It took me time to adjust to being a child again. I was use to being alone but as a child everything was an inconvenience. I didn't realize it the first life but everything in my life was made difficult to high furniture and pitiful amounts of food. I looked into the books and found blatant embezzlement of my funds. I couldn't lie, it hurt to see just how far back the harassment and disrespect started. Mother took notice and did her best but being empress without favor was no better than being a low level concubine. I pitied my mother. Everything she had to endure. I also admired her. Despite her difficulties she remained a loving mother, a dutiful wife and a dedicated empress. She should have been worshipped but even her funeral was bleak. I alone mourned her death according to the Northern customs. I had to learn it on my own but once I sent her off all books about the northern kingdom were burned so the only thing I knew were the n rituals. I decided to find a place in the Northern Kingdom, they were the first to take action against Garrett when he ascended the throne and were his biggest headache. He would curse about them as he tortured me, revelled in any victories no matter how pathetic and the last image I saw across the horizon of death were the ice blue Northern flags against the ashen crimson sky. The north would be my best chance to take down the corruption in the empire. Firstly I had to build a relationship with them.
It was hard seeing mother once I recovered, it was her busy season though planning for the Winter Solstice Gala. She was always left to do everything on her own, she had no ladies in waiting and the emperor commanded the other consorts not to interfere. He loved to make my mother miserable without causing a major conflict with the North. I decided to seek her out myself.
I had never journeyed out of my abandoned palace, even after this second chance I stayed and planned in secret but as I feel the warm air on my face and smelled the wild grass, I felt free. I hadn't experienced this in so long. I was so lost in that moment I almost hadn't noticed the young boy with black hair and green eyes watching me.
He wasn't familiar but I didn't feel any hostility from him. "My name is Joel. I have been sent to accompany you."
His face was blank, his tone and expressionless eyes almost made him appear doll like.
"Who sent you." I had to know. If he was an ally I couldn't turn him away but unknown variables were risks I couldn't take in my current position.
The boy remained silent and pointed towards the forest. "The empress is there."
I looked at the forest and turned back to see he had disappeared. "Joel?" I still couldn't decide to trust him but I felt compelled to investigate.
The forest was known to be teeming with wild beats. No one dared to venture there so why would he say my mother was here? I walked deeper in, hoping I wasn't being foolish again. I almost turned back when I heard a woman's scream and the growl of a wolf. There was nothing I could do. My magic was unstable in this body. My swords skills were useless with such small hands. I was useless and yet I ran forward.
I feared the worst but found my mother rolling around with wild wolves like they were dogs. I was so dumbfounded I hadn't heard her call my name.
"Asher baby? How could you come to this scary place?" She had picked me up and cradled me in her arms. She inspected me carefully while I studied her face meticulously. She was beautiful with silver hair and clear blue eyes that held no contempt, she reminded me of a fairy amongst humans. I couldn't contain my tears. I had never gotten to see her being herself in the past, we lived our lives by our roles.
My mother rocked me gently while a wide eyed pup approached me. He was a dingy grey ball of fire but he had the deepest amber eyes. I didn't realize I had begun to pet him subconsciously.
"Mother, who is this?" I watched him in wonder as he rolled around.
Mother smiled. "He is Hugo, he's a pup from their pack." she motioned as many wolves surrounded us. "Asher. I know everything." Her serious tone surprised me and I looked at her with wide eyes.
What did she know? She he fine out I was from the future? Would she try and stop me? I was so scared but he weeping eyes were those of someone who had lived a long, hard life.
"M-Mother?" She nodded as she lifted me up again. I hugged her tightly. This was MY mother. I had thought I came back alone. That this burden would be mine alone to carry. I felt so relieved she had come back to. I held onto her, afraid it was a cruel dream.