There are two schools of thought in the world, one claiming that sex can exist without love, the other countering that sex cannot exist without love.
The former is those who fully believe in chemistry, in fact their motto is "it's all about chemistry". Chemistry, the real one, not the ROMANTIC kind, that of soul mates, the kind made up of formulas, of acronyms, that when added together, give rise to life and all its impulses
... HUNGER...
…THIRST...
…SEX...
That one gives rise to hormones, which are the only ones that can control us all...
…all of us, all our impulses are governed by hormones... well, those who believe in chemistry believe in hormones; they are the people who believe in LAY LOVE, whose only guru is oxytocin otherwise known as the "LOVE HORMONE".
...OXYTOCIN...
Improves all kinds of emotional relationships because it regulates the ability to understand the intentions and thoughts of others...
... but that does not matter to me...
In fact, it responds to the need for sexual gratification by making us get in touch with the person who will satisfy our pleasure by making us more "empathic" if need be
...but...
But oxytocin levels soar during physical contact and the sexual act, making me experience those wonderful feelings of involvement and euphoria that make me feel how I should feel....
... MYSELF ...
... and nothing else!
Oxytocin dominates the body, mind and soul of these people, and to be honest, they do nothing to stop the side effects of its abuse:
DESIRE
and
PLEASURE
...that would be sadistic and perverse wouldn't it!?
The others, on the other hand, believe that sex is a consequence of love, a sort of side-effect one can does without.
The latter believe in HOLY LOVE, they believe that love is a motion of one soul towards another soul, an impulse that transcends mere reality, and transforms the soul into a spirit glowing with divine light.
Their fairy world is made up of glances, of barely whispered nods, of barely hinted smiles. The strong tune, often only mental, that they say they feel for someone else, stops where the very idea of loving someone ends.
...the thought of an idealised love...
Yes, because these people are in love with the very IDEA of LOVE.
These people are extremely romantic, they are able of striking gestures, such as, for example, a very romantic rowboat trip on an enchanted lake, wrapped in the warm embrace of mother nature in bloom... or making you find the most romantic gift ever by organising a sort of treasure hunt made of arrows made of red rose petals.
...couldn't be more romantic!?
Needless to say, I belong to the first faction, because I'm not the least bit interested in love, love for me is just a hindrance, an obstacle to my goal:
PLEASURE.
Libido for me is an essential drive, that I must satisfy at all costs, because otherwise I am sick. It's a bit like hunger, that is, you can only appease it by eating, libido by satisfying it.
Desire is energy, energy is life, so in order to live I have to indulge and satisfy my desires.
Desire, pleasure and sex are fundamental to living...
LOVE?
Absolutely NOT, because it only brings problems, and if I can do without it, if I can spare myself some trouble, I do so...
I do WITHOUT LOVE!
Do you know a hungry person? Have you ever experienced the terrible sensation of hunger?
...no...
Have you ever felt what a junkie feels when he is going through withdrawal?
Have you ever experienced how an alcoholic feel when he hasn't had a drink for a long time?
In the beginning it's like panic attacks that last until you have two or three drinks, or you get high again.
Then, as your body and mind wear out, the crises get worse and worse: you tremble, you sweat, you are hypersensitive to noises, you are afraid of everything and everyone, at some point even hallucinations set in.
You go in spasmodic search of that substance, that makes you feel good, alleviates the existential malaise even if only for a few seconds...
...but the next day it comes back stronger than ever!
In short, a dog biting its own tail, paradoxical, isn't it?
Fortunately, I am an anaffective person, but there are some days, when I'm so hungry, and so like a hungry person I become even more unbearable, I go to some place, choose and taste some delicacies and go home satisfied and content.
Simple, isn't it?
The night sky sometimes has the colour of freshly poured tar, no stars, not a trace of the moon to be seen; under that almost pasty blackness there is not a soul on the street, almost as if people are afraid of this darkness, only an occasional car.
"Why don't you stay?" said the boy whose name Katsumi couldn't even remember, who, in truth didn't care to know, straightening up to sit on the bed.
"No, I prefer to sleep in my own bed."
"Why? It's perhaps more comfortable?" he smiled, as he observed Katsumi half-naked, his hands on his hips, trying to find his fallen clothes in some hidden crevice of the small room
"Of course, it is... and then why would I stay?"
"I don't question that! But you know sometimes being uncomfortable pays off...it might tickle the fancy...and more...and everyone knows that fancy is the anteroom of pleasure.... And I could make you feel so much pleasure again...of course, if you want to...how about that?"
"You think so!?" replied Katsumi in a wry tone, turning to look at him for the first time.
He had met him a little earlier in a club, they had two or three drinks, chatting about this and that for a while, after which, without wasting any more time, they had gone out, walking within a few steps of each other, for a handful of minutes, without saying a word to each other, until the boy stopped in front of a door of a love hotel
"Here?"
And without even waiting for his reply, he took the key from the reception desk, put it in his pocket and with a bow, winking, invited him in, letting the door close behind them.
They took the lift, and when those doors also closed, without wasting even a second, he drew Katsumi to him, and with a passionate kiss he entered his intimacy first, while he began to unbutton his shirt, insinuating his nimble fingers under that soft cotton, caressing his young and silky skin.
When the doors opened again, the boy pushed him violently against the door in front of him, and while his tongue moved eagerly inside his mouth, with one hand he skilfully untied the knot in his belt, and with the other he inserted the key in the keyhole.
... and in a moment, they were inside...
A date is always a moment full of magic, transport and strong emotions.
"Do you like it?"
"Shou, it's beautiful!"
To recreate the magical atmosphere that she likes so much, I made, AGAIN, a reservation in another little restaurant placed under a wisteria arbour, with the soft light of candles and the most romantic background music, in short, a small private world full of flavours, including delicious desserts and aphrodisiac starters, sounds and scents... just as she wishes...
... although, actually, I prefer the old-style izakaya, the ones with home cooking, not these new stylish restaurants where, when you come out, you are still hungry, because the dishes you eat are miniatures... beautiful, by all gods, in fact they look like works of art in fact .... but so small that in one bite you've already finished them…
… but to make her happy this and more...
"Where would you like to go afterwards?"
"We can take a walk downtown, would you like that?" she said, blushing.
"Of course, that's a great idea" Shou replied enthusiastically, even though his only wish was to go home and throw himself still dressed, tired as he was, on the bed.
"Thank you, Shou" said the girl as, hand in hand, they strolled along the tree-lined avenue "You really took me to a classy restaurant with attention to every detail, there was a magical atmosphere, the menu was delicious and the wine list excellent! Thank you so much love!!!"
"You're welcome, it's the least I can do for you, my love!"
"I'm so lucky to have met you, Shou! You're always kind and considerate to me, but not only that, you're also smart and cute!"
"I'm the lucky one! If I hadn't met you who knows what would have happened to me! You are perfect my love, I couldn't find a flaw in you even if I wanted to!"
When you don't have a destination, the choice to turn into one street rather than another doesn't really matter...
But as Newton's third law of motion says
"to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction"
When Shou and his girlfriend turned the corner, Shou almost tripped over Katsumi, who was going in exactly the opposite direction, and did not even see him... Instead Shou saw him, and even better saw the boy who was a few steps ahead of him, but who did not take his eyes off him even for a moment... he looked at him out of the corner of his eye, but it was as if he wanted to eat him...
…there...
…right away.
From that moment on it was as if Shou's mind went blank, he could hear the girl next to him talking, but he didn't understand what she was saying, what she wanted and why she was standing next to him...
The answers came out of his mouth like a robot... his mind and his heart were disconnected at that moment, because his heart was thinking… thinking about Katsumi... and he didn't even know why! All he knew was that he would not want to see him, especially not with another man!
Or, maybe he would have wanted to be the other man?
... no, wait a minute...
"What am I thinking? I'm here with one of the most beautiful girls in the world, why should I think about him? Antipathic, despotic, dictator, snob, cynic!!! Why do I have to think about him damm!!!"
"I arrived Shou. Thank you for accompanying me all the way home!"
"You're welcome."
"Well, thanks for the evening, it was great and super romantic!"
"That and more for you, my princess!"
"Well… then… goodnight, and take care on your way home" said the girl looking tenderly into his eyes and stretching her wiggly neck as if she was waiting for something else
"The kiss...what a fool I am" Shou thought as he bent his head to give her a kiss.
When he opened his eyes to look at her better, he saw Katsumi's face in front of him
His heart skipped a beat
It was as if an arrow pierced his heart.
He felt an excruciating pain, as if his heart was about to break into a thousand pieces...
He had never felt pain like that in his whole life...
But slowly, the pain turned into a kind of flame
... intense...
…enveloping...
…voracious.
He had never experienced a sensation so violent but at the same time so vital!
...and..
He bloody loved it!
He liked that damn sexy mouth of him so much that he covered it with a kiss so passionate, so greedy that it triggered an intense desire in him. Katsumi's mouth felt expert, his lips hot and feverish. His tongue duelled with his, and his taste so masculine made his head spin and his heart beat faster. The blood in his veins seemed to ebb and flow ...
He opened his eyes ...
...but of Katsumi no trace.