Love, what is it? What exactly is so great about it? Everywhere you go, there are lovely dovely couples. How can one be so brainwashed? How can one be so clueless?
It's not the way they look, how they act, or even what they say; just love itself! It's just that they're always in love with each other. That is to say until they aren't. It's like a display of fraud. A lie. A sham. It's like they pretend to be in love but are not. It's not as if they have never been kissed before. In fact, they've had countless kisses. But nothing was ever quite right. Something was missing. They weren't the only ones who felt this way. The feeling of being alone may sound scary for some, but to others, it can be true happiness.
That's why I hate "love" and marriage. Not because they make us feel bad, but rather because they bring out the worst in people. When you get married, all that really matters is that you love your spouse. Love is a word that has come up often in my life, but I never really believed in any of it. Never felt right with a man at my side. My friends wouldn't understand. They probably think I'm mad. If I were them, I would tell myself to get over myself. To stop being so negative. To try to see things from their point of view, find a little joy in life, and give it a try. I wish I could be like that. I wish I weren't such a coward. I hope I could be happy.
School starts back in two days from winter break. I have to explain to them what happened with Nick and me. Each relationship I have ended within a month. It doesn't help I have to keep my true self a secret. Every month, I turn into a beast under a full moon. My family was born this way and cursed to guard our hometown, Brazen. We live in a town near the mountains. I can transform when I feel like it; my parents know of this. Even though we don't talk very much, my mother worries for me and makes sure I don't hurt anyone accidentally. They've always been there for me. Two doors down, a new family moved in. A family of six. Two adults and four teenagers. Mother warned me to stay away from them. We didn't need any wolf siting scaring them off. She says I am dangerous because of my condition, and I agree. I am a beast that will kill without blinking if provoked. My control of it is as reasonable as an experienced adult. But mother thinks I still might lose control, her words, not mine. I'm not afraid anymore. I no longer worry about hurting anyone.
Now, it doesn't matter as long as everyone remains safe.
My parents' job pays well, which helps with school. It also allows them to keep an eye on me. No one knows we are a beast of the night, keeping the town safe. We do our best not to be seen by others, but sometimes that isn't enough. After transforming in the woods, the first person I see is a boy named Andrew. He lives in a nice house in our neighborhood; it has white picket fences surrounding the yard. Everything looks neat and tidy. Nothing seems broken or out of place. Andrew, or Andy as I call him, became my best friend. He was fascinated with everything I was. Having someone besides my parents to talk about it was refreshing. Jana, my other best friend, was the one to set me up with Nick. She has been in love with Nick's brother Darrel. Dating for the past three months. I wasn't jealous, but she felt I was lonely without her and wanted me to experience what she had been feeling. It didn't happen; we butt heads and argued every day. Nick and I finally called it quits before winter break. I have a feeling Jana is going to be upset; she wanted us to have double dates. I'll have to face the music on Monday at school. I ignored her texts and phone calls; I didn't want to explain. It just feels wrong being with Nick. She wouldn't understand how I felt and still feel. I don't honestly know myself. What is wrong with me? Why can't I feel love for someone?