Just like how a company promotion comes with more benefits and more responsibilities, same goes with getting promoted in family line. Till a few days ago, I was a single child, acting however I wanted, getting all the attention of parents and didn't had to worry about anything at all. But now I've become an Elder sister. Besides being just a Five year old, I'll have to deal with many other things. I didn't know what exactly I was supposed to do, what duties there'll be for me to play. I guess we'll know by the time comes.
Father has been busy making a living, as always. While Mom is busy taking care of Piya. She's barely 8 months old and has already started to try to walk on her own little feets. When she was born, she was a healthy baby. She had took all the efforts she could possibly do, to grow without giving any troubles to any of us. Beside when she would be down or feeling unwell, she has always been a cheerful baby. She had never made any tantrums while eating food and she could eat well by now. Any fruit juice, porridge or vegetable purees, there was nothing she hated or even was allergic to any of the food, so it was easy for mum to take care of her.
Well, even though I was supposed to be more responsible since I'm an Elder sister who has to be a good example to her little sister, it didn't kill the child inside me who still wanted attention. "Everything looks fine!" you must say. But trust me, it wasn't. My mother and father said they wouldn't act or behave differently towards any of us. But believe me, I started to notice the differences.
4 months ago,
It was My Birthday.
Starting from when I was born, my birthday's were celebrated with a lot of guests and there were literally so many gifts I would receive. But this year, they decided not to celebrate. I mean dad was going to bring the cake but there wasn't going to be any guests or a party thing. To that, I thought, it's not that big of a deal. I mean, I never really enjoyed the crowd, unless it benefited me with some things. ex. Gifts. and we all loved gifts as childrens. I thought, as long as there will be a cake and at least a gift, I'd be fine and it would make me happy enough. So I was still wishing for the happy day that I was looking forward to.
It was 8 pm, and dad was late for some reason. But I was sure he would be home soon, and will bring me a nice gift. My mum said to eat dinner first, since dad was going to be late. So I excitedly went to have dinner. It was nothing special. Just some curry and rice, with some pickle. Well, it was Thursday and as a Maharashtrian, 'We Don't Eat Non-veg on Thursday'. Yup. We finished our dinner and it was almost our bedtime. I was still waiting, sitting on the hallroom sofa.
9'O Clock, and father still wasn't home. I was thinking to myself, "Has he forgotten my birthday?! No no no, he can't, he won't forget my birthday, he never did!" Shaking my head, I tried to stay positive. And as one can assume, I fell asleep on the sofa.
Not long after, I woke up to the sound of footsteps and doorknob. I was 100% sure it was father. I woke up with so much energy, that no one would believe I was sleeping. I ran to my dad, and asked him, "Dad, where's my birthday cake?! and have you bought me any gift." To that, dad handed me a small box, tired expressions on his face and said, "I'm so sorry Meera, I was stuck doing one important job and by the time I came, all the cake shops were closed, since it was already 10'O clock."
And there goes my Birthday Celebration. I quickly looked at the watch, it was little past 10. I tried to be understanding, like a good girl. It was pretty obvious I wasn't happy with what was going on, but I still tried. My father saw me and said, "Meera, come here, talk to dada." So I did, I walked across to the hallroom and sat beside father, a table on which there was that little box was in front of me. I was wondering it must be a gift or something, to reconcile in the place of my birthday cake. Then my dad said, "Look, although the shops were closed, I still tried to get you a pastry so you could blow the candles and make a wish. You know it's hard making a living, right?! And now that Piya's here, the expenses have been rising and my job.. it isn't working out well. You are my strong and understanding daughter. I know you'll understand."
What could I possibly say to that. I mean, you're asking a just five year old to be understanding of such a complex thing. But he was right about the situations and all. Even though I couldn't, I definitely tried to understand that, but the heart of the little five year old Meera, broke. I tried my best to act upon what my father just praised me for, "Strong and Understanding". So I smiled and said, "I definitely understand dad, let's just cut the pastry and blow the candle." The way dad made me understand things, I knew I'm not getting any gifts this year. So I stopped expecting one. They sang "Happy Birthday" to me, I blowed the candle and was done cutting the pastry. I ate some of it and shared some with my parents. Since it was already late, I went to bed. A few minutes under my covers and my eyes started tearing up. I controlled my emotions perfectly in front of them, not causing a scene. But since no one could see me, I couldn't hold it in anymore. It was my first birthday to ever be so dull and upsetting. All the things that people said, for me having a sibling and was not going to be loved anymore, was coming to reality. That's the only thing I could think of.
A few days after my birthday, my maternal grandma and grandpa visited us. Although my grandma never forgot any of my birthdays and always use to send me present even when she couldn't make it. This time, when I wasn't really expecting anything at all from them, I surprisingly got a gift. Grandma called me and said, "Meera, we're sorry we couldn't make it to your birthday. But look! I bought you a nice dress." It was a nice rouge pink colored frock with frills on the neckline and long butterfly styled sleeves. I was surprised that she bought me such a cute dress. I wasn't sad anymore. I at least got something as my birthday present. Well, the dress was from grandma and grandpa gave me some pocket money. So you could say I was pretty happy. But all those things about my parents abandoning me Or not caring for me as much as they did before, were still revolving in my mind.
Back to present...
We were having a normal day. Mom woke up early at 5 AM to make tiffin and breakfast for dad, since dad was going to work and would leave home at 6:30 AM. My routine was to wake up at 7 AM, so dad and I couldn't really see each other early in the morning, but we use to have dinner as a whole family though. At this point, I started going to elementary school and as I could remember, I was quite a bright student. Teachers always praised me for being attentive and fast learner. I would leave to school at 8 AM, after having breakfast and tiffin packed for lunch. The school duration was of 3 hours a day. Since not all childrens were happy enough to spend that much of time in school, their parents were allowed to sit with them for few days until the child gets familiar with the environment and the teachers. In my case, my mom was there with me on the first day. But looking at how excited I was to learn new things, she knew she didn't need to worry about me being in school. She used to teach me from vocabularies to numbers at home, from time to time and besides she had to look after Piya too, which was the harder task. Getting back home, playing a little with my sister while my mum works out the house chores was my job. Besides that I use to help her do some cleaning and she wouldn't mind it; because as I told you, I was a Fast Learner. 3 hours in school were exciting but also tiring because it involved a lot of energy both mental and physical, which use to make me a little sleepy for some time, after I get home.
Certain days later....
Another day, another morning. Everything started the same and I expected it to end the same. I got home after school and about half and hour later mum asked me to clean the hall room, because my sister just made a mess of it. Well, I had to help her. She also told me to look after Piya, because she was washing the dishes. I started cleaning the hall room, broom in one hand and dust pan in another.
I was just kind of focusing on cleaning. I didn't know what Piya was doing, per say I just turned a blind eye on her, barely noticing she was there in the hall room right behind me, playing. I did all the cleaning, and I don't know WHY, out of nowhere, I thought of doing some circus with the broom stick, which you might know I wasn't even good at. And I accidentally hit the head of a person. After acknowledging what I just did, I turned around.
Piya was crying out of pain and as they say "While having fun, the blow hits harder", did actually just happened with Piya. I couldn't stop her from crying and worse I was feeling guilty, because I didn't mean it. Her cries became louder. Mum was on her way from kitchen. She came running while asking, " What happened?! What happened to Piya?! Meera, what are you doing?!". I couldn't answer the question, I was too busy feeling guilty. Mother saw a black bruise on Piya's forehead and she started shouting at me, "How irresponsible of you to do this, Meera?! Such a big five year old girl and can't even look after just a few months old baby, can you?! Thank god, it didn't hit her eyes or something. How would you have even said sorry after that, thats so ridiculous of you. Now clean up the mess and go to your room." And she left with crying Piya in her hands.
I was not even done feeling awful enough, when I suddenly remembered that father will be home at night. What am I supposed to answer him?! I'm not acting like an understanding and responsible girl, that he said I was. I couldn't stop my tears thinking I hurted Piya, a barely few month old child. God is never going forgive me.
Or worse! My Mother and Father will never forgive me.