Penelope Martinez narrating:
Audrey looked at me thrilled already ready to go down the aisle in a few minutes, I was sitting on the end of the bed sipping what I imagined was the fifth glass of champagne, my stomach was empty and I was a little dizzy but fine.
The wind came into the room bringing the breeze from the clear waters of the Hawaii beach, Audrey was beaming until one of her bridesmaids in the room asked the same old question.
''Are you sure about this?'' Audrey looked at her as if to fulminate at her, two of the bridesmaids left the room where she was getting ready, we were left alone.
I was trying to calm Audrey's anger puff, but, she was calm, she sat down beside me on the bed with her wide mouth half down, she looked at the window, I watched her eating a strawberry from the fruit tray.
— It's okay, I understand that you're upset, it's very annoying when people question your decisions all the time.
I've always been difficult, it sounds cliché because first many people have this too, in the world of Show Bines, many times, you can make friends just by agreeing with everything that person agrees with, pay trips and well...
In short, having no opinion of your own, which creates false friendships, you get surrounded by people who don't know the real you, although, many times you don't even know yourself. But not with Audrey, we have always been friends, and she has given me so much strength that I don't know what would be of me without her friendship.
— I am sure of what I want. You know, everything I do I do with certainty about what I want, without indecision.
She blinked hard, looking up at the sun shining in the indescribably beautiful blue sky. Audrey ran her hand through her long, bright red, freshly dyed hair, pacing back and forth, I stood up, picking up the products that her oversized dress had dropped along the way, and she put her hand together, took it off, and put her engagement ring on her ring finger, still talking.
— I've never had patience for indecision, I guess it must be because I've always known what I want even in situations where I'm completely wrong and self destructive, but, I always know what I want.
She stopped me when I stood up, I stopped in front of her, I looked at her with my left eyebrow raised.
— I love him, you know, I may have been against it all my life, but, like Summer in five hundred days with her, I just woke up one day and knew. — Her lips curved into a wide smile.
Audrey always used movie references to explain how she felt, I bowed my head and watched my friend jump for joy, that was her years ago, confident that she would grow old with Sebastian, she took a deep breath, and shook her head, taking the weight of the memories off her head, that was her friend's day, and besides, all I wanted was for Audrey to be happy.
I frowned. — Nobody likes to be indecisive. I think indecisive people like to refer to themselves as cautious, but the truth is that indecision cuts deeper than many a knife. — I scratched the back of my head. — I know... But, don't care what other people think, this day is about you and Victor and no one else, you love each other, I'm sure you'll be very happy.
I took her cold hands in mine, and smiling feeling my mascara-laden eyelashes stick a little, she hugged me tight.
— And you're amazing, I'm sorry I had to deal with Esme today. You'll find someone and you'll be very happy.
I shrugged, if I cared, or even reacted to every pinprick from Esme disguised as advice, I would jump on her neck, and certainly end up in the chair, but, years of living together you learn how to get along with people like Esme, fake smiles and always pretending not to care, helps a lot.
I shook my head, pulling out of the hug. — No, no, young lady! I don't want anyone, I'm starting to believe my abuela, "Martinez women are unlucky in love.
(Translation: Abuela = Grandmother)
— Ah stop, you just have to...
A knock at the bedroom door interrupted her speech, before she could say "You may enter" Esme came in screaming in desperation, her mother had been shot, my heart froze immediately, was this really happening?
My breathing quickened as my trembling fingers pressed the elevator call button, Audrey had lost her sparkle after reluctantly saying it was just a prank, when we got down I almost thought I had a panic attack my eyes searched for my mother and grandmother.
I squeezed the tip of my index finger I always made these movements with my hands to calm myself down, and counted to three in various languages, one, two, three, breathe... Uno, duno...
I looked around, trying to comfort Audrey's crying until she insisted to go to the hospital, my heart was so sad for her, I didn't expect that day to start like this. It was about 12:50 when I looked at the clock on my wrist, she had gone with Esme and Ian, I had to stay with the other guests and try to calm them down if that is possible.
Some people were drinking water near the bar, I saw my mother and grandmother sitting near the other guests in the perimeter already demarcated with security guards, this made me less tense, I hugged them tight, so tight that I could feel the bone crack, but still on wobbly legs I pulled the chair and sat at the table.
Two days have passed since all that happened, yesterday morning we arrived from Hawaii, Audrey asked me to resolve the cancellations of the honeymoon trip, and reschedule the date, however, I woke up with a bitter taste in my mouth.
What made me think about drinking, I swallowed dry getting out of bed, my hands trembled with anxiety sighed nothing better than the smell of my grandmother's paeja to calm me down, I counted to three in French and went downstairs, trying to control my heart.
When I approached the smell my mouth curved into a smile, I looked to drink coffee my mother was already in the kitchen walking back and forth barefoot with her hand on her chin, that was the face she made whenever she went to her fortune teller and she said something cryptic or complicated, I did not understand the fact that my mother believed so vividly in yours, she was quite naive for these things.
— What is it, Mom? Has something happened? — I raised my eyebrows to avoid laughing.
I opened the refrigerator, kissing my grandmother on the forehead, who was standing by the stove with the help of Ruanita, our cook, preparing paejas for lunch.
She looked at me downcast, I took the non-lactose milk and placed it on the countertop along with the glass, my mother was curling her hair in her index finger, I poured the milk into the large glass, laughing at that drama.
— Mom, spit it out... I know you called the psychic as soon as we got back from the wedding.
I spun around in the kitchen, when I felt the soft fur of Chuvisco our dog playing on my legs. Chuvisco was blind in one eye and ran to play with me, he went straight for the pink bone, no doubt that dog was the oldest thing we had, he was already about ten years old.
Chuvisco continued, his steps were so slow that I stood up and continued to look at my mother.
— No, no... It's just that!
She said, using a dramatic pause with a cartoon face that only she knew how to make, I took the glass of milk, laughing and drank.
— The fortune-teller told me that your father is on the verge of death, and that I should let him come back into our lives...
She closed her eyes, believing me to be waiting for the sermon, and instantly upon hearing it I dropped the glass on the counter. My mother and father met in Colombia, his lord was to live in the United States, and it became hers too, but my grandmother wouldn't let him.
So at seventeen she ran away with my father here, my mother didn't know it but she was already pregnant, and the next day she told my father, he was gone. It took until my grandmother was able to come to help her, I remember being four and staying with the neighbor until my mother got home from work.
I didn't know much about my father, I never knew him, I was indifferent to him. Even though I have Nick, I didn't grow up without the presence of a father, even though he wasn't. I cut my train of thought with my mother babbling about how he must be hurt, or where he must be.
I took a deep breath, stepping out from behind the white marble island in the kitchen, looked out the quickly opened window, the sky was gray and overcast, and walked over to sit at the table.
— Mom, I don't have the energy to feel sorry for men today. Besides, your psychic is never right, she said that Grandma would meet someone special, and I would get the part in that movie...
— No, I felt that this time I would. She turned her head sideways, pulling a chair out of the table.
— The Martinez women don't need that hombre! — My grandmother said puffing out her chest, giving me a good morning hug. — And that's that about your ex-husband, you have to move on. My grandmother sat down at the table, my mother made a cross sign.
— I don't want to get back with him, I just want to help! — My mother replied, biting into her croissant, with her elbows on the table. — And I don't need anyone else.
— I know what you need, you must have grown cobwebs.
— Abuela! — I couldn't contain my laughter when I looked up, and they both laughed too.
— But, you know that psychics get it right! Madrezita, remember when Maristela said that there would be no harvest that year? — My mother exclaimed with her arms, raising her chin and her eyebrows.
— That's because she saw your drunk uncle Aldo planting marbles instead of seeds," she put her hands on her hips.
I looked at both of them, sitting at the table passing jam on the bread, losing my feet behind the chair my grandma started to eat when Chuvisco barked low asking for some cookie from the table, we got used to him badly, he left wagging his tail with tongue out when Ruanita showed him her ration putting it in the pot.
It was moments like those that made going back to Miami out of the question, I loved the family thing, and to think that I almost missed it. I was not as bad off as the media preached, I had not been to three rehabs, just one.
The life of an addict was always one step at a time, I blinked feeling my heart starting to beat again, I ran my hand over the glass coo passing my fingernails over the glass, I swung my legs, I was always restless.
— Honey, is everything okay?
My mother asked wide-eyed, my chest heaving with rapid breaths. My grandmother took my hand and after a prayer, began to tell me about the day she got her stolen chicken back.
I already knew that story and loved it, she always seems so happy telling it so I always wanted to hear it again, in the middle of our conversation, my chest was calming down when my cell phone rang on the coffee table in the living room as the cover was open space, we heard it.
Ruanita brought her cell phone to me, it was Esme. I answered, expecting good news, but it wasn't good news, in fact she was very mysterious saying that the police needed to talk to us, I rolled my eyes.
The Detective looked at all of us in the penthouse room that Esme shared with Audrey, I had been there for a few hours talking to Audrey when Sebastian came in wearing dark glasses and a black leather jacket with jeans.
— I didn't know we had all been summoned," Audrey said with a disgusted expression. — With you here I'll have to have the place fumigated.
She said getting up from the couch passing Sebastian making sure to tap him on the shoulder, he took a deep breath expressing no reaction, the detectives arrived with Esme who had ears so black that even makeup was hard to hide them.
She coughed, still pale. — Last night I received this... — She leaned over and gave us copies of a piece of paper. — As you can see, it's a threatening note! Those bars were for me...
The tense atmosphere spread across the room, she blinked, a tear fell from her eye, she rested her hand on her forehead and comically and dramatically put her head back. She was obviously flirting with the detective, who just lowered his head and wrote something on his notepad.
— Well, we suspect that this killer of Samantha Francis wants to kill all of you, Mr. Ian has also received this kind of message, so each of you will have to be escorted, I know you already have your security guards but you need to have specialized police escorts.
The detective began to speak, he lifted his shoulders and stopped in front of me, his gaze meeting mine, he pointed at me.
— Especially Miss Penelope Martinez!
I frowned, putting my hand to my chest. — Me? Why?
— Because she's a Detective! — Esme said as she approached the Detective and took his hand, and he let go quickly and gracelessly. — Someone wanted to end my beautiful life, not hers. I still can't believe someone wants me dead.
— It's hard to think of anyone who doesn't. — Ian retorted, putting his hand on my shoulder and hugging me from behind.
Ian was known to me as the smelliest man I had ever met, like, a lot, and even though we were not as close as we used to be, I always admired him for his free spirit, and for never being tied down.
Ian always passed the image of someone who never had a panic attack, I know that is impossible, even more so when you have known him since he was a child, he was the most fearful of us. However, these characteristics have changed. There were even rumors that he would be the next James Bond.
Sebastian excused himself and scratching the back of his head closed the door in Esme's face, who followed him into the elevator, we could all hear his thick platform heel on the floor, he must have been angry at what he heard, Audrey sat down on the black leather swivel chair, tense.
— We believe that the person behind the threats and the murder is your fan. We were stalled in the investigation until this new lead.
He looked at me and I shivered, stood up and went to the window, it was too much to digest, he put his hand on his waist before checking the time.
— We'll need to question her, too! All of you.
The next thing I knew it was Gamora, Audrey's furry orange cat, trying to climb onto my lap.
I scooped her up in my lap and felt her warm furry little body stretch out on me.
Esme huffed back, puffing out her chest, let out a deep breath, but said nothing. I didn't know how to react, a lump in my throat, I wanted to call Nick, my mother. I rolled my eyes, feeling my blouse prickle.
I would hate to have someone with me twenty-four hours, I wasn't like this before but now I hated someone invading my space. Which I recognize is ridiculous given the new circumstances I am in.
Gamora jumped off my arm, leaving only her hair behind.
— I'm sorry, Detective, but how is that going to stop you from I don't know... trying to kill me? — I raised my eyebrows. — Maybe I should go far away from here!
— We don't think he will try to kill you, you're the only one he apparently wants to protect, so let's monitor your mail. — She interrupted me by raising her hand as if to drop the subject.
— This is so nineties, who in their right mind still sends letters? — Esme asked curiously, crossing her legs provocatively, it was clear that she was hitting on the policeman, Sebastian returned without his sunglasses and with his fists bleeding.
That was Esme always wanting to be absolutely unnecessary, I felt my shoulder even heavier, I needed my masseuse and new books!
Suddenly my world stopped as I looked out the window of that tall building, the street full of cops, the paparazzi were everywhere and there were more than usual, I just turned my neck, swallowing dry it seemed like I swallowed glass I was feeling like something was about to cut me whole from the inside.
I looked to the side, the detective was with me, "David" He said holding out his hand, he was tall and completely serious, but had a boyish face.
His mouth was wide and certainly had a tattoo, I smiled back, there was something about his eyes that caught me causing a shiver down my spine, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop analyzing him.
I felt a coffee scent, it was Sebastian, his dead fish look was on me. Stopping in front of me, I put my hands in my sweatshirt pocket, and turned around.
— Please, we can talk! — He said in the voice he had when we were kids, as if he were ten years old again and had forgotten his way home. — I miss you, I wanted to give you this. — He pulled out of his pocket a box as if it were the ring.
I refused with my hands, shrugging my shoulders. Sometimes I thought there were two of me, one before I married Sebastian, happy, relaxed, and one after him, troubled, trying at all costs to start over.
When we got married after the first year, everything changed. Living together somehow was killing us, we lost each other, he was never around, and even when he was he didn't seem to be, and I sank into more bottles and he into my best friend.
I wonder what would have become of me if I hadn't made that movie, gotten into Hollywood. I don't romanticize poverty and I love acting, I'm just saying, there are certain things that money doesn't solve, like keeping you away from people like him, I blinked a lot, part of me wanted to ask how he's doing, to ask if he still visits our little angel in private.
But, everything about Sebastian hurts me, weighs on my heart, so I don't say anything.
— And don't get me wrong, I just want to make it clear that you were the best friend I ever had.
He kept looking at me with that look of a ten-year-old who got lost from home, but the things he did weren't the things a ten-year-old does, and even if he remembered the way, there was no home to go back to.
I felt anger towards him, I still don't forgive him, I don't know how to deal with it, after all, I never know anything about what goes on inside me. I just wanted distance, everything changed, and yet I am more me than I ever was. I chose myself, I saved myself, and I loved myself.
And that's why I was standing up, and I wasn't going to let him or anyone else put me down again.