A hut !
Yes it was a hut in the middle of the forest _
My favorite childhood place to go _ And still it's my favorite place ...
MAYBE it was my only real HOME on this planet _
so, it happened on a Friday Evening when we packed our luggage to spend a weekend in Our Village _
It was just a weekend trip , Just like a usual one ..
Those were ending days of June but weather was so nice , slight winds from the north were making the air chill_
I could see the shaking heads of delicate plants and leaves were making a melodic hustling sound_
Clouds coming close and then moving apart , little splashes of thunder were adding to the overall theme of sky _
Sky started to turn from blue shades to grey ones ...
Mama and baba were gossiping about rain predictions _
I CAUGHT a sight that no one in the car was looking at me , all were busy in gossips...
I TOOK THE PLEDGE !
SLIPPED my right hand out of the window
I just let it flow with the air pressure_ The wind touching my hand was so soothing ,
Within an hour or two , I don't remember , we arrived at our family house in the village. It was our large ancestral house , Main gate opened up into a lawn _ My GRANDPARENTS were fond of gardening and their taste was surely depicted in the house _
EXCEPT ONE side of the house there were all open fields _ At the rear side of house there was a JUNGLE ....
MAYBE no one else calls it a jungle , but I do because I try to treat things in the way they are , "in a SPECIAL WAY "__
Catching a moment that no one was looking at me __
(believe me ! these escaping moments are so special and life is filled up of such moments)
I stepped out of the Main door ,
for exactly two minutes I stood there in my off white shirt ,plain blue trousers and my favorite sneakers ___
I glanced at the vastness of scene ,
The SCENE WITH no end ,
no destiny ,
it was just spreading the joy with the things NatUrE has bestowed upon it ___
MY HEART predicted that its gonna rain within an hour ,
I tiptoed towards the left of the gate and took a narrow trail surrounded by weeds .....I placed each and every step of mine very carefully and THANKS to my dusty sneakers for keeping my feet safe__
when I reached near my jungle-place
I felt like all the leaves OF nearby trees were DANCING_
I noticed even the smallest leaves on the endings of bowed branches and found that they were dancing too....
MAYBE it was a sort of welcome , as all family members welcome a hostelite kid returning back home after a long term
AFTER that welcome fantasy, I stepped into the jungle place of mine passing some rows of trees and feeling the love associated with that place made my heart dance___
AND THEN I WITNESSED THE MOST blissful thing ,
IT APPEARED ,
THE HUT !
surrounded by a group of large trees ,
it's ROOF , which was once made up of bamboo sticks and other raw stuff , Got shattered badly __
it's DOOR was just a rectangular wooden piece having some holes in it _ I pushed the door and it opened up giving a cracking sound
Without wasting my time ! I SAT DOWN on the ground to feel the real essence of place_
Wild flowers were growing in between the cracks of wood ,
A beetle on the largest leaf of a WILD plant was making its sound _
ALL THE little things were adding to the music and harmony of place _
AFTER SUCH A LONG time my soul Breathed properly,
I was lost in the melody of place that something mingled into my HAIR _ I rushed my fingers through my hair but found nothing _ I stood up In hurry after hearing that disturbance again but nothing was there !
Maybe just a random vibe : I thought_
I began to remove some kinds dirt attached to my hand and In no time something made that sound again ! but this time it was not just the sound , not just a vibe ,it was something ! something my eyes couldn't catch at the moment _
HURRIEDLY ; I moved my eyeballs in search of it , but instead of me chasing the butterfly _ BUTTERFLY itself came spinning around me and made its place nicely at my index finger :)
That feeling just took my heart away _
I pulled my hand closer to my face to note down each and every pattern on it....
A glitter sprinkled into my eyes and I removed my glasses gently , For that moment my eyes began to see properly even without glasses_
But how it happened and why it happened ?
why my eyes began to look so clearly even having the flaw ! MAYBE because that place was my HOME and Homes ( can be persons , places or things )_ they will always look over your flaws and will turn them into something good _ something unimaginable .....
I started to note every pattern of the butterfly in the dusty pages of my mind ...
BLACK curved pattern on the outer edge of wings with a silver lining beneath,
then a twisted braid kinda pattern of turquoise and orange shades were adding to the beauty of my sight...
IT TRIGGERED up the feelings lying at the bottom of my heart_
While I was counting on the colours of third pattern , it hustled to make a flight , and by the quick moment of my hands I grabbed it between my palms , SOMETHING churned up in my stomach .....
I guess it was a fear of losing such a precious thing I got after sooo longgg ....
it was unique of all its kinds ....
My HEART BADLY wanted to have it and I seriously mean it .... I wanted to keep it in a glass JaR ....
whose cap will be decorated with fairy lights at the edges __
I thought I will place a hand embroidered Matt at the bottom of it, in the JAR .....
On the outer side it will be adorned with Navajo white and Tiffany blue coloured small stones , each stone patterned with golden lines ___
My thoughts collapsed when butterfly began to struggle in my hands _ I could feel it's delicate wings toughing my skin ___ its movement was becoming harsh __ I was feeling its struggle but instead of all that I didn't allow it to escape because I wanted to keep it __
A feeling shook my heart in the worst way __ I wanted to keep it in the JAR and carry with me every where , I wanted to keep in that CAGE or else I wanted a wonder , to fly with it and touch the horizons _
This longing was the strongest one I ever had ! wanted to cage something !THE WEIRDEST THOUGHT :(
another wave of paralyzed emotions that hit my mind ,
WAS THAT me being SELFISH ?
WAS IT THE selfish longing to keep the thing which I loved the MOST ?
WAS IT ME being over possessive??
WAS IT so bad to give my whole world to a single butterfly ? and In return I just wanted it to be with me ??
WAS IT REALLY ME ? FINDING pleasure in such a small thing ??
And
then
all of a sudden a demon ' MAYBE the one who resides in my body spoke out louder in my ear ___
"YES YOU ARE SELFISH"
and I think the demon was right_
"I AM SELFISH "
right then , a drop of rain landed on my forehead _
I rubbed my eyes .... I guess I was stepping back to normal senses __
But all of a sudden ! the movement between my hands stopped _
there's was peace
no struggle ,
no fight ,
just a silence just like after a WAR ____
Bloods in my veins turned cold for a while ,
Air hardened around me
Rain drops were now splashing my face
I unlocked my hands !
and the sight was deadly ,
it cringed my heart , a terror grabbed my heart , I felt like drowning into water___ BECAUSE WHAT I SAW WAS THAT ; BUTTERFLY WAS NO MORE
It was such. heavy corpse that My hands couldn't carry !
My feet got heavy too ...
I was unable to move ....
my whole structure got heavy .....
I was the person who always tried to escape the moments but this time I wanted to escape myself _
It was getting difficult for me to bear myself anymore_
I could clearly hear the laughs of demon inside me __
there was only one way !
I mustered up so much strength to perform its last rituals _ but couldn't do so !
I WAS UNABLE
MY SO CALLED SELF was unable :(
MY eyes found a place , it was a bunch of leaves making a shelter like structure where no drop of rain was hitting the ground !
With a heavy heart and trembling fingers I placed butterfly there , with a broken heart 💔
COULDN'T BEAR THE SIGHT ANYMORE !
I turned towards the wooden gate _ Felt like every single element was saying something to me but I promised not to look back ! that day,,, the sounds also got blurred ___ Nothing was meaningful to me anymore _ the only sound which I could hear was that
"I AM SELFISH "!!!!!!
but This time it was not the demon It was my own heart saying that !
My vision got blurred and I remembered I had a flaw ,
I found my glasses lying silently on the ground ,
PicKed them up and Wore them !
My eyelashes got so heavy but somehow I lifted them up and noticed something _ I witnessed a movement in the leaves where I placed that butterfly !
my eyes glowed up,
my cheeks blushed because I saw the butterfly moving , its one wing was moving !
It Was ALIVE !
A SIHGHHHH!!! and then I burst out in tears .... I let the frozen tears out .... smile popped up from one corner of MY LIPS
It was the smile after getting a hope ! HOPE OF LIFE
A HOPE , that will last forever _
I didn't dare to touch the butterfly again ...
I just stepped back ..
stepped back from my selfish self ....
NOW I could listen to the every sound , I could heart the voice of all elements out there....
I guess my home Was offering me farewell ,
But I Ran !
ran back !
again an escape :)