Today's episode calls back the KND episode, "Operation: S.A.T.U.R.N.."
Ace Hunter, Milky Way Galaxy; May 19
The captain never cared for whatever propaganda the media spread about him. A pirate was supposed to have a "bad" reputation, after all, and sometimes it worked to his advantage. But spreading bad propaganda about the Kids Next Door, going as far as to publicize personal and embarrassing secrets about them, was too low by Augustus's standards. He'd already seen the news about that "light show" that happened on Coruscant. The KND were likely involved in another major, universe-threatening crisis, and he had a hunch the Corporate Presidents were their enemies again. He might've been at odds with the KND sometimes, but even he knew they didn't deserve this kind of defamation.
"August'nnnnnnn!" O-Tama, Suika, and Nel ran into his cabin. Suika's head was bleeding slightly and had pieces of smashed melon. "O-Nel and I were playing what thou calls 'kickballs' with O-Suika! O-Nel doth cheat by growing to mature form and kicking with gusto!"
"Now Suika hurts…"
"Nel thought if Nel win, she'd be Aughsucks' favorite…" Regret hanging over her, the cavegirl bowed her head and twisted her foot on the floor.
"First, Nel, there are no favorites." Gus knelt before the trio and put a hand to her skull-masked head. "I love all you kids the same. But if you're going to play a kids' game, you have to be kid size. Use little feet, like Tama's."
"But Furry Girl play sometimes, and she big."
"Konayuki is gentle!" Tama argued. "She knows Suika's melon's soft!"
"So, can you apologize to Suika, Nel?"
"Mmmm…" Nel halfheartedly glanced to her and said, "Nel sorry…"
"It's okay, Nel." Suika bent down and hugged the smaller girl. "Suika forgives."
"And Suika… are you sure you wouldn't rather switch to a helmet? It's hard enough scrounging up durable melons to fit your ability."
"But if Suika does, Suika won't be Suika…"
"Fine. I think we have one more in the fridge. Ask the grownups to cut it open and carve a helmet; and have Senku bandage that injury."
"Okay. Thank you, Captain." Suika walked away with Nel following. "Mmm!" Tama gave him a gracious bow before leaving as well.
It made Augustus happy that these tykes didn't have to deal with the KND's craziness. The Gourmet Hunting gig wasn't very safe either, but he doubted it was anywhere as stressful as the KND's regular routine. Heck, they might be even more wanted than his own crew at this rate… and considering the Pirate King was among them, it only made sense.
Stewie passed by them on his way into the room. "Well, I looked into that poster you showed me. I found articles about attacks on Coruscant, Mushroom, even Pumparia. The Phantom Troupe seems to target museums, mansions, or even criminal hideouts before making off with their treasures. There aren't any published hints about their identities. But why does this concern you? Wouldn't you rather pass this onto the GKND?"
"I think the KND are too busy. Besides, I don't think Illumi slipped me that poster for nothing. Just feels this Phantom Troupe are someone I should keep under my radar."
"If you say so. I did try to research Earth in that regard, too, and I found something similar: the Phantom Thieves. Supposedly, they're a vigilante group that gained infamy in Tokyo, and they seem credited for making criminals confess and apologize for their sins. But even the logo seems completely unrelated to them."
"Part of me wonders if they could know anything…sigh, I dunno. Maybe it's not worth going out of our way. Thanks anyway, Stewie."
"It's no problem, Cap. If you think these people might become a threat to the crew, it's important we know as much as possible. Anyway, now to decide our next course."
Gus followed Stewie back to the bridge. Konayuki and Hinahoho were engaged in a training exercise, the child swinging her new, black, thick sword against his harpoon in a defensive position. Her speed with the swings was slowly improving, and Gus found it humorous how Hina was wincing from her impacts. Senku wiped Suika's blood and fixed her with bandages, mostly covered by her messy hair. Kohaku pecked her sore spot with a sweet kiss before slipping her new helmet on. Tama and Nel had taken to sparring, throwing focused punches and kicks directly at the other's hand or foot. In each exchange, Nel would be the one stumbling back. "O-Nel, thou must straighten thine limbs. Thine blows must be quick and complete to achieve the best results!"
"What Purple Girl know? Nel learn to fight on own, and Nel strong!"
"O-Tama agrees." The ninja smiled. "When I see O-Nel grow into strong, beautiful warrior, O-Tama feels envious. Thou art much faster and stronger than Tama, a worthy woman to serve August'n."
"T…Tama really think so?"
"Hai!!" Tama jumped directly in front of Nel, their difference in height clear as the ninja smirked down at her aspiringly. "O-Tama hopes to be as mature as thou someday!"
"Hmhmhm…" Nel's flush was almost hidden by her makeup.
Exploring the universe on the hunt for rare foods wouldn't be nearly as fun without these delightful children. Their voices livened his heart every morning on every adventure. "DWAH!!" The captain was tackled by a small sphinx, a tall rabbit, and Maggie whose hair was done up like rabbit ears.
"WE'VE GOT THE PRAY! GARCHU!" Carrot chomped Gus's ear.
"A hunter's got to be wary, Captain!" Pea teased.
"Mw-mw-mw-mw! (You left me with the rabbit man and look what I became!)" Maggie gestured in a somewhat feral manner.
"Hahahahaha!" And sometimes, these kids were a pain in the ear. That's why, he feared, sooner or later they might be roped in to whatever was happening in the KND, if they didn't get involved with this Phantom Troupe first. Even the little ones might get upset with all the drama. He would like to do something nice for them now… and as he remembered what galaxy they were in, he remembered something special about a certain planet.
"ATTEEEENTION!" The crewmen all sprung upright and faced him like well-trained troops. This helped to get the "animals" off him, too. "I'm sure you're all wondering why we've come back to the good ol' Milky Way Galaxy."
"To see the Martian Marshmallows, right?" Tressa asked.
"That was the original plan, but I just remembered, today is a very special day: it's Intergalactic Children's Day!"
"It… is? Today?"
"I'm an astronaut and somewhat a professional in intergalactic customs and I've never heard of it." Senku said skeptically.
"Actually, it was Children's Day two days ago in Norway." Stewie quickly Googled.
"Well, there ya go, we're celebrating late! That's why, today, I wanna take ya someplace special! A planet that delights children the galaxy over. We're going… TO SATURN!"
". . . . . ." The non-Earthlings had never even heard of the planet, while the Earthlings questioned the specialness of the revelation. "C'mon, Senku, even YOU must know about Saturn!"
"Saturn is the 6th planet from our sun, and is a gas giant that's over 95 times the size of Earth, albeit with 1/8 the density. Its core is likely composed of iron-nickel, surrounded by metallic hydrogen, liquid hydrogen, and liquid helium, and is a pale-yellow color due to ammonia crystals in its-"
"THE RING, MAN, TELL ME ABOUT THE RING!"
"Eh, well, the ring is made from ice particles with rocky debris and dust."
"NO, NO, that's completely wrong! You tellin' me an astronaut from the Milky Way has never been to Saturn?"
"I mean, as soon as I got my rocket license, I wanted to explore way more than just these old planets. I based this stuff off textbooks. The only Saturn I really cared about was the Sega Saturn."
"Well, your textbooks are seriously outdated. Stewie, fly us to Saturn pronto. I'll show you guys what's up."
"If you say so, Captain. Let's go marvel at the gas giant in all its glory."
Saturn
To Senku's admittance, seeing Saturn up close was more amazing than in a textbook. The ring was much more colorful and rainbowy than he'd been led to believe, and it's no wonder the outsiders were mesmerized by it. Ringed planets were fairly rare, but it isn't like there'd be anywhere fun to explore in a giant mass of gas, surrounded by… those weren't rocks. (Play "Space Junk Galaxy" from Mario Galaxy.)
They were monkeys! Billions upon billions of Rainbow Monkeys, orbiting the planet! They came in all shapes and varieties, colors and sizes. "AUGUST'N!! What magical primates be those?!"
"Rainbow Monkeys. It's a story my mom heard from Haylee's mom. I'm glad to see it's actually true."
"So, you didn't even know for sure?" Tressa questioned.
"What's exploring when you already know everything? Let's get on some helmets though, kids, there's no ozone out here. Hey, Klumsy, you're joining us, too!"
The crew slowly dropped down from the ship and landed on the belly of a giant, purple monkey. The ring itself covered far more than an average planet… monkeys and monkeys farther than the eye could see. "Haha! Tama, Tama!" Suika gleefully skipped her way along the field of toys. "They're so squishy! And Suika feels so light!!"
"O-Tama thinkest she canst flyyyyyyyy!" Tama spread her glider to cover more surface with her weightless leap! …Though the glider had nothing to do with it since there was no air!
"Buhuhuhuhuhu!" K. Lumsy found a friend in a brown monkey that was his size. "I wove monkeys! King K. Wool wanted me to squish all da monkeys, but I didn't wanna! Cushy-cushy-coooooo…" In his attempt to kiss its cheek, Lumsy only pecked the inside of his croc-shaped helmet.
"Tehehe!" Carrot giggled, her ears poking out of her helmet. "You're way more of a monkey than a crocodile!"
"Brother Hina!" Konayuki was half-submerged in the fluff. "Try to catch me!"
"Kona, don't dive under there!" Hina tried to grab her, but the yeti fully dove, swimming around. "Kona, if you get lost down there, we might never find you! KONA!" The panicking elder dove underneath in desperation. "Kona, where are you?! Please answer me! Kona!"
The child emerged several meters away, dashing after Tama and Suika. "Hahahaha! Let's have a race! To that giant white monkey!"
"Nel won't let win!" Nel pranced after them on all fours.
"Curses!" Tama yelled. "In this space, there is no weight! Konayuki hast yonder advantage!"
"Tama, try to throw me ahead!" Suika shrank into her helmet, layered over her melon.
"Hai!" Tama caught and hurdled the ball with gusto!
"You know, this far out in space would be hella cold." Senku said. "If it weren't for the heat emitted by Saturn's gas, we'd be frozen. This ain't the place I'd expect children to be frolicking in."
"In a universe where kids get to fly wherever they want in spaceships and attain world-shaking power, any place is a playground." Gus smiled.
"It's true." Pea grinned. "It was very kind of you to take us out here, Captain. They're having so much fun!"
"Yeah, they are! So, why aren't you two with them?"
"Hm?" Stewie and Maggie faced him with confusion.
"Y'all are kids, too. So, throw up your arms and join them."
"Captain, we're over 30 years old. We may have been chronologically frozen, but we're adults in mind and heart. And the only time I ran gaily like that was in my Disney dream. …And believe me, it was not an appropriate dream."
"Then why do you still watch PBS and other kid shows?"
"To gauge their constructive value for a broader audience! Which, so far, they've failed at!"
A couple years ago
"Boots, the Blueberry Tree should be around here." said Dora the Explorer.
"But where is it, Dora?"
"It's right freakin' behind you." Stewie said. "You should've seen it from the direction you were coming from!"
"Do YOU see the Blueberry Tree?" Dora asked the audience.
"IT'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU! Are you really so braindead that you can't make a 180 degree turn?!"
"Huh? It's where?"
"ARE YOU PLAYING DUMB WITH ME, WOMAN?! I didn't sit here for 20 *** minutes just so you could act like a bloody ignoramus! And after everything Swiper put us through, you'd better make a damn good blueberry pie or so help me!"
Now
"Come on, Stewie." Pea smiled, bobbing on her heels; except the low gravity let her stay balanced on her heels. "I'm a grownup, too, and I still love toys."
"And so do you, Stew." Gus smirked. "Or else… why would you still have THIS?" And he drew Stewie's favorite teddybear.
"RUPERT! You know he's not allowed to leave the retirement home! He's too old for adventuring! What kind of sick bastard are you?!"
"GO AND GET HIM!" Augustus threw Rupert forth!
"Maggie, grappling gun!"
"Mw-mw!" The infant launched the grappler, flying slowly in the weightlessness. But Pea, as a sphinx, was already ahead of them, leaping to catch Rupert in her teeth and kicking the grappler away.
"BLAST!" Stewie bolted after her, pulling Maggie with. "COME BACK HERE, YOU TRAITOR!"
Pea giggled under her bite as she caught up to the girls. Konayuki, still in the lead, was playing "pass the ball" with Tama and Nel, using Suika's "head." She chucked it to Tama, who kicked it to Nel, who wrapped all fours around Suika, flipped, and tried to throw her ahead of Kona. The yeti caught her, jumped high in the air, and threw Suika far behind them. Pea saw her coming, leapt, and kicked Suika with her hindleg. "Waaaaahhhh!" Unfortunately, her arch was a little too high. "Suika's going too faaaaarr!"
"Uh-oh!" Pea gasped. "I didn't mean to do that!"
"Maggie!" Stewie yelled, the infant instinctively shooting her grappler to catch Suika's helmet hole. She succeeded in bringing the melonhead to safety.
"Hahaha! Thanks, Maggie!"
"Mw-mw!" Maggie turned and "air-rolled" the ball to Stewie. The act of catching it sparked a feeling of joy.
"Stewtaro! Stewtaro!" Tama yelled. "Passeth her to Tama!"
"No, to Nel!"
"Heheh…" Smiling, Stewie threw Suika to Nel, who jumped and did the all-fours catch, tossing her above Kona. The yeti flipped upside-down, caught her between her furry legs, and after another rotation, sent Suika flying to Maggie. The baby caught and attached Suika to a launching gun, shooting her toward the right of Pea. Pea let go of Rupert and pranced to catch her; Stewie seized this chance to leap and retrieve his bear. Then, when Pea tossed Suika to him, Stewie threw Rupert to catch the giggling ball.
The grownups followed at a more leisurely pace, Kohaku floating and slowly rotating along at acrobatic angles. "I'm glad they're all having fun." Kohaku said. "Still, is there any other reason you decided to treat them, Captain? It just felt a little sudden."
"Well, after that accident with Suika, I just felt like… takin' them somewhere fun, ya know? For all the hard work they've been doing."
"Does that mean you're gonna do something for us teens?" Tressa smiled teasingly.
"Sure, I'll bring you all to the most romantic restaurant I can find."
"Oh, we want something more fun than that."
"Unless they serve my favorites, garchu!" Carrot perked.
"Heh heh! …Oh, it looks like the race is still on." Gus noticed.
"Hey!" Pea had just noticed the anomaly. "Tama's getting ahead in the race!"
"But Tama right there." Nel pointed at the ninja, who had been sharing in the ballgame this whole time.
"Tehehehehe!" Tama snickered, the Shadow Clone disappearing.
"Hahahahahahaha!" The real Tama was in glee, too far for the other racers to catch up. She was determined to be the one to reach the white monkey first! "Huh?" The pile of monkeys before her shuffled. What seemed like a giant worm with colored segments and a Rainbow Monkey face emerged from the toys. "WAAAH!" The smiling worm gnashed at Tama as if to bite her, the ninja batting its head away with her staff. The worm curved itself up and dove down to engulf Tama headfirst, who was too slow in this space to dodge. "AAAAH!" Only her legs flailed to shake free of its mouth. "NO! O-Tama dost not want to be eaten! Someone heeeelp!"
"O-Tama!" Kona swung her Kanazuchi at the Monkworm's body, bending it as it spat Tama free. A pair of giant cymbals rose from the surface and smashed the flying ninja between them. Their owner, a giant red frog with a monkey bib, rose. It opened the cymbals to study the captive, only to find a squashed monkey doll. The real Tama spawned a short distance away with Substitution Jutsu. The frog slowly waggled after her, slamming its cymbals to splash shockwaves of monkeys, the ninja doing her best to bat them away. The Fronkey closed in on her, but it would be clapped between a bigger pair of hands: K. Lumsy raised and threw the beast to the stars.
"Thanketh thee, O-Lumsy!"
"Duhuhu! Lemme pick you up, Tama."
"Hai!" Safety filled Tama as the giant took her in his soft, scaly hands.
"I didn't think there'd be creatures here!" Augustus said, creeped out as monkeys with popgun mouths rose around them. The grownups tanked their attacks and proceeded to kick or crush them. "No, they're just living toys!"
"Something's gotta be behind this." Senku glared. "Or someone…"
"I wish I could use bending out here!" Tressa yelled, flailing her arms at nothing. "Stupid space!"
Lumsy carried Tama back to rejoin the kids, whom were all surrounded by giant Groundhog Monkeys. Lumsy whipped his tail, but a groundhog grabbed it and slammed Lumsy on his back, the giant sinking into the toys. "Prithee Nel! We need thee to be beeg! I mean, big!"
"Hmm!" Nel's legs grew thick to support her mature frame. A Monkhog tried to grab her, but Nel dodged behind its hand, grabbed her arms around its arm, and hauled it out of the ground. Though gravity slowed her movement, Nel dealt it a swift kick, making sure to stretch her leg all the way as Tama taught her and sending the beast a fair distance. Konayuki batted a Monkhog toward Kohaku, who diced it up with her daggers, while Augustus threw his Gobspinner to grind up another's body.
"Hm?" August cocked a brow. Colorful glitter seemed to dot their helmets upon destroying the toys. "What's this stuff? They almost feel like sugar grains…"
"OUTSIDERS!" A loud, omniscient, mechanical voice startled them to attention. "Desist at once! My creations meant you no harm! They only wanted to play!"
"Wh-Who said that?!"
"I am RAMON-4, the guardian of this planet. In an age long past, Rainbow Monkeys dwelled all over this world, until a terrible tragedy turned it into ruin. A piece of the planet broke off from the surface, later to crash onto Earth and become Rainbow Monkey Island. Over eons, their story became a legend, and that legend gave birth to the brand of Rainbow Monkeys the Earthlings cherish. Tell me, visitors, what purpose do you have on this planet?"
"We just wanted to bring the kids a fun place to play." Tressa answered.
"It has been a very long time since outsiders landed on our ring. A long time since we've felt the love of a child. Could I invite you into our domain?"
A light shone from the large, white monkey they were initially heading to. "Uh, I don't think so." Gus said. "And I think it's time we-"
"NEGATIVE." The ring rumbled under the toneless echo of a feminine voice. "Children should not take orders from teenagers. Adults and teenagers must be defeated."
"CAPTAIN!" Tressa cried as the teens were forcibly dragged into the toys.
"August'n!" Tama grabbed his hand, Kona trying to pull up Carrot and Suika Kohaku, but the toys acted as quicksand to drag them down while purposely pushing the kids out. A struggling Nel shrank into kid form to escape their grasp, and the toys ceased trying to drag her.
"Do not fear, children. The evil adults have been subdued. Please step into our chamber. My husband and I would love to meet you."
The children looked to the light with strong fear and hesitation. Stewie faced it bravely and declared, "Alright. But you'd better release them after we're finished!"
"Acknowledged."
The seven children walked past Lumsy's half-sunken form and reached the white monkey. The inside was a mixture of monkey doll parts, soft and fluffy, and even the gravity was stable. There were two machines at the opposite end: a spider-like droid with a red iris, and an old robot connected to pipes and the label Rainbow Monkey 4ever written on it. "You may remove your helmets. The oxygen here is stabilized."
The kids complied, breathing in the stale air. "You're RAMON-4." Stewie deduced. "Just what are you?"
"I am a Rainbow Monkey created with artificial intelligence. Intelligent… but unloved. That was until I met the purehearted Kuki Sanban… and before I met Computer."
"Just 'Computer'?"
"I was the computer for Kids Next Door Sector V, and was in love with my leader. But, a malfunction in my system caused me to self-destruct, and my central core to be blown into space. In the coming months, RAMON would find me and construct this body."
"Right…" Their stories were a little bit confusing to the youths.
"The souls of billions of Rainbow Monkeys linger over this world." RAMON resumed. "When I arrived here, their souls resonated with my A.I. and gave me the ability to attract Rainbow Monkey merchandise. So, over generations, I began abducting monkeys from Earth whom were no longer wanted or loved by children who have grown old."
"And this is how many thou hast collected?" Tama asked.
"It's surprising, isn't it? Of course, much of what you see here was exported to other planets. It does my hard-drive happy to know Rainbow Monkeys are enjoyed the universe over. Tell me, young ones… do you love Rainbow Monkeys as well?"
"O-Tama hast scarcely heard of them."
"Kona doesn't know them either."
"INSOLENCE!" RAMON's eyes flashed red and curved angrily. "What cruel adults would not teach their children the joy of Rainbow Monkeys?!"
"Kohaku and her friends aren't cruel!" Suika stomped. "They're the best grownups around! You gotta let them go!"
"Adults are the enemies of children." Computer said. "Though parents may feign kindness and purchase toys for you, it is only to keep you in line."
"Well, someone needs to update your hard-drive," Stewie argued, "because you wouldn't believe the freedom the KND have nowadays. The adults have legalized them and everything! Even the blasted adult armies are getting lazy because they let the KND handle everything."
"Do you mean to say… the war on Adult Tyranny is over?"
"Well, I wouldn't quite say that either. There are still plenty of evil adults out there. But our captain isn't one of them. In fact, he rescued some of us from evil adults! Imagine growing up under a fat drunk of a father who destroys the neighborhood every week, an irritating witch of a mother, and a talking dog with the most insufferable ego known to man?!"
"The term 'drunk' is unfamiliar to my vocabulary banks. Please define."
"We have nothing more to say to you." Pea huffed. "We were having such a fun time here before you ruined it. Now, release our friends so we can leave."
"Wait!" RAMON frowned regretfully. "We did not mean to cause you harm! Rainbow Monkeys are not meant to spread fear and hatred. We want only to spread love. I am releasing your adult friends… now."
The quicksand of toys flowed the opposite direction, pushing the teens back to the surface. "Huh? Did the kids do something?" Carrot asked.
"I didn't actually feel much 'threat' from these things." Gus reasoned.
"We art very grateful, RAMON-dono." Tama bowed. "O-Tama may know little of thine breed of colorful primates… but she loves thee nonetheless." And she hugged the half-rusted robot.
"Suika loves, too." The melon hugged.
"Hahahaha!" Konayuki knelt down and squeezed them. Nel joined, along with Pea… while Maggie stared at Stewie expectantly.
"…Eh." With a shrug and a smile, Stewie joined the hug, with Maggie following his example. Though they all came from different worlds, under bizarrely different circumstances, they were all united under Augustus's flag. This love they all shared was also for him.
"If I may, children, I have a request I'd like to make of you. If you are ever on Earth, could you locate Kuki Sanban and her family? Could you ask them to come and visit sometime? I would love to see how she is doing…"
"We would also like to leave you a parting gift." Computer said. "A kind of sugar orbits this planet and has gained a unique flavor by attaching onto the monkeys outside. If I had tastebuds, I wonder how this sugar may taste when added to Rainbow Munchies cereal."
"That sounds fascinating!" Pea beamed. "Thank you! And we'll be sure to pass on your message."
"But before you do, I strongly recommend visiting these coordinates first." Some numbers appeared in RAMON's eyes. "They will make your breakfast all the more delicious."
The Marzipan Pirates returned across the ring with no further conflict. "Saturn Sugar?" Gus studied the colorful glitter on his finger. "I guess we're paying another trip back to Earth. But let's see where these coordinates take us first."
After a return to their ship, the crew flew to the specified coordinates, drawing near to what seemed like a stream of white gracing the stars. "Moooooooo…" The sight was so fantastic, it was almost comical. They were… Space Cows! Black with patches of white around them, like the inverse of normal cows! They seemed to graze on stardust around a vast river of milk.
"I…I can't believe it!" Senku gasped. "I never knew Milky Way had anything like this!"
"Heh heh heh…" Augustus remembered, right then, why he loved being an adventurer. To learn such bizarre wonders and facts that helped everything make sense. "This is why… they call it the Milky Way…"
"Captain…" Stewie spoke. "I know I don't say this enough, but… I've never felt happier before joining this crew."
"Mw-mw…mw…" Maggie shared his sentiment.
"I would never feel happy… if I didn't get to share this with you all."
They were in no hurry to collect the milk now. They only wanted to float there and marvel. Marvel over what more wonders they may find in this cosmos of heavenly ingredients. "Hey, where's Hina?" Tressa wondered.
"KONAYUKIIIII!" The Imuchakk surfaced from the ring, having been lost in its depths for a while. "Where are you?! Captain, Tressa, anyone?!" He frantically dug and threw hordes of toys up behind him, including a cymbals monkey, a piano monkey, or a monochrome cat playing a digeridoo. "Oh, no! They've all been claimed by the ring! They are one with the monkeys! NOOOOOOOO!"