My eyelids flickered open, and I blinked away the harsh glow of the sunlight streaming through the open window in my increasingly familiar room. I laid my arm over my eyes and sighed. My body ached and my head throbbed in time with my heartbeat. Why wasn't this dream ending? What the hell was even the point of this? If I'm dead let me die. Let me go into some white light or be reborn or meet some studious angel or whatever it is that's supposed to happen. If I'm not dead, let me wake up. Moon should be coming soon and she's going to lecture me about being irresponsible if I sleep through her arrival. I don't care if it's the former or the latter, I thought miserably. Though, obviously, I'd prefer the latter. I just wanted to be done with this insanity.
I tried to move my other arm and found it trapped and numb. I glanced over and found Sayuri curled into a ball next to me, her ears flicking occasionally with the faint movement of the morning breeze rustling through the open window, her head laying on my elbow. Sayuri whimpered slightly in her sleep, a dream passing through her unconscious mind like a cloud. She rubbed the tip of her nose gently with her hand before settling back into a deep sleep. I turned my head away from the sleeping catgirl and stared out the window at the mountains in the distance, their heads wreathed in snow.
I killed someone. It was a matter of self-defense, absolutely. He was a monster of the highest degree, far worse than anything lurking in the deepest seas or most remote forests, but I was still a murderer. I lifted my free hand and stared at it, tears stinging my eyes. My hands were so small. The scratches from the night before had already faded and my breathing came easy. I was whole once again, and the monster was dead. Killed by the small hand which could barely obscure my view of the distant snowy peaks when I held it up. I closed my eyes and sighed, tears slipping down my cheeks.
How had Ashvallen done it? How had she lived with the gnawing guilt born on the wings of a new dawn where she woke up and someone else did not? I lowered my hand back over my eyes. Ignoring the pins and needles racing through the arm Sayuri was sleeping on, I sobbed softly. There was nothing in my life that could have ever prepared me.
I'd watched movies, of course. I had thrilled as the main character tore through the enemy to achieve their goal. Even as the body count rose, I had never considered the actual real-life implications of killing someone. It took a certain kind of person to take someone else's life and I was, obviously, not that person. I shuddered as I remembered the rattle in the repugnant beast's chest as his final breaths escaped.
I had done what I had to. I knew that. He had hurt and killed dozens, if not hundreds of people and that, also, should have been adequate justification. Whatever comfort I gleaned from this knowledge, however, still felt cold and hollow at best.
"So, you survived," a cold, matter of fact voice said from the end of the bed. The countess. Of course, she'd show up.
"Go fuck yourself," I snapped at her through my tears, not bothering to stop crying or uncover my eyes. What could I do? Beat her up? I'd just end up hurting myself if I tried.
"Interesting," Carrisyn murmured. "Sayuri, get up. I have work for you."
"Nooooo," Sayuri moaned piteously, snuggling deeper into my elbow as if trying to hide from the countess' voice.
"Sayuri!" Carrisyn snapped irritably. The catgirl mumbled spitefully under her breath but uncurled herself from beside me and staggered to her feet. "I need you to prepare the summoning circle."
"Huh? Whassat?" Sayuri rubbed her eyes sleepily.
"The circle," Carrisyn repeated with a sigh. "I need it prepared."
"Okie lady, mistress sir," Sayuri mumbled. I pulled my arm away from my eyes, watching as Sayuri staggered toward the door. My arm began to sting as blood started to flow back into my fingers once more. I turned my head toward Carrisyn and glowered at her. This serene upper crust bitch got to sit in her cushy mansion sipping the blood of virgins mixed with thousand-year-old wine or whatever the hell she was doing while I had to…to…I shook my head slightly. It was, I decided, all her fault.
"I must confess, I'm a little disappointed with your combat ability given all I'd heard," she sniffed, moving gracefully to the table where she sat and folded her hands serenely on her knee. "I suppose, however, that's to be expected given the circumstances."
"Drop this little pain chain of ours and I'll show you how good I am," I snarled. Ooh! I thought with a sense of inappropriate glee. That was a good come back! Go me!
"It's almost cute when you try to speak above your station," Carrisyn replied evenly. "Almost." Gah! She was insufferable. That was a decent comeback to my comeback, though. Props for that, I thought. "Still, even though the method was disappointing, the end result was acceptable. You've proven useful. Once I hear back from my source, we'll be able to move from the hors d'oeuvres and onto the appetizer."
"I don't give a shit about appetizers or soup or even those little mints. I'm not doing anything for you," I snapped. Carrisyn cocked her eyebrow curiously and remained silent for a long moment. Even the birds outside seemed to pause in their singing, as if curious to see what she would do.
"Allow me to clue you in on a little secret," the countess finally said. "This is not negotiable. You will do as you're instructed."
"Or what? You'll torture me? Kill me? Again? I don't care. I'm not your bitch, and I won't do your bidding." I really didn't want to get tortured again, but I was also pretty much sick of her shit.
"Nothing so vulgar," the edges of the countess' lips curled upward in what I supposed counted as a close approximation of a smile. To be honest, it creeped me out. "You will do as you're instructed if you want to return to your quiet, useless life, Minji Song." My mouth dropped open and I gaped at her.
"H-How did…wait. What? "I stammered, my mind trying to wrap itself around what the countess had just said and failing miserably to do so. "How can I…But I…What?"
"You be a good tool and I'll see you returned to your world," Carrisyn shrugged. "A simple exchange, yes?"
"But how can you do that? How did you know? Am I still asleep? Am I dead? How did this happen? What's even going on right now?" The questions spewed forth like a waterfall.
"I have no interest in or obligation to explain anything to you. Suffice it to say if you want to return to teaching little girls about useless factoids and worthless dates, you will follow my instructions to a T. If not…" Carrisyn trailed off, gestured vaguely toward the door. "You may seek your fortune on your own. I have no use for worthless toys."
My excitement was tempered with suspicion. She was a bitch, yes. I hated her. Definitely. I would jab her eyes out if I didn't know I would blind myself in the process, but…what if she was telling the truth? I mean, she knew me. The real me, not the small, wiry, silver-haired freak I was now, but the real life me. I studied her for a long moment more, but she said nothing and gave no indication of doing so. This woman could clean up in a professional poker tournament, I thought idly.
"What do I have to do?" I finally asked. "I won't kill anyone else."
"You'll do what you're told," Carrisyn returned. "You will follow instructions and if those instructions are to kill you will kill. You are my blade. A blade doesn't question its role. For now, I have something in- "The door swung open, interrupting her.
"Carrisyn! Oh, and my little pink-nippled half breed! I'm delighted you survived thanks to my tender ministrations! How fortuitous!" The blonde woman strolled through the door as if it were the most natural thing in the world. She was extremely attractive, I thought, watching as she made her way across the room. Her breasts were far larger than mine in either world and the swell of her hips made her gait sultry and suggestive. Her long blonde hair framed a beautiful, expressive face with enough makeup to accentuate her good looks but also appear natural. Wait, I thought. What was that about my nipples? A memory of this woman licking my nipple came to me and I felt my face flush in embarrassment.
"Ah…" The countess muttered in surprise. Her composure remained steady, as if her face were cast in stone, but I could sense the irritation radiating from her. "To what do I owe the pleasure, your highness?"
"My brother has requested an audience with you," the blonde woman replied, her eyes glancing my way, their cool blue depths studying me with interest. Carrisyn's eye twitched slightly in annoyance.
"Ah," the countess replied, bowing her head. "I am at his highness' pleasure, of course. Though you needn't have come yourself, your highness."
"This is not a social call," the woman turned her gaze back to Carrisyn. "Certain players have moved onto the board and the time to fully join the game is nearly upon us." Carrisyn sighed. Game? What game? What the hell was going on?
"I see," the countess murmured.
"This afternoon at Highstone," the woman said, her tone making it clear this was not a request. She cast a glance at me. "And bring the half elf. She intrigues me." She smiled at me before turning on her heel to leave.
"Unpleasant," Carrisyn muttered after she'd gone. "Thoroughly unexpected and wholly unpleasant." She sighed before turning to me. "It seems we are to dance at the end of others' strings like a good marionette before we are ready. I will send Sayuri with clothes as befits an audience with royalty. I expect you to be prepared in an hour to leave."