It was annoying. The clock in the car panel read 11:35 pm in its characteristic neon white digital stick number figures, as the sound of the motor filled the empty air. We were the only ones in the street. I looked up patiently to the traffic light hanging in front of us: red.
River dared break the silence, her voice tired raspy as she rested her forehead by the front seat window: 'It would be easier if you could just go'
Malcolm gave her an sceptic side eye - not moving the position of his head from the road.
'I'm just saying.' she was quick to add - an air of defensiveness in her voice. 'I'm not asking you to break the law.' She didn't know how Malcolm would react to her suggesting the law could be broken if the rules were stupid.
Malcolm blinked - his expression much more comprehensive and considerate than she had given him credit for. His eyes landed on the traffic light once more, as he saw it a new for what it truly represented in that moment: civility. The act of waiting in the car was more symbolic than consequential - he could step on the gas, and nobody would know he had passed a red light. Yet he was not beyond respecting symbols.
River turned to him, shifting from resting her head by the window to resting it in the left side of the seat. 'penny for your thought?' she asked.
'It truly is fragile isn't it? The system that we live in' he said in response. 'The only thing keeping me waiting for the green light is the principle of it - the idea of being civilized.' She starred at him, unsure she could read him, and taking him as it was: foreign, square and deep. She needed the levity he wasn't providing for in his comment, so she laughed.
'Of course' she said in a playful tone.
Malcolm smirked, his lower-lip slightly curling upward as he failed to hide how easy it was for her to affect his mood. His eyes glimmed. 'Shut up, you love my thoughts' he said, refusing to be embarassed, and in truth, she did.
They weren't a classic case of 'opposites attract', but rather had a more complex dynamic of 'our differences complement each other'. She cared about being a good person, but not that much about the rules. He cared about the rules, but not that much about being a good person. It worked pretty well because, in both cases, they inspired trust. Why would someone with good intentions ever break you, how can a rule follower ever damage you. It allowed them to show the softest most vulnerable parts of themselves without second guessing the other one. However, that was then. Malcolm didn't know it yet, but he would look back to that memory and wonder, how didn't he see the warning signs: her proclivity not to follow rules she considered stupid, especially when they interfered with the almost narcissistic self-righteousness that ran so deep in her identity. How did he not anticipate the some day there may be a cause noble enough to make her go so boldly agains the law - and the law was him. How harrowing it would see to see her having to leave while knowing that he couldn't save her, turn a blind nor follow.
you woke up not so long after that. We had fallen into an interesting dance where we smiled showing our teeth. The kind of smile that doesnt necessarily extend to your eyes, because it is not a full smile. Did you know that predators bare their teeth to intimidate their prey? I dont think we were so different from that there.
'how are you honey?' a smile that seemed more a defesne mechanism than a smile.
'Alright.' A smile that consisted in showing you ack that I culd also be feisty. I dont know that we both knew wehre each other was. But we did know we were not in a place of kindness. What happened to us. I really did love you.