Claire locked herself in the office, blocking off her schedule for the rest of the evening, quickly walking her therapist. She was thankful that she was keen to video call her and give her an emergency appointment as she felt like she was spiralling down again.
"We spoke two hours ago, Claire. You had a meeting at work coming up, did that not go well?" The woman asked as soon as she popped on camera.
"It did not go well. And I feel so bad about it."
"Would you like to tell me what happened?"
"The customer is a pervert. He really is. And I hate his kind of men to the bone, but I hoped to still seal the deal and use this connection for more beneficial relationships in the future. I don't know why, but when he touched me, I became vulnerable and I've just let it happen."
"What happened when that man touched you?"
"I became anxious and I've started having flashbacks to when…" Claire sobbed. "I think I've had a freeze response. I couldn't stand up for myself."
"And what happened?"
"My partner showed up. At first, he was calm and he tried to tell my customer that his behaviour was wrong without really showing that we're in a personal relationship outside of the company. But that man had none of it. I felt defenseless."
"And?"
"My partner yelled at him and punched him after the customer called me some pretty terrible names."
"I see." The therapist nodded. "How did you feel about that?"
"I was upset but also… I was angry. I've used our business as a reason why I've let it happen. I couldn't tell him that I couldn't deal with it. I couldn't tell him that I'm weak. I've yelled at him for butting in into my business and my work."
"People get angry for several reasons, Claire. This includes times when they feel threatened and powerless. It sounds like that might've been the case."
"I couldn't defend myself and if my partner didn't show up I might've ended up…" Claire's voice cut off as her words got stuck in her throat.
"That sounds terrifying." The therapist said sympathetically. "We obviously worked through a lot during our earlier session, and that might've already drained you and put you on edge. Then you were put in a very difficult situation which made you feel powerless and out of control, and which in power dynamic resembled the interactions that led to the incident from years ago. Understandably, you felt angry, even if you directed it at your partner rather than the perpetrator. As much as I do not encourage violence, your partner acted on his own emotions and his instinct was to protect you."
"Yes." Claire nodded. "He didn't interfere straight away. He gave me time and the opportunity to act. He punched him when the client called me a slut whilst refusing to take his hands off me."
"That's his own reaction and you're not responsible for his choice. You're responsible for your own actions though. You were under pressure, you've reacted, how can you move forward?"
"I think I owe my partner some apologies for yelling at him in front of my entire department," Claire admitted.
"Do you, perhaps, think that maybe having an honest conversation about what happened in your past might help?"
"I don't think I can." Claire ugly cried. "I'm too scared."
"Why? What is it that you're scared of?"
"That he'll leave me, or that he'll think less of me."
"Why would he think less of you?"
"Because I should've prevented it."
"How?"
"I should've been more careful. I should've dressed differently. I shouldn't have met anyone alone."
"Claire, self-blame is common among the victims of sexual assault. The thought that you had some control is actually referred to as past control. I understand why you may feel that, but you didn't have anything to do with it. Let's try to shift to the present control. You are going through therapy, working through so many things at once, whilst trying to navigate a new relationship and work on your phobias. It's a lot to go through and you're really putting yourself out there. You are strong and courageous. What happened tonight was triggering. It triggered your worst fears and reminded you of something truly traumatic."
"Yeah." Claire nodded as she slowly stopped crying.
"Thank you for reaching out to me. Thank you for sharing it with me. It must've been a very difficult evening."
"It was."
"Try some of the calming techniques we covered and try to take it easy for the next few days. Be kind to yourself."
"I will. Thank you." Claire smiled weakly, as she wiped her tears away.
"And my advice is, either talk it through with your partner or reassure him that you will and show him that your anger was mostly misdirected. We've discussed it before and I know that open communication is difficult for you, but the more you practice it, the easier it becomes."
"I'll try." Claire agreed, soon disconnecting from the call. She wiped her face and blew her nose, trying to compose herself.
Once she steadied her breath she walked out of the office, finding very few people still working quietly. Zoe looked up from the computer at her, her eyes filled with worry.
She walked up to Claire cautiously. Claire signalled her to go to the meeting room. "I'm sorry for earlier," Claire mumbled.
"It's okay. It's kind of my fault for conspiring with your husband. It was for your good, and any other communication will be run by you, according to the gal's code."
"Thank you," Claire said unsurely. "You did what was right, and I was too stubborn to stand up for myself."
"I hope we can put it past us?" Zoe asked with a gentle smile.
"I hope so." Claire laughed nervously.
"Now, tell me what your husband did. Derek might be a little too traumatised at the moment. He went out to get some fresh air."
"Well… I don't think Guildford will come anywhere close to Diamond Corporate ever again." Claire said honestly. "I thought that Gabriel handled it rather well, at least at first. Guildford started implying more and more that I earned my position by sleeping around. Gabriel, rather sternly, praised me as an employee and said that my specialism is outstanding. Anyways, Guildford didn't back away, saying that Gabriel must like blondes, and then he…" Claire felt a shiver go down her spine. "He put his hand on my back, leaning very closely, like creepily closely. So Gabriel asked him if he often touches people without consent." Claire slowly explained what happened to Zoe who looked at her with her eyes and mouth wide open. "So, in the end, Gabriel yelled 'What did you just call my wife?!', he flipped the table, picked him up by his collar, pressed him against the wall and punched him hard enough to cut him across his cheek." Claire let out a sigh as she finished.
"When I've told your husband that I can't beat the shit out of Guildford and that he should do the dirty work, it wasn't exactly what I expected. But I'm not gonna lie, I'm starting to like his approach." Zoe laughed. "How are you feeling?"
"You know, when I was there with Guildford, I felt like I did when Harry…" Claire started, unable to finish the sentence. "I just couldn't do anything."
"I guess it's good that Gabriel was there."
"Yeah." Claire agreed. Zoe stood up without another word and hugged Claire tightly.
"I've got your back, Claire-bear. No matter how irrational you are."
"Thank you." Claire smiled as Zoe's long blonde hair tickled her face. "I think I may have to find Gabriel."
"Maybe. But we both know you'd be a better fit for me." Zoe joked which made them both laugh. "Your husband might ask you what happened with Alex." Zoe let go of Claire.
"What do you mean?"
"I've told him that I'm a horrible friend and that we almost broke up over Alex."
"Ahhh… I think Alex is back in town. I think I'll see him next week."
"Yeah, I'm after Mark now. He's safe." Zoe laughed.
"That sounds serious," Claire mumbled.
"I think it might be. Our first date was cut short and we went for a coffee since. We haven't, you know, done it yet."
"You're pacing yourself?" Claire looked at Zoe curiously.
"I think I might actually like him." Zoe turned red.
"That's good," Claire said enthusiastically.
"Did you manage to do it with Gabriel yet?"
"Wow, that's a question I didn't think I'd hear today." Claire laughed as she turned equally red.
"Maybe we should go lingerie shopping?"
"Absolutely not."
"Come on, Prudence! He's your husband!" Zoe said with a wide grin.
"I know," Claire said in embarrassment.
"Do you still struggle with it?"
"It seems like it."
"That's a shame. You have the sexiest man 2018 to hop onto."
"Zoe!"
"How's the therapy going?"
"Oh, it's a bit of a mixed bag. I've managed to sit with my legs in the pool today without having a full-out panic attack, just a small one. But also, it feels like I'm reopening some really old wounds that I was hoping to bury away long ago. But baby steps, right?"
"Baby steps." Zoe nodded. "I'm proud of you."
"Thank you." Claire smiled.
Zoe hugged her again before pushing her towards the door so that she was to see Gabriel.
Claire felt her chest tightening as she made her way to the forty-second floor which was already empty at this time.
She walked up to Gabriel's office that at first seemed empty. She knocked on the door before walking in. Gabriel sat by his desk, working in the dim light from a small desk lamp. He looked stressed out. He slowly looked up at Claire and put the pen down, standing up in a hurry.
"Claire, I'm sorry for earlier." He said quickly.
"Please, don't." Claire closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I don't care about the Guildford project. I know I can get better projects than that, and we're not desperate enough to have to go with it. I was angry and I directed it at you." Claire spewed the string of words, anxious, looking down at the floor. "As much as I disagree with the method you've chosen, I loved that I had someone stand up for me when I couldn't." Claire pursed her lip. "Although, I am unsure whether you only did it because I'm your wife and you don't like people touching your things." She said in a slightly teasing tone hoping to lighten the mood.
"You're not a thing that can be possessed," Gabriel said quickly. "The punch was probably because you're my wife, and I barely managed to calm myself down enough to not beat him to death, but I would stand up for any woman in that situation. I genuinely can't stand men like Guildford." Gabriel said earnestly. "Honestly, I was also angry that you allowed it. I am still angry over it."
"You probably have some awareness of what happened when I was at the university, seeing as the perpetrators were convicted… when Guildford touched me, I felt like I was back in that moment. I froze. I know I should've stood up for myself, but I couldn't. I felt powerless. Hence, thank you for stepping in when I couldn't handle it myself."
"That's my job." Gabriel smiled.
"I know that you're planning to meet your friends on Saturday, but I'd there a chance I could ask you for some time the following weekend?"
"What's the matter?"
"I need to talk to you about a lot of things, and… I'm not in a place to do it now."
"Of course, Claire." Gabriel nodded, walking round to her. "I'll make time for you whenever you need it."
"Thank you." Claire sighed in relief as Gabriel hugged her. "Actually, you have a pretty good lawyer, don't you?"
"Yes." Gabriel nodded. "What's the matter?"
"Now that I can think more clearly, do you think I should file a harassment lawsuit against Guildford?"
"Of course. I'll support you with it if you'd allow me."
Claire took out her phone and passed it to Gabriel.
"Do you think that'll be enough?" She asked with worry.
"Hundred messages in less than twenty-four hours? He's efficient." Gabriel smiled but his smile vanished once he read some of them, which were purely obscene. He locked the phone as soon as he realised the number of unsolicited pictures in between the texts. "Yep, that'll do." Gabriel nodded, his face twisted in anger and disgust. "God, I should've ripped his dick off." He grumbled as he walked around to his desk. He took out a USB stick and within minutes he transferred the messages onto it, deleting it off Claire's phone to ensure that she didn't have to worry about it.
"Thank you," Claire said shyly.
"You have the biggest misfortunate when it comes to men, don't you?" He asked whilst typing something on the computer.
"Not all of them," Claire said with a slight smile as she walked up to his desk.
"Well, I'm sure that you had a misfortune to come across more pricks than average."
"Quite likely." Claire nodded. "I should've been more careful."
Gabriel looked up at her, scowling.
"You should've been more careful? What kind of bullshit is that? It's not like you asked for it. It's not like you held a banner saying 'please, I want to be harassed today'." Gabriel went on a rant. "Stop being ridiculous, Claire. It's on them being pricks not you being not careful enough." Gabriel was annoyed by her blaming herself but it wasn't the anger he had for Guildford, men from the swimming team, or Daniel. His anger was also at society for allowing a lot of that behaviour to become normalised. "What next? Are you going to say that it was because of how you dressed, or because you had some make-up on?"
"Well…" Claire said unsure how to answer it as that was the exact thought she had. Gabriel noticed it.
"Claire, no, you can't blame yourself for this! That's just stupid."
"I can't help it. As you've said, I attract the worst kinds."
"It's not like you're a magnet, Claire. They're predators that hunted you as prey. You can't blame a doe for being killed by a wolf, can you? Not if all they do is try to live their life."
"When did you become such a feminist?" Claire asked with a chuckle.
"It's complicated," Gabriel said unwilling to open that can of worms himself. "Also, I've sent this to the lawyer to review and put a case forward. I've tasked Mark in finding out if other women would be willing to take a step forward. I hope Guildford isn't going to see daylight again."
"Thank you. But you've deflected the question."
"Because I don't want to talk about it right now," Gabriel said honestly rubbing his face.
"I understand." Claire nodded.
"Also, I can reassure you that none of my friends is that type. You will not be touched by any of them without direct consent, and they will not call you names."
"I wasn't worried about it." Claire smiled. "I'm more worried about making the right first impression."
"Don't worry." Gabriel shook his head.
"What were you working on?" Claire asked curiously.
It was a great distraction to change a topic to work again and to discuss Gabriel's new policy in regards to Respect at Work to protect all of his employees. Claire was keen to help him and they discussed all the potential ways of implementing it.