I wish for chaos. It excites me. All the screaming and running and dying and crying are a mixture of sounds I know very well. That day, when I was helpless without sight, surrounded by the crackle of flames, these sounds elicited joy from my heart. My death should have been assured, and it would have been a horrific end to a normal young boy. But fate had other plans.
The flames continued to burn. I could feel their heat cooking my skin. I sat unmoving. A cloud of hot dust had flown into my eyes, rendering me blind temporarily. But I could still see the tower of flames in my imagination. The village that I had known for my entire life was burning, turning to ash. I could do nothing about it but smile, because my eyes hurt when I started crying.
I survived until the morning. People from the neighbouring village found me basking in the sun, kneeling on my bloodied knees.
They said they had called out to me, but I was unresponsive. So they thought I was dead. But as they got closer and examined me, they realised I was taking barely perceptible breaths. I only reacted to their presence when they started touching and tugging at my body. The pain woke me up from my daze.
I remember being wrapped in moist bandages, and being fed watery foods. Once in a while I would laugh. Things made no sense to me. Time moved quickly. Eventually, I could start being active without it hurting much.
Then, they came. They took me to their cathedral where my scars were evaporated by holy water. They said I was chosen by a deity. That I was gifted with a blessing that tragic night.
Mother, father and sister. I knew nothing of what happened to their bodies. They told me that there were no bodies, only ash. I laughed. It wasn't loud. Barely audible. But I did laugh. The nun embraced me. She said everything is going to be alright. But things were not alright. I sensed it. My chest felt like a bottomless cavern. The other nun in the room asked me why I was smiling.
I told her, "I'm happy. Can't you tell?"
The nun tried pulling her friend away from me but couldn't, so she rushed out of the small bedroom as if she saw a ghost. It was funny to me. I laughed again. You could hardly hear it. But in my mind, it was like I was laughing my lungs out.
I don't know why I was so amused. It amazes me to this day. I have yet to leave the cathedral, it's not by choice. I'm too special to be let free.