Who is our soul mate? Someone who made us happy and maybe somebody who we just met at the street, at the office or a person we met online. There are a lot of possibilities we might have bumped into someone and not see them before but they already held an impression, a spark, a crush or a liking, though we haven't talked with them or even if we didn't know them at all.
A special person made me feel that way and still make me feel the same way I felt when we met online and said hi to me. Which in turn I answered hello and there our friendship started, stayed and kept strongly until now. We had our ups and downs together talking, chatting online and then we didn't talk at all for many years. We are like best of friends that chat once in a while or not but send videos or pictures saying how we feel or what we look like or what our nails have on, the day or every day. We cried and laughed at each others pains, sicknesses,accidents, parties or victory events. We never held or hugged each other but we did that with friends and family. We never said I love you, or maybe we did to each other but we did that to our loves. We wanted to make our relationship a secret and it stayed that way, I guess always, but our love for one another will never go away. We are okay with that, we live life as it comes and grew a bond where even if we are apart we love, adore, hate, annoy and tease each other. And no one can take that promise, that connection, that intimacy, that love, for it'll stay on forever maybe until we are old and still jamming, rocking and travelling the world, who knows!.
What I can say? I have never felt this feelin gmy entire life and it feels wonderful, falling in love with me, my special person, friends, family, community, country, world and universe. It is like I have never fallen in love before and this is new to me. That special someone I talked about is so driven into her passion that she dived right in success she is ripping tremendously over now. She is patient, kind, rough on the edges and annoying, but funny, hot and beautiful inside out. She is hard core just like me. We are the same in all aspects but differ on our age and generations we lived and ventured on. But we are similar in so many ways that if I look in the mirror I see her. She also mentioned that she sees me in her too. Maybe we are, maybe we aren't but we held on to each other and keeps on holding on for we know, we believe that miracles happen. Magic and possibilities always happen to those who believe and have faith in God, in nature, fate, destiny, power stones and the divine.
What I tell you is the truth? I have been a loner and lived many years alone, because I am okay with that. I can make myself happy and remained positive inspite of the hardships, insecurities and poverty. My family aren't rich but we worked hard to be where we are now. We lived simply, I never even had a doll but a cute clown my father gave me and I liked it. Maybe during those times he see me as a kid who smiles a lot even if I feel pain or our family had issues at home. I am always serious when it comes to my work, assignments and projects I would always want to do things alone and on my own. As if working with a group makes me feel awkward and slow me down. I never was good in groups and people really. Until I entered a lay community which I thought God called me in to becoming a serveant of the Lord. But I think He had other plans for me rather than to serve him until forever, I needed to come out and live the world. My superiors told me that I haven't lived in the world long enough to really experience it. Then, I did, and lived in the world. I grew up, worked and earned a lot but I felt empty inside because I still felt my calling was in the cloister. However, I met my first love and recontinued our requitted love, but didn't last for very long because I was scared of my future mother in law and maybe marriage all in all. That break up took me 10 years to heal and accept suitors again. But with the past hurt buried deep inside me, I didn't forget it and for 20 years I lived fearing to open up myself to anyone who wanted to get close or who wanted to love me. Falling in love again was a struggle for me. I thought I was in love when I feel good with someone or they give gifts or try to make me happy. But I realized that faling in love is actually being in love with my self and making my self whole and not the other way around. Meaning making other people happy or content even though I feel off or neglected, dissatisfied because I never wanted to dissapoint or make others feel bad. I thought my soul mate came when I lived in with my daughter's dad who I already mentioned on the the previous chapter. Yet problem after problem came and we weren't able to work things out and lost touch of each other, or maybe we really fell out of love. It's best to say that we live in love not fall for it.
And to live in love is better than unforgiveness or anger. The past can't make up for our present none theless future and make it better. But when we move on and forward, we can say that we learned from the past and we carry on to make ourselves happy for we deserve to be, always. We can not change the past more over change a person, but we can change our self and be better than who we've been, after the betrayal, hurt, broken heart and loneliness. We only have one life and we shouldn't live it carrying all the bad things and feelings of the past. It'll be so heavy carrying loads that aren't worth sweating for but our happiness, growth and success. We deserve to be, happy, loved, in love and a success. We live a life like acting on a story, and we are yet to fulfill our own success story. Our life is just starting, today. Let's live now. If we fall, stand up and never give up until we reach the finish line, for our victory lap, clap, dance, march, drink of wine is still yet to come. It's never over until it's over.