"It's his loss if he leaves you!"
Haven't even completed his sentences yet and just when a quick ray of light directly cast its spell fell upon her mysterious eyes. If not for its shed then it would be impossible to catch such blissful moments. A faintly tinted somewhat dim almost to vanish in one go if missed chance, carrying such expression she was standing there.
For a moment newmoon nearly thought if his vision was an illusion or if he witnessed something secret that he shouldn't have in the first place.
He questioned himself in his mind,
"Did I go overboard?"
"…"
After a short quickly recalled memories of that unexpected coincidence between the interaction of two, what could have had if he hadn't stepped in that hole, what if he hadn't heard her conversation, or most importantly, what if he hadn't come there in the first place..??
His mind was going haywire into the pool of different possibilities of what if or what not!
Certain amounts of time passed, and till then silence lead around the environment. To be honest, it was expected, the one and only who was keeping up with the awkward flow of conversation now was shut down in million thoughts.
Newmoon has always been a dearly, closest to a heart of the person named, "OVERTHINKING"
He doesn't even need somebody to have a good talk, just feed one single damn thought and congratulations now he becomes occupied 24/7.
Finally being through thousands of filtration of thoughts, as if he reached a certain conclusion of the loop, he clenched his teeth and spoke out eventually.
"Listen, as I already mentioned before, It's your life in the end. It's your decision. If you have made a clear mindset in your head already then, nothing in the world would stop you."
A carefree attitude floated into her expressions.
"However, I've one request though!"
Girl,"…?"
As he raised his voice into a more manly and masculine, the distance between his eyebrows grew narrower,
"Why don't you go and donate your healthy organ to the needy people in the hospital out there..! At least you would die proudly knowing you saved someone's pitiful and miserable life, don't just jump off like that from the bridge like other common people and pollute the river!! Gosh, do you even have an idea how painful and exhausting the work will be for poor workers?"
Saying it, Newmoon took another deep sigh, freeing his arms he relaxed them down. His posture changed hysterically as though he was about to turn around and walked off,
"Think differently girl..think differently.. be more creative at a time of dying too..!!"
By this short interval of time, he had already turned around, even leisurely waving his hands up above the mid-air hinting as though it was his goodbye or cheering in his decision. Nobody knew that night how a girl would end up taking that sign.
Earlier as soon as he got himself there, a strong force of wind gave a push to him as if he was welcoming him, and now even while leaving he got accompanied by the same tingling, chilling breeze.
And just like that, the shadow of the newmoon vanished into a hole of darkness making it looked like as if he had never been on the bridge in the first place.
Now the only person presents there was a mysterious girl.
"…"
She stood there like a pillar, not bothering to move an inch. Somebody would surely mistake her as another pillar if passed through her and took time to look at her.
Suddenly, from a few meters away, An unknown creepy long, fat fingers extended covering the width of the thin pillar. Following it, squinted eyes appeared afterward eventually revealing the full face. A small typical Asian type of eyes, a snub nose, and thin lips.
"What the-"
Those body parts were nonother than newmoons. So, as it turned out that he was just pretending to leave when in reality he wasn't.
He whispered underneath his breath although nobody would hear a single damn thing from far away.
"What the hell is that girl doing there still standing like a creep.?, Weirdo.? She isn't seriously thinking about jumping off right..??"
A clear thick cloud of worries covered his face.
Earlier after swimming into the whirlwind thoughts of the ocean, he came out of such an idea that he might thought would have solved the case, playing all genius only to realize at the end that it was all stupidity, dumb and immature.
The distance between his eyebrows got narrowed so much in tension that only a thin space was left to become intertwined.
"I blurted such ramblings, childish, making no sense type of blah blah speech..no actual words..-
Instantly A voice of vivid clear sound echoed in his head,
"..This is the problem of the youth nowadays-
He gathered all of his remaining balls of hidden energy to squeeze his eyes out of extreme cringe and embarrassment. Only God knew how much it was taking over him leaving him extremely vulnerable and regrettable.
He grit his teeth, "God, what's up with that line? Seriously, that's the problem of the youth nowadays..? And what am I then..? A 40 yrs old middle-aged man?"
As for his age goes, he was a typical freshman youth. Just turned 20. He recently touched adulthood.. while he went out, approached her, and gave an earful of his so-called motivation speech- wait,
He widened his eyes in complete disbelief.
"Is it even fucking deserve to be called a motivation speech in the first place?"
And as if it wasn't enough his brain quickly send a signal of another photocopy of his reel, "The phase you're going through now right now-
"Fuck! Fuck! I must have completely lost it!"
He squeezed his eyes even more forcibly in a way if he wants to forget it. And the words that were coming from his mouth carried a deep sense of guilt and regret too. He was an inch away from ramping his head on that thin pillar he was sneaking on.
He mumbled in a disturbed tone," I sounded more like a mad poet, or a pickup line from the children's book..such a rhythm, melody…!"
"SHIT!"
No matter how much he thinks the emotions never even depleted instead got increased though.
" I should've left her the way she was..! and here I am beating around the bush saying creepy, weird blah blah to her..!"
With a change in expression, he let out a deep sigh. Eyes somewhat drooped down as he mumbled himself, "But again it wasn't unexpected.., Every time I wanted to do something good for people..automatically I always ended up being a misunderstood one."
"Haa!"
"..."
"Everything happens for a reason!"
Newmoon,"…"
Yeah.. from now on one thing was for sure God doesn't wanna leave her alone. Another counterattack was thrown into his head.
However surprisingly, this time instead of being ranged out or seeming like he was about to tug his hair out in cringe, his reaction was somewhat calm and serene. At first glance, it almost seemed though.
But if focused deep down into his dark brown pupils hidden under his dropped eyelids, laid a shallow faded vision.
A lot of blurred, old faces to almost ceased faces followed by large mumbling voices of people hit his subconscious mind. Instantly a long beep- sound repeated as his senses began to shut down.
"…"
He blinked slowly as he exhaled another long deep sigh.. not like a normal one but it was more as if he was exiting a certain amount of displeasing memories.
He tiredly uttered a word, vacant seen both in eyes and in voice,
"It sounds so simple and goes freely with the flow of words, sentences..when speaking.., but the weight of it is extremely way heavier than it sounds."
He laughed at himself,
"Hmph, what would I say that to others..,when In the first place I too..am suffering to know the reasons behind everything-"
Naturally, his gaze stopped at that pillar where the girl was standing all this time..,
"..."
Only after then, did he realize for what purpose he returned there!!
He unconsciously roamed his eyes here and there is a gasp, searching desperately for that dim long hair as a hint to know whether or not she was still there.
His heart skipped a bit, and a cloud of worries was formed in his expression,
"Now, where did she go?"
He was so caught up in his haywire, scattered thoughts that only if he had kept his eyes focused on her dim, blurred figure from the start to a little longer. Now he was anxious. Various forms of worst scenarios played in his head, from the point of jumping into a river or going to a hospital to proceed with his plans actually, etc. just when he was about to walk out of that background pillar he paused out of blue.
His face puzzled,
"Wait, what if it was just an illusion..??"
Unexpectedly, A strange question arose in his mind, " What if there wasn't any person in the first place? not a 'that girl'? or what if she had already gone and I mistook it all this time.??"
He began to remember it, his memories returned and followed to a starting point whether he heard the response or not.
"…"
Who would've known while he was busy analyzing and calculating through each segment in detail, on the other hand, out of that pillar, a girl's figure with her long wavy hair would walk out?
Newmoon,"—"
All of his sixth sense was on that girl's figure. Luckily, his senses were sharp, intuition enough to witness the movement although he didn't have to wear either a glass or lens. But at that moment he was all counting on his instinct. Following the gaze, she walked down the path a while and went near to the streets where a cab-like vehicle with its light bulb above the roof was seen to be waiting for her.
He wasn't sure about the presence of that cab before wards. So he had no idea if it was later called on or if it was there from before and it just slipped from his eyes.
Amidst turmoil and possibilities thoughts, that girl just entered inside and the cab drove her away.
"SIGH…!!"
Only afterward making sure she left all safety did he exhale such a long relaxed breath. He never thought a small seed of kindness would make him all drenched in sweat and almost dead from anxiety and panic too. However, in the end, until now everything seemed to be in control.
As if he had finally laid down a thousand tons of weight from his shoulders on the ground, he wiped a bucket of sweat from his forehead. Newmoon finally turned around and began to return his way carefully balancing his body.
~~~
With a "Beep-Beep" sound the door opened and closed.
The tickling sound of the soju bottles was also there until he eventually placed them on the table nearby the bed.
To talk a little bit about his room, wherever one would go every sort of sound could be heard, from the point of 'crushed' when stepping on a plastic cover to the point of where the 'tickling-tickling-tickling' sound whenever getting in the contact with an empty glass bottle. If someone creative would have a room tour at his place then he would come up with extraordinary musical ideas.
Each corner has a magnificent view of the tower. Who would bother to step outside when one has its tower in their respective room? On the left, whole long piles of disorganized clothes looked almost like those kept in the sale area in the market to be sold. Turning right, one could see the hole and accommodation of filthy cockroaches and rats too renting the area for free. Not to mention gazing up at the beautiful ceiling, lay a bunch of Spiderman friends and its neighbors. On its first appearance, it nearly gave a false impression about whether it's a design web or a natural web.
Under the table, a lot and lots of broken chopsticks could also be seen, laying everywhere towards the entry of the bathroom too. Naturally, it wouldn't have gone just like that walking itself, but the fact floor was super sticky, muddy, and slippery that all it needed was a newmoon's foot for a quick short journey.
Newmoon returned to his bed after roaming here and there for a while. Looking at the conditions of his bed, one would have a hard time figuring out if this is called bed then what actually would call the actual real bed??
Thankfully, Because of his introverted nature and living all alone himself nobody would come and go to his house and judge the condition there.
Pouring the alcohol into the small cup, he dived into his phone.
There, he quickly goes out and opened the Acebook and began to search for somebody's name on it.
With a 'Tapa, Tapa' sound, A long list of person's profiles popped on the head of the phone.
There, clicking on the tap of their profile.., another long list of friends' circle appeared. The maximum amount was of photos they shared and tagged upon each other.
The dim white reflection of the people's carefree smile on the screen got entangled in his deep eye lens. Slowly, as if his eyelids drooped down or if he lowered his phone.., a blank space could be seen in his eyes.
He mumbled to himself," Look at how they're enjoying their life! And then, look at me..there's a huge mountain-like gap between us!"
Then, he looked down at the blue hashtags, regarding a long list of no. of hashtags. #Future architect, #future engineer, #future nurse, #future doctor, #future lawyer, etc.
The more he looked at it, the sterner he became.
He commented verbally, " hmm. So they've gone to their respective dreams of career and colleges huh?"
" And here I'm locked up in my room-
He paused and keep on staring into the blank stares for a while.
And then he continued his things again,
A lot of photos were pictured in various places seen in the profiles. Some are in the warm sunset, chilling out in the party area, while others were playing in the ocean.
As if seeing it, woke up his light memories of his school days too, he smirked.
"Can't believe they're the same persons that once I used to share my childhood..teenage years! And also that there was a time when we knew each other, talked to each other and was friends with…., But-
He remarked casually, " It seems.. nothing matters now. All of them are having their good life, their own life! Friends, not friends, close, not close, relative not relative, strangers not stranger!!"
"Everybody"
"People indeed were right when they said nothing lasts forever. It is sweet as well as bitter at the same time they all have moved on in their life, following their life purposes."
"While I'm only here stuck at this place."
Still, he went on Scrolling down more photos, having no idea what he was searching for or where he was heading to stop at the certain half.
In the photo, there seemed to be a group of pictures of middle school. Each by each his eyes moved from one to one in a way as though his eyes were searching for something else.
Gotcha!
It was his own. In the old photo, he finds himself present there. And just when his eyes were about to move a bit right following the folded hands..instantly he returned the tab.
"…"
He withdraw his hands from his mobile in a blink of an eye and threw them on the other side of the bed.
The only word that escaped first from his lips were,
"What the hell is that photo doing there?"
A lot of emotions were whirl winding over his mind then.. terror, trauma, old wound, desperation, anxiety, etc.. but it was hard to figure out what exactly the term could he relate to.
Newmoon plopped down on his bed, Slightly pushing the unwanted piles of fallen-down clothes towards the edge, making sure they won't be poking him while he is sleeping.
Straightly facing the vastly expanded spider web above the ceiling, there his overthinking triggered.
" Am I the only one who thinks this way or what? I always compare my smile, my achievement, my success, my source of happiness to others and finally subtract it from mine gaining source of smile!"
"Am I the only one?" Everybody has reached to their certain points of the peak of their life at this age.., surrounded by a great prominent future, luck, and happiness!! Yeah. Dad was right., I am useless. "
He flipped around on the other side," I don't know where my life is heading, what is my life purpose, my dreams, my passions, etc."
"I'm so pathetic.., I wonder if my parents think of me the same way as I think myself off? like a burden to them? even if they think then, there's nothing wrong in that, of course, I am. I am already 20, and yet neither have I got talent, nor any creative skills!"
"SHIT"
"Should I Just die..??"
" Should I just kill myself?"
"At this state even if I did then nothing gonna matter!!"
As the night blends in more, his negative overthinking rose higher in comparison. It wasn't his first timing about such things.
He has been in this shithole for about 2 years. So, you can say it's somewhat like a daily routine for him?
No wonder his mental health has been deteriorating worse.
Over the table, A silent fly flew from nowhere, wondering over something, flapping its wings in a circular motion, and finally sat over the edge of the tip of the rounded glass. It was non-other than his wine glass. Who would've thought he would be forgetting about the wine..he poured? It is always the same case. Being caught up in the loop of overthinking and forgetting the rest of the things.