Claire spend five weeks telling herself that she wasn't crazy even though the story that Dr Anna Wagner told her was repeated in one form or another over and over again. All she needed to do was to get out and escape from being Elise Cooper. Elise Cooper has a messed up life. Not much more messed up than her, quite contrary actually, so now she needed to fix things. Harry in Anna's story wasn't the same Harry. The university and a degree that she had weren't the same as in Anna's story. There were similarities, of course, but they weren't the same. And she wasn't crazy.
As she thought that, she looked in the distance at a stunning scenery as someone in the group spoke about wanting to kill themselves. It was a common topic in the group. Claire thought that it almost didn't make sense in a place like this as she looked at the peaks of the alps.
"Elise, how are you feeling today?" Anna asked her. She must've noticed Claire distancing herself.
"A little tired but…" Claire put on a soft smile. "Today I am glad to be myself." She lied as well as she could. She's done it so many times before that feigning the recovery didn't seem so impossible. She needed to act like she believed their sweet words and their blatant lies. But then, maybe they truly believed her to be Elise Cooper. That was the most feasible explanation that she came up with. And it is true that Elise Cooper was never married.
Claire Thompson was.
"And why is that?"
"I enjoy looking at the peaks of the mountains with the morning sun upon them. I am glad that I can be me and that I can see it." It wasn't technically a lie. That was one good thing about the whole mess of being in this horrid place. She complied so she was fine but she has seen what they did to others if they didn't. They'd get so drugged that they won't even recognise who they are.
Anna nodded in approval. "Thank you for sharing."
After the group session Claire walked up to Anna in silent anticipation.
"Dr Wagner…"
"Yes, Elise?"
"Today is five weeks since our conversation. When shall I expect discharge papers?" Claire asked coyly. Anna looked up at her as if Claire spoke about something alien. Claire felt a pit in her stomach.
"Elise…" Anna sighed. "I am not certain whether it is the best thing for you."
"How is it not? I did exactly as expected over the last five weeks. I have contributed to every session. I have complied. You have said you needed to see five weeks of stability before you can discharge me." Claire's voice cracked slightly. She wasn't sure whether she felt more angry, scared, or betrayed.
"You did exactly as expected which is fantastic but it doesn't actually prove that you have gotten better but rather that you try to mask it. You are impatient. You cannot speed through your recovery."
"So when can I expect to be released?"
"Once you actually start taking your medication."
"What do you mean? Nurse Meyer has been observing me taking them every day." Claire defended her lie. Anna tilted her head which Claire hated. It was as if Anna could read into her lies.
"Yes. That is true." Anna nodded. "But also it is true that your bladder calls every time straight after you are administered your dose."
"I do not know what you are insinuating." Claire furrowed her brows.
"I have a suspicion that you are not truly well but you decided to bury it instead of facing it. I can see it in your eyes. I can see it when you try to hide your disbelief. I can see a spark in them that you try to bury. I have worked with psychosis patients for a long time. I can recognise the manic symptoms, including the manic eyes."
"And why would I do that?"
"So that you can get out and go straight into your delusion."
Anna hit it right on the head. It was exactly Claire's plan, aside of the fact that she was certain that what she experienced was not a delusion. It couldn't be. She wouldn't feel so much pain and longing for Gabriel if their relationship was solely made up by her broken mind. She wouldn't come up with an entire persona of Claire Thompson who experienced equal and worse tragedies than what Elise Cooper did. It made no sense to her to believe a delusion that was so much more hurtful than reality.
"I just want to live…" Claire said quietly. "I want a job. I want an apartment. I want to make friends. I want to go to cosy cafes. I-… I want to live again."
"I understand that." Anna nodded. "But I need to make sure that you are well enough and appropriately equipped to be able to do that. I do not want to let you go only so that you hurt yourself again when things get tough or if your brain starts to play tricks on you."
"I am not crazy." Claire said without thought. She bit her tongue straight after.
"I have never said that you are. When bad things happen to us that are out of control, our brain does anything to find a way of explaining it. It doesn't make you crazy that your brain tried to protect you in the way it did. Give it a month. Take the medication and speak what you truly think and feel. And then, I will discharge you under a condition that you will continue your care outside of the sanatorium. I will refer you to a psychologist who is a friend from the same area of expertise and I will keep in touch to make sure your progress."
"A month?!" Claire felt like she was breaking. She was yet to hear or know anything of Gabriel. The only thing she managed to find out was that there were no news or announcements of his death. But she didn't know how well or unwell he was. "I can't stay here another month!" Claire raised her voice. She was angry and desperate. "I am tired of pretending that I am Elise Cooper day in and day out. I understand where your story comes from but it is not true. I am tired of being told that what I saw and felt and experienced was made up because it wasn't! I am Claire Thompson regardless if you pretend it to be otherwise. Or maybe you were told otherwise. But it doesn't make it a lie just because someone told you something else. Elise Cooper was made up by Witness Protection to keep me safe from Michael Moore! I am truly Claire Thompson!" Claire was fuelled by her rage, not realising how much she raised her voice. She noticed Anna give someone behind her a nod and as she turned she saw two male nurses approach her, grabbing her by each hand, constraining her as they forcefully injected a sedative in her. She saw others sedated in the ward before but it was her first time. "No…." She managed to utter before she fell asleep.
Claire woke up back in her room with the door locked. She cried for hours that day, once again delayed in her ability to go back home and see what has become of her old life. She wondered if Gabriel knew where she was. She thought of her family and friends. She thought of her I'll mother who struggled so much when Claire was thought dead. She was worried whether they've been told that she's safe and alive.
She was barely back for days from her pretend death before the whole fiasco of trying to break into Moore Pharmaceuticals to bring everything to an end.
She was stupid to think that she had a chance to finish Michael Moore on her own.
And she risked Gabriel's life over and over again to do so.
She was stupid and naive.
Maybe it was for the better that she was away from anyone. She won't endanger them all again.