Robin
"Robin?"
The shock was all I felt. My mate left. No goodbye. No letter. No last hug before he left. Learning that not only did he leave, but he chose to. I couldn't understand why he would leave. Where was he going? When would he be back?
"Flower, honey, it's going to be okay," My mom said.
I couldn't speak. I had only just found James, and now he was gone.
"He left Mom," I couldn't believe it. "Everything hurts, Mom. He's gone, and I'm left here," I sobbed. How could he leave me? How could he subject me to the pain of separation with no explanation?
My Mom stayed there for hours, just holding me while I rethought everything about me and my mate.
James and I met at a treaty party between our two packs, the Lunar Pack and the Crystal Mountain Pack. It was surprising to find out we were mates. Children of Alphas very rarely get mated together. Even more surprising was that we found each other before I turned sixteen.
Wolves find their mates after age ten, but it's a highly uncommon circumstance. The most common time for wolves to find their mates are ages sixteen through eighteen. I met James when I was fourteen. An enormously rare occurrence. However, while I was fourteen, James was eighteen.
An age difference of four years is quite common. Age gaps between mates can be anywhere from one year to twenty. These gaps can cause problems between mates, more for the older mate. It bothered James, but I couldn't understand why. Why had it bothered him so much for him to leave? I could get some of it. The overall want to mate or mark could become difficult, but it wouldn't have been for that long. We could've figured things out without him needing to leave.
Wolves always feel the need to mark their mates but only get urges to finish mating at eighteen.
"Flower," My Mom says, bringing me out of my thoughts. "Things are going to turn out okay. Dad and I are going to call his parents and find out what's going on."
"How can that make it okay?" I ask.
"We can learn why he left when he's coming back."
I nodded at that, knowing my Mom was right. It still hurt, though. I felt abandoned and rejected. I felt wrong without him. The pain of separation was starting to rear its ugly head.
The pain of separation was the pain mates felt when they got separated. Mates feel this pain no matter the cause of separation. The only reason that won't result in this pain is if one mate dies. The pain started small and uncomfortable, but after time would grow to become excruciating.
Over the next few months, the pain got worse, as did my depression. I was heartbroken. James' parents didn't know he hadn't said goodbye. They told us that he wanted to travel to different packs to learn to be a better alpha. My life at this point was bleak, and my parents felt constant worry about their daughter. I wasn't laughing or smiling. I stayed cooped up in my room reading, barely coming out. Books became my world. It served as an escape from the separation pain.
After six months of this, my parents decided we needed to talk about the way I was handling my pain and sadness. They didn't want me to lose myself and become a shell of who I once was.
"Songbird," My Dad sighed. "You're young, honey. You're supposed to be enjoying school, enjoying play dates with friends, enjoying life. Hell, you didn't even celebrate your birthday, Songbird," He said. "Your Mom and I know this is hard. We know you're going through pain that someone your age, let alone adults, shouldn't have to go through," He paused after that like he didn't know what to say next.
"Feeling sadness and grief is one thing, honey, but losing yourself to sadness and grief is something we can't let you do." My mom took over. "You can't become a shell of a person."
I could understand what they were saying, but I didn't know how to get out of this. I could feel myself getting upset. Not at my parents, but myself.
"But how," I started. "Everything hurts all the time. It feels awful, and I don't know how to get out of it." I explained how I felt stuck like I was in quicksand. Just slowly sinking, unable to get out.
"That's why we're here. We're your parents. We're here to guide and help you." My Dad said.
The conversation continued with my parents showing support the entire way. They told me to start slow. Start with family movie nights during dinner, helping make dinner some nights, and a couple of sleepovers with my best friend, Callie.
Throughout the next few months, I tried to better myself. Work through everything and move on. I even had my sixteenth birthday party last Saturday.
"Hey, Bird?" Callie calls. "We're out of popcorn. Can you make some more, please?"
Callie has been my built-in best friend for as long as I can remember. Her Dad is my Dad's Beta. We've been friends since we were born.
"Sure, but Mom and Dad asked if we wanted to go on a run with them and Ben. Wanna go?" I ask. It's pretty expected for Callie to do things with my family. We call each other's parents Mom and Dad.
"Sure, sounds fun," she says. We head towards the backyard, where we find my parents and Ben, my younger brother.
"About time, we've been waiting forever," Ben says. He has quite the skills for dramatics that he gets from their dad.
"It hasn't even been five minutes, moron," My Mom retorts back while smacking him upside the head. Ten-year-old boys are all the same. Immature, absolutely odd, and confusing.
"Well, oww, Mom," He whines.
We shift into our wolves, and off we go. My Mom and Dad immediately turn the run into a race. Callie and I run slower to watch who wins and what tricks they play on each other.
Suddenly, my Dad is on the ground as he trips over my Mom's paw. I can hear her laughing through our mind link while my Dad sends meaningless curses her way.
"Remember, guys," I hear through the link. "There's rain coming, so this run needs to be quick."
My Dad has always stressed about the weather.
"Got it, Dad." Callie links.
We spend the afternoon running around, watching my parents trip each other, and playing games like hide-and-seek. Callie and I love watching my parents mess with each other. My Dad knocks over my Mom by butt bumping her, which she retorts by knocking him down a small hill into a lake. Callie and I start rolling with laughter.
After about half an hour, it starts to drizzle, which tells us we need to leave. While going home, however, we feel the rain pick up and the air chills and swirls. The sky gets immensely darker, and it starts pouring. Thunder starts crackling while the sky lights up from the lightning. The wind is so strong that my Mom and Dad have to press on either side of Ben to keep him upright. It takes us five minutes longer than expected to get close to the edge of the forest. We then hear a huge crackling sound. The ground feels as if it's shaking with an earthquake. We're all looking around, trying to see which way to go.
The sound then grows louder, and everything goes black.
One Week Later
I woke up feeling horrible pain throughout my body. I looked to my left and saw both of my parents asleep on the couch, leaning on one another. My brother was on the floor with a makeshift bed, using everyone's hoodies as blankets. I turned to my right to find Callie half hanging off the bed. It was kind of nice to be awake before them to take in how I felt.
Something feels wrong, though. I can't know what's wrong until the nurse comes in. Glancing back to my right, I see two wide eyes staring at me.
"Why hello, Callie. Fancy seeing you here." I joke, hoping to ease her stress.
However, she continues staring. I feel like her large eyes are staring straight through me. She sits up but continues staring, and I can tell what's coming next. She finally blinks, but as she does, she starts sobbing.
"I thought you were gone," She wails. "You can't do that to me again, Bird. I don't know what I'd do without you." She's still crying, and my parents startle awake to see what's wrong.
They're hugging me the second they realize I'm awake, vigorously asking everything under the sun. Soon though, the nurse comes in.
"Well, look at you. How are you, Darlin?" She asks.
"I've felt better," I say. "I'm feeling a little off. It's more than the obvious pain, but something feels missing.
"Everyone's looking at each other, all unsure of what to say.
"What? What's wrong?" I ask. There's something more than just feeling off. I'm sure of it now. "Come on. It's my body, or mind, or whatever is screwed up, and I have a right to know."
"We know, Songbird, we know. We just aren't sure how to tell you is all," My Dad says.
"Gently blunt."
The doctor speaks up now, seeing that my family can't make themselves say it. "Darlin, there's something that can sometimes happen when a wolf gets hurt while they've shifted." She pauses but then continues. "When wolves get injured past a certain point, there's a greater chance that they could lose something important."
"Like an arm, leg, or tail?" I question.
"No, Darlin," She sadly sighs. "Like their wolf."
Everyone was silent. They were waiting for me to say something, to feel something, to lash out. I merely sat there. I was trying to think, but I couldn't manage to.
"So what you're saying is," I started. "Is that I am now human."
"Yeah, Songbird, you're human," My Dad sighed.
Everything felt as if it was crumbling around me. The entire life I had known was now gone. The core of my identity was destroyed. I felt helpless. I didn't know who I was now. I wanted to scream, cry, throw things, but I couldn't.
"So, what happens now?" I ask.
"You're going to be very sore for at least two weeks. I need you to take it easy for that time. Your body is having to get used to being human, so you'll heal slower than what you're used to." The doctor says.
I only nod. This is going to be one hell of an adjustment. I can't smell pheromones, can't hear miles away, can't speak through the link with my family, nor can I feel the pain of separation. The last one seems better for me, but in actuality, it was the only thing that truly kept me connected to James. I felt like I was floating, disconnected from everything.
Everyone could only look at me. Sympathy.
"Don't look at me like that. I want to work to become a normal human. I don't want sympathy, I don't want this to be the only focus of everyone's minds all the time. I'm not dead, that's what matters."
My parents nodded, agreeing. I knew they understood but would struggle with this concept. They were always fierce worriers.
Months passed, and I quickly got used to my new way of life. They all made sure I was never left out but altered things slightly, never wanting me to feel abandoned. We had walks where I would walk along with them while they played. My brother and I would wrestle and play. Is this how humans played with dogs? We would race, and they'd let me win some. This way of life became my new regular, and it wasn't horrible. The most challenging part was getting adjusted.
I was still left, with radio silence from James. I thought he would at least send a text telling me he was sorry about the accident. He sent nothing. It was killing me. The mental pain of being away from him, feeling rejected and abandoned, wasn't something exclusive to werewolves. The silence was loud and deafening. It was telling that I had lost him.
Life went on. I went back to school, lived my life, enjoyed my days. I had moved on. My love for books stayed throughout all of the change. I loved to read while sitting on the orange tree in our backyard. I watched Callie go through training. We used to do those together, but now I only watch.
I turned eighteen three days ago. Still no sign, call, or card from James.
I know he's not coming back.