg. As it was regenerating, he burned it with the S.P.I.C.E.R. until the robot shut down.
"Hang on, if these drones are weak to heat, why were they used to mine the moon's core?" Vweeb asked.
"Perhaps it's only because of the virus." Quatre assumed. The group advanced to the tunnel's exit, returning outside to the snows. Still tracking the scent, X.E.R.O.S. perked up and stopped. About 20 feet away, there was a drone, holding the Mother Chip between her fingers and close to her eye. "There it is!"
"She doesn't look like those other ones." Artie said. The drone had short purple hair under a black beanie, black boots with dark-purple-striped socks, and a black hoodie with a skull-and-crossbones of a battery.
"Maybe she's one of the uninfected drones. JCJenson probably dumped a bunch of them here in fear of the virus."
The drone glanced over. "!" Her neon purple eyes widened at the strangers. She jumped up a cliff and ran. "WAIT!" Jerome called.
"We'll just have to keep tracking her." They used Jerome's gravitybending to walk up the cliff. From there, they followed a path through the forest along the outpost's wall… and stopped to stare suspiciously at a garden of snowmen. They were pretty shabby, but the heads looked like the drones, with a line to divide the sides of their face. Artie, seeing no reason to play along with this, burned fire around all of them—a Murder Drone leapt at him from one. F.I.O. shielded Artie while Quatre drew his own laser gun and shot it. Jerome threw a N.I.N.S.T.A.R. at its legs, and it would cycle around to chop the arms. Jerome pinned it beneath a Block while it was regenerating, giving Artie time to build a Powuh Shot in his S.P.I.C.E.R.. A solid fireball popped the drone's head as its body lay dead.
The boys traveled downhill to a more open snowfield. X.E.R.O.S. perked up at the sound of gun cocking— F.I.O. shielded the group from two sniper shots. "Snipers!" Jerome gasped. He drew the V.I.S.S.I.L.E. and sent it toward the towering trees across the field. Using the monitor and controller on his launcher, he steered missiles toward the two robots and struck. They tried to lose the missile between the trees, but Jerome maneuvered them expertly. Striking each robot twice would have them plummet to the ground. Artie ran up to finish the job with a flaming shower.
A large outpost door would impede their passage beyond the trees. It was stamped with the label, JCJenson IN SPAAAAACEE!!!! "Okay, but like, what's the big deal there?" Artie asked. "Just about every company operates in space."
"More importantly, how do we get in?" Quatre wondered as X.E.R.O.S. sniffed the rim of the door. "She's in there."
"Piece of cake." Bender stepped up. "A door like this falls just in my parameters." He stretched his arms at a vertical angle, extending the left one to the height of the door. He gripped it in a great, wide hug and began to bend it.
"HAAAAAH!" They jumped around with a start; five Murder Drones landed! One licked her lips. "Mmmmm! New prey!"
"They look human… Always wanted to taste human."
"Those two droids look like a 5-star meal!"
"Crud!" Jerome fished around for a good weapon to use. The drones savored their fear by creeping up on them slowly. "…Oh! I wonder if this'll work." He pulled out a disco ball.
"Is that a Groovitron?!" Artie gasped.
"Yep. A Professor Membrane special."
"Well, whaddya waiting for?!" Vweeb shouted. "We gotta dance dance dance, buckaroo!"
Jerome threw the ball in the center of the drones, who gazed curiously. It rose into the air, projected colorful lights, and began to play what sounded like Smash Mouth's "All Star." Jerome mimicked their jigs and sang. "Hey now! Yeah yeah! Hey hey…YAAAAY! Hey now! Yeah yeah! Get some…HEEEEY! Robot, robot, vampiiiiire." They bore fangs and claws. "Ogre, ogre…" Jerome rolled forward, landed propped on one knee, and raised hands, "ROBOOOOOOT!" The ball dropped and exploded the drones on that final note. Artie burned one while it was regenerating, Quatre used the F.I.O. lance to stab one repeatedly, Vweeb Powuh Shot one's head, and Jerome tossed B.O.O.M.E.R.s at the last two.
Bender successfully bent the door at an angle where they could walk underneath it. The passage sloped down into darkness. "Never a good thing in this kind of environment." Artie sighed as they turned on flashlights. They entered a wide, abandoned production room with three treadmills. Drones were lined up on them, standing lifeless.
"F.I.O.'s detecting a presence in here." Quatre whispered. "Stay alert." The scent was tracked toward the door in the further left corner, so they worriedly climbed over some treadmills and between the drones. "YEEK!" Artie flipped when a drone's head fell and hit the floor with a loud bang, directly next to him.
"So much for the horror expert." Vweeb remarked. The door in question was sealed, with an electric barrier to prevent Bender from bending it. Its cord was connected to a high, small tube. They'd have to throw another drone's head into it: the one that just fell off. Jerome went to collect it, approaching the tube. A good Gravity Throw would land the shot—one of the treadmill drones next to him grew wings, claws, and tail, lashing at him. He narrowly dodged at the cost of four corn rows of hair. "NO!" Vweeb cried. "My favorite riding spot!" X.E.R.O.S. gnashed the drone, tearing out a chunk of its shoulder, but was stabbed by its tail as X.E.R.O.S.' left hip melted. Jerome sliced the tail with the N.I.N.S.T.A.R. while Bender wrapped arms around its head and tore it off. Artie burned the drone afterward.
Jerome threw the other drone's head into the tube, pressing a switch that opened the door. It revealed a stairwell down, leading to a storage room full of crates. Their guard was raised as they faced the back of another Murder Drone. It turned, bearing its fangs and "X" eye… "Hello there!" Its "X" became normal beady eyes and its grin shrank into a friendly smile.
The boys blinked, exchanging glances. "Pardon?" Jerome asked.
"I've never seen a Worker Drone with your model before." He casually approached Jerome. "Quite unusual hair, too. What was your designation?"
"Um…" Jerome could see how he'd make that mistake. "I'm actually—AH!" Jerome narrowly dodged a gunshot from the top of a high crate. (Play "Knife Dance" from Murder Drones!)
"N!" the goth drone shouted. "Quit fraternizing! Those are humans! Kill them!"
"Have I finally found my idolizers?!" Bender beamed.
"Okay, Uzi! Sorry about this, Mr. Um!" N reverted to his vicious expression and slashed at Jerome, but the Zathurian blasted him away with Starbursts. Artie turned his rifle up at Uzi and shot, barely grazing her hip before she jumped behind the crates. N retreated behind some as well. The operatives stayed together and advanced, with X.E.R.O.S. still tracking Uzi's scent. N jumped out from around a corner, throwing shurikens, which Jerome countered with N.I.N.S.T.A.R.s. He opened a portal to warp a star directly above N, piercing his head and prompting him to hide again. They closed in on Uzi's hiding place; the goth popped out of a box and threw knives. Bender opened his compartment to catch the knives. He then took one and threw it right back, spinning as the hilt conked Uzi in the head.
N sprung out and dove at them with a chainsaw. Quatre intercepted it with the F.I.O. lance, holding his ground against the drone until Artie threw a M.A.R.B.L.E.. N was blown into some crates while the saw shattered. Uzi trained her gun on them again, the group dodging as Uzi jumped between the tops of small crates. Jerome sent out a T.O.P.M.A.N. to ricochet and shatter the crates, tumbling Uzi down. She swiftly flipped upright and lunged at Jerome with another knife, but he whipped up a Space Block to trap her. N took to the ceiling and shot a laser cannon in attempt to break the Block. However, F.I.O.'s drone form suddenly flew to his level, projecting a shield that caused N's cannon shot to blow up in his face. The drone hit the ground as Bender leapt to keep him pinned, with Vweeb shooting a laser to snap N's tail off.
"If you'd like to settle down, we'd like to talk with you two." Jerome said.
"BITE ME!" Uzi shouted.
"I like her!" Bender said.
"What about you?" Quatre knelt beside N. "You're not like the drones outside."
"Oh, yeah." N switched to friendly mode. "I took a huge whack to the head and had a moral epiphany. Now Uzi's my bestie! That's what you call your favorite compatriot, right?"
"Cool, but can we go back to the part about killing humans?" Bender asked. "Because I'm game for that!"
"What?" Uzi asked. "Then why are you helping them?"
"Because, sweetheart," Bender climbed off N and approached her, "there are certain humans out there that are just different. Humans that are more useful alive, and worthy of our attention." His friends exchanged disbelieved glances. "Because these humans care for the wellbeing of robotkind. And they wanna help us kill the bad humans who misuse robots."
"Uhhhh…" Artie shouldn't admit to trashing a few W.A.T.C.H.B.O.T.s.
"O…kay?" Uzi drawled. "So, why are you here then?"
"That chip you found earlier." Quatre pointed. Uzi pulled the Mother Chip out of her hat. "That's an important relic my friends have been searching for. When all seven are collected, the legend says they can grant a wish to robots."
"Wow…really?"
"We can't really confirm the validity of it, but…"
"Perhaps we can help you of our own accord." Jerome said. "What would you like from us? Of course, we can't promise any requests along the lines of murder."
"Hmph…well, I guess I'd like to get off this rock. My dad sucks, my classmates suck, and… the Murder Drones suck, too, I guess."
"Classmates?" Vweeb asked. "Just how many more of you are here? We should organize the KND to help this place. We could even help the other Murder Drones. I mean, if this guy seems normal."
"I love being normal!" N chirped. "Oh, but uh, leaving this moon might be a problem. Uzi and I can't stand sunlight or high temperatures. Not without a sufficient supply of oil, anyway!"
"Is that why?" Quatre pondered. "Well, we can easily design a good cooling system for you. There's plenty of oil at headquarters, too. I think you might like to meet the KND."
"Yeah, says who?" Uzi remarked.
"Don't take it from them." Bender said. "Take it from me: Bender. The Mechanos KND are the best in the universe. They may not kill humans, but they sure put humans to shame. You'll make crying babies outta them in no time."
Uzi narrowed her eyes in pondering. "Eh, whatever. I got nothin' better to do."
Jerome dispelled the barrier. Bender extended a hand. "Pleasure doin' business, Miss…"
"Doorman. Uzi Doorman." Uzi shook it, passing the Mother Chip to him.
"Oooo, a doorman! I always wanted to know how doors were made."
"Bite me!"
"This is Jerome to Haylee. The mission is accomplished, you can pick us up at these coordinates. Oh, and we're bringing a couple guests."
The Nimbus
"Year: 2036. Star date: Ahhhh…"
"Sigh, May 22." Lieutenant Kif said.
"May 22! The Year of the Caterpillar. As war wages on in our dour universe, one brave captain faces a challenge like no other."
No view pleased Zapp Brannigan like that of the window on his bridge. Planet Mechanos splaying in its gray glory, the glistening Copper Moon in the horizon and the majesty of space beyond that. But such a splendid view wasn't the most beautiful thing in that window: no, that was his gleaming smile, smooth blonde hair, and the hot bod beneath that red tunic. "Kif! Status report on ground forces!"
His Amphibiosan sidekick lazily flipped through a clipboard. "The Killbots sent to Chapek turned on each other after one of them said 'OK, 47 of you go-' to which another Killbot yelled, 'Someone said AK-47.' Sartana of the Brotherhood then took command of their scrapped remains. The royal palace of Cluster Prime continues to shun away the Disneybots at their gates… and most recently, the Kids Next Door have brutally attacked Senator Armstrong. This war is starting to feel more wasteful by the hour."
"And you'll be taking full responsibility on that, Kif. For now, we need more intelligence. How's interrogation with the captured operatives?"
"Most of them have firmly closed their brains from any data hacking. Only York of Sector Vega yielded any info… and it seems several of their members believe in the Motherboard legend. They're even on the verge of confirming it."
"Ahhhhh, I wouldn't mind boarding with a good mother myself."
"Ugh…" Kif grew ever repulsed at his captain's ramblings.
"Oh, and it seems the Year of the Caterpillar already bears fruit: there's one flying right out of the stratosphere."
"Hm?" Kif curiously looked where he indicated. "…Sir, that's no caterpillar! That's a flying train! And it's coming right for us!"
"T-Minus 20 seconds 'til we ram a hole through their hull!" Chimney announced.
"This is a TERRIBLE idea!" Miguel screamed.
"No it ain't! We've done this a dozen times before!"
"I'm detecting Arale's communication signal from that sector." Pino pointed at the front area of the vessel.
"I hope the R.O.C.K.E.T.-T.R.A.I.N.'s still got the stamina for it!" Apis yelled.
"Or perhaps this is where we die." April said.
"So optimistic…" Aisa drooped.
"Sir, I think they're planning to infiltrate the Nimbus by penetrating it!" Kif said.
"Then we'll just have to beat them at their own game." Zapp narrowed his gaze bravely. "Drive the Nimbus full speed into their train! We'll penetrate their hull and board them right back!"
"Um, sir, I don't think-"
But Zapp had no time for second opinions: he pulled the lever and increased the ship's speed! The Nimbus and R.O.C.K.E.T.-T.R.A.I.N. were on a straight collision course…
And they both pierced holes into each other! "CRUD! They're counter-boarding us!" Chimney panicked.
A platoon of soldiers lined up before the train, locking weapons on the opening. "I know you're still new to that guitar, Miguel, but a nice soundwave should mow them down." Aisa suggested. "Wait, something else's coming!"
"CHOOOOOOOO!" There was another whole train plowing through the soldiers from behind! It was actually a string of wagons being pulled by Arale, the soldiers falling into them. "Chhhhhhh…" she skid to a halt with a vigorous, "CHA!"
"…" The W7 ops merely greeted her with bewilderment. "Arale!" Pino exclaimed.
"PINOOOOOO!" Arale extended her nose to stamp Pino's noseless spot.
"Oi, you didn't tell me she was inta trains!" Chimney grinned.
"Oh, she has a lot of hobbies." Pino blushed.
"Isn't this a cool boat?!" Arale looked around in childlike wonder. "I wonder where the captain is? I wanna drive it!"
"Yeah, I'd like to find him myself!" Chimney fist-palmed. "For doin' this to my baby!"
"You did this yourself, Chimney!" her friends chorused.
"If that's your baby, are you a Mama Train?"
"Hey, maybe I am!"
"Then let's go for a ride!" Arale jumped on Chimney's head, morphing her into a big-toothed train. "CHAAAAAAAA!" They steamrolled right over the old train and the soldiers on them!
"This might've been a mistake." Aisa said.
"I guess we'll cover the other way." April said. "Find the captured operatives and save them!" (Play "Stowing Away" from Crash 4!)
Act 5: Nimbus
With arms spread like an airplane, Arale raced up a corridor, thwacking soldiers with her spin attack! The way was cluttered with huge stalks of broccoli… but thankfully, Chimney's big teeth were just right for the task! Arale held Chimney longways and tugged her pigtails to make her teeth munch, chomping through the stalks with ease. There was a far taller one at the end, and a long gap beyond it. Seemed all Chimney had to do was chomp the base of the stalk and let it fall… but instead, it fell left and crumbled a wall. It was sloped up against the debris, so they could climb to an upper corridor.
It led to a vast chamber with several small UFOs floating to and fro, using magnetic tractor beams. Arale ushered Chimney to get on her back as she jumped beneath the first beam, flipping her upside-down as she fell up to it. "I hope it's not a big deal that I've been putting on a few kilos." The second she attached to the saucer, it began to struggle and sink. It got just close enough to where she could drop to a lower saucer—the impact caused the pilot to fling into the air and land on a switch on the side of the room. This activated a giant fan on the ceiling, sucking all the UFOs toward it. "Who designed this crazy ship?!" Chimney screamed. Arale quickly jumped to the nearest UFO's tractor, though fall onto it pushed it up faster. She thought fast and jumped between other ones until she could land safely on a platform, watching the UFOs explode against the fan. "Hoyo?"
The duo proceeded down a passage with several shutter doors, which opened as they progressed. "!" Past the last one, a huge platoon of soldiers with hulking armor awaited them, armed with heavy axes, swords, miniguns, and more. "The Kids Next Door have walked right into my trap." Captain Brannigan declared from the stage behind the platoon. "I bet you weren't expecting the Elite Brannigan Taskforce. Highly trained in karate, taekwondo, kung-fu, and more arts than I can think of. They'll have you wiped out just in time for my soaps. Go on, boys," Zapp leaned against a lever, "show them how it's-" He pushed it.
The entire floor opened, dumping all of the Elite Taskforce into space. It was up to fate if they'd survive the fall to the planet's atmosphere. "Ehhh…should've put a protective fence. KIF! Install a fence around this lever pronto!" Zapp retreated to the next room.
"Hey, some of the soldiers are floating close by." Chimney pointed down the trapdoor. "Let's see if they take us anywhere!" Arale agreed with a spirited, "Hoyo!" They jumped down and bopped across the soldiers. They conveniently led to a hanging antenna, which they could climb to a hatch. They climbed a dark shaft back into the base, and they popped out of… a toy room? There were five rows of shelves that spanned the perimeter of the room, full of robot action figures. "All these droids and no trains?!" Chimney was outraged!
"Wait!" Arale recognized a small, white and blue toy. It fit right in her hand as she clicked a button on the back of its head. "Uh-oh. He's out of energy."
"Is this your toy?"
"Robotboy! I wonder if Robotgirl's here…" She searched around the room. "N'cha!" And found a similar pink toy amongst a separate shelf. She tucked the two into her overalls pockets.
They exited into a carpeted corridor, where it seemed soldiers were delightedly surfing on Rumbis; small, circular vacuum droids. The carpet was so staticky that it was volatile. Luckily, there were Rumbis for Chimney and Arale. "YAH-HAAAAH!" They had a blast surfing the carpet and bonking the soldiers into it, suffering painful static electrocutions. Surfing up the passage, the girls had to jump or duck electric beams. A wall of beams threatened them, but there were platforms along the right for them to jump up. They moved quickly to catch up with the Rumbis and land back on them.
"I'm impressed you got the jump on my men." The girls were stunned to see Brannigan tailing behind them on his own Rumbi. "But little do you know, I was a prodigy in Rumbi Combat. And it's high time you two were Rumbed down!" He sped up to Arale and punched her with enough strength to spin her head. It stopped facing Zapp as her face opened. "Eh?" There was a kitchen inside her head.
Sanji from One Piece was frying something on a pan. "Hey! No peeking until the dish is done."
"SANJI, WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!" Chopper screamed. "You're cooking my doctor degree!"
The framed diploma was burning nicely. "I'm cooking a healthy bowl of education for my captain. That's why they call it BRAIN FOOD!" Sanji flipped the degree right into Zapp's face. The captain cried and fell into the carpet, suffering a static punishment.
"That'll hold him for a while!" Chimney exclaimed. They finally disembarked at the end of the hall, traveling up a flight of stairs. A Killbot was stationed partway up, the girls dodging its bullets as Arale smacked it into submission. She ripped one of its turrets out and aimed it at another Killbot on the ceiling.
The stairs led to a torture chamber: a teenage robot was situated between two high-powered magnets, both working to stretch her limbs and slowly rip her body apart. She had short blonde hair, headphones, and mostly white armor with gold and black shoulders and thighs. "This is your last chance, brat!" Dr. Kamikazi shouted. The impish, red-robed scientist was operating the magnets, alongside his rotund henchman, Constantine. "Tell us the location of your creators and comrades! Now!"
"It's Aigis!" Arale exclaimed.
"Aigis? Wait, is she one of those Xenoblade thingies?"
"There's only one way to reverse a magnet's polarity: spin the planet the other way!" Arale jumped out the window and fell back to Mechanos. She zoomed opposite around the planet's rotation, so fast that it began to change direction. Consequently, the magnets pulling Aigis instead pushed her as flat as a pancake.
"That didn't help at all!" Chimney screamed.
"WHAT?!" Kamikazi shouted. "That is not what I wanted! We cannot harvest her parts if they're flat!"
"Boss! There's an intruder!" Constantine alerted him to Chimney.
"So, she is behind this!" Kami-bots, attack!" Kamikazi whipped out a large controller with three antennas.
Kami-Chameleons, Kami-Bats, and Kami-Gerbils filled the room. Fortunately, "Chimney!" Apis arrived up the stairs. "Man, did you see that Rumbi hall down there? Whoa, Mechanimals!"
"Could use your powers right now, Apis!"
"No problem!" Apis focused her thoughts around the animals. They turned their vicious gazes upon their master.
"AAAAH! Protect me, Constantine!" The henchman picked his master up like a baby and bolted through a door.
Apis hopped on a chameleon's back. "After him!" And they stampeded off.
Arale jumped from Mechanos back to the station, landing right atop Aigis and squishing her to normal proportions. "Thank you, Arale." she said in an emotionless voice, her eyes a mystic blue. "I was concerned I wouldn't make it."
"Dōitashimashite, Ai-chan!"
"That man was one of Mom's executives. I'll go assist your friend. I believe Sector Germa was taken that direction." She pointed toward the back of the room. "Please be careful."
Apis smirked with confidence as the Kami-bots closed in on the villains. "HUH?!" But they suddenly ran off the ledge, splashing into a 15-foot pool. The robots quickly rusted.
"Hahaha! Joke's on you!" Kamikazi laughed, using an inflatable ducky inner-tube. "No genius doesn't have a panic pool in case his robots turn against him!" Apis flailed her arms, struggling to get stabilized in the pool. "And it seems you cannot swim either. Constantine! I leave this to you!"
"Okay, boss!" Constantine mustered the power of his Hippo-Hippo Fruit and transformed. He swam over and used his incredible strength to drag Apis underneath. The Arceist squirmed more desperately, praying that Chimney followed them in here… but her prayers were answered by another: Aigis splashed in the pool, striking Constantine with a Rocket Punch. She grabbed Apis and resurfaced with an inflatable component.
"Wow, thanks!" Apis gasped for breath. "Uh-oh! Look out below!" Constantine blew a powerful jet from his nostrils, blasting them up against the ceiling.
Chimney and Arale entered a towering vertical shaft, which they could only climb by Wall Jumping. They were wary of the Amps that orbited down the shaft, threatening to fly in their jumping wake. "Whoa!" But Chimney kicked against a vent and slid through it, plopping on a heart-shaped bed. It was dark-pink, while the rest of the candlelit room was brighter pink… making her feel uneasy.
"Leela, is that you?" Zapp walked in, carrying a rose in his teeth. "I see you couldn't resist the rod—oh, it's you. Crashing into my private bachelor pad, are we? Now you've gone too far, kids. Perhaps my Jack-in-the-Cannon will teach you some manners." He knelt down, placed a small cannon before him, and cranked it.
Chimney waited on the bed curiously as it played the "Pop Goes the Weasel" jingle. Arale slid down and flattened her. "A Jack-in-the-Cannon?! That's not good!"
"Eh…hold on." Zapp said. "I think there's a clog. Any of you got a plunger?"
"I know someone who does!" Arale blew a whistle.
A pumpkin carriage came strolling! "You called the Fairy Godmother?" Chimney asked.
"No, this is just on her route. I actually called the one behind her." There was a toilet carriage. "The Fairy Clogmother!"
"HUH?!"
The carriage stopped. The Clogmother came swirling out of the top with a flushing sound. She had brown, swirly hair, a flowing dress of toilet paper, and a magic plunger. "Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll have that cannon unclogged in a whiff!" She danced up to Zapp, twirling her plunger with a little, "Pippity-poppity-poo~"
With a gentle suction, Howard Wolowitz popped out of the cannon, still scuttling like a crab. "How did THAT get in there?" Zapp asked.
"Ah! I was wondering where I left him." Clogmother picked Howard up and cuddled him. "You silly-willy Wolowitz!" She twirled and bumped the cannon in Zapp's direction.
"EGAAAAH!" It blasted him out of the room.
"Thank you for helping me find him." Clogmother said to Arale. "As thanks, I'll allow you to use my magic toilet." She pooped—I mean, poofed one out of thin air.
"Chimney, I'll hold onto you this time!" Arale said. "You swim better!"
"Ulp…I really don't wanna." But she had to. Chimney dove first into the toilet. It was a straight tunnel, but it carried them under some bathrooms. She'd have to either slow down or speed up to dodge the flushing ones. Finally, they could splash out of a toilet in a prison cell.
There were four human-looking kids in here; a pink-haired girl, red boy, blue boy, and green boy, each with numbered shirts. The girl was 11 years old while the boys were eight. "ZZZZTTT!" The girl was electrocuted grabbing the electric cell bars. "You cowards! Let us outta here! Why don't you three help?!"
"Who caaaaaares, Reiju?" Ichiji sighed, smiling lackadaisically.
"Let 'em do what they want with us." Niji drawled.
"Oh, look. Someone's here." Yonji observed.
"Hey, Arale, should we use the magic toilet to get these guys out?" Chimney asked. "…Arale?"
Arale burst out, raising the screaming Fairy Clogmother. "N'CHAAAA!" She threw the fairy against the electric bars. She cried out in agony, exploding as the electricity shorted out. With that, Reiju used her superb strength to bend the bars out. "MOVE OUT!" Reiju charged and beat the Killbots outside into scrap. Her brothers tiredly followed her. (End song.)
…
Aigis continued to support Apis in Kamikazi's panic pool. The robot was efficient in maneuvering around the water and outrunning Constantine. However, the hippo-man was sturdy against her finger guns, while the water cannonballs spat from his mouth dented her metal. "Man, this guy's tougher than he looks!" Apis said. "If only there were robot fish in here, or something!"
"Your ability allows you to command droids?"
"Animal droids. Er, and normal animals."
"I suppose those robot ghosts could not help us."
"Robot ghosts?"
"The ghosts of the droids who rusted in this pool. They drift above us as we speak."
"I didn't know robots could leave spirits. Or even see them."
"I was built with spiritual materials."
"Hey… is there a way to link your senses with my headband?"
"I will comply." Aigis made a wireless connection with it. "What do you propose?"
"That two heads are better than one!" Hey, robot ghosts! Yoohoo! Aren't you angry at those guys for not making you waterproof? It's their fault you wound up like this! Beat the snot out of them!
"They are not even trying!" Kamikazi shouted. "Quit fooling around, Constantine! Use your—OW! GAH! What?! OOF!" An invisible force bashed him in the head. "What is happe—AAAAH!" His ducky inner-tube deflated. "Help me, Constantine!"
"Uh…I need some help myself, boss." Some ghostbots were raising him by his underwear. "Doo! Dah! Ooo! AH!" The ghosts bashed him back and forth like a punching ball.
"Ha ha! I think we got through to them!" Apis grinned.
"This felt most enlightening." Aigis smiled.
April and Mary breached another prison hold—"Ewwww!" repulsed as they stepped on a half-chewed hamburger and hotdog.
"Hom, nom, nom!" The room's occupant was a rather towering woman with blonde hair, orange boots, and a purple top and bikini bottom. Her midriff seemed to stretch from the large piles of food at her bedside. "Mmmmmm…oh, hewwo there. You here to bring my nexsh coursh?"
"Huh? Pino, do you know who this is?" April raised her wristwatch to the woman.
"That's York! One of Atlas' sisters in Sector Vega. Dr. Egghead designed her to be the Organic Waste Disposal for the park. She converts rotting materials into renewable compost."
"Oh, is dat Pino? Heyo." York mumbled through chews, her expression vapid and euphoric. "Da guysh in dis base gimme way better food. All I had to do wash tell 'em shome dings."
"Don't tell me you fed info to your captors!"
"Now, what have we here?" April and Mary directed their attention to a portly man. He had a fluffy white beard, big red nose, and cyan overalls. "You're that artist from Earth. And here I was expecting certain robots to show up."
"April, is that Santa Claus?!"
"More like Santa's estranged cousin."
"No! I am Dr. Locus! And you, my unfortunate guests, are about to become fodder for my darling daughter. Melodyyyyyy~"
"AFFIRMATIVE, FATHER." The artists were horrified to only now notice the monstrosity on the ceiling. It was a vicious robot with fangs, flamethrowers, a chest cannon, bladed turrets, and sharp tail-like protrusions. It hadn't an ounce of humanity on it. The robot dropped and mounted itself to the floor, the artists splitting up to divide its weapon fire.
"And if THAT scares you," Locus began to divide into a swarm of bugs, "then just behold the power of my Locust-Locust Fruit, Plague Model!" The swarm infested the entire room in seconds, making it difficult to dodge Melody's weapons.
"You specifically chose that fruit because of your name, didn't you?" April asked. "How lazy."
…
Chimney and Arale used the path Sector Germa had cleared for them. However, something caught their attention halfway down the corridor: an arrow sign that read, Something really neat, pointing toward a right passage. "Look, Chimney! It says there's something really neat that way!"
"Oh, yeah? What do you think it could be? A cool train?"
The small word beneath the arrow said, Maybe…
"Okay! Let's check it out!"
The arrow guided the eager girls into an empty, cubical chamber with digital grid lines. "This is as far as you go, you wily coyotes." Brannigan declared, his lieutenant by his side. "Welcome to the holo-shed. Here is where fantasies come to life… and where true love is born."
"Ugh, please not in front of the kids." Kif groaned.
"Unfortunately, your chance at love has long passed. All you'll find here is sweet, juicy justice. Computer: run Simulation Zapp Baby Randy."
The very world around them morphed: before they knew it, Chimney and Arale were riding horses across a vast prairie. "Oi! I'm an iron horse girl, not a flesh horse girl!"
"Horseback dueling is what separates the men from the nannies!" Zapp galloped right after them, sword drawn.
"EGADS!" Only one of Kif's boots was through a fender, from which his body flailed like a frog on a flagpole. "My panties went inside-out with my skin! Ulp, they're in my brain now."
"We gotta get away!" Arale looked to the horses ahead of them. "This way, Chimney!" She yanked the tail of her current horse: it kicked its legs up and bonked her to the air. Arale shifted her momentum to land on the nearest horse. Chimney followed her just before Zapp could strike her. They kick-a-pulted up the horses until they reached the furthest one—it was actually a costume that split apart from their weight.
"Hey, there're people inside it! Is that Shan Yu?!"
"Shhhhh!" the Hun hissed, pulling out from the front part while still galloping like a horse. "Be quiet! I'm hiding from that firework! He totally has it out for me!"
"You caaaaalled?"
"Huh?!" The rear end of the horse was the dragon-headed firework all along. "OH, NO! WAAAAAAHH…" It rocketed into Shan Yu, taking him for a ride. With a dramatic U-turn, he was doomed to crash into Zapp.
"EYAAAAAHHH! Computer! Run Simulation Zapp Daddy Special!"
The world changed into a beautiful, moonlit shore by the lakeside. "A true man isn't one who can keep his groin steady on a horse." Brannigan declared from the top of a rocky hill. The massive full moon shone splendidly upon his figure. "A true man is one who can ROMANCE! For all the ladies of this universe, I will pluck the moon from the heavens to win this battle!" Zapp reached for the great moon. "…Nngh! It's stuck!" It was actually a small moon suspended in the air. "Just give me a… got it! Take THAT!" Zapp bounced the moon down the hill. Arale stopped it with her hand. "Darn it! Kif! Drop me more moons!"
Way up in the sky, Kif hung by a string and angel wings. He "swam" to each moon and knocked it down for his captain to catch.
"Chimney, get on!" The W7 leader leapt on the first moon as Arale held it aloft. "I'll bounce you right back up! N'cha!" Arale threw the moon down with gusto. It bounced up the rocks precisely enough to hit the tips of the natural steps. Chimney merely needed to thrust Zapp's moons away with her palms.
Once she was at Zapp's level, a swift thrust, "GYAAAAAAH!" sent him blasting off to the stars! "GWOOF!" Zapp squished Kif against the fake sky. It collapsed, spilling tons of moons unto them as they plummeted back against the hill peak. Among those tons of moons to hit their heads, one of them was floofy lunar cat! He kicked Zapp's face with his hind paws and pounced down. "Eh, computer… run Simulation Zapp 'n' Cheese Triple Deluxe."
The world morphed as Chimney felt herself partly sink into a cloudy surface. She was awestruck by a great, brick castle in the sky. "Behold, my own personal dream home!" Zapp declared from the highest tower. "My fortress is impregnable to all but me. Ohhhhh yeeeaaaah…"
"Oh, merciful Arceus…" Kif groaned.
"Triple Deluxe Defense Squad, lock all cannons on the operatives!" Nearly every square foot of the wall opened, unveiling cannons trained directly on Chimney. "Er, wait… where's the other one?"
Chimney's communicator rang. Arale spoke. "Chimney! I got left behind at the lake!"
"Well, hurry over here, Arale! I'm about to be pulverized!"
"Oh! Someone else is here, too! I'm gonna hitch a ride."
"WAAAAAAAA!" Shan Yu, still being pushed by the firework, pierced the cyber-dimensional fabric. Arale rode atop it, raising a fist in excitement.
"Well, we know how this ends." Kif said.
The firework looped speedily outside the castle gates before, "WAAAAH!" smashing Chimney right through the cloud. They plummeted 10,000 meters to the earth below.
"…Victory is ours, Kif! It all went as planned!"
"There's no way you planned that, sir."
"Quite the contrary, Kif. In the game of chess, you can never let your opponent see your pieces. Or your friends for that matter." Zapp narrowed his face into Kif's. "I'm watching you, buddy." He stated with an accusing poke.
"AAAAAHHHH!" Chimney and Arale collided with the earth in a fiery explosion. (However, Shan Yu was lost somewhere along the way and never made it to the ground.) The girls achingly climbed out of the crater, coated in soot and soil. …But an ominous force roared from the center of the crater.
That presence was none other than Abraham Lincoln. The axe clutched in his hands drew fear from the hearts of millions. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! At long last… after my 10,000 year slumber, Evil Lincoln has RETUUUUUUUUURNED!" With a fierce swing, his axe chopped all the trees on the continent.
"Sir! It's Evil Lincoln!" Kif exclaimed, peering over the cloud.
"Oh, I was wondering where I left him. We have no choice, Kif! Blow the clouds away and plunge this castle into them!"
"But sir!"
"The time for buts is over, soldier! All that matters is the BOOTYYYYYYY!" The clouds spread away with a great shockwave of air. The castle began to fall.
"For freeing me from my prison," Lincoln said to the operatives, "I will grant you one wish."
"One wish?" Chimney asked. "Hey, you can wish to be a real girl now. Or to save all the operatives."
"I wish to go to the Kingdom of Parrots!"
"IT SHALL BE DONE!" Lincoln chopped his axe and teleported them in an explosive poof.
Saved from the threat of the falling castle, a towering forest, parrots perched on every tree, spanned as far as the eye could see. "Why the heck did you bring us-"
"Shhhhhh!" Arale pressed a finger to Chimney's mouth. She whispered, "Not so loud! These parrots haven't had anyone to repeat off of in generations. I wanna do this right."
"Huh?"
Arale pulled out a green toy parrot set on a plastic bark perch. "This toy repeats what it hears! They'll think it's a real parrot." She clicked the two switches on its perch toward the right. "Ahem…Hoyo!"
BUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRR. The toy moved its beak and made a loud error sound.
"What the heck was that?!" Chimney shouted, covering her ears.
"It does that when you click both switches like this. I dunno why."
BUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Its round reverberated throughout the forest. "BUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRR!"
"BUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRR!"
"BUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRR!"
"BUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRR!"
"BUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRR!"
"BUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRR!"
BUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Soon, the entire forest was repeating the error sound, and the toy parrot would react to their sound and send the birds on an endless cycle. The reverberation grew so intense that the digital world began to flicker.
This result was seen in the sky castle simulation. "Sir! The holo-shed appears to be malfunctioning!"
"Probably on account of you spending one too many nights in here with your girlfriend."
"Sir, we need to stop the castle's descent! It could have a drastic effect on the-"
But the castle had just made contact with the earth… at the same time it flickered into its holo-shed state. The shockwave exploded throughout the entire Nimbus, collapsing all the central floors. All the parrots from the forest sprang into this reality, repeating, "BUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRR!" all throughout the base.
"WE'VE LOST CONTROL!" a pilot screamed. "We're going to crash into the planet!"
"What?!"
"I said we're going to crash!"
"Speak up! I can't hear you over all these parrots!"
Kif and Zapp clambered up to a window to observe the chaos. "It seems the ship will crash in an unpopulated countryside… but this won't look good for the Galactic Army, sir! In any case, we must evacuate!"
"Later, Kif. This day has been too stressful for me. I need some recuperating. I'll be in the holo-shed." The captain strolled off, leaving his lieutenant to stare after him in disbelief.
Moments before…
Mary used her Neon Yellow Crayons to draw electrical light around the wall. Unfortunately for Dr. Locus, his divided locust form possessed divided brain power, making them susceptible to the allure of the light. In time, every single insect passed out from electrocution. They reformed back into Locus' full body. "Ooooog…" The scientist collapsed on his front as a small frame bounced out of his pocket.
April had been drawing red light-splotches on the floor to divert Melody's weapons. The frame fell near one of these spots… and Melody seemed to stare at it longingly. It was a photo of Dr. Locus and a pretty, blonde, pigtailed girl in a light-green dress with blue ovular designs. Her expression was sad. April glanced at the photo, too. "Who's that? His daughter?"
"THAT… IS… ME…"
"Huh?!" April gasped at the monstrous robot. "You?! So, he turned you into this?!"
"I was… already this way on the inside… Father made me beautiful on the outside… but because of that… I malfunctioned… I wanted to be a normal girl… but then I learned I could never be normal… so Father… took away my exoskeleton."
"You looked very beautiful."
"LOOK AT ME!" April and Mary winced from her voice. "I… can never… be normal!"
"Melody… I'm a doll."
"What?!"
"I'm a doll that Mary created. I'm living in somebody's borrowed flesh and blood. When I learned that… I thought I needed to accept my reality. But then we both learned… the reality we live in now is much nicer. We have friends who love us. I'm sure… you have people like that, too."
"…" The robot shrank and retracted her weapons. She more the dull bronze exoskeleton of a humanoid girl. "No… they don't like me…"
"Are you sure?" April touched her chest. "Why don't we go ask them? If you want… I can paint you how you want to be."
Melody smiled. "Okay."
"AAAAAHHH!" That was when the Nimbus collapsed, the group all plummeting to a lower floor. York landed on her head, her legs spreading as a bunch of food fell atop her. "April, what happened?!" Mary asked.
"Urk…I think we better get back to the train! Melody, I hate to ask, but can you help carry York?"
"Okay!"
…
"How're we gonna get back to the R.O.C.K.E.T.-T.R.A.I.N. in this mess?!" Chimney shouted.
"Leave this to me…" A certain president raised his axe.
"Evil Lincoln?!" Arale exclaimed.
"Whether it's wood or metal… I… will… CHOP IIIIIIIIIIIT!"
Lincoln's powerful swing split the Nimbus open so precisely, that the very tips of those sides connected right to the R.O.C.K.E.T.-T.R.A.I.N.. "The train!" Miguel pointed. "I see it!"
"Then strum us over, Miguel!" Aisa said. The rescued Mechanos operatives were safe in her magic satchel. She held onto her boyfriend tight.
"You got it!" With a fierce strum of his electric guitar, they BLAZED up to the train! Arale and Chimney yeeted over with a horse's kick-a-pult, Aigis ran full speed carrying Apis, and Aeincha escorted the Germa operatives (while praising their colorful hair!).
All operatives from Earth and Mechanos were safe aboard the train, escaping before the falling Nimbus could reach the atmosphere. "This is Chimney to Team Jerome! We just saved a bunch of roboperatives and my train is heavier than ever! Where do we dump all these lunks off?!"
"This is Jenny! Let's regroup at our headquarters! I'll send you the coordinates."
"I think we've all done fine work today." Jerome smiled. "We're due for a rest. Tomorrow… we take the fight to Mom."
"Robots RULE!" Bender cheered.
"ROBOTS (and allied humanoids) RULE!"
MomCore
"Brannigan?! Respond!" The president's patience wore thin, her wrinkles crinkling like a frail notebook paper. "Kamikazi! Answer! LOCUS! GAH!" She grabbed her nearby Robot 1-X and hucked it into the static monitor. "Useless cod-sucking nimrods!"
"Yeah, I'd be sayin' the same thing right now." Senator Armstrong marched in at that moment, the 1-X falling at his feet. "These nanomachines were barely worth the arm power they put out!" His right arm was twitching and his knees staggered. "You promised these were Haki Master level!"
"Yeah, but it ain't my fault that you couldn't beat one!"
"I need some better machines PRONTO, Carol! It ain't gonna look good on my campaign if I let those brats get the last laugh!"
"Well, join the club, Musclehead."
"Your Disneybots ain't much better either! You'd think you have interns working on them."
"I believe the operatives' creators are to blame for that." Arthur Watts stepped in. Mom's sons joined him. "They probably anticipated our plans and did some unauthorized cut backs."
"Then you should've supervised them better, dingwat!" Mom smacked him.
"Um, if I may, Mother." Her eldest, Walt spoke. "Before we lost contact with the Nimbus, they had managed to extract some information from the operatives and transmitted it. The Mechanos KND have been searching for the Mother Chips. They are on the verge of completing their quest."
"Hmm…you don't say…" Mom's wrinkles loosened as desire warmed her features.
"Mother Chips?" Armstrong cocked a brow.
"Have you heard the legend?" Mom smiled temptingly. "Somewhere in the world is Motherboard… a legendary spirit said to watch over all robotkind. They say the robot who finds her… has their wish granted."
"Hahahaha! So, even machines have bedtime stories, huh?"
"All legends have merit, don't you know? Motherboard is here, Steven… right under our noses."
"Ooooooohhh…" Armstrong's smirk grew with intrigue.
"Imagine if her wishes come true. My robots… even my nanomachines can grow beyond our imagination."
"Hnnnnn…I like the sound of that."
"The problem is how we steal those chips from them."
"I might have a suggestion." Armstrong held up his Infi-Cube and dumped out a bunch of severed body parts: they were Penny's.
Edward Elric's Automail arm knocked Fatman clean out with a solid blow to the face. Gasping for breath, the Sector Vega leader looked a dozen yards to his right. Penny had no escape from Little Boy's wires this time, while her swords were wrapped around him at several angles. Both sliced each other to pieces.
"PENNY!" Edward rushed over. "AAAAH!" But the massive, unconscious body of his sister came flying at him, flattening the mechanist. "Atlas…!"
"You kids are getting too carried away with your toys." Armstrong marched up to Penny's pieces and scooped them into his cube. "But who knows. I might have some fun with them." A helicopter descended.
"Hey! Give her back!" Ed struggled to push Atlas off. "STOOOOP!" He was short of catching the senator before he was gone beyond the horizon.
"Ah, Pietro's dear daughter…" Watts picked Penny's inactive head up. "Made with Atlesian technology, yes…" He stroked her hair.
"Can you do something, Arthur?" Mom asked.
"Well, it's like they say, Madame: if you can't beat them…" Watts met Mom and the Senator's malicious gazes. "Make them join you."