I sat down on my bed and sighed, this whole business with the American had me agitated and I didn't like things that agitated me. They were a burden I simply didn't care for. I really should have stayed out of it, let the girl get beaten up and kept my life on an even keel the way I preferred. I didn't like wild swings of mood; they made me feel breathless and out of control and it bothered me.
Still, I really couldn't help getting involved, could I? I didn't understand girls like Midori, either. 'My boyfriend went out with this girl, so I have to beat her up!' What was the point of that? The root problem was the boy so why take it out on the girl? If it was me, I would simply walk away from both of them and have done with it. Of course, if it were me, I wouldn't have been involved with either of them in the first place. Things like love made no sense. Why bother?
I imagined adults had things to consider like tax breaks for larger household sizes; someone to pick up the dry cleaning if you were stuck at work late or to help with the cleaning so your house didn't start to stink but what was the point for someone my age? Someone to go to festivals with. Someone to eat lunch with, maybe? Or go to a café? Ugh! That reminded me that I was going out to coffee with the American the next day. That promised to be a dumpster fire, I'm sure. Maybe I could be like Emi's grandmother and come down with Botulism.
Maybe the point of relationships was purely physical. Sex. I mean, I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit curious, but it seemed more trouble and messy than it was worth, to be honest. If I got anxious, I'd simply take care of myself by masturbating. I flushed a bit at the thought and giggled quietly to myself.
No matter how curious I might be about it I still had serious doubts about having sex myself. I still had at least a few hopes and dreams left and none of them could be achieved whilst dragging around a 3.5 kg former parasite in a papoose. The risk was too great to justify ten minutes of ragged breathing. Was it ten minutes? I didn't know. I'm sure there were statistics to give me a mean average, but I couldn't be bothered looking them up.
The whole concept of dating someone just gave me a headache. It seemed stupid and frivolous to me. I had considered asking someone but Mizuki would just give me some long, rambling flowery explanation about how she felt she "belonged". An explanation I knew I wouldn't understand. My parents would immediately want to know who I was dating and when I was moving in with them so I'd leave home and Jun…ugh…I wouldn't ever ask him advice about anything. Speaking of dating, I still had letters to read. Maybe they weren't confessions after all but tea party invitations. I rummaged through my backpack and brought the letters out, opening the first carefully.
Of course, they were confessions. How naïve of me to think they might not be. One from a boy I had met one time in gym, one from a first year I'd seen at the temple where I worked and another from an anonymous source. I didn't like anonymous letters. I couldn't properly reject them if I didn't actually know who it was from.
I wrote my reply letters from the two whose identity I knew carefully, concisely, and as neatly as I could manage. Mizuki felt I could simply ignore them but that seemed wrong to me. I know that if, heaven forbid, I ever confessed to anyone, to be ignored would be the worst possible outcome. It left things unresolved, and I had read an article once about how unresolved things became obsessions and could lead to long term mental health issues. I figured with my personality and family I was doomed to long term mental health issues as it was and didn't need to add any additional kindling to the fire. I read the final note once more. It was very beautifully written and surely intended to be romantic:
"I feel like I've known you forever. You are the missing piece of my puzzle. Your smile lights up my thoughts and I knew we were destined to be together from the moment I saw you. I will love you, even if it's from afar, as long as I live and one day if I'm fortunate you will love me in return. Until then I will keep you close in my heart and thoughts."
The letter was signed by someone with the name "Sakura". I didn't know anyone by that name, did I? Even if I did know who it was from there really was no way to answer. The person was referencing hypothetical situations I had no way to counter. How do you respond to someone telling you they would love you forever when the human heart was so fickle in the ways of love? There really was no proper way to respond to that except in a vague "thank you?" kind of way. I was, actually, pretty happy the letter was anonymous, that way I didn't have to bother trying to reply.
"Thank you for coming today," the American said as we sat down, the waitress bringing us a menu. I gaped at the prices and swallowed hard. 450 yen for a cup of coffee? Seriously? What was the coffee made of? Gold? I mentally took stock of my remaining finances after springing for the coins the previous day. I hadn't even gotten Astrid. I got Mirabelle, some loli mage whose special ability seemed to be instantly dying for no reason whatsoever. I had about a thousand yen left. Not enough for much of anything and certainly not enough left for this coffee. It was a particularly good thing the American was footing the bill.
"Oh, yeah, of course," I replied. "Though there really was no invite me. I didn't do anything."
"You did, though!" She protested. "You saved me!" I shrugged.
"Not really, I simply encouraged Midori to think for herself," I said, waving her praise off.
"Then you stood up to Daishi, too! You're amazing!" She enthused. I was instantly embarrassed.
"I-It wasn't a big deal, really," I stuttered. "I don't like people like Daishi."
"What a-about people like me?" She asked, shame seeping into her features. "Do you think I'm a slut?"
"Well, I don't really know you, so it would be impossible for me to say," I replied with a shrug. The smell of coffee hung heavy in the air and it really was a delicious odor.
"You're a rarity, then," the American replied quietly. "Most people like to judge first and then not bother to get to know someone since they already know everything about them."
"I suppose that happens," I acknowledged. The waitress appeared, smiling brightly.
"What will you have?" She asked brightly. I recognized her. She'd been in my brother Jun's class. They'd dated for a bit if I recall. Of course, that was casting a wide net since Jun had dated pretty much everyone with boobs and a pulse. "Oh! Kasumi, right? How are you?" Well, this was going to be awkward as I had no idea what her name was. I'm sure she'd come over a few times but most of Jun's conquests did. Some had tried to be nice to Mio and I, others had ignored us, and some took umbrage with our existence. If my dull memories were to be believed she had been kind.
"Oh, yes," I smiled. "I'm fine, thank you."
"How is Jun?" Ah, there is the question, how is he? Well, former sex partner who I could not remember the name of since there'd been so many of you, he was a brain-dead pig with no appreciation for anyone or anything who was simply a drain on everything and everyone around him; a whirling cesspool of depravity with the emotional warmth of a snowdrift who lacked any sort of depth or shred of humanity whatsoever? The usual!
"Oh, he's fine," I lied with a fake smile I hoped look real enough to pass muster. "He's away at university after Saturday."
"Oh, wow, when did he get back?" Her smile flickered at the edges, fraying like a cloth ever so slightly. She was plainly disappointed he hadn't been in touch with her.
"Last week," I replied. Her smile frayed even further and threatened to unravel completely.
"He's been very busy with midterms coming up," I lied, covering for him to spare her feelings as I'd done dozens of times before. I hated to see that smile all of Jun's former conquests tried to maintain, the smile which said nothing was ok and may stay not ok for quite some time to come. "He's studying biochemical engineering, so the homework's been pretty intense." It seemed to perk her up slightly and her smile took on a less broken-hearted look.
"Oh, wow! That does sound hard!" Her voice had regained some of its excitement and I cringed internally. To be honest, I had no idea what biochemical engineering even was and Jun most likely couldn't even pronounce it, let alone spell it, but it seemed easier than telling them Jun was a rancid piece of garbage who had never cared about anyone or anything but himself and would only ever call if he needed a warm body for the night. "Hopefully, I'll get a chance to see him before he leaves!"
"Oh, uh, yeah!" I lied to her. "I hope so, too!" The chances of that happening were about the same as Jun winning a Nobel Prize but it was best to maintain the façade.
"Ok! So what can I get you two?" How about a dark pit where I could hide? I thought.
"I'll have, uh," the American said, looking over the menu. "The large caramel mocha latte with almond milk and light whipped cream! Thank you!" I looked at the menu helplessly, the words suddenly becoming strange and unreadable. I had no idea what she'd even said but the waitress didn't bat an eye, simply writing it down on her little pad.
"Um, a…er…Americano? I guess?" I fumbled.
"With milk, or no?" She asked brightly. I looked at her helplessly.
"With?" I said hesitantly.
"What size?"
"Medium?" I asked. She smiled and picked up the menus.
"For you I'll make it extra special!" I smiled in reply as she hurried off. That had been the most awkward thing I'd dealt with all day and I'd spent most of the day around Yuto.
"I'm so happy you agreed to come with me," the American sighed after the waitress had left. "I find it tough to make any friends."
"You seemed to be doing well enough in class," I mentioned, referring to the males huddled around her. The look of hurt that crossed her face made me immediately sorry for saying something so crass. Never mind, I decided, this was more awkward. At this rate I'll have to be naked in the middle of school doing the can-can by nightfall to top the awkwardness. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it."
"It's ok," the American sighed with a pained smile. "I'm used to it. People take one look at me and think 'Oh! Look! It's a slut!' I know how it looks."
"I didn't say that," I replied softly, guilt eating away at me.
"Don't worry about it," the American said with a shrug. "I've not had a female friend for years. Girls are afraid to be close to me since they think I'll steal their boyfriends and boys just want to get in my pants. It's not a big deal. I hoped it would be different this time in a new country and all but it's all the same."
"Well," I began, smiling at the waitress who returned with our order. She winked at me and set down our coffees.
"Tell Jun I said hi, will you, Kasumi?" She said with a grin.
"O-Oh, yes, I will do that," I agreed, still with no clue what her name was.
"Thanks!" She enthused. "Enjoy!" With that she bustled off with a spring in her step. Well, I thought, I won't be back here any time soon. Or, you know, ever again.
"It seems to me," I finally said, navigating my way through trying to be diplomatic in my head. "Maybe going out with someone on the first day you come to school might not be the best policy."
"You're right, of course," she replied glumly with a nod. "I have a hard time saying no, I guess." Sounds like a slut, unfortunately, I thought to myself, giving up on not passing judgment.
"Um, not being able to say no kind of sounds a bit slutty, you know," I finally pointed out, unable to keep myself from saying it. She looked surprised at my bluntness for a second before nodding sadly.
"You're right, it does sound like I'm a slut," she agreed. "I mean, I've never had sex! I swear!" She said that last a bit loud and several people turned toward us curiously.
"That's really none of my business!" I protested, then leaned forward and whispered, "nor anyone else's if you catch my meaning." She glanced around for a second before hunching down over her coffee, blushing furiously.
"It's just, I want to have friends and boys are the only ones that ever try," she whispered, sipping her coffee.
"Well, girls seem to approach things differently for the most part," I ventured, not really sure what I was saying. "Maybe if you approach them first, you'll get some? Honestly, I'm not the person to be giving advice in the friend department."
"You seem to be really popular, though," she said, cocking her head to one side. I chuckled dryly.
"Me? Not at all," I replied. "Lots of people know me but I don't have a lot of friends."
"So that one girl is your friend?" She asked.
"Mizuki, yes," I said. She nodded her head thoughtfully as I took a sip of my coffee. It really was very good.
"Can I be your friend?" She asked, staring at me through the shimmering vapor coming up from her cup. She really did have pretty eyes, I thought idly. I cocked an eyebrow quizzically. Was that how that sort of thing usually worked? I couldn't recall. Mizuki and I just naturally gravitated toward each other since we lived in the same area while Emi had kind of just invited herself.
"Um, sure," I replied with a shrug. "I don't mind."
"Really?" She gasped excitedly, clapping her hands together.
"Sure, why not," I decided. "Just don't be surprised if you're disappointed. I'm not remarkably interesting." I had no idea what she was expecting but I was about 99% sure who I was would not be to her liking.
"You're my first friend here in Japan!" She exclaimed brightly. "I'm so glad I met you! What should I call you?"
"Well, my friends call me Kasumi but I'm fine with whatever you want to call me," I shrugged.
"Can I call you Kasumi-chan?" She asked eagerly. I shrugged.
"Sure, that'd be fine," I replied.
"Please call me Aria-chan!" She was really way to enthusiastic to the point it sort of made me tired.
"Ah, ok, then, Aria-chan," I said.
"Then take care of me from today!" She said, clapping her hands again excitedly.
"Y-Yeah," I smiled. "Me, too."
"What does everyone do here in Daisen for fun?" Aria asked, sipping her coffee again, her eyes locked on mine, making me somewhat uncomfortable. I wasn't used to meeting and holding people's gaze and it made me feel inexplicably trapped.
"Well," I mused, sipping my coffee, and taking the opportunity to break eye contact and look out the window at the oncoming tide. The sun was setting low against the horizon, glimmering in pastel hues across the broad expanse of water north of the town. "We have festivals from time to time and mountain climbing during the spring and summer. Other than that, not much, I guess. We do have Karaoke, but I've never been. We're a ridiculously small town, after all, and I'm sure you probably could have picked a better place to be an exchange student. Tokyo or Kyoto or something would have been much livelier, I imagine." I had no idea how the exchange program worked. I didn't know if you got to choose your spot, or it was just a luck of the draw kind of thing. If it was the latter her luck was terrible, if it was the former her taste was terrible. Any way of looking at it was pretty terrible.
"I'm not an exchange student," she replied. "I moved here because my uncle lives here. My parents got divorced and I didn't like either of them very much and didn't want to stay in America anymore so my uncle said I could live with him and my aunt and cousin, so I did!"
"Ah," I said, amazed at her ability to over share. "So, your uncle lives here, does he?" I wracked my brain trying to figure out who her uncle could be but came up blank. I didn't recall any other Caucasians living in Daisen. Admittedly, I didn't know everyone, so it wasn't really surprising.
"Yes, he's a doctor at the hospital," she said. "It kind of runs in the family, my mom's a doctor, too." I'd never been to the hospital and only had the vaguest of ideas where it even was so I had no idea who he could be.
"I see," I said. "Well, welcome to the end of the world, I guess. If you find something fun to do let me know!" She grabbed my hands familiarly and smiled.
"I can't wait to get to know you better!" She said happily. I glanced down at her hands holding mine and smiled. At the very least this girl seemed interesting.