I had always dreamed of becoming a wild hero whom everyone would bow to. Of course, everyone still bowed to me for I was a princess, but it wasn't the way people praised heroes. Heroes were praised for their actions while I was praised just for my title, nothing else. Yes, I'd never wanted to be a princess. I'd always wanted to earn admiration by doing something other than dancing at The King's frequent balls. I'd always enjoyed reading books about countless heroes and their glorious feats. Especially the ones about brave warriors on white horses. Unluckily, those were only a small portion of all the books The King's palace library contained. I would spend hours in that library wandering back and forth, searching for new novels to read and escape reality into.
But that had been until I had already read each one of the library books I'd ever wanted to about five times. After that, I had nothing else to do but eat, sleep, and occasionally be presented to the few noble guests who had wanted to meet the princess.
One day I'd gotten so bored that I'd even tried to attend one of the palace chess clubs to keep myself entertained.
At least I could still go for a walk around the castle grounds.
— Your Highness.
I turned. A pale boy with wavy hair of golden sand color approached the forest meadow and came to stand before me.
— My name is Phillip. It's such a pleasure to finally meet you! — I expected him to make fun of my title, but he didn't seem to lie about it.
— Well, now that we met, can I ask, what exactly are you here for? — I said.
He bowed. I felt a little uncomfortable. I'd gotten used to older people bowing to me but this young man didn't seem to be much older than I was.
— It's not necessary. — I noticed.
— Excuse me? — He asked politely.
— It's not necessary to bow or call me "Your Highness". I'm just a girl, after all.
— Thanks. — He looked relieved. — I was taught good manners when I was a kid.
— I see. — I said. — So, you found me for a reason, right?
Phillip nervously ran his hand through his light curls.
— Not really. I just thought… Well, I wanted to… — He didn't seem to know how to end the sentence.
— …Meet me? — I tried to help.
He nodded.
— Well, I was happy to meet you too, Phillip. I live a pretty boring life these days, so if you ever want to keep me a company to go for a walk, or anything, just leave a message. You can give it to one of the castle servants.
The boy smiled.
— I definitely will.
— Oh, and call me Tala.
— Good night… Tala. — He said my name so quietly I barely heard him.
— Good night, Phillip.
I smiled and left him standing in the moonlit meadow surrounded by trees, already leafless before the coming of winter.
***
The following day was dark and cloudy. A long-last rain was pounding on the roof above me. It was like the sun had never risen. I stayed in my bed most of the morning, pretending to sleep, not wanting to get up.
But I had to at least show up at launch. So I dragged myself out of the bed, changed into one of the dresses I'd never felt had suited me, and tried to comb my hair in what I pretty much failed.
It was a nice family meal with The King in the roofed garden outside the palace. The table, hidden from unwanted glances behind the now strangely bold tree branches, wasn't filled with golden dishes full of food like it had always been in the evenings when The King had guests. But I liked it better like that. I hadn't felt comfortable enough around all these rich people, dukes, who had lived in their own manors almost the size of The King's castle. And these meals we'd usually had in the morning and afternoon were the closest me, Mother, Father, and my brother, Tim, had ever been as a family. That's why I saw The King more as a king and not as a parent.
We didn't talk much today and The King didn't tell us about his political plans as usual. I supposed no one was in a good mood because of the weather.
I ate silently thinking about what to say and already opened my mouth when my brother said:
— Me and my friends are going hunting.
— Hunting? In such weather? — The King raised his eyebrows.
— We agreed to go in the evening, perhaps the weather will get better by then.
— And if it'll not? — The Queen turned to look at Tim. — This rain doesn't seem to end. And I don't think you'll find many animals after a flood like this.
— We'll see, Mother. — The Prince said getting up.
He left the table, wiping his hands on a tissue and throwing it in a trash bin on his way inside.
— Why is he so stubborn? — The Queen said with a sigh.
— And foolish. — The King added.
— And what are you going to do, Daughter? — The Queen asked me.
— I was going to return to my room. — I said moodily, moving a slice of cucumber around on my plate.
— At least take a walk around the castle. You're always sitting in your room. Go visit the library, meet your friends.
— It's Tim who has friends, Mother, not me. You know I'm just not the person who likes to socialize.
— I know. But what about that duke's daughter? Hailey?
— She isn't my friend. I bet she wants to be, but we have literally nothing in common. She just wants to get to know me so she could tell everyone that she's friends with The Princess. She's such a show-off.
— Tala! — The King said. — Who talks about a duke's daughter like that? Unacceptable!
— Thomas. — The Queen said to The King disapprovingly.
— Alright, I'm off to my room. — I said quickly, standing up, and left before they could say anything else.
When I finally got to the room after three flights of stairs, I slammed the door shut, and sat at the white desk table. I took a small piece of paper and began to draw. Drawing had always calmed me. I loved picturing something in my mind and then bringing it to life on paper.
The face of the boy I met yesterday – Phillip came to mind. Remembering people's faces wasn't one of my main strengths, but somehow this time I was able to picture every detail. His sharp nose, his perfect lips, his large eyes.
I found myself tracing the wavy lines of Phillip's hair, carving them into the white surface of the parchment.
"Really?" — I thought and hurried to put a thick gray pencil shape over the drawing.
The big flattened circle I drew reminded me of a horse. A big gorgeous animal that loved freedom. It loved to race the fields and feel the wind whooshing past its ears. So did I. I loved to be free, I loved nature. But instead, I was stuck in this cold dark castle with nothing else to do but dream about running away. But I couldn't. Not yet.
I got up and looked out of the window. The rain stopped and suddenly a little sunbeam shone through a gap in the dark clouds and formed a small circle of light on my table. And the world felt like a better place.
Instantly I was aware of the brightness of the green grass, the clouds being carried away by the wind, and the muddy servant trying to get up from a puddle to catch a half-running, half-jumping around chicken.
I started to laugh.
— What's so funny? — Asked a moody guy entering the room with a letter.
— Oh, it's nothing. — I said, looking at the letter in his hands. I'd often received letters from people writing to the princess, but this envelope didn't look like one.
— A letter came from someone by the name of Herta Prique.
I stopped smiling. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
— Herta?
— Well, I don't know who she is, but the writing on the letter says so. — He looked totally unbothered.
— Thank you. You can go.
The servant left the envelope on the desk and went, closing the door behind him.
I took the letter and slowly tore the ordinary-looking envelope open.
I started to read the short message, still not believing that my old nanny who had left the palace when I was three would write to me after all those years.
"My dear princess," — It said.
"I know you'll be surprised that I am writing to you now. Please know that I'm okay and living a happy life outside the castle.
Maybe you've been wondering why I left. I just never enjoyed being a servant. I'm a free person now. I have my own house and a cat and we are good. I'd really want to see you now, Your Highness, but I don't want The King to see me.
Well, I guess that's all I wanted to say."
— Best wishes, Herta Prique, The Nanny. — I finished out loud and carefully inserted the letter back into its envelope.
So she now lived a happy life and had a house and a cat.
"Well, good for her." — I thought and left my room to study in a gazebo outside.
***
My studying proceeded as always - slowly, with me rereading every three-word sentence a couple of thousand times.
My mind went from trying to concentrate on the long list of kings who ruled the country to the thoughts of the shiny fields, powerful rivers, and snowy mountains I just wanted to run to and see up close.
A bird flew past the wooden pillars of the gazebo and I wondered if the same bird had once flown over the white foggy peaks on the horizon.
After an hour of useless reading, I stopped trying to understand what was written on the pages of the old shabby textbook and went to my chambers once again.
When I returned to the palace I realized that I was all wet because of the rainwater accumulated in my studying place. But I wouldn't even try to concentrate anywhere else. I was used to studying outside and a little rain had never stopped me.
I hurried through the corridors towards the marble staircase. I didn't like these large unfriendly halls with the walls painted this cold shade of white. That was why the first thing I had ever said to my father was "I want my room pink". I'd been so convincing that the next day the servants had painted my room. It had been a beautiful peach color and I'd been so thankful, that I'd jumped to hug The King in the middle of an important meeting. I'd been grounded for the next couple of days, but for me, it had been rather a pleasure than punishment to spend time examining the painters' work.
I pulled off the coat I had worn because the temperature was too cold to walk around in a single dress. It was wet through so I had to hang it on the balcony railing for the newly emerged, but still cold - as it had always been in the fall - sun to dry. I looked around the palace territory with its small lake in which the sky was reflected, the apple trees I used to climb when I was a child, the massive castle walls laid with bricks, and the river that ran alongside the eastern wall ahead of me. The sun shone brightly, beginning to hide behind the roof of the tower, but it all seemed gloomy outside.
Winter was coming. And that meant another massive party at the palace. Father loved Christmas more than any other celebration, so every year I had to watch the famous royal castle become the loudest and the most crowded place in the city. I used to enjoy the Christmas bustle when I was a kid and sometimes would even help decorate the countless big halls of the palace with shiny Christmas lights, but I'd never liked too many people gathered in one building. I'd be much happier with Christmas being a family party, but if The King liked it as a loud all-town-containing feast I had to pretend to enjoy it too. There were times when I felt like my destiny was to always be The King's shadow.
***
The rest of the day was as boring as always. Mushroom soup was served in the garden and The King shared his thoughts on the new formula for unbreakable steel a scientist came up with. He was sure that good weapons were the only thing a country needed. Maybe that was why the wars had continued forever.
Prince Tim didn't even bother to turn up at lunch.
"Probably went to a friend's house and preferred to eat there." — I thought. That was so… my brother.
I escaped the table before my parents, reminding them about the lesson I had at four. Piano classes. I didn't like playing musical instruments and I didn't like my old teacher, Ms. Lennon, but it was something to do and I didn't mind giving my hands some work.
Music fascinated me. I loved it, but not when I was the one playing. I was doing badly and Ms. Lennon had never missed a chance to point it out.
After I had finally aced a simple few-note melody, my teacher caught me by one of my aching hands and asked the question she asked me every time:
— Are you ready to be a princess?
No, I wasn't. And I was never going to. I looked at the open music notes and my vision clouded. Two hours of piano was too much for one day.
— Ms. Lennon, can I go? — I asked hopefully.
She looked disappointed.
— Okay, go on, then. — She said, waving her arm dismissively.
***
After returning and taking a shower, I realized that I was hungry. I'd heard someone talking about how a whole bunch of people was invited for the evening, and I didn't think I wanted to go down for dinner, so I stayed and rang for a servant.
A tray was soon brought to my room, full of different food. I'd never been able to eat all of it and today wasn't an exception. Some dishes were still untouched when I handed the tray back to the cheerful servant girl.
I hoped they weren't going to throw it all in the trash bin right away and would at least feed the dogs.
What I needed now was a good rest, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep before dark, so I lay on my bed, trying to free my mind of thoughts.
And it must have worked because the next thing I knew was that night had fallen and the same post guy was standing in the doorway.
I practically jumped out of my bed. My head immediately answered with a spin. I pressed my fingers to my forehead, praying not to pass out before the servant's eyes.
— You scared the crap out of me, Mister! — I said after the dizziness went away.
— I'm terribly sorry. — Same unbothered voice.
He held out another envelope.
"No, not an envelope." — I thought.
This time it was just a note.
When I sat on the bed to read the few words, the servant had already disappeared.
"How about a walk in the garden tonight?" — I read. Though no name was written on the parchment, I immediately understood who it was from.
I ran my eyes through the beautifully lined sentence once again and cast a glance toward the clock on my bedside table. Ten o'clock.
My legs could use a little stretch.
I pulled my second coat of crimson color out of the wardrobe and quickly braided my black hair in two so that it wouldn't look like a bird's nest.
So Phillip kept his promise, after all.
When I was ready, I closed the door and went quietly down the stone stairs. Strangely enough, they didn't seem as icy and cold as they had earlier.
I saw him the second my feet hit the grass of the garden. He was standing by a stone bench, waiting, his hand in the pocket of his dark blue jacket. When his thoughtful honey eyes met mine, I felt my heart throb and my mind clear of all the worries. I came to him and nodded, smiling.
— Uh, Hi. — I said so quietly that I barely heard my own words.
— Hi, Tala. — He answered.
It was only the sound of his voice that got to my ears, not the meaning, but it didn't matter. We were both lost and it was beautiful.