'What am I doing?' I look at the blank eyes, staring right back at me through the mirror.
My eyes were sleepy and the dark circles were visible, even from a long distance. It is the day of the marriage ceremony and I could not sleep at all last night. I kept thinking if I made a big mistake by letting my emotions take control of me and say yes to the ugly proposal my sister had made.
"Sky? Are you ready?" I heard my sister's voice through the door. She comes in without waiting for an answer. "Sky. Sky. Sky!! You should be ready, the ceremony starts in fifteen minutes. Oh my god, you haven't even put on the wedding dress either. Oh my god. Oh my god. At least the hair stylist got your hair ready. SKY! Get your ass here, I'll get you ready."
"Yeah sure." I say nonchalantly, still standing in front of the mirror with my robe on. She sighs and comes to stand in front of me with concerned eyes.
"What is wrong? Talk to me."
"I don't know. I just think we're not doing the right thing. Are you sure we can't talk and discuss this with James? Don't you think he'll understand?" I say, sighing. I am too tired to stand now. I sit down on the couch and pull my knees tightly up to my chest.
She comes to sit next to me.
"You don't know anything about James. I've heard Ryan talk about him and I know how scary he sounds to me. You know about the rumors too, don't you? About how serious and terrifying he can be. Who knows what might happen if we talk about this with him. It's better this way, believe me."
"I know. But don't you think this would bring more trouble to all of us, if he found out?"
"We won't let that happen. Don't worry. Just trust me, okay?"
I turn my head slightly to look at her. Her eyes were filled with concern and she seemed too tired. She's been worried about this whole situation too, and with her being pregnant, too much stress would not be good. I take a deep breath and stand up.
"I understand all this very well and I trust you too, Fiona. It's just that I am worried about you and the baby too. It's a lot to take in and I won't be here with you, especially when you need me."
"Ah! My baby sister is worried about me, I see." She smiles softly.
"Come here." I spread my arms out. She stands up and hugs me tightly, patting my back.
"Now let's get you ready." She grins as she pulls me away to look at me.
After getting me ready, she steps back to observe me fully.
"Sky, you look breathtaking." She says softly. I could see the tears she was holding back, desperately trying to stay strong in front of me.
"Let's not exaggerate, shall we?" I smile and tilt my head slightly towards the door. "It's time."
Waiting for my turn to walk down the aisle, I was walking back and forth in front of the couch where Xav was sitting down, eyes following me while I was going insane with this anxiety.
"Are you sure you want to get married?" He asks me, trying not to laugh.
"Have you seen any bride, who just sits there as calm as she can be without doing anything, before her wedding?" I stop and raise an eyebrow at him.
"Nope." He says and pretends to zip his lips, locking and handing over the key to me.
"You are such a dumbass, you know that right?" I almost smile when I say this. This is what I needed. Something normal, to calm me down. We've been best friends since high school, so obviously he knew that something was bothering me. He also knew that I wouldn't tell him even if he asked me a million times.
I heard a sound from outside, that was our queue to go. This was it. There is no going back now. Xav held out his arm, I sighed deeply before putting my arm around his.
As we started to walk, I could hear a lot of chatter. I tried to clear out the voices and kept my eyes on the ground all the way. I couldn't look up, I felt too nervous.
"We're here Sky." I heard Xav's voice as he lightly touched my arm, bringing me into a state of awareness that we were standing in front of a big crowd.
I saw a hand extended in front of me, I looked up to find steel blue eyes piercing into mine, yet patiently waiting for me to hold his hand. James. I had seen him in magazines a lot of times, but he looked different in real life.
I place my hand onto his, he holds it firmly as I stand in front of him and then lets it go when I am comfortable enough. A gentleman? Doesn't seem like anything my sister described.
"We are gathered here today to witness the sacred union of James Astor and Sky Black. We stand here to honor and celebrate the love shared between these two people, as they come together to start their new life with a solemn vow, surrounded by their closest family and friends."
The officiant starts the ceremony and I have my gaze stuck on him. Dark brown hair, sharp nose, groomed beard, matte black suit, I could tell it was freshly tailored. My mind went blank when his eyes suddenly met mine. This time it felt different, it was not a calm gaze, I felt shivers run up my spine. I look away quickly, blinking a few times to get my nerves under control.
"Do you have your own vows prepared?" Already? For how long was I looking at him?
"No." James says with no tone in his voice, looking at the officiant blankly. He didn't seem interested at all in any of this. He just wanted to get over this as soon as possible. Obviously, what was I expecting?
The officiant looks at me for an answer. How do I tell him? This is the first time I'm meeting this guy and haven't even talked to him once. Wait, does he even know my name? Damn, why is this all bothering me? I shake my head to say no and the officiant proceeds further.
"Please face each other as you declare these vows to one another. Sky, you may start."
"I, Sky, take you, James, to be my wedded husband. I promise to stay by your side through good and bad times, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. I vow to stay true to you and love you unconditionally for the rest of my days." I repeat after the officiant staring blankly at James.
He repeats after the vows were spoken, staring back the same way, apathetically.
As the ceremony closes to an end I start to get nervous. I didn't think about this at all, I forgot that-
"By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride." -There is the kiss!
I hear the crowd go silent. James stepped forward, standing close to me. I looked up at him, he was about six inches taller than me, he was too close. He slowly placed his hand on my cheek, I could feel the heat rolling off of his hand onto my skin. He lowered his face down, staring into my eyes the whole time. I felt my breath getting quick, my face flushing hot, was I feeling embarrassed? I don't know, there was nothing I could think about. My eyes were locked in his and it seemed like it took forever for this to happen.
He closed his eyes and I did the same, he kissed my lips softly before pulling away. It was just a brief peck on the lips. Even though I felt relieved about getting over with it, somewhere I was frustrated and I don't know why.
The rest of the ceremony passed quickly. Soon we were in the car, on our way, somewhere? I had changed my clothes into something more comfortable than the wedding dress, it felt like lifting off a lot of weight from my body. I wasn't told where we were heading, nor did I bother asking. Apparently we skipped the reception, and I think I know why. He was not up for more socialization, and fortunately neither was I. It felt good to be finally out of the crowd. Meeting families and people you don't know, smiling, nodding, making small talks, it was too tiring.
I looked at James from the corner of my eye, he was talking on the phone. He ran his fingers through his hair, messing them up slightly, he seemed frustrated. I looked out of my window, trying to breathe evenly and not think about anything. There was a lot going on in my head. This was too much for me to take in this week. I felt dizzy, I couldn't remember half of what happened in the last few days. I just needed to rest for a few days without doing anything.
The car stopped on a runway, I looked around to find a jet standing on the other side of the car. I looked at James, and he was still talking on the phone as he got out. The driver opened my door and I got out of the car too following James. I looked around as I walked, it felt like we were close to an ocean, it was almost twilight.
James stopped in front of the stairs, ending the phone call and turning around to look at me. I stopped and waited, I felt nervous again. He keeps making me feel this way when we haven't even talked or been together for that long. I don't know how things will work out between us.
"I have to go on a business trip for a few days to Paris. You go to the island, stay there until I get back." He says and walks off.