"It's inside the fridge, Hyung!"
Little john shows the place.
Hearing him, newmoon turned his head.
John's innocent eyes sparkled when he was looking at him. John's hands, feet, and overall body were small as his half-lower part was watching him silently.
A series of guilt overpowered his heart.
How in the world did he do such things to his own younger brother? He is so tiny and weak at a point if not looked after well who knows what misfortunes await in their future door.
"Hyung! Let me help you with the table."
John began to drag the chair with his two bare hands. He bit his lips to put in extra effort and cautioned not to touch the floor as if he was afraid it would make a sound.
Newmoon, "…"
John dusted off the little dirt on the table with his small mouth, "FUU~!"
"Now, it's clean Hyung. Sit here and eat!"
His round pretty eyes were dazzling like a star in the night sky during the whole moment. Looking so passionately at his Hyung. As newmoon peeked at him, there were no traces of discrimination, hatred, or range in those little eyes. He must be aware of the situation that morning but all he could see was the ocean of love and care.
He just was aware of how he skipped the meal that morning and there was a possibility that john waited for him. To add more, He didn't even wait for him to go to school and returned together like always. Or, who knows if he had been waiting for him all this time?
Newmoon was speechless. In front of him, he felt nothing less than a demon. Just like what Minhae suggested, how could he compare with that little thing? Who can't even function well without support and he childlessly throws a tantrum. All this time only his height was grown not his brain.
That day he realized it.
After finished eating, he goes off to his room to get changed. John too went to his room surprisingly. Maybe thought he might shout at him like previously?
"Sigh!"
He sighed a long deep breath. By this time, he knew he has done nothing but wrong. Everything is because of his selfishness and crazy assumption.
"Oh! You still are slacking around here?"
The moment he heard mum's voice he stood up quickly. His mum ordered while standing at the door.
A thought arose in his mind,
"Oh, mum. It's mum. Isn't she angry with me now?"
"Change clothes fast and give me a hand in the kitchen."
"How can she talk to me so casually as though nothing has happened? Is it a good thing or bad? Should I let go and play along with it? Or what if I am gonna assume some wrong outcome once again?"
That was the starting point where newmoon developed the first habit of overthinking in his life.
His eyes widened as he saw the figure of mum slowly turning around and walking away from him. For some reason, he felt like if he didn't talk and sort out the matter, he would never get the perfect chance like this.
"I-I'm a sorry mum!"
Newmoon shouted.
While mum halted.
The crazy heartbeat of the newmoon echoed in the whole room. Only he knew how much difficult it was to open his mouth to her. Especially since the situation was bad and the other thing mum wasn't the person to be so lovey-dovey and sensitive person like others.
However, his prediction was wrong.
Mum turned around and approached him. Newmoon lowered his chin and purposely avoid eye contact.
Mum lifted her hand and subconsciously newmoon closed his eyes and shuddered. A part of him was ready to get the hit from his mum.
Instead, he felt the warm hand brushing his hair.
"There there! I see you realized what you did wrong!"
She smiled softly.
"?"
Showing her finger to him, Mum exclaimed in a calm tone, "Now, look at it! Let me tell you something. There are 5 fingers, right? Thumb, index, middle, ring, and little finger!"
Newmoon listened to her attentively with a puzzled expression.
"If you cut your thumb then it gonna hurt right?"
Newmoon noded.
"Then what about this middle finger? Ring finger? Little finger? Index? It all gonna hurt no matter which finger you cut right?"
"…"
"The pain! No matter which, It feels the same! And Just like this, it's the same for us."
"?"
"As a parent, we're like a hand. And you children are these fingers. We can't cut and abandon one finger and keep, nourishing the other. Each finger has its place in our hearts. To be honest, we can't even discriminate the fingers like for instance, I love this index one more than the other, it doesn't function that way."
"The thought of hate and despise doesn't even come to our mind in the first place."
It was enough to make newmoon question his theory. Once again, he was hit by the truck.
Sitting on the bed, she continued, "I do know, the misunderstanding rose in your heart for some reason. I understand that but I want to let you know that neither I nor dad feels such absurdity towards you. Yes, I agreed his way of teaching is harsh as he lacks affection. But trust me he defatinatley loves you and us all equally."
Suddenly, newmoon's mind flashed and a few fragments of memory hit his head,
1st incident;
"Why are you watching tv right now, Newmoon? Aren't your exams coming near? Quickly turn it off and go study in your room!"
He responds to it thinking, "Yeah! I should have listened to him and studied. If then, my grades wouldn't be this low."
2nd incident;
Dad again yelled at him, "Instead of watching nonsense like that, why don't you watch some English channels? Like English movies, listen to conversation and music. It might boost your English language!"
He once give it a thought, "Yeah! If I had then my marks would grow in English subjects at least?"
3rd incindent;
"If you are free why don't you give a helping hand to the john? He is weaker than you!"
Newmoon drooped his eyelids and saw the flashes of little round naïve eyes of john and mumbled, "yeah! If I had, then maybe he would've passed in good marks at least?"
Now that he had made a re-check about all the issues regarding its cons and pros, he indeed was in negative terms. He was the one to be blamed for every action. The sin he committed was unwashable.
As if his legs ran out of strength once more he plopped down on the bed. The more he thinks the more miserable and guilty he felt.
Before he could figure it out, the tears began to slide down his cheeks. Afraid, he might catch mum's attention, he lifted his legs and curled up.
However, how could it pass through the mother's eyes?
Although she saw, she turned a blind eye to that part. She just patted his shoulders gently.
Newmoon who was crying his balls out suddenly happened to feel the familiarity on his shoulders. The warmth was the same as the mine's hand.
"You know what, You don't have to apologize to dad."
Mum knew under no circumstances newmoon would do that. Not because of shitty excuses like ego but because he lacked courage and confidence. For her, the fact he realized the whole point was already enough that she doesn't have any wish furthermore.
"Pls do send my apologies to dad!"
"Sure! Now then stop crying!"
With a pause, he wondered in a hoarse tone, "Mum is it true now that I've all grown up you no longer need to pay attention to me?"
Mum, "?"
He peeked with his watery eyes through the little hole and continued, "My friend told me, dad doesn't show much effect and care to me because he trusts me! Is it true?"
The lips of mum slightly turned curved.
"This certain friend of yours..must be wise!"
It was my very first impression of mum about the Minhae.
"?"
"Yes! It's true. You've passed the initial phase of childhood. Dad had a lot of hope for you as a big son of the family. That's why he goes berserk every time you failed to meet up to his expectations. He hopes you worked hard and attain a certain title in society. What he fears the most is that you might become just like him. So that's why he wanted you to become a certain person whom john can look up to!!"
"…"
"Mummy- Your phone is ringing!"
Yelling from the distance, john dashed to his room.
"Who is it?"
"It must be dad!"
Newmoon head was still half drowned, wrapped in the arms and legs. For some reason, the annoyed little face of john whom he used to compare almost often.. was somehow seemed pitiful that evening.
"…become a certain person whom john can look up to!!??"
The voice rang inside his head when he glanced at john.
"…"
"Hyung! What happened to your eyes? It's red and swollen! Are you alright?"
A cloud of worries appeared on his face.
How could he do that to the john? He is a pure little child. Does he dare to compare with him?
Again his mind flooded with guiltiness and just when he was about to burst out in tears, john caught the end of his school shirt and pouted,
"Hyung! Don't cry! I will beat dad for you!"
"?"
That's it. He flinched thinking how the small 10 years old child understand and grasp the situation more than he did. It was a wake-up call for him.
He brushed off the john's hair and patted him.
Newmoon wiped his tears and brushed off the john's hair.
"Dad didn't do anything wrong john. So, no need for that!"
He stood up with different rays in his eyes shining nonchalantly.
Mum who was on the call with dad got a little surprised by newmoon's action too.
"…"
She turned around and get out of his room wearing a touched smile on her face.
…
Late at night, dad returned to the house. He knew whenever fights breaks out in the family he always used to skip his time outside the home. But this time, it was because of the newmoon.
From his room, Newmoon who was awake for an entire time pretending to fall asleep heard the little footsteps that dad and his mum made while entering the kitchen. They whispered something before they both climbed upstairs.
"…"
After a while, god knows from where he gathered all the courage he followed them silently.
Mum and dad were sitting on the abandoned bed watching countless stars on the roof. Newmoon leaned behind the door and perked his ear.
He had no idea why he followed them.
"Did newmoon eat his meal? He skipped his morning one."
"Um!"
"Honey! Sometimes I think I failed to raise my children well."
"About that-!"
Dad smiled, "I know they're likely to get influenced by the dramas they watched on the tv. That's why I'm against it!"
His tone. It was the very first time he heard dad talk in that hilarious tone. It felt surreal. For a split second, he even was taken away by the fact that he was his dad.
The differences in tune were immeasurable.
"But even though, he spilled out in ranged, it still hurts."
Newmoon, "…"
Although dad was talking a such a serious matter in a silly and joking way still, the heaviness of his words didn't flatter for a second. It was always there.
"Our parents must have been hurt this way too! Like the pain between parents and children. For some reason, I'm feeling like a useless dad."
"Now common this isn't like you!"
Mum tries to cheer him up.
Dad dazed into the night sky for a while and afterward, he poured the soju into his shot glass and drink all in one go!
"Haa!"
He wiped the two corners of his mouth and explain in a pained tone, his eyes deeply dropped, "You know what honey! For the first few moments, I couldn't believe my ears when I heard those..words from him. It was like suddenly as if the whole ground was shrunken deep down. Both my body and my mind got frozen instantly. I-I couldn't bring me to defend it."
Listening to him, mum drank another shot of soju.
"I too have never thought that way. It's shocking how something like that was roaming in his head."
The whole atmosphere became silent. Only the whistling of the wind could be heard at the moment. Newmoon was one hella silent as a breeze as well.
"All I wanted for my children is a better life. All this support, nagging, and scolding are for their good no- so that they don't have to end up like us."
Dad confessed in a low tone. Ever since childhood, he had known his family background well. They were poor right from the start. Right after marriage, dad left the home for work in the capital and noona was the one to look after him and john. Mum never left her seat from sewing handmade traditional clothes.
Jina noona always shared the same misfortunes incident to motivate newmoon to work hard in his studies. So, he was well aware of it.
Newmoon didn't know what expression exactly he was wearing at the time cause it was dark outside but from the rare tone of his, it was sure that he was in a most vulnerable state. He was puzzled if it was for good or not.
Only the dazzling moon in the sky knew the truth behind him.
"There is a saying, 'The more you squeezed your fists, the more sand will spill from your hand!'"
Mum said honestly.
"Your intension isn't evil but the way of your teaching is wrong honey!"
Dad, "…"
Placing her hand upon dad, she noded, "Go easy on them. Let them be free and they'll sort out things on their own."
Dad understood the meaning behind every word of mum and what she was implying. It meant she was stopping him from forcing their children to study 24/7.
Newmoon was already convinced by the truth mum told her and it wasn't even the case of doubt but hearing the wholesome truth from his ear cleared all the doubt from its root.
That night after hearing mum's suggestion, dad's voice wasn't heard for a long time.