Maybe it was the last bit of hope, but somewhere inside I heard the cheers, the shouts of the soldiers.
People who are about to die often dream of fantastic things, and how long it will take before consciousness will completely disappear.
Someone hugged me, stood up.
How disappointing, now maybe those demons want to end it all…
But, it's the calling, the human sounds are reaching my ears, they're taking me away.
I don't know, am I dead or really being saved, and when those calls aren't from those who have died for this place, do I still want to live?
For a moment it seemed as if from the dead, this lunatic was alive again. Now I want to sleep in peace and forget all the pain and misery…
"Deputy Commander, are you awake? Deputy Commander?!"
A strangely familiar voice. I tried to open my tired eyes. That golden hair, seems like S took care of me.
"Don't call me that, you're still my boss."
She looked at me with caring eyes. I tried to reach for the curtain, slowly pulling it open. Outside is the sound of the cool autumn wind, the chirping of birds, the rustling of fallen leaves.
And then in an instant, that painful memory reappeared.
From the pitiful screams of the dead comrades filled with frustration, to the heartbreaking cries of those who should have been filled with dreams. Their life hope, future, life purpose, all were crushed by the brutal war.
They died at the hands of the demons that life taught them to hate and loathe.
Is this a retribution? What have I done to them, and now have to suffer?
It is the questions of impermanence that make us think about our actions, and that the inhuman things in the name of the King are just falsehoods, a cover for a purpose… that's "unclear".
I calmed down, trying my best to ask.
"Where are we? How is the Éclairer citadel? How many survivors?"
She just watched silently, clutching the papers tightly.
I don't know what I can do for the rest of my life.
One eye was completely damaged, the axe stripped away my entire right arm, and my internal organs were severely damaged.
Luckily, at least I can still walk. Thinking about having to deal with a deadlocked "second life" makes me even more tired.
Well, I'm still alive.
Hundreds of people have to die for this life, I don't think giving up is what they want to see from me.
Standing up, clinging to the window frame, sitting silently and then immersed in my consciousness.
All the people who stayed in the citadel that day were dead, their bodies were not even intact. The soldiers from the Sanctuary came to punish the beasts, but it was too late to save anyone.
"So when will I be out? Any more information on the attack? It is impossible for an army to enter the city undetected..."
"We are still investigating. You can rest assured for the rest of the day. Tomorrow we will leave here. From next week you will be transferred to work for the reconnaissance unit of the Execution Team. Prepare yourself mentally."
I let go of the window frame and looked her straight in the eye.
"You guys are crazy, all of you..."
"Reconnaissance unit… Are you going to let me die? What can this body do? Only God understands your decision!"
I dare not imagine, the extreme suffering has not ended.
And the "lucky" survivors are transported to where death awaits. How ironically?
I slowly fell asleep in exhaustion. Early the next morning, they took me around the wards in a rehabilitation training session.
The large wound in the abdomen has not yet completely healed, but the pain is somewhat relieved.
They led me out the gate, just as S's carriage arrived. We immediately returned to the Sanctuary.
Trying to hold onto the edge of the chair despite the aching body. Suddenly she touched my hand, leaned over and whispered, "You can lean on me if you want."
Those eyes and tone of voice are no longer annoying, so many things have happened that make us crave a little bit of human love even if it's just fake...
Lightly resting my head on the thin shoulder, the scent wafts. Such special scent of her is like a perfume, enough to make people ecstatic.
She wrapped her arms around me and fell asleep.
The Reconnaissance Unit gathers the best and most talented people in the Execution Team. I couldn't protect the soldiers, couldn't defend the citadel, and was lucky enough to survive just because they used my misery as some kind of twisted entertainment.
Is it worth considering a pathetic guy like this joining? Or is it all someone's plan?
Maybe... I was looking at things too suspiciously.
The carriage moves into the main gate. The scene here is still the same, the magnificent giant towers appear before my eyes.
Passing the small garden in the main courtyard, we stopped.
Carefully descending, the two entered the Holy Garden.
Visiting this place again reminds me of some unforgettable memories. In front of us was a figure slowly approaching.
The voice echoed from afar: "You two arrived earlier than I expected. It must have been hard for you to have gotten this far, I should have welcomed you more wholeheartedly!"
It was a strange voice, but I know I have heard.
The pure white clothes of the Royal family, the hilt of the sword studded with pearls, and the silver hair spread back, as soft as the waves.
S immediately knelt down, dignified.
"It is an honor for me to meet you, Duke Ress."
I tried to get down on my knees, the Duke caught my hand.
"Cecile…"
"How do you… know my sister's name?"
"Oh no. You probably don't remember."
I blurted out, it seemed he could almost see the confusion on my face.
This man, there's a sense of familiarity in him that I can't quite remember.
"S explained why you met me here yet?"
"Not yet, sir. But may I ask, where have I seen you before?"
Ress's gaze enveloped me, a long sigh and a look of regret for what was lost.
"…If not, starting from next week, I will be the one directly commanding the reconnaissance unit. You're a new member under S's supervision."
He purposely dodged that question.
"Don't think I've forgotten…"
I put my arm around his shoulder, pretending I knew what had happened.
If this Duke was really hiding something, he would likely reveal an opening after seeing a suspicious sign.
"Do you know… what is my purpose?"
"Purpose? Of course… is…?!"
"You don't know. Sure. I'll leave the question of who I am for you to find out for yourself. But, first, find yourself a purpose."
That statement made me pause for a moment.
Have I been so focused on running from my family that I forgot my purpose in life?
How is it possible?
The existence of that false connection is the source of all my suffering, all my suffering up to now.
But is running away from it the solution?
Since when have I been too indulgent in an iron cage, like a pet bird lying obediently to be controlled by others?
"The meeting facility is in the third tower, west of the Sanctuary. I've already sent someone to move all your belongings there. Now you should go rest a bit."
Ress took my hand, touching a newly bloomed flower.
"It's you, Ray. This flower represents who you are. A budding soul."
"You like to enjoy nature, I suppose?"
"Certainly. Just as I love watching them grow, and age with time… Now you should go back and rest."
I returned with S.
Ress still walking in the garden, looking back at me with a strange gaze.