Gabriel still stood in the hallway when Claire came back home.
"Good evening, cuore mio. How are you feeling?" She asked with a smile as she took her shoes and coat off.
"I'm fine." Gabriel replied rather coldly.
"Why are you down here?" Claire asked curiously. "Shouldn't you be resting?"
"Maybe." Gabriel nodded.
"What's wrong, cuore mio?" Claire asked as she noticed his sullen face. She walked up to him and kissed his cheek, gently caressing it afterwards. "Did something happen?"
"No, nothing happened." His voice was sharper than he intended. Claire shifted uncomfortably, moving away almost instantly, feeling his coldness towards her.
"Okay." She nodded as she withdrew herself. "Would you like some dinner?"
"No. I'm going to go to bed." Gabriel decided.
"Let me help you." Claire rushed towards him.
"No." Gabriel stopped her as he stretched out his sprained hand out. Claire looked at him with her eyes wide open feeling hurt by the fact that he was pushing her away.
Gabriel glanced at her, feeling conflicted about his own actions. Although he didn't believe his father, his words struck a note. Even though he believed Claire, there was now an inner voice that asked him if he should trust her. After all, she disappeared for weeks before, never explaining her absence. God knows what she was hiding from him. After all, does a delusional person know that what they believe in is a delusion?
He turned around and slowly walked up the stairs. Claire looked behind him, frozen in a spot, unsure how to approach Gabriel. She noticed his increasing mood swings. She suspected that these were withdrawal symptoms of cutting antidepressants off so suddenly. It was about a week since his last doze, it was about the time the withdrawal syndrome would set in. One or two weeks and he should start to get back to normal. That's all. She needed to survive about two more weeks of his increasing irritation, possible low moods and suicidal thoughts, and even as extreme as psychosis, on top of any physical symptoms Gabriel might have. She spend the last few days reading up on it whenever Gabriel was sleeping. She wanted to be prepared to support him the best she could. And now, she wasn't sure what she could even do. If Gabriel didn't want her, she couldn't push herself onto him.
Claire grabbed herself a toast for dinner, trying to calm herself and her own anxiety down.
She made her way up barely a few minutes later. The door to Gabriel's bedroom was closed which seemed unusual. Over the past few days, Gabriel left it open whenever Claire was out so she could see him straight away. It was only ever closed when they were sleeping.
"Gabriel?" Claire knocked on a door but only silence answered her. "Gabriel?" She repeated hopefully. Again, no answer. Her heart twisted painfully as she walked towards her room. It was the loneliest she has felt as she lay down on her bed. It was a particularly cold night. She barely slept as she kept turning in bed.
Gabriel heard the knock as he was half sat up on his bed. He stared into space, stuck in his head, questioning everything. The biggest thing that didn't seem to add up was the reason why his father would go after someone like Claire. Why would his father bother with someone so unimportant? He knew that he shouldn't question Claire but right now he was too stuck in his own mind to stop it. Claire's quiet calling for him somewhat irritated him. He clenched his jaw and then he gulped as he realised the pain that he was inflicting on her. But he was too angry to contain his emotions right now and he needed space. Furthermore, he was afraid that he will say something to her he shouldn't and that he'll hurt her. He felt like he was spiralling out of control.
He didn't sleep for most of the night, which only made him more irritable.
As Claire came back home the next day she found Gabriel downstairs again. He was walking, wobbling, up the stairs, unable to support himself on the handrail.
"Let me help you, cuore mio." Claire said as she rushed towards him. Gabriel turned around and scowled at her. He was visibly irritated and angry at something. It was the dangerous spark that she saw many months before, but which she hasn't seen since she came back to him. She felt a chill go down her spine recognising that Gabriel was about to snap, that he was at a breaking point.
"No, I don't want your help." Gabriel said sharply as he turned around to face her. "If it weren't for you I wouldn't be like this in the first place." He took a deep breath in. "If it weren't for you I wouldn't have been fucking shot, Claire. I don't need you around now, with your pity, to remind me of just how much I'm screwed up!" Gabriel raised his voice. "And what did I do it for?!"
"Gabriel…" Claire managed to utter as she stared at him with her eyes wide open.
"I've risked my life for someone who continuously sneaks around and hides things. I almost gave my life to someone I don't even really know. I wonder if it wasn't a waste…" Gabriel's words cut in deep. Claire wasn't able to come up with an answer. "Maybe it was? My ability to use my right arm might have brought much better benefit alone than you!"
Claire's lip quivered at that sentence, not because she disagreed, but rather it was because it was a confirmation of her own thoughts that lingered in her mind since the accident. "And if I ask, will you tell me where you have been? You're fucking unemployed, where the fuck are you disappearing on daily basis? Who are you fucking around whilst I'm recovering after saving your life?!"
Claire's hands were shaking as she tried to calm herself down to explain herself. She shouldn't have to, of course, but she needed Gabriel to calm down. Moreover, today was when she gathered a thick file of copies of evidence that she submitted for the lawsuit, hoping that Gabriel will be in the right mindset soon enough to sit down with her and go over it, as it held much more than what she told him so far. She reached into her handbag and took out a thick file.
"I'm not sure whether you're well enough to be able to deal with it…" Claire said quietly as she passed it to Gabriel. She couldn't look into Gabriel's eyes as she said it, feeling that her presence was enough to aggravate Gabriel.
Gabriel looked down at the files in his hand.
"I don't want to read it." Gabriel said as he threw it onto the sideboard. Loose sheets fell all over the floor. Gabriel winced in pain as the motion pulled onto his shot wound. Claire nodded, standing still.
"Okay." Claire started picking up the paper off the floor.
"Why aren't you saying anything?!" Gabriel took a step toward her, looking at Claire who was squatting and focusing on the paper on the floor.
"I have nothing to say." Claire spoke quietly.
"Really?!" Gabriel sneered. "You used to be as outspoken as it gets. Speak!"
"Okay." Claire nodded as she stood up. "Have you eaten well today?"
"I don't want your facade right now. Stop pretending!" Gabriel yelled. Claire flinched at his raised voice. Gabriel walked past her, with a wobble in his step, up to the sideboard. He opened it, pulling the drawer out with so much force that it slid across the floor, landing near Claire. Claire fell back onto the floor with terror written on her face as she realised what was in Gabriel's hand. A gun. He loaded it right in front of Claire who wasn't sure what was happening and the extent of Gabriel's mental breakdown.
"Gabriel…" she let out a whine, too scared of what was to happen. Gabriel walked towards her with determination. Claire automatically closed her eyes, expecting the worsts. Pushing herself back with her feet.
"Here. Finish what you've set yourself to do." Gabriel gave her a gun. Claire in her panic dropped it immediately. As the gun hit the floor it fired, shooting a hole in the wall. Claire screamed, starting to sob and hyperventilate.
"Why are you doing this?" Claire asked between the sobs, moving further away.
"Isn't it what you want?!"
"Of course not!" Claire cried violently.
"You've said it yourself, I'm your family's enemy." Gabriel said with a sneer.
"Your father is. You're you! You've said it yourself. You have nothing to do with your father. I thought that you were my enemy for a while but you've shown me otherwise… why would you think that I want to harm you?" Claire's eyes pierced through him as she reopened them.
"Because I'm the Moore! Because you'll get more out of me if I'm dead!"
"Foremost, you're Gabriel! My Gabriel!!!" Claire screamed, turning red. "Secondly, I don't want anything from you besides your love, and even then I don't demand it! I don't want anything else!" Claire reached for her bag before taking a box out and throwing it across the floor towards Gabriel. "If anything, I wanted to give you everything I have, which is absolutely nothing by your standards." Claire managed a breath in. "I don't want anything more than you being well right now!"
"What is this?" Gabriel asked as he looked at the box.
"It's nothing." Claire managed to utter. "It was a late gift for the half of an anniversary. But now I realise how stupid I was to get it." Claire mumbled. She turned around and walked out of the door, still shaken up by Gabriel's outburst. She half-expected it. She knew that he was in a lot of pain and that his frustration grew in the past few days, but it still hurt. His accusation hurt more than anything else. She didn't care about him being angry and thinking that she wasn't worth saving, but that he thought that she wanted to hurt him was what stung her the most.
She didn't know what to do with herself. She looked around the yard and walked towards the road, feeling shattered.
It soon dawned on Gabriel just how much he fucked up. As his frustration and anger eased off, he felt a pang of overwhelming guilt and panic that his outburst ruined everything. He looked at a new hole in the wall, terrified of the prospect of that bullet hitting Claire. He knew that his mental health was getting out of hand, but also he still couldn't manage without painkillers for long enough to return to the antidepressants. He was falling down into the dark pit without a parachute, and he just managed to cut off his only line of support.
He walked over and picked up the gun, grunting as he did it, putting it back in its original place. He then picked a box from Claire and the pile of papers that she left behind. He hesitated. Part of him was curious and part of him wanted to open the box when Claire was there. If she were to come back to him. He thought about running behind Claire but his pain worsened. His chest felt like it was ripping open. He lay across the cold floor, just at the bottom of the stairs, groaning in pain. He couldn't run behind Claire and he couldn't call her. He couldn't do anything. He screamed in pain, twisting on the floor, with no one there to help.