Arabian Desert
"Did you know deserts are sometimes considered oceans?" asked the leader of the Mariachi Owls. "Likewise, pirate ships can be modified to sail them as smoothly as the salty waves. On this sandy sea, the brave Captain Augustus sails to meet a promised crewmate, but with the escalating bounty on his head, how long will he survive?"
"He's still alive in the Third Gen, amigo."
"For all you know, that could be an impostor!"
The Ace Sailor glid up a sand dune before descending the steep incline on the other side. "Hey, check out those owls playing instruments over there." Carrot pointed, the newly-added rabbit Mobian manning the crow's nest. She wore an orange desert robe and headwear, but with her arms and legs bare, and matching shoes with curled ends.
"Ah, they're just mariachis that follow me around sometimes." Augustus replied. "Ignore them."
"Captain…huff…" Hinahoho was melting a puddle of sweat on the deck. "This is my first time… being in a desert… and I question how… the Fanalis put up with it, huff…"
"I guess this ain't the place for a whale-man." Senku inferred, controlling a remote robot into mopping up the sweat.
"It's a lot hotter than Zou, for sure." Carrot replied. "But I've been to Sandopolis on a mission once. These sand hills are a lot of fun to ride down on a snowboard!"
"See anything, yet, Carrot?" Tressa asked. She and Kohaku wore swimsuits to catch rays on the upper deck.
"I'm not sure… it's pretty hazy…aha! I see a walking bunch of bananas up ahead!"
"Tell me why Carrot's the lookout when we have Kohaku and Maggie?" Stewie questioned.
"'Cause she can take over and give me breaks." Kohaku smiled.
"Well, she's doing a good job spotting that mirage."
"Mw-mw-mw!" Maggie slapped Stewie three times before pointing that way in correction. There actually was a walking, green banana monster a short distance left of the ship.
"Never heard of that being native 'round these parts." Augustus smirked, walking out of the cabin with three yellow sandboards. "Carrot, Tressa, you're with me! I'm sure Pea is close."
"GARCHU!" Carrot excitedly hopped down from the nest. "You got actual snowboards?!"
"Sandboards. You can press a little button here to make it boost you up hills."
"Why do I have to gooooo?" Tressa moaned, putting on her desert robe and begrudgingly taking her board.
"You get to be a banana merchant! And a sand surfer. So, surf's up!"
The trio surfed toward the banana creature as it chucked its green fruits like boomerangs. The bananas could hit like baseballs for normal humans, but Augustus was far more built, catching and stashing them for later. "Wait, that's a Green Buncher!" Tressa realized. "They're native to deserts on Avalar! People like to harvest the babanas that grow from them."
"Babanas?" Carrot asked after catching one. "Looking close, they're shaped different from bananas." The rabbit peeled it and chewed the soft interior. "Garchu!" The taste was new and exotic!
"Then the question is why they wound up here…" Augustus pondered as they surfed up a sandhill. They overlooked a valley frolicking with Babana Bunchers, ranging between green and yellow.
Rattle, rattle, rattle. "Help! Someone! Free me from this prison!"
The distant, deep, manly voice resounded in Carrot's ears. "Captain, I hear someone crying for help!"
"Huh? Was it Pea?"
"I don't know, it sounded like a man's voice. It sounds like it's coming from… that way?"
Augustus called, "See, Stewie, Kohaku is the eyes and Carrot's the ears. If you wanna talk about having two lookouts, maybe you and Senku can work out a scientist duet."
"Well, he better realize I look the best in Floran Lip Gloss."
Surfing around three more Babana-filled dunes, they stopped, agape at a huge pile of Babanas. They saw some kind of gold and blue, Arabian pot half-buried in the fruits, rumbling in place. Augustus approached and grabbed it, having to apply a good amount of force to wrest it from the Babanas' grasp. "Nnh!" Once successful, the lid popped open.
"Aaaaaahhhhhh!" A red genie with a black beard and blue turban emerged.
"A GENIE?!" Tressa exclaimed.
"WHAT'S A GENIE?!" Carrot screamed.
"They grant wishes!"
"EH?! I wish for a giant carrot!"
"Salaam!" the genie proclaimed. "I am Al-Khemi, the Genie of the Cauldron! For freeing me, Captain Augustus, I shall grant your deepest wish!"
"Alright." Augustus unwrapped a new lollipop and held it out. "I wish for you to transform into a little girl."
"HUH?!" the girls gawked.
"Very well! Your wish," he grabbed his face and pulled it: there was a flash, and the genie was replaced with a little green-haired child, "is my command!"
"THERE'S MY PEA!" Augustus lifted and hugged the 8-year Kokiri.
"Hehehehehe! Augustus!"
"Oh, it's her!" Tressa beamed. "So… she can turn into a genie?"
"Hehe! This is my new mask!" Augustus set Pea down as she picked up the genie's mask. "It's a rare cooking genie! Uncle Ernesto and I raided the hidden city, Magnostadt to steal it."
"Wow, that sounds kinda bad!"
"Don't worry, he's holding off the guards! He had time to help turn this genie into a mask though. Wound up breaking this herd of Bunchers out of town, too. Think they were imports from Avalar. I tried to nick a few from this big one, but you can see how that turned out."
"Wait…" Tressa backed up in worry. "You mean this giant pile's a-" (Play "Unique Monster Theme" from Xenoblade 3!)
Sub-boss: Ripened Julius
A pair of hulking arms, shaped by the Babanas, stretched out of the pile and plopped their selves on the ground. They pushed up as the pile rose, growing a smallish head with leaves on top. Julius' right arm stretched out and whipped the teenagers down, while Pea's small frame ducked. She put the Genie Mask back on, extracting a sword a shield from its pot. Julius slammed the other arm down, only for Pea to slice it, afterwards going in to dice up its Babana armor. Julius slammed its whole body over Pea, but she sank into her pot and churned it, blasting a ray of fire to char a chunk of the fruits. Julius leapt around the air to deal upside-down Ground Pounds. Pea quickly took off her mask and assumed her sphinx form to quickly evade it. Once the Buncher stopped, Pea charged and gnashed its weak little head.
"So, is she a shapeshifter or something?" Carrot asked.
"Pea has two powers." Augustus answered. "Her Devil Fruit turns her into a sphinx. She can ask enemies riddles to block them from getting closer unless they answer. Unfortunately, it can't work on unintelligent beings who couldn't answer. She was also born with the unique power to turn people into masks and turn into them, inheriting their powers."
"I see. …Those Red Ribbon humans used Devil Fruits, too. What are they?"
"We'll hack the KND's website later, they have all the important info."
When Julius flipped back upright, the Buncher spun toward Pea, aiming to chop her with its Babana peel legs like a fan. Pea put on the Hoteye Mask (a man with a Rupee-shaped face) and used its earthbending to stir the sandy ground and make Julius trip. She continued to bend the sand to rotate Julius' head at her, pummeling it with her fists. Julius flipped upright and hurdled a storm of Babanarangs, but Pea quickly switched to her Zathurian Mask. She opened portals to catch the Babanas and redirect them at Julius, though they merely latched back onto it. "I guess its own fruits won't hurt it."
Julius split itself from the middle, releasing a noxious pheromone. "Captain!" Tressa yelled. "The little ones are coming!"
"Babababababababa!" The smaller Bunchers waddled their way to the crew.
"Stewie!" Augustus called. "Send the big guy over! He loves bananas—or whatever!"
Pea warped above Julius and became a sphinx, tearing into the monster's head. Julius desperately flipped its arms up to bash her rapidly, but this didn't stop her relentless tearing into its fruity skull. It soon lost the intelligence to fight, anymore, so it collapsed.
Tressa and Carrot knocked the smaller Bunchers into a pile with kicks and airbending. The rabbit heard a heavy shifting of sand and saw huge cloud approaching. "There's a sandstorm coming! Huh?!"
"WHEEEEEE!" An enormous, pudgy crocodile emerged from the sand, his giddy gaping mouth open.
"AAAAAH! WORSE! IT'S A MONSTER!"
"Carrot, meet K. Lumsy." Augustus smiled. "He hides out on the Hunter most of the time. Sorry we never introduced you."
"MMMMMM!" The fallen Babana Bunchers were engulfed in the giant's maw. "I bwove bananas! They bake by bouth feel wike I'm kissing a cute gowilla~"
"We don't usually bring him out 'cause he's afraid of fighting." Tressa said. "And he's… (hard to listen to, let's be honest)." she said in a whisper.
"He looks like… a Kremling…" Carrot's panic slowly turned into concern.
"We won him from the Kremlings in a game." August replied. "But relax, he's a real softie. Hey, don't hog them all, Lumsy! We need enough to make pies! (Oh, and, no one tell him the Babanas were living creatures. Hehe…) Hey, Klumsy, say hello to our new friend, Carrot!"
"Awww, bwhat a cute bwunny!" Lumsy reached to tap her little head with his dense, gentle claw. "Hewwo, Cawwot. Wew you be by fwiend?"
"Nnnnhh…" Carrot's fur quivered in unease. (End song.)
Lumsy helped carry all the remaining Babanas back to the Ace Hunter flagship. Pea was given other ingredients to bring into her genie cauldron, proceeding to craft Babana Pies for everyone! "MMMMM!" The lush flavor coursed a rush of adrenaline in Hina, the Imuchakk growing like a tree. "I feel the strength to survive the harsh deserts and wild tropics!"
"Nel feel like dancing on treetops!" the cavegirl cheered.
"OOO-OOOOOOHH!" Kohaku hammered her chest and hollered across the mountain! …or at least she did in her dream. "Tell me I didn't just do that."
"Suika wants to, too! Oooooooo!" The melonhead pounded her tiny chest!
"Now I see why you left." Augustus smiled. "Cooking Genies come in pretty handy."
"Uh-huh!" Pea nodded. "When I was here, it only dawned on me that… you guys don't really have a chef."
The others' faces fell when they realized this. "I… did not realize this." Hina said.
"Yuzu was our chef, but she didn't stay with us." Kohaku replied.
"What're ya talking about, I was the chef!" Senku reminded. "Mixing materials into containers at fixed amounts and temperatures is part of a scientist's job."
"Your food never seemed to have that much flavor, Senku…"
"I agree, buddy, you had no real taste or passion." Augustus reasoned. "Only logic and science."
"You cut me deep, man."
"So, how is MY cooking, Captain?" Pea smiled.
"Just great, Pea!" Kohaku answered.
"O-Tama loves it!!"
"It's still not enough." Augustus stated.
"What?" Pea's face fell.
"How could you say that?!" Carrot asked.
"I mean, it's fine… but it doesn't have the same 'passion' Yuzu had. You only got your skills from the genie… and even then, it's not the same as eating food prepared by a chef with experience."
"Oh…I get it."
"It's okay, Pea." Suika put an arm around her. "Suika loves it!"
"O-Tama dost, too!" The ninja offered her own arm. "Thank thee for making this!"
"Welcome to the crew, Pea!" Konayuki raised all three children and squeezed them in her fluffy arms. The children giggled delightedly!
"And our playroom grows ever livelier!" Tressa cheered. "In fact, most of them are named after food. Tama, Pea, Suika (melon), STEW-ie, Carrot… is there a food called Konayuki?"
"I dunno, but I'm already psyched for our next adventure!" Augustus cheered. "We unlocked two party members in practically no time at all! Where should we go first, crew? I could go for any-"
"AHEM, CAPTAIN!" Pea drew everyone's attention. "Actually… I went somewhere else before coming here. I…I promised your parents I'd bring you all to your house. They want to meet the crew."
It was then that Augustus's face fell. "Uhhhh…OH, I remember, I wanted to visit Hyrule! You're a Kokiri, so maybe we could check out the Kokiri Forest!"
"But Captaaaiiin!"
"Dude, are you still worried about us gossiping about you?" Tressa asked. "Get over it, I wanna see your folks!"
"Er, WAIT! What about Uncle Ernesto? Maybe we should break into Magnostadt and make sure he's okay. Carrot, ever been to a city of Arabian wizards? I bet it's to die for!"
"I'm just fine, amigoooooos!" Ernesto came flying past the windshield on a Sombrero Saucer. "Have fun in your new crew, sobrina!"
"GET HIIIIIIIIM!" A team of Magnostadt wizards flew after him in flying turbans.
"Thanks, Uncle Ernestoooooo!" Pea waved. "Well, that problem's solved. Time to go to Augustus's hooouuuse!"
"But, like… it doesn't even have any cool food there! Just muffins!"
"Forgive me, Captain," Hinahoho said, "but I would love to visit your homeland. Just as you visited all of ours when you recruited us…"
"Yeah, well… Stewie, Maggie, back me up! You didn't like your homes either!"
"No, we don't." Stewie replied. "And that's why I think you're making a big deal over nothing. You have a loving family and a pleasant neighborhood. Honestly, I could say that I'm envious. And I'm sure they'll love the rest of us, too."
"Mmm…" All his crewmen gazed at him expectantly. Tama's sweet eyes were pleading, Carrot's were bubbling with slight hurt, and Kohaku merely looked reprovingly. "…Ugh, fine. But only because that's the only meaningful thing Stewie's said since the Davy Back Fight. Seriously, all you do is quip at me and NOW you wanna be serious?!"
"I'm always after your best interests, Captain."
"So, we're in agreement!" Pea cheered. "TO DRURY!"
"Oh, wait, what about Kipo and Wolf?" Augustus asked. "We're still not sure if they'll join the crew, shouldn't we wait until-"
"NO MORE DELAYS! TO DRURY!"
Drury
Secluded in a valley of rounded hills with the smoothest grass, Drury was a peaceful, quiet town, famous for its muffin bakery. "I mean, my house is tiny!" Augustus continued to insist as they traveled the hills. "There's no way we're all gonna fit! Especially Hina and Klumsy."
"Then I'll shrink us all. Or just you." Stewie remarked.
"Shrink your ego, Football Head."
"Oi, Carrot." Senku nudged the rabbit. "Check it out. It's your cousins."
"Huh?" Her gaze was directed to the trio of white rabbits nibbling a bush. "Oh…" Carrot had seen nonintelligent rabbits on Flicky Island. It was happy to know they lived on other worlds, too.
"Awwwww, wook, Cawwot!" Lumsy cooed. "More wibble bwunnies. Wet's take dem, too!" The giant reached a single claw toward one of the rodents.
"HEY!" Carrot jumped and slapped his finger away. "Don't touch them!"
"BWOH! W-W-W-Whab I do?"
"You were gonna crush them!"
"N-N-No! I bon't cwush the bwunnies…"
"Then stay away from them! Uck, Tres was right, the way you talk is just…" Clutching her hat, Carrot stomped back on track in a fast pace. A whimpering Lumsy stood back up and kept following.
"Um…" Tressa felt awkward watching the exchange. "So, what do your folks like? Maybe I'll have something to sell them."
"If you got any airplanes, my dad's a geek over those. Chilidogs, too."
"Were they pirates or hunters like you?" Kohaku asked.
"Only Mum." Pea answered. "I'm sure she'll have quite the story to tell you there!"
The Fizzuras home was plain with white wood, an orange roof, and lollipop-shaped bushes. "Nel already been here." Nel swooned. "When Aughsucks give her bath."
"August'n doth never give O-Tama bath!"
"'Cause the babysitting license I stole expired."
Augustus stopped just at reaching the door. Bringing the entire crew to his house, where his naggy parents were… this was all too sudden. Why did Pea have to pressure him into doing this? He wanted to back out of this right now. Just go back to the ship and let them all do the talking themselves. Why should he just let them- "Ugh, let me do it!" Kohaku enlarged her fist and SMASHED the door in!
Henrietta and Antonio Fizzuras were in the entrance hall, as if waiting for them to knock… but expectedly dumbfounded by the forceful entry. "Uh…oops. Do you want me to fix that?"
"N-Nein, nein, it's fine." Henrietta consoled. "Ahem, um, anyvay…" she acted as if she were getting back on script, "AUGUSTUS! VELCOME HOME!" The mother zoomed up in her wheelchair, reaching to pull her son into a hug!
"There's my little adventurer!" Antonio ruffed his hair. "Is THIS your crew?! YO, where'd you pick up all these fine ladies?!"
"Uuuuugh…" Augustus wanted it to end already.
"Khh, WOW, Captain!" Tressa snickered. "He's like an older you!"
"HI, AUGUST'N'S PARENTS!" Tama waved ecstatically. "O-Tama is honored to meet thee!"
"Wow, that chair has wheels! Can Suika sit in it?!"
"My, you're an interesting vone!" Henrietta patted the child's melon. "Um…vhat are you?"
"Suika is Suika! This is her real face!" Suika popped her melon up. "Suika has glass in her melon to see. Now you look all blurry."
"Oh, I see. Vell, I need zis chair to move around. I can't valk after…"
"I remember the tale." Hina bowed. "It was the same time Rallo died…"
August let out a little grunt. Carrot glanced in sympathy. She'd been told about Rallo just yesterday, though hadn't been given the details. "Ahem, vell, make yourselves at home!"
"Come on, you know all these lunks can't fit in our-"
"FIRST ONE TO FIND CAPTAIN'S ROOM GETS TO READ HIS DIARY!" Tressa zoomed past the family and through the door, the others following suit against the fury of their grumbling captain.
"Ahem, I shall… be careful." Hinahoho crouched and carefully squat-walked into the house. "Konayuki, please put that down!"
K. Lumsy, meanwhile, politely sat himself on the street. "Vell, zey certainly are a lively bunch." Heinie said. "But, honestly, Augustus, ze teenage girls are vone zing, but ze children! I hope you asked permission from zeir parents before taking zem on your voyage!"
"Hey, Kohaku and Hina are Suika and Kona's guardians! And Tama's, er…uh, we rescued her from the Slag Pirates! And she didn't wanna go home, or something."
"Augustus…"
"Look, it's fine, alright?! Look, you got to meet them, so can we go?"
"Certainly not before you introduce zem! For all I know, zey are some random kids you picked up from a comic convention!"
"Captain, what's this tiny container?" Suika rolled out and raised a bottle.
"Oh, zat is ze bottle he used to drink from!" Henrietta answered. "He vas so attached to it, even after growing up."
"Oh my god, Augustus, you keep a jar of your baby teeth?!" Tressa asked.
"I used to set traps for the Tooth Fairy, okay?!"
"Captaaaiiin!" Carrot held up a picture of baby Augustus sucking his first lollipop. "You were the cutest little cubby!!"
"Augh, giving him zat lolli vas my greatest error." Heinie sighed. "Now he cannot take his mouth off zem."
"Alright, everybody to the backyard!" Antonio cheered. "We have stories to share and I'm sure you all do, too!"
"HAI, HAI, HAI! O-Tama wants to know all there is about August'n!!"
Augustus barely held onto his sanity for the first 10 minutes. Introducing his crewmen was easy at first; Henrietta already knew about some of them through Haylee, but she was thrilled to meet the tough and nimble Kohaku, the sperky saleslady Tressa, or the mighty warrior Hinahoho.
"But where we do well in the snow, we do not bode well in the desert." Hina explained. "The Fanalis tribe of Planet Secco are our natural enemies, in more than just kickball."
"Man, where were you on my school soccer team?" Antonio asked, slapping the man's abs. "You picked yourself some winners, kiddo!"
"Too bad Antonio NEVER vanted to go intergalactic exploring!" Henrietta stated.
"Hey, I'm a man of planes, not spaceships. Besides, ain't no air up there, baby! I like my O2 where it's at."
"You missed out, man." Senku said. "If the sky were the limit, there wouldn't be rockets. Explorers and scientists go hand in hand."
"If you wanna talk science, teach me the formula to make chilidogs."
"I would, but Augustus says I'm a bad cook."
"Vell, he hardly has ze right to be a critic." Heinie scolded. "You should have been zere vhen he tried to cook for himself. Five years old, he spilled ze entire carton of eggs in ze pot and ze whole bag of sugar! Then he set ze whole bloody thing on fire! Do you know how many euros those eggs vere, Augustus?!"
"Yeah, and they don't get any less expensive the more you tell this story."
"Like you vere there to hear me! 12 years old and you go gallivanting vith those Big Mom Pirates! It's a miracle you didn't take Haylee vith you. If you're vondering vhere he got his habit of taking girls on joyrides, ask her."
"Haylee said she first went exploring with Augustus when she was three." Kohaku mentioned. "Which means you were…"
"Barely six." Antonio recalled. "Six and already flyin' his first plane. Kid may not know how to cook, but he sure can steer a wing."
"He vould have been ze KND's best pilot." Heinie sighed. "But no, you couldn't be bothered to go to school either. Vas just adventure after adventure, no matter how much we tried to make you."
"'Augustus, if you don't hit those books right now, this plane is staying LOCKED DOWN!'" Antonio shouted. "Phew, Heinie was on fire back then!" The friends laughed at the imitation.
"Zen the little runt started running away to ze mechanics' shop, building his own shabby planes! Even resorted to stealing parts. Ze police couldn't stop him by the time he took off, so we had to call ze GUN Air Force! Gave him a stern talking to, zey did! But I think that's how Big Mom found him…" the mother put a hand to her forehead in regret. "Knowing her, she had spies in GUN, probably learned about his little 'pranks' and learned about us. A few months after that, he vas kidnapped."
"Oh, dear…" Carrot looked to her captain sympathetically.
"Wasn't 'kidnapped,' more like invited." Antonio replied. "'Cause she got you into that whole Candied Planet biz."
"Yes, Dad, thanks for reminding me…"
"And he hasn't learned his lesson vith authorities, apparently!" Heinie stated. "You say he got into a fight vith the Coruscant army?!"
"They were helping my people…" Carrot said.
"I understand that, but he needs to learn not to be reckless in certain situations! Vhat did Haylee mean that you were almost some Gourmet God's lunch?!"
"The frick was I supposed to know Toriko was a cannibalistic lunatic?!"
"There comes a time vhen you must be wary of people. And hearing you barge in on ze Imuchakk and Stone Tribe's affairs is kind of concerning! You could have seriously gotten in trouble!"
"Nonsense!" Hina argued. "My clan honor the strong, and Augustus is certainly worthy."
"If anyone should be worried, it should be Senku." Kohaku inferred. "I mean, he DID introduce technology to our tribe."
"Why is that a problem?" Antonio asked.
"Well, er…I mean…" Kohaku flushed, only now remembering the forbidden topic.
"Ugh…" Why couldn't she learn to control her girl talk, Augustus mentally questioned.
"Is zere something I should know?"
"N-No, forget about it!" Kohaku smiled.
"AUGUSTUS!"
"What?!"
"WAH, WE'RE FROM HISTORIA!" Suika screamed. "And we weren't supposed to leave our planet!"
"YOU SMUGGLED HISTORIANS OFF THEIR PLANET?!"
"HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THOSE ARE?!"
"I do research on Intergalactic Travel, you dunce! Do you know how much trouble you could be in for that?!"
"Not any if you'd keep your mouth shut!"
"ZIS is ze kind of zing I MEAN! Always running around on your own, never listening to any responsible grownups, only caring about yourself!"
"If that were true, none of these people would be here now! Didn't the fuckin' KND go to war with the World Government?!"
"Don't you take that tone with me!"
"Or what, you gonna ground me?! Gonna be hard when my room's probably TRASHED right now!"
"We tried to be careful…" Pea said.
"It doesn't matter! I'll ground myself in the ship!" Augustus stood and aggressively tore down the fence door on his way out.
"Captain!" Carrot shouted.
"August'n/Aughsucks, wait!!" Tama and Nel scrambled to pursue. "Where art thou going?"
"All she ever does is whine and nag about my problems." Augustus flicked his lollipop in the street. "That's all she was gonna do with you all and of course you're going along with it. Look, you all enjoy yourselves, I'm waiting on the ship."
"Augustus, vait!" Henrietta called. "I didn't want to… and there he goes again."
"Want me to grab him?" Kohaku asked.
"Ah, let him mope. He's vay more sensitive than he lets on most of the time."
"Well, let's just change subjects." Tressa said. "Uhhh…I know, Klumsy!" Carrot flinched at the name. "How did you get recruited again?"
"Da Kwemlings had a contest with the Booger Piwates." The babyish giant answered. "Queen Bandy bade be wowk for hurh, and I had to-"
"Hey, I gotta go, too." Carrot quick-walked away.
"Carrot?" Hina cocked a brow. "Hmm…"
"Ah, Antonio?" Henrietta coughed. "Vould you go to the Muffin Bakery and ask them about that 'special order'?"
"Yeah, great idea!" the father perked up. "The air was getting a little too heavy here."
"If that vas a pilot joke, it's NOT funny!"
Augustus barely made over the next hill from town before his motivation abandoned him and he dropped on his back. He almost wanted to kick Pea out for pressuring him into doing this. Heck, maybe he should just get on the ship and go to Hyrule or whatever by himself. They were gonna be teasing him about this for weeks. He never minded being the center of everyone's quipping, but… this was different.
Augustus felt light tremors and assumed someone of substantial mass were approaching him. They were too small to be Lumsy's, so it must've been Hina. "I think I understand what ails you. I don't have the most warming relationship with my father. I thought I would never be worth anything if I never became a true warrior. All those years trying to kill a Raging Unicorn, a Sea-bear, or what-have-you were some I wouldn't want to relive. And when I met you, a man who lives free from familial burdens, I think I was envious. I think that was why I wanted to join your crew."
"You know, it's them who wanted me to live free to begin with. Dad got me into flying, Mom got me into adventure, and they suddenly have a problem with me running off all the time. And I didn't know Big Mom wanted to turn the whole fucking world into her marshmallow!"
"Ahem, well, I would hate for this visit to weigh so heavily on you. Is there anything I could do?"
"Just let them have their gossip. I'll work them triple time on our next voyage."
"There is something else I wanted to bring up. Carrot has been acting tense. Perhaps we should ask her?"
"I guess? What, is it because Klumsy tried to pet those…oh."
"You know something?"
"Yeah, and I kinda should've thought of that…"
Carrot found a nice playground and went to sit on a vacant swing, facing away from the party's direction… mostly since Lumsy was the only visible member from afar. Other playground kids were curious about the rabbit girl and walked up to pet her. "Whoooa. Ah you a weal wabbit?" a 4-year-old girl asked.
"Yeah? I'm a Mobian."
"What's daaaaat?"
"I think she's an alien, sweetheart." A mother walked up to gently lead the kids away. "Sorry about that."
"It's okay." Carrot smiled. So, people on this world knew little about the outside, too.
"Hey, Carrot?" The bunny bent her head upside-down to find Tressa. "Are you feeling okay?"
"Tressa, why didn't you guys tell me there was a Kremling in this crew?"
"Why is that a…oh yeah. The Kremlings invaded Zou before the Ribbons. But like, Klumsy was never one of them, was he?"
"No, but…" Carrot straightened back up. "But the Kremlings are bad. And a big one like that… has to be dangerous."
"He's always been a big softie 'long as I've known him. And I don't think the other Kremlings were very nice to him either. Just try to be patient with him."
"Hoofoofoo! Wook, Stewie!" Hearing the giant's babyish voice, Carrot twisted around. "De're climbing by tummy!" Other neighborhood kids were climbing him.
"Mommy, is dat another alien??" the little girl asked.
"Wow, I thought it was a giant balloon!"
"Can we go play with it?"
"Well… it doesn't seem hostile. Maybe someone has it trained."
Carrot faced forward and shirked her head. Tressa, feeling empathetic, offered a new suggestion: "You know, why don't we change you out of those desert clothes? You sure don't need 'em, anymore."
"Is it time for another look at your wardrobe wares?!"
"You bet!"
Senku joined Antonio along a road leading from town to another hill, where a single building with a smokestack stood. The scientist carried Maggie on his back. "Back in the day, they called me Ace 'cause I was an ace pilot. Between you and me, I always thought Gus thought I was the cooler parent. He started naming all his planes 'Ace Something.'"
"I wondered about that."
"So, you can see where the kid got his style." Ace spun and opened his arms for emphasis. "But tell me more about you. Where'd you learn to help a primitive tribe advance their technology?"
"From my dad, I guess. Well, adoptive dad. Though I heard my real dad was a big-time scientist, too. Byakuya, my adoptive dad, told me his inventions were 'too good for this world.' So good that the World Government wanted to recruit him. Real Dad turned them down… but for reasons Byakuya didn't know, though I can sort of guess why, he and his wife had to leave the planet. She was pregnant at the time… but after I was born, they decided to leave me with Byakuya just before leaving. Byakuya was a prodigy astronaut, and he made friends with Real Dad on an expedition once."
"Wow…" Senku's history was a bit more convoluted than Ace expected. "So, is that why you went to Historia? Why you went to space to begin with? To find your real dad?"
"Eh, it might be." Senku shrugged. "But I only went to Historia for fun. And when I saw how primitive Kohaku's people were, well, I decided to put up a little evolution experiment. And it was fruitful."
"Now that I think about…" Ace stopped and faced Senku. "Senku and Byakuya are Japanese names… but you look American."
"Well, my parents were American, so yeah. Byakuya gave me my first name, but my surname used to be 'Neutron.' But then I realized, why should I take my runaway father's name? So, I took Byakuya's surname, Ishigami."
"Neutron…" Ace tapped his chin in thought. "Hoagie… told me about a prodigy scientist with that name. In fact, he was there for the Brotherhood War, I think."
"Eh, it's not worth thinking about now." Senku passively smiled and proceeded past the father. "Not when we can be enjoying some muffins, eh, Mags?"
"Mw-mw-mw. (My dad was a drunk idiot and my siblings were annoying.)" the baby suckled.
"Ah-ha, I hear that!"
The three reached the top of the hill, stunned by what lurked before the bakery. "What… are those things?!"
Kohaku offered to go with Henrietta on a walk through town, pushing the mother's wheelchair. Pea walked beside them, while Suika bounced along in her melon form. "So, how can you fit your whole body inside zat thing?"
"The Stone Tribe can change their body in different ways!" Suika cheered. "Kohaku can make her hands big and Suika can shrink her body! We don't know why."
"Not the same way Pea can change her body though." Kohaku said.
"It still looks like fun!" Pea beamed. "You know, Suika, I can trap your soul inside your melon mask with my power. Then when I wear you, I can do what you do!"
"No! Suika doesn't want her soul trapped!"
"Haha, I'm gonna get yoooouuu!"
"Noooooo!" Suika frantically rolled away from the pursuing Kokiri.
Kohaku and Henrietta let out a giggle. "…Is it really that bad that Augustus snuck us off Historia?"
"It is according to ze Galaxian Government… but he must not have done it vithout reason."
"I've always wanted to go up and see the stars… and thanks to Augustus, I did. And I've never wanted to go back. If he hadn't come… well, Senku would've done it himself eventually. I'd even bet he wanted Augustus to take the fall for him."
"Vhat do you think of him? Augustus."
"I think… he acts way cooler than he actually is. I always roll my eyes at him. But he's… also a lot of fun. He's fun to tease and fun to spar with."
"And tell me who wins?"
"He's much stronger than I am…" Kohaku narrowed her eyes in masked embarrassment. "But in a race, I can run or swim 100 laps around him."
"Hmhm, you are in great shape! Almost as thin as I vas back in the day!"
"You still look great to me!"
The ladies shared in laughter. "But pray tell, Tressa said she vas Augustus's official girlfriend, right?"
"Yeah, but even I don't know how long that'll last. And no, I don't like him that way myself."
"I'm just saying, vhen he vas in his preteens, he sometimes drove ze plane just above the roof of ze high school. Even at zat age, he vas attracted to teenage girls."
"That doesn't surprise me…"
"Hey, Aunt Heinie?" Pea spoke. "I was wondering… how come you get mad at Augustus for breaking the law, and not me? I did a lot of bad things for the Big Mom Pirates, too. Even have a bounty of 880 million."
"I don't really know either. Perhaps it's because you look like a child who doesn't know better… but zen I remember you're 28 years old."
"HUH?!" Suika gasped. "Pea is older than Kohaku?!"
"Yep!" Pea twirled on her toes. "That puts me in charge of you both! You better be good girls and do what I say."
"But by now, I'm sure you've all gotten in trouble vith my son, in some way or another. That's vhy… I hope you'll all look after each other. I'm… really proud that my son found so many nice friends."
"I think you need to tell him that yourself."
"YOU CALL THESE MUFFINS?!" Startled, the group faced the line of angry customers at a muffin stall. The man first in line was furiously shaking a mold-covered muffin at the worried vendor. "The hell is the bakery trying to pull?! Is my kid supposed to have THESE for lunch?!"
"I-I dunno why they're like this, I thought they were a new flavor, o-or something!"
"They're disgusting! Every stall in Drury is selling this garbage! You'll be facing lawsuits at this rate!"
"Something is going wrong at the bakery?" Henrietta gasped. "Those muffins… how awful…"
"It's…" Pea approached the stall, her gaze widening, "mold. But… no, he couldn't be here, could he?"
"Who couldn't be here?" Suika asked.
"There was a rogue officer in the Big Mom Pirates. A dark wizard who ruined breakfasts for everybody." Pea glanced both ways, whispering softly out of fear of his very name: "Lord Moldybread."
There was an eerie wind. Suika's melon developed mold. "AAAH!" She quickly threw it off before it could infect her eyes.
"I'm sorry! The mention of his name causes things to develop mold. Aunt Heinie, I think the bakery could be in danger!"
"And that means…" Henrietta's phone rang. "ACE!"
"Heinie, something's happening in the bakery! There's a bunch of moldy bread monsters! Maggie and Senku are trying to fight them off!"
"Those must be his Bread Eaters!" Pea exclaimed.
"Can you girls get ze other pirates?!"
"Yeah, we will!" Kohaku entrusted the wheelchair to Pea and Suika before dashing off. "And I'll drag Augustus there myself!"
"You two, get me to ze bakery. I cannot let my special project be ruined!"
Maggie shot through the faces of moldy Breadpups and Senku threw gunpowder sacks into the heads of broad-bodied Breadhunks. The two and Antonio advanced into the bakery. Only the heads of the horrified cooks were half-visible above the mounds of mold. A man in a sickly cyan robe spun to face them. His beard was the same color as his traditional wizard's robe and his skin a lighter color. "You fools are but crumbs beneath my fingernails. This town shall know the dread that is… Lord Moldybread!"
"Mw-mw-mw?!" Maggie's pacifier caught mold. "PLAH!" She spewed it, feeling the urge to vomit.
"Captain Augustus! I see you have come to witness my work firsthand. For betraying the Big Mom Pirates, I will taint your town with my curse. You will never have fresh muffins again! MOLRUGA!" He flicked a spell from his Batter Mixer wand, Antonio too late to dodge as his shoes molded.
The bakery was set on a separate hill away from town. The road to it sloped down and smoothly ascended back up. By the time Henrietta's group were halfway to it, most of the other Marzipans dashed to join them. "Lord You-Know-Who was in the Breakfast Division, but they had to lock him up for a while for ruining peoples' breakfasts." Pea explained. "They let him out for the war, and I think Sector SD fought him. I didn't really know what became of him."
"Mrs. Fizzuras, you said something about a special project. What's that?" Suika asked.
"After ve beat zis clown, I hope to show you."
Hinahoho joined Augustus on a passive walk around the hills. They were home to an abundance of Muffin Moles peeping in and out of the ground. "Legend says this place used to have way more moles. These hills got like this when they kept coming out of the ground. Fluffing them up more and more 'til they were like this." Around another hill, they caught a glimpse of a Kittentia in a mining helmet, before she sank down. "They really love the muffins we sell here."
"They seem… awfully ill." Several of the moles were vomiting after peeping up.
"I wonder if the bakery's injecting pesticides in their muffins to get rid of them?"
"That doesn't sound safe."
"CAPTAIN, HINA! THERE YOU ARE!" Kohaku came whooshing around the hills. "The bakery's under attack! Your mom and the others are heading there!"
"Probably just some random villain, they'll be more than enough to handle it."
"Pea thinks that it's someone named Lord Moldybread!"
"Lord Moldy…" Just as Augustus unwrapped his next lolli and tasted it, "BLUH!" he realized the mold coating it. "Augh, I remember hearing about him! 'Guess that spell of his is true."
"We have to hurry!" Hina declared, clutching his harpoon.
"Relax, Hina, I'm sure he's a pushover. Just let them—hey!" Kohaku clasped the captain in her giant fist.
"Captain, when are you gonna get over yourself?! Your parents are going, and they'll want you to be there for them!"
"So, all those times they tell me to stay out of trouble, they're getting in trouble their selves?"
"They can't just let Moldybread ruin the bakery!"
"GAH, DANG IT!" Mold formed on August's sunglasses. "Forget it!" He hardened up and pushed Kohaku's fingers clean off, grabbing the bloated hand and flipping her over. "You know that only makes it easier to beat you. And why should I do what you say when you and Mom probably had a hell of a time gossiping?"
"You mean how you used to look at cute teenage girls? …Or still do?"
"Yeah, well don't think you're one of them."
"But we still love you, Captain! I wouldn't still be here if I didn't think you were great. Your mom is really proud of you, she's proud of everything you've done for us, that's why she wanted us all to be here!"
"Captain… I think we should go." Hina said.
"Mmmhh…fine." Augustus took off his glasses. "But only to make Moldybread fix my shades."
Mold developed on the knot tying Kohaku's hair. "EW, GROSS!!" She was frantic to rip it off.
"Hina, wanna practice your throw? Chuck me straight to the bakery, you can see it from there!"
"I'll try my best!" Hina lifted his captain, who had curled up into a ball. The Imuchakk spun a few times before he had the momentum to hurdle Augustus across the hills! …a good distance to the right of the bakery.
"You're several meters oooooff…"
"I see your aim's as good as it's always been." Kohaku said. Hina bowed his head and blushed.
Fearing the giant Kremling outside, Moldybread created enormous Moldy Mount Muffs, the sentient pastries bursting out of the bakery to give K. Lumsy a battering. The giant's first instinct was to bite the edible monsters, only to realize how inedible they were. "Bluuuueeeh! Lumsy feel sick!"
"What part of Moldybread you not understand?!" Stewie morphed into a Hulk and jumped to punch one of the muffins over the hills.
"-oooooff!" Carrot heard a distant cry, looking in time to see something crash behind the bakery.
"Hey, something crashed over there! And it sounded like Captain!"
"Stewie go see!" The Hulk stormed downhill and raced that direction. The crashed object left a crater, where Stewie pulled the groaning form of his captain out.
"Ooooog…never trust Hina's throw…"
"'bout time you show up! Someone looking to see you." Stewie slung August over his shoulder and leapt to the roof of the bakery. With a simple jump, the Hulk burst clean through the roof, squashing two Bread Eaters.
"What the toast?!" Moldybread cursed. "Is that… another Augustus?!"
"I know we look alike, but you must be colorblind." Ace remarked, he and Senku trapped in clumps of mold. "Must be all that mold."
"Hoo, yick!" Augustus cringed in disgust as Stewie set him upright. "This place was a lot cleaner when I was here last. Hey there, Moldybread! We having a family reunion, tod—EW, IT'S IN MY SOCKS THIS TIME! I keep frickin' FORGETTING!"
"August'n, thou art hither!" Tama ran in ahead of the rest of the crew.
"Augustus, we have to stop him before he ruins your mom's project!" Pea said.
"Commander Pea! So, you've sided with this traitor as well." Moldybread glared.
"Who're you calling a traitor? You never liked anyone else in the family. All you ever did was prank us with your moldy bread!"
"AAAAH!" Tama's skin immediately developed mold. "The curse hath infected O-Tama's body of dango!!"
"What?! That shouldn't have counted!"
"Molululululu!" the wizard laughed. "But if the family doesn't appreciate this, I'm sure the Brotherhood will! I'll show the entire criminal underworld your moldy head to prove my power!" The waving of his Batter Mixer stirred more moldy magic. "I'll-?!" Until the popping of a gumball gun flung it out of his hand.
Augustus looked to Maggie, but the baby still lay trapped in a mold mound. The crowd of crewmen quickly cleared way for Henrietta, the green gun in her hand. "Sweetheart… thanks for coming back. I didn't mean to make this visit uncomfortable… it's just that hearing the things you get into vorries me."
"It… That's fine, Mom, just… LOOK OUT!"
Bread Eaters ambushed her from the entrance, piling and molding over the crippled woman. "Now, NOBODY ELSE MOVE!" Moldybread demanded. "Or I'll snuff her out for good!"
"HOT KNIFE!!" Henrietta's candycane sword pierced from the pile of bread! The sword flew in an omnidirectional slash, skewering the monsters to pieces.
"WHOA!" Pea exclaimed.
"Sweetheart." Henrietta rolled past the crew and her son. "I vill take care of zis."
Moldybread rolled to reclaim his wand, casting spells that the veteran Candy Hunter evaded. As Heinie narrowed in, the mage flipped behind the counter, but Heinie rolled her wheels with great speed to quickly close the distance, stabbing her sword in the desk to haul herself over. Moldybread quickly cast mold over her face, but by then, his neck was already in her Haki grasp. "And ze next time you try to ruin a family's reunion… you'd better be ready to taste your own BREAD!"
"Nooo—mmmmff!" Henrietta grabbed the clumps of moldy bread laying around and shoved them down the wizard's throat. Gagging against the grody taste, Moldybread's eyes welled with tears. Henrietta grabbed the wrist of his wand hand and twisted it, following with a round of punches in the nose. She grabbed the ledge of the counter, hoisted herself and Moldybread up, and SLAMMED his face into it. She threw the wizard for Hulk Stewie to catch, his vision a blur as Henrietta lunged herself with a strong push of her arms. "MEAT SKEWER!" She stabbed Moldybread clear in the stomach. As his consciousness faded, everything cursed by his mold returned to normal.
"Ahh…" Tama sighed in relief as she rubbed her cheeks!
"WHEW! My Heinie's still got it!" Ace cheered.
"We need to have her in the crew next!" Tressa beamed, slapping August's back.
"Don't even…"
"What, I'm kidding. Come on, Captain…"
"Alright, alright…" Augustus lifted his mother off the floor and set her back in her wheelchair. "But I could've taken him myself, you know."
"I vanted you to relax vhen you came home… but I guess I ruined that."
"No, just… don't worry about it. …And thanks."
"Oh, Mrs. Fizzuras, I'm so sorry to involve you in this!" the Muffin Man folded hands and bowed his head repeatedly. "That man came in an hour ago, I thought he was another paying customer, but before I could react, he took us all hostage and ruined everything! Oh, the good people of Drury will never buy from me agaaaaiiiin!"
"It's alright!" Pea consoled. "Everything will be fine when we explain to everyone!"
"But… does zis mean ze 'project' has been ruined?" Heinie asked.
"Oh, certainly not! We made sure to hide it where no two-bit criminal could reach. It's all ready now… if your party is ready."
"I do believe ve're all accounted for…oh, except ze big guy."
"Ah, yes, Klumsy." Stewie withdrew a shrink ray. "Just give me a moment to resize him."
"…" Carrot decided to follow the infant. K. Lumsy was seated outside, brushing the residual taste of mold off his tongue. "Hey… Lumsy?" He glanced down at the little rabbit. "Are you… alright?"
"I'b fine. But I dink I need to bwush by teeth… Are you still mad at me, Cawwot?"
"No, I…I'm sorry I yelled at you. I just… don't know many people like you, so… I'm just a little nervous."
"I don't wanna huwt anyone. I just wanna make fwiends…"
"Well, you won't need to worry about that." Stewie said, aiming the gun. "Hold still now, big guy."
Lumsy was engulfed in a light that zapped him down to Stewie's one foot size. "Huh?! You could've done that all along?!"
"Shrink rays have a time limit, and it's even shorter for giant targets. Besides, he gets really nervous when this happens… unless you'd like to carry him?"
Carrot stared down at the little croc, who now looked even more nervous than she had. The change in perspective was incredibly jarring. "…You can ride on my back if you want." Carrot crouched.
"O-Okay… dank you, Cawwot."
She carried him like the toddler he acted like, following the rest of the crew into the bakery's basement. The Muffin Man led them to a safe, inputting a code that twisted its huge crank. The inside was a rustic, bread-colored room with a large table. That table held a scale replica of Augustus's house, shaped by a rich, fluffy muffin with berries, and bowls of melted gold butter around it. "Voila! The Homecomin' Muffin! This special dough resonates with those who come home after a long period away."
Augustus picked the first piece off the roof, dipped it into some butter, and ate. "!!!" The taste was like chilling on his couch, clad in pajamas, resting after a very long day—no, weeks, or months at work. No taste was more comforting or soothing… like coming home to a meal prepared by your family. Or at least one your family ordered from the local bakery.
"Muffins are what Drury is known for." Muffin Man said. "And this Homecomin' Muffin is my magnum opus. Go on! Everybody take a bite!"
"Hahahahaha!" The children were eager to bounce on the chairs and stuff their little mouths. The grown-up crewmen picked their own spots to pick from. The taste didn't carry quite as much weight, since they had yet to return home… but seeing Augustus relish in the flavor almost helped them feel it.
"Well, kiddo, would you say this is good enough for your Full Course Menu?" Ace asked.
"Y-Yeah, but…but I already picked Galactic Corn as my hors d'oeuvre!"
"VHAT?! Vhat does Galactic Corn have over zis?!"
"I-It was just… GAH, screw it, this is my new hors d'oeuvre! Senku can have the Galactic Corn!"
"Eh?" Senku cocked a brow.
"Ha ha ha! Zat's more like it!" the mother shifted her tone joyously.
The friends savored every bite of the muffin in smiles and laughter. Surrounded by friends and family alike… five years ago, Augustus never would've known what it would be like to have such a lively and warming crew. He forgot to wonder what they and his parents were discussing behind his back, happy that his folks had the chance to meet such great friends.
"Hey, um…Augustus?"
"Yeah, Pea?"
"I…" Pea fiddled with her fingers anxiously. "I… Honestly, I'm kind of mad about before."
"Mad about what?"
"About… my cooking! We went through a lot of trouble to steal that Cooking Genie, and you just… said my cooking was bad."
"I didn't say it was bad, just… not that strong."
"Captain, she did all that for you!" Kohaku slapped his head. "She wanted to cook meals that you would love! And that's all you had to say?! Why don't you be more considerate next time a child cooks for you!"
"She's 28! Okay, okay, I'm… sorry, Pea! I can't wait for your next meal."
"Tehehehehe! It'll be my pleasure, Cousin!"
"It's good that zat's all sorted out!" Heinie smiled. "But, on a more pressing issue… vhat is that about stealing ein Cooking Genie?"
"Uh! Uh, er, we…" Pea stammered for a change in topic. "Oh, you wanted to go to Hyrule next, right, Augustus? I heard about this giant carrot in-"
"THE GENIE WOOOOORRRRRRKS!" And Carrot went blasting off like a rocket. As she grazed the sky, Uncle Ernesto soared by on his Sombrero Saucer.
"Happy Mother's Day, everyoooooone! It's May 14 right now! That's Mother's Day, right?"
"CUT OFF HIS FAAAAAACE!" And the turban ships were still hot in pursuit.