As his words reel through her mind, butterflies swarm her insides with an unsettling mirth.
Umeko, overtaken by a momentary paralysis of heart-wrenching hope, collapses.
Sanemaru drops to his knees, catching her in a cradle only to gently cup her cheek. Nudging her chin with his thumb, "You alright?"
Searching his eyes for a way to explain what she's feeling in words she prays he can understand without it ending in him making fun of her for being human, "I--I. . .I just. . . I hoped there were survivors. . . But. . ."
Swallowing hard, discovering the truth in her heart, "I Didn't want to keep my hopes up, y'know? In case. . ."
Umeko's gaze trembles away from his face to the wrinkles in their clothes where their bodies connect, "They were just hopes."
The steed's ears lower and she can feel a heaviness in the air around them develop. Examining her with compassion and gentleness, his face tells her he knows exactly what she means.
"I'm sorry, Ume," sighing hard enough to exhibit that he doesn't want to talk about something that will make her sad, "Everything was burned to the ground," Sanemaru frowns then points his chin to the sky.
Scanning the clouds in a distant reflection, "If anyone survived," concerned hurricane eyes return to cinnamon irises.
"They might've been taken away," down casting his gaze off to the side as he focuses on a random cricket hopping by, "Or, they hid because we're, y'know. . ."
Dancing awkwardly around a painful truth, "Different."
The emphasizing gruff in his voice fails to impact the usually empathetic girl. This time, her mind is too busy.
Is there a way to learn who got away during the attack? What if half of them made it out? Or More?!
"I'll help you figure something out. I promise," Sanemaru's reassuring bass pierces her thoughts and she staggers back into his face.
"How?!"
Breaking through his hold on her to stand, "How could you help figure something like that out?!"
Pacing back and forth in the grass, nearly tripping multiple times in her elevated, wooden sandals from careless strides, "We'd have to open every grave so I could see their faces."
I'm still too afraid to ask. . .just how many graves there are. . .
Clutching the layered fabric crossing her heart, "I can't!"
Grumbling, she balls a fist and strikes her thigh, "I can't see that. I'd rather kill myself than look at anyone. . .like that."
Shaking her head 'no' before standing in place, a rigid quaking overtakes her spine. A sob hitches in her throat, "I can't even get my mom outta my head, she--!"
Umeko falls to her knees, burying her face in her hands with a deep, stuttering breath. Weakly turning away from Sanemaru, syllables break into breathy wails, "S-she. . .made me. . .l-leave her!"
With a sorrowful chuckle, Umeko cynically raises her face from her hands in a tormented dismay. As if she hasn't been able to escape that moment in time since it took place, "Know what I did. . .?"
Going silent with a blank face as tears silently roll down her skin, "After watching what they did to her from the forest," delicate features shatter into a sorrowful, growling scream, "I ran!"
Returning her face to her hands to shield her disgrace and shame from the light of day, she nearly gasps between every word to keep from bawling her eyes out, "Ran like a filthy, stinking coward while she was stabbed and raped like some kind of--of!"
Shuddering, hating her vivid recollection of an indiscriminate truth, "Like she wasn't someone's wife. . . Someone's mother. . . A fucking human-- just like them!"
Loudly sucking up snot and swallowing to keep her nose from dripping, "How could anyone do something like that so easily?"
Melancholic from accepting the harshness of reality, "They treated her like her life didn't even matter."
Umeko inhales sharply until she shudders regretfully, "It should've been me."
Raising her eyebrows in a wistful denial, she nods confidently.
Suddenly glaring at the ground, she pounds her fist into it. Shaking her head, believing if she shakes it hard and fast enough she can keep the awful memories at bay, "Not her!"
Tears break past the line of defense she keeps in play to thwart such a wave of unrelenting grief, "I wanted it to be me instead of her. I would've died. . .for all of them. . .if I could've."
Sanemaru jumps to her side and wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her up into him.
Refusing his gesture, she pushes him away with elbows and fists until she falls back on her butt, "Don't touch me."
Shouting with tears, "I don't wanna be touched!"
Sanemaru's eyes widen as he raises his hands uncomfortably in a surrendered defense. Watching her helplessly, he obliges by taking a few steps back to give her space.
Laying in the grass with her face in the crook of her sleeved right arm beside the pile of flowers, she talks between sobs and gasps. Not even caring if he can hear her muffled emotions, she confesses more to herself than anyone in ear shot, "I'm not even free."
Sucking in a shaky, jarring, sniffling breath, "She sacrificed herself just so I had the chance to escape."
Burying her nose into the fabric to wipe her nose dry, she gasps between pitchy, whispered words filled with self-loathing and guilt, "And I swore myself to the first person to help me."
A quiet, maniacal chuckle flees her lips before she screams at herself, "Just like a scared, stupid little weakling. She threw everything away on a wimpy, puny fool!"
Pounding the ground with both her fists, tearing up the grass on every withdrawal to throw clumps every which way, "Why give up living just for the sake of some lazy, pitiful brat that can't even take care of themself?"
Burning to life with tear-filled rage, the inside of her chest burns as she screams from the depths of her very soul, "I don't deserve to be alive!"
"Ningen."
Umeko's breath stops in her throat on an inhale at the sudden, booming sound of His voice.
Struggling to retain every emotion demanding to make itself known,beckoning to be heard, Tsukiyomi's firm, empty voice fills her up from the inside out.
Steadying her hysteria with a single word, she shifts to comfortably memorize his image while facing him; the girl's peripheral vision spots Sanemaru bowing to the mountain lord standing between them.
A platinum blue gaze lands on the loyal yokai servant before he nods his head slightly back to the door; the humanoid steed briefly looks at Umeko with a concerned frown then dashes back inside the palace.
Sniffling, wiping her nose with the back of a finger, she sits up with her legs bent away from her lord. Tsukiyomi lowers beautifully to a knee beside her and a white cloth in his extended hand enters her view.
Turning from a stonewall face to his pearlescent, human hand, she carefully retrieves the embroidered cloth. Tenderly drying her eyes, she sucks up snot; fighting to stay in control of her anger and grief so she doesn't shame herself, Umeko's eyes dart away from his body and to the ground at her feet when he sits in the grass beside her.
Clenching her jaw and swallowing hard, she awkwardly looks from the ground to her master when his authoritative frame blocks the sunlight that was just covering her. Muttering, "Yo," she steals glimpses of the ambrosial man out the side of her eye.
Facing forward, side by side, with a picturesque view of the magical garden, she wonders why Tsukiyomi has come here and if she's in trouble.
Sitting next to her in a fresh, orange and green robe with scrolls of clouds and matching trousers, she likes the way his neat ponytail with side bangs lulls on the breeze.
Welcoming, silver-blue jewels capture the sunlight and nearly glow like the sky with his shimmering skin. With his beauty and grace urging her to open all locks on her heart for him, "I'm sorry. I--," Umeko freezes when he shifts to stare at her.
Placing his hand on hers as it rests in the grass, very gently, the banished moon god's "Shhhh," washes over her like a soothing, refreshing stream.
Blinking, tilting her head, she watches him eye her closely.
Taken aback by her lord's casual action, her lips tighten when he lays back into the grass with his arms folded behind his head.
What's. Going. On?!
Umeko scratches her eyebrow before cupping her entire face. An agriculturist's calloused palm slides down to cover her lips.
Could this be one of Ryu's tricks. . .?
Taking a deep breath, she gathers enough courage to look harder at his face.
Tsukiyomi peacefully lays back into the cushion of the grassy earth with closed eyes then crosses his ankles; the warm breeze teases loose, blue and black strands into brushing porcelain skin. The thin fabric of his elegant robes fill slightly in the wind, taunting her with flashes of his chiseled chest and stomach.
Mm, he looks soooo good like that.
Caught like a thief in the act when he opens an eye to look at her, a bashful grin crosses her lips as he pats the ground beside him. Returning it to the back of his head, she swallows hard before repositioning herself to carefully lay as close to him as possible without touching.
Throwing away her worries, she copies his body language and finds herself staring at the tranquil sky alongside her crush until her breaths steady to an even pace.
"Your trials are harder than any one person's should be."
Rolling to her side to face him, the banished god's words awaken something deep inside her.
He thinks so, too?! It's not just me. Wow. How's he got time to worry about me with everything in his bowl? Somehow. . .that's got me even more worried about him.
Propping herself up on a forearm to get more comfortable in facing him as she contemplates the depth of her feelings for him, she swats away a dragonfly passing between them.
Tsukiyomi tenderly cups her left, airborne wrist and she tenses. The warmth of his hand radiates down her arm and into her chest. Without any inflection, "We are in his home."
The moon god's gentle words make her swoon as she melts into his touch with an awestruck nod.
Gracefully lowering her hand to the ground, contrasting digits rest near another-- just barely touching.
How could anyone possibly think someone like him could kill another god? He cares about worthless fuckin' bugs!
Smiling like a girl in a pleasant dream by the inconceivable existence of this moment in time, "I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks so. . .since sitting around complaining doesn't change anything. Grandma always said, "Complaints kill blessings"."
Mumbling when Tsukiyomi raises his head to watch her, "So when I wonder too long on if I deserved something. . .or wanted it really bad but couldn't have it. . ."
Flattening back into the land as she grounds herself, Umeko turns her head to distant flowering trees with stray petals dancing to their death, "I know–."
Grimacing, "That I'm wasting time missing out on all the good things by focusing too long on the bad things I can't do anything about."
Sighing breathily, "When there're others," she glances back at him only to have her breath momentarily snatched from her lungs by his beauty.
Clenching her jaw to keep from grinning, she ends up holding her breath while on the journey to recapture her train of thought, "There're others."
Sucking in an exaggerated deep breath as she accepts a hard truth, "Way worse off than me."
Umeko's hand twitches, inadvertently caressing the back of his hand with her knuckles, "At least. . .I'm still alive with the chance to make things better for myself."
Sighing disheartened, "Even though I'm not sure I even want to exist."
Cinnamon eyes dart past his head to prevent direct contact with his soul penetrating stare, "Sometimes," she mutters.
"Being here gives me a chance to strengthen things, feel things, and find a new way to enjoy things-- the tiniest of things lately," holding up her right hand, she shrinks the space between her index and thumb until there is only a crack of space between them.
Lowering her hand to rest in its previous bed without looking, her fingertips land on top of his muscular, satin-skinned hand. Nervously sliding them to the grass, "I've even got the chance to make a difference. . ."
. . .he didn't pull away. I don't know why, but that makes me so happy!
"Hopefully, in doing anything that they can't because they're gone, I can be the proof that they were here," the corner of Umeko's mouth tugs into a tiny, hopeful smile.
Thanks Sane. I never would've been able to feel this way if we didn't have that talk. . . Who knew demons could give such inspiring advice?
Sitting up, turning in the grass to face her laying body, the rustling of Tsukiyomi's vibrant clothes draws the young lady's attention.
Crossing his legs with the poised spine of a powerful dignitary, "Home is only one place in a heart," he places his hands on his knees while an emotionless gaze runs over her, "With the gift of building new homes wherever it goes."
Umeko repeats his words in her head and, unsure how, a graceful comfort encompasses her entire body the longer his eyes roam over her. Digesting him with her own curious gaze, she recalls the remaining ridges of his spectacular flesh dusted with sparse patches of scales.
How've I never felt this calm before? Especially after--!
Realizing she's been staring at Tsukiyomi the entire time he has been sitting stately in front of her, she gets the uncontrollable urge to bolt upright and turn away. Hearing him shift in the grass behind her, the weight of his hand lightly cupping her shoulder sends jolts across her chest.
Feeling her body respond under the constricting fabric of her bosom's binding, Umeko grabs his hand to move from under the weight of his intoxicatingly desirous energy.
Meaning to let him go, she finds herself simply, affectionately, holding his hand.
Turning in the grass to curiously follow his arm up to his face amidst an unusual lack of response, movement in the corner of her eye catches his free hand near her cheek.
With dull nails growing into claws that just barely graze her cheek, Umeko's eyes dart to his face; a menacing shade of dark red flickers in his eyes. Stunned by the close proximity of sudden and imminent danger, Umeko's heart beats faster.
Rooting and praying in her heart for Tsukiyomi to overcome the dragon's will, pearlescent fingers curl back into his palm.
With a deep breath of relief upon his standing withdrawal, Tsukiyomi turns away.
Anxious brown eyes follow his every move while she clutches the smooth fabric of her dress.
Blurring away without a word before Umeko can finish an astounded blink, her lips droop into a frown.
Even in the daylight he has to fight for control?!
Shaking her head to force away the gruesome thoughts of how close she came face to face with the essence of pure evil, she ends up sighing happily instead. Throwing her arms up with a deep stretch, the young lady drops back into lofty grasses with a goofy grin.
He came to make me feel better. ME?! Some nobody. . . I can't believe it.
Sitting upright, remembering she's all alone, "And just like that," she breathes a sigh of optimistic relief, "I know I'll be okay."
Examining the cloth he gave her to dry her tears, she traces her fingers over white cotton embroidered with red plum blossoms, "Wow, Lord (Izanagi), your son is really something special."
Patting her cheeks dry one last time, "Does he have a thing for plum blossoms, or do all the flowers in his home look alike because they're just flowers?"
Shrugging at such a ridiculous speculation in passing, she tucks her new handkerchief behind the top layer of her dress over her heart. Scooping up the pile of chrysanthemums, she heads to the mountain's door.
Slowing to a stop when Sanemaru enters the doorway, he waves happily as if nothing changed between them. Sighing a reassuring breath of relief, she smiles back. Dashing to meet her with a refreshing, cheeky grin, he asks, "Ready?"
Shaking her head yes, he hoists her into his arms bridal style then takes off at a speed that feels like they're flying; trails of blue-green fire ignites into a blaze that trails the garden behind his steps.
I wish you were with Tsukiyomi when he saved me. It would've been soooo nice to get carried like this.
Nestling into him with scanning, squinting eyes, their surroundings fade and blur faster than her eyes can follow. Forced to close her eyes, he soon stops on a mountain path between forest and stone.
The first time Tsukiyomi's fierce beauty graced her, glowing in the moon's fullest, blue light, drifted to the front of her mind upon the unmistakably familiar road that forever changed the rest of her life.
As Sanemaru sets her down on two feet, the magic of her imagination is bitterly interrupted.
Spotting three mounds of gravel off the path in a shallow clearing, seething resentment flows from her heart in a jagged tone, "Why were they given a final resting place?"
Umeko narrows her eyes while treacherously honing in on Sanemaru.
"Oh," avoiding eye contact with the fuming girl, "Well," fluffing his fiery coiled mohawk, "Lord Tsukiyomi wanted each body to have a grave. He said, "All who perished were victims spared from a crueler fate."
Biting his bottom lip to slowly release it from a prison of white bone, Umeko's gaze lingers on pillowy lips as he speaks, "I figured they weren't your people since that couldn't've been a human's handiwork."
Sanemaru briskly shakes coiled, fiery bangs from his eyes, "He said something like, "Every man (hu-man) gets judged when he dies so a final send off is the vessel's last chance of finding comfort once a soul moves on."
Clearing his throat before flashing a guilty, dimpled grin, "And I'll be honest. . ."
Snickering, "I don't question anyone with the power to move earth and make graves," he crosses an arm over his chest to cup his chin with a confident, unashamed nod.
Whispering exasperatedly more to herself in disbelief than in search for an answer, "What?"
An unusual sense of betrayal strikes a nerve in her skull, How could he care so much about such shit-dipped fuckheads capable of committing such EVIL?!
Tripping over her feet, her vision tunnels at the mounds.
A ringing develops in her ears as the horror from that night threatens to drown her in a cold sweat.
Mumbling as time slows, adding to the surrealism of her current reality, "He actually laid them them rest?"
Her vision suddenly tunnels on the three mounds that conceals lifeless cur, "Even though he's the one that killed–?"
Feeling her heart race until sweat surfaces on her skin, the beautifully adorned girl takes a deep breath; the faces of her cut down assailants flashes into her mind, taking her back to the night she ran for her life through the woods on merely a hope and a prayer.
Throat dry, feet burning, ears ringing, It's daytime. I'm not alone. I saw them die. They can't hurt me! They can't hurt anyone anymore!
". . .not exactly," Sanemaru's baritone snatches her from the downward spiral into an overwhelming panic attack.
"After we bound the bodies in white linen, He waved his hands to open the earth and I laid them in. Come," he waves for her to follow him.
Umeko tilts her head, on the brink of drifting into a daze when he turns his back to her and orders, "Ride me."
Pointing at his back with both thumbs, the blood in her body rushes to her core. A gulp forms in her throat when the vivid dream of his surging tongue deep inside her penetrates a previously unprovoked mind.
Feeding an uninvited desire to ride his face, the vivid dream in which she felt even his hands gliding over her in gentle and firm caresses floods her consciousness.
Reminiscing on the savory tang of his mouth invading hers, with strong hands groping, fondling, and massaging every part, Umeko snaps out of it to shield her face from a gust of wind.
Blue and green flames twist around him, engulfing him in a sphere of rainbow flames with swirling loose leaves catching fire to ash away. In the quick flash of a warm, roaring blaze and gray smoke clouds, Sanemaru changes from his humanoid form to an oversized, chestnut-brown steed. Black hooves are surrounded by green and blue flames with every trotting step.
Excited eyes of obsidian face her, centered between loose locks of fiery, red-orange mane that flows down the sides of his face and back of his neck. A braided tail, long enough to go from black to red, then orange, and end in yellow, nearly sweeps the ground when he stands on his hind legs.
A loud neigh breaks the wind as his front legs dance in the air.
Shaking his head with regal, sun-catching locks bouncing on the wind, he settles calmly in place on all four legs to gently nudge his muzzle closer to her face. Flaring his right nostril against her cheek, she jumps back at the suddenly hot, damp contact forced on her, "Woah!"
Following her instincts to pet him, she slowly brings her fingertips to his nose and he greets the chill of her cool fingers. Grinning ear to ear, she rubs over his velvety face and coarse nose until he huffs.
Drawing back with a quiet whinny, he shakes his head.
Taking in the massive steed with muscles rippling under a rich hide during every shift, his body radiates bonfire heat.
Dropping to a front knee and extending the other leg forward, the horse looks at Umeko with a majestically tame stare.
Dark voids pierced with midnight pupils mesmerize her mind into an instant infallible trust.
Until her heart thumps against the inside of her chest wall, making her question herself:
Am I letting my guard down too much?