They walked along the church, the altar, the pews; the pier, free from public use as it connected to the back of the church itself.
"I was just talking about how I didn't want to go to college and that it's a waste of time- Then, I believe our car crashed into something; possibly a truck… Uhm, a car is like-"
"I'm aware of modern vehicles even if they don't exist in Kria," the priest put his hand up.
"There're cars in this world!?" their conversation continued like this, starting from the day Jotou died.
"-Then this girl, Fumeko showed up- Somehow the velatos didn't affect me- we killed it with a large branch- then we were a part of the guild.
-We thought we were goners, might as well been in prison, but that's when this shining red beacon showed up to save us- After joining our party of two we fought another velatos for money-
-It turned out to be a scam, but he also left behind the magician behind all the illusions- Apparently, I had something called an affinity, which turned out to be lightning-based-
-As we were training, I felt this jolt in the back of my neck and through my hair; snow was falling- That night… I saw her in pain beyond anything I've been through… so much prejudice-
-My sword crumbled and I did too, but I was able to cast the spell she told me not to cast- The mayor gave me the title. I hate authority, but when I have it, I'm suddenly using it like a ticket-
-We got a house and… we all had a good night's rest- The Maleficos Ordinate was certainly a sight but I tried not to act impressed-
-There… someone recognized me; or, the person in this body previously. They told me things about her. Not everything, but enough to make me feel even more guilty for something I didn't do-
-I tried it again and failed, breaking my entire arm and it felt like, well like a balloon with glass shards- I tried as I might, but I couldn't get it… it was basically nothing-
And with all of that, I think I woke up with a sensory overload and I just had to get away for a bit.
Then, I came here, thought I'd give this confession thing a shot; safe to say, my head's feeling much better now," hours had passed before Jotou finished her entire tale...
She stood at the pier around six in the evening, watching the Sun enter an early dusk with the priest beside her, arms leaning on the rails.
She exhaled and placed her hands on the railing; the sand was so smooth below. The sea washing in and out, leaving seashells in its wake.
The sound of the people didn't bother her anymore; it was just a noise and finally the smell of the sea breeze drifted over her, hair going with the wind; it turned out to feel nice after all. 'I'm glad I listened to Hotaru.' She smiled.
"How do you feel now?" he asked.
Jotou took off the sunhat, feeling her bangs fly, the tips of black at the end of the blonde strands waving like the tide. "I can hear myself think. I think, I can relax; and find a solution."
The father breathed out, "Good. You spoke a lot and it seems in the weeks you've been here, it has not been the easiest. There're many solutions with many ends.
What matters is your priority. You tell me that in your world, you were male; now that you're here and in this predicament, do you find being a woman to be your greatest struggle?"
Jotou glanced at him, moving the strands from her vision, "Hm… not really. I think my biggest problem right now is getting that spell right."
"Well, why do you think you're unable to cast this spell?"
Jotou squinted, "Because it's a master level spell, it's not easy. I've just learned some intermediate spells I'm still working on."
"Child," he sighed, "Master, intermediate, grandmaster… these all are just labels. When the Adventurers Guild was established, they needed words to measure the capabilities of their members and by extension, spells.
They ranked them in order of magnitude and what they thought to be difficult. Even the Ordinate uses these labels and it's standard practice to label spellcasters' levels.
However, magic is magic. You've casted spells before; tell me, how can you judge the capability of another mage?" he faced her, brows bending by a smidgen.
"Do you judge it by your eyes alone or do you base it on knowledge you've read in a book?
Because these labels are based on the latter. How you cast varies from how someone else casts. If you're able to cast what others consider to be 'harder', why can you even cast it?
I'm not saying throw caution to the wind, but are these labels truly dictating of why you can or can't cast a spell; or is it something else?" he asked again.
'That was the wrong answer… Then what's the right one?' She looked to the sea, the breeze, the sand… "Hotaru said it seemed like I was getting angrier before my spell did anything."
'Hotaru's spells didn't work once…' Jotou's eyes lit up, "My mind isn't clear, so my spells are failing. It comes in handy when I'm in danger, but that's a last hurrah.
That's why it worked the first time. I have to find what makes my spells reach their peak. What I need to feel, sense, before I can cast the spell," she answered, "I need to get, angry?"
"I'm not sure about that, but that's up to you. It's funny; we already have the solutions to our problems, but we somehow still need to find it; fickle thing the mind.
Finding the key is to find a balance first. An affinity is connected to your mind, body and soul; it also connects to nature from which you draw mana.
Some people's affinities align with who they are. Some people have to align themselves with their affinities. It's based on complete chance, but the choice to master it comes to the individual.
Exercising restraint or believing in something, even yourself, are all ways to connect to an affinity and there's many more. Some get overwhelmed and have no control.
Your mind is in conflict with your body and both in conflict with your soul. There are other things you need to settle."
Jotou stared back, "You wouldn't happen to have wisdom about ghosts now, would you?"
"Your soul, is more of your subconscious. When one dies, this soul or 'spirit' leaves the mind and the body. Ghosts walk amongst us even as we speak, hidden behind a veil.
A plane for spirits. There are few who are so in touch with their soul, they can manipulate these spirits into our world, if the spirit itself doesn't have the will to break through into ours.
They can manipulate these lost souls to do their bidding—spirit-mages. Although this is no work of magic. You need no affinity to be able to use such techniques. That's all the wisdom I have on that topic."
He looked to Jotou, bringing his hands in front of him, "However, you don't need to go on some long spiritual journey to better your affinity.
Once your mind and body are in sync, your soul will settle into place soon after; no need to worry about that. When you gain enough control in a spell, your emotions won't matter; it will be muscle memory.
If your mind and body falters again however, then you can expect some trouble even with simple spells you've long mastered," he cracked his own neck.
"So, I need to clear my mind and body before I can figure out how to cast Thundering Strike."
"Your goal is still far off. With everything you've said, this shouldn't be your concern—not yet. You have many other issues left unfinished.
It's not the big things that bother us; those are clear roads you need to cross. It's the little things that make us lose control. The things that give mild annoyances.
These all combine and mess with your biggest struggle. When you solve these, you will see more paths open up to other solutions that can lead to the same end.
You have an idea of how to solve your greatest struggle, but you have no ways to get to it. Your mind is still bothered by other things.
You must first remove the pins poking at the bottom of your feet before you can walk down the avenue that leads to your success; otherwise, you're going to stumble."
Jotou leaned on the railing, "Problem is, which pin and which avenue. Where do I even start?" she looked to the clouds.
Father Keel hummed, "Perhaps where it all started? The first person you met when you came into this world."
"John Princely… I should follow up on that. How did I- No I didn't forget, I was just too occupied with other things," she corrected herself.
"Maybe it's also because I don't want to see him again… prancing around in his daughter's body…" Jotou muttered, "But I have to," she huffed.
The priest beamed, "Amazing how much talking can accomplish. You said you have friends; why not talk to them? Don't you trust them?"
Jotou's lips pouted to the side, "It's not that I don't trust them; they've saved my life, but it's a weird feeling. I've barely been here for a month and I've lived with them for the most of it.
It's just all so quick; I'm not sure if I can talk to them about things like this and my complete past."
"You told me; a complete stranger," Father Keel countered.
"Well, I had to tell you all of that otherwise how could you help- wait…" Jotou's mind clicked. "Yeah, I get your point, but they might think lesser of me… They might not like me anymore if I act pessimistic."
The priest chuckled, "Some people are just meant to be together. And you're letting what-ifs stop you? Child, if they are your friends, they won't abandon you like that," he stated.
Jotou sighed, "I get what you mean, but that might take me a little more time…"
"Take all the time you need. Choose your words carefully, but don't be afraid to speak up either. So, how do you feel now?"
"Like I know what to do. Like I have some plans on how to go about it," Jotou smiled, determination filling her nerves, "It's like there's no longer a fog…
I'm sorry I ever doubted you Father Keel. Thanks for helping me even though I was being a dick- I mean, a hassle. Choose my words carefully."
"I prefer people to leave here with a smile. Such a simple expression, but it can do so many things," he replied, "And you're welcome Jotou Howllett.
The pressure placed on your shoulders is not to be taken lightly. You have a sharp mind; you just have to use it well. I can only hope for Kria that you can be its help as I've been to you," he took a deep breath.
Jotou giggled, "I'll try not to sully your name. Speaking of which, I should probably get back to my friends. I'm surprised the velatos hasn't shown up yet," she looked to the sea.
Father Keel looked to her, "Ah yes, the whale."
Jotou registered his voice. 'Wait, what!?' "You know of it?" Jotou's eyes narrowed to Father Keel.