LILYANNA'S POV
"So..." I glanced up at Una as she walked over to the couch. I pulled my blanket up closer making a spot for her to sit if she wanted. I continued to eat my mint chocolate chip ice cream, my taste buds excited with each bite I took.
"So... what?" I spoke with the front of the spoon still resting on my tongue.
"Are you going to tell me what happened between you and Indigo?" Una sat down next to me and pulled her feet onto the couch. She then grabbed the remote and turned down the volume for the t.v.
~Man, I was watching that.~
"I don't know if I want to, Una." I took a deep breath and looked down at my feet. The only thing keeping me sane was the sweet, minty, chocolaty taste of my ice cream. I shoveled more of it into my mouth hoping that it would ease the pain I was feeling.
"Why not?" Una spoke, her tone sounded concerned.
"Because it's nothing."
"Then why are you acting like you two just broke up?" She stared right at me with wide eyes, leaning closer the longer I remained silent.
"I don't know. We didn't do anything except one kiss!"
"What!?" Una gasped. "You kissed him!? When did that happen?"
"At the hospital," I muttered under my breath. Una's eyes widened and her jaw dropped as she lightly punched my arm.
"You dirty minx! How was it? Give me all the details!"
"It was amazing..." Una squealed, her armed wailed back and forth frantically. She looked back up at me with the biggest grin on her face. Though slowly that grin turned to a frown, her eyes looking at me confused.
"If it was amazing why are you so upset? Why were you two arguing? Did he hurt you?"
"It's not like that at all Una. He didn't hurt me or do anything wrong. I'm just not ready to be in another relationship."
"You don't have to be in a relationship with him to enjoy a kiss."
"I know, but I think it would be best if I wasn't intimate with him at all."
"If you didn't want anything intimate, why did you kiss him?"
"I don't know." I place my pint of ice cream down on the coffee table. I rose my palms to my eyes, feeling each streak of tears that fell down my face. "It's just so hard to explain. I feel this want...this need to be near him. I want to hold him in my arms and call him mine forever. But I barely know him, Una. I don't know how old he is, or what's his favorite color. I don't know anything about him and I don't understand why I feel this way. And it scares me. The last time I fell head over heels for someone he would hit me so hard that I would have bruises all over my body. What if he is just like Jason?"
"What if he's not? Lily...I know that things have been hard. You had to pack everything you had and move to somewhere so small it's not even on a normal map. You left not knowing if you were going to make it out alive. What Jason did, was despicable and I wish I knew sooner so I could've gotten you out sooner. But please don't treat Indigo like he is out to hurt you. That's not fair to him. I may have not known Jason very well, though I know for certain that Indigo is not him. Maybe the reason you feel this way about Indigo is that your subconscious is telling you that you're ready to open yourself back up?"
"What if it's another mistake?" I gazed back up at Una, she held her hands out towards me. I accepted her invitation and hugged my best friend.
"Do you feel like the kiss was a mistake?"
"No."
"Then maybe you should trust yourself, follow your instincts. If you really feel this way about him, why not give it a shot?"
"Trust my instincts?" I scoffed, removing myself from Una's embrace."No thanks. It's because of my instincts that I fell in love with a man that abused me for almost three years."
"Lily, that wasn't your fault. He purposely took advantage of the love you had for him and used it to hurt you."
"I know."
"How does Indigo feel about this? I'm sure he understands that you aren't ready for anything intimate. Especially after getting out of an abusive relationship."
"I don't know because I didn't tell him. The only thing I told him was 'I don't want a relationship with you at all' and 'I can't get into another relationship.'"
"Lily..."
"I just didn't know what to say or do. I thought if I ended it before anything else happened...It would prevent me from getting hurt."
"But, you lied to him."
"If I told him the truth, that I wanted to be with him but I couldn't right now, what do you think would happen? Isn't leading him on worse?"
"So what's your plan, Lily? Are you just going to ignore your feelings and break both of your hearts? He obviously cares a lot about you."
"Yes..." Una glanced away from me without speaking another word. All I could hear was the faint muttering of the t.v. show in the background.
"Lily, I love you with all of my heart. I know I can't tell you what to do with your life. Though I can't stay silent because it seems like you are punishing yourself. Not protecting yourself." Una got off of the couch and started walking to her bedroom door. Before closing the door behind her she left open a small crack, allowing her face to peak out. She peered in my direction, her expression dull.
"Goodnight, Lily." She closed her door, leaving me by myself on the couch.
~Is she right? Am I punishing myself? No...I'm just being smart. I mean, I can't be the only one who thinks it's crazy to fall for a guy you've only known for three days.~
I picked up my ice cream and returned it to the freezer. I walked over to the bathroom, deciding that I wanted to take a shower. I turned on the water, testing it to make sure it was the perfect temperature. I got undressed and entered the shower closing the curtain behind me. I lathered my hair with shampoo and conditioner and washed my body. I stepped underneath the shower head, letting the water run over my face. The water left a soft sting as it ran down my body. I couldn't help but think about Indigo and how he looked at me. His anger, his sadness...his love.
~Am I overreacting? He didn't ask me to marry him, he just wanted a date. And I would be lying to myself if I said I didn't like that idea.~
I got out of the shower and dried myself off. I wrapped both my hair and body in a towel before heading to my room. I heard my phone ding, the vibration of my phone amplified as it rang against the wooden nightstand. I picked up my phone to find a text message from my aunt Aisha.
Tuesday 12 Jul- 09:15 pm
Hi, my little lily. I had to come up to Oneida for business and I was wondering if I could take you out for dinner? I miss my little girl.
Aunty, I'm not a little girl anymore. 09:16 pm
I know, It's just in my eyes you will always be that little girl I raised. 09:18 pm
I love you too Aunt Aisha. 09:19 pm
Is that a yes? 09:19 pm
Yes, I would love to have dinner with you, Aunty. 09:22 pm
Great! I'll pick you up at your college's main building. Your class ends at 6 pm, right? Sorry I might have asked Una what your class schedule looked like. 09:25 pm
It's no problem, Aunty. Yeah, my last class gets out at 6 pm. Everything sounds good, I'll see you tomorrow. 09:27 pm
See you tomorrow little lily. 09:28 pm
I placed my phone back onto my nightstand and removed my towels. I then put on a fresh pair of underwear and a t-shirt, it's what I would sleep in most of the time. I turned off my light and tucked myself into bed. As I drifted off to sleep images came flashing into my mind. It was a wolf in the distance, it had a golden glow against the night sky. I walked closer, hoping to catch a better glimpse of the creature. Before I could reach the wolf it began to run away from me, disappearing into a forest. I followed the wolf in, the moon and stars gave the forest trees a soft gleam allowing me to see easily. As the wolf ran faster so did I, my surroundings becoming a blur as I followed the soft glow peeking through the trees.
~Wait, where are you going?~
We finally ran out of the forest, but the ground was now like a mirror reflecting the night sky. A low-hanging fog rolled in as I walked toward the wolf. It was beautiful, it had pure golden fur that radiated against the dark. Its eyes were pure silver, as I glanced further into them I could see the moon hidden in its iris. The wolf was huge, easily twice my height. The moon raised above the horizon, engulfing most of the night sky. The wolf glanced at me, the moon now directly behind it. I wanted to touch the wolf's fur, drawn to it as if I knew this wolf my whole life. As if it was a part of me.
~What are you?~
I held out my hand, ready to touch its fur coat. Before I could I heard the sound of an alarm in the background. The dream melted away as I awoke in my bed, feeling confused as I sat up.
~What was that dream?~