I woke up kicking, struggling and gasping for breath. Fear, panic and tension occupied my thoughts, my visions were blurry. Goosebumps filled my body and all my hairs were on edge. I was more disoriented than you can even imagine. I couldn't even figure out where I was at that very moment.
As seconds passed, my thoughts cleared and then I noticed a hand on my back providing comfort. I followed the hand to its face. Yea micheal , it could only be him
I figured out I was still in his room, slowly the panic and fear gave way to calmness, peace and sense of security. It happened again,, the nightmare,,, my demons are back again to fight me, I thought to myself. Atlas I'm awake free from the torture of that terrible thing. I can't remember when this whole thing started, but I just know it wasn't like this few years back
"Lily, it's me, I'm here,,,, don't be scared" Michael's voice made my attention drift back to him
I turned to look at my big bro, his faced filled with love, concern and care. I surely can't ask for more
"Relax okay,,, I'm here, you are safe... What so ever you experienced wasn't real. I would never let whatsoever that is harming you in your dream actually harm you in reality" he said so gently that I nearly mixed some words
"Do you want to talk about it Lily"
I would rather not but how could I possibly say that to him,,, he was just concerned and just wants to perform his brotherly duty. I resorted in saying
"maybe some other time when I'm a bit calm Michael." Even though I knew I wasn't ever going to say anything about it to him. It's something I have to fight myself
"Alright then, I won't push you to talk about what you don't want to talk about. But anytime you are ready to talk about it, I would be right here to give you a listening ear and my full support"
Never,, I said inwardly
I all but nodded and turned away because I really didn't really want to talk more about it. I just wanted him to let go of the matter. He actually got what I was trying to say and ended up letting go of the matter. He knew I wouldn't tell him anyways,, it's always been this way. Him asking and me saying some other time. But it still never stops him from asking anytime I have one.
He brought up so many ideas to brighten up my mood, from games to music to movies, switching stuff etc
We ended up going for a werewolf romance movie but he had to switch to comedy when they started doing too much of lovey dovey stuffs. Micheal actually hates such scenes, claiming things like that don't really exist and they were just being foolish
Few hours later I found myself laughing like I had no care in the world. The smug look on his face was enough to tell he was filling so self satisfied . Like he cracked the code, fixed the puzzle and completed a project.
I wanted to ask him about what happened earlier but I decided against it. It wasn't really the right time, I don't even want to be a kill joy kind of person. I decided to ask him about it, probably after dinner maybe before we go to bed since I was sure I would spend night in his room.
I did a little bit of school work and spent the rest of the evening in Michael's room.
I didn't even want to go downstairs, even when mum called for dinner. I wished I could bring mine upstairs but not in this house,,, Mr Adams would never let me.
Dinner was almost going well, we were almost done... I was halfway done, everywhere was quite, like there was some sort of peace or hatred in everyone's heart. It wasn't a problem to me... In fact I felt more comfortable in the silence., I was just glad no one was talking, it's actually far better than them having to shout over dinner.
Just when I thought everything was going well,, I thought we would have a perfect dinner in the mist of chaos. I thought they would at least get this one right. What a joke. Dad's phone had to ring at this point. "What a good timing" I uttered to myself with so much sarcasm. I couldn't see who the caller was since he was at the far end,, but I noticed dad's expression changed. He was a little bit tensed, he contemplated on picking it but decided against it. He slid his phone back into his pocket and everyone went back to eating. Thank God he didn't pick up, I went back to eating hoping no drama would rise.
The phone rang again but he still didn't pick up. Mum seemed so uninterested and didn't even glance at him but I could sense she was already getting pissed. She was trying really hard to look unaffected. It was when it rang the third time that she got so upset and asked him to pick the call if he wasn't scared. Dad looked at her like she was insane,
"Scared really??? What am I suppose to be scared of" Dad asked looking a little puzzled
Micheal kept eating looking unphased. And I, Lilian Daniel , always been the affected one just sat there watching hoping it would all just end, hoping we could just go back to eating,, wishing dad would have just picked up the call to show there was actually nothing to hide. Or better still, the phone shouldn't have rang,, or maybe he should have just switched off his phone before now.
The fight escalated so fast and it became really intense to the extent that mum started calling dad names.
"Lily let's go upstairs" Micheal called out
"But we can't just leave dad and mum like this"
Micheal stared at me like I had lost it ,,,, he all but dragged me up, scolding me and asking if I really wanted to get hit again or maybe I just love damaging my mental health.
At that I just decided to follow him, because I sure wouldn't want to experience that anymore.
When we got upstairs Micheal started lecturing me about the do's and dont's
"Don't ever get yourself involved again okay??
He all but stated rather than asked. Daring me to go against it.
But been me, I would always have something to say
"Michael those are our parents"
"Ok so what's your point" he retorted
I wanted to say so much, I wanted him to know that we can't just leave them like that, doesnt he even get. At that point I felt like smacking his head on the wall (hehehe I really wouldn't do that to him actually). I all but screamed inwardly before finally staring at him and saying nothing
"Listen to me lily, I love you so much and I wouldn't want to see you hurt. Involving yourself in those issues will only break you and give you more dark moments. You might even get physically hurt, if today was any indication. " He turned away from me at that point.
Maybe I was imagining things but I was sure I saw tears in his eyes before he turned
"Michael are you crying??"
"Why would I cry" he said still backing me
"I actually saw tears ....." I tried saying
"You didn't see anything" he said, he was back to facing me this time
His eyes were a bit red but knowing Michael, it would be best I let it be.
"So lily , as I was saying,,,,,,....
The best way to protect yourself is to zone out and don't let things like that bother you."
He stopped to gaze at me intensely just to make sure I was following
I nodded slowly and mouthed for him to go on.
He continued "so anytime they start, just go upstairs and occupy yourself with something else that actually makes you happy. Maybe some loud music or anything that would keep you occupied." He kept going on and on, stopping at intervals to make sure I was following.
"That's the technique I have been using lily and it's been really helpful in keeping my mood right on track".
Okay I had to accept Micheal was actually right because I definitely can't let myself fall into depression because of them. I am too young to be going through so much torture. How old am I again???? I am just 17 for Christ sake
I can't be thinking about them, school, my forth coming mock and Leo's threat(I still haven't forgotten. I was only occupied with family issues) should I even be worried about his threats at all.
I will surely tell Michael about it but at a better time . I'm sure he is gonna laugh his ass out
Micheal walked away and walked towards his wardrobe, he brought out two headsets and handed the blue one to me
"Blue is your favourite colour right he asked?
Yea sure
"See I didn't forget."" I actually stopped by Walmart yesterday to get one each for both of us. This would be our technique in shutting everything out. Once the war starts you put it on, it's your armour and shield. Never lose it great soldier ""
We both laughed at that and a peaceful silence followed afterwards
"You are not a real man, a womanizer that's what you are"
Mum's voice was louder this time
"You have really gone crazy " dad barked. It was followed by the opening and shutting of the door.
Dad has never walked out on mum before, no matter how intense the argument was, he had never hit I or mum before today. He has really changed alot and it seems to have worsened of recent. I guess I should be expecting more of the things he had never done. Oh God
The whole place became quite once again except for mums continuous sob
I and Micheal stared at each other before we both decided to laugh it all out. But we both can't deny the fact that there was bitterness in our laughter
"Michael??''
Yes
"Why did dad come back and what caused the fight?"
"And don't lie about it please , I am no longer a child. I need to know the truth. Don't protect me from things I already know,, I just want to hear it from your mouth"
With that, the room fell silent, tension filled and I could sense Michael's anger.