This time let me save you.
"…Reverse time…?" He blinked in confusion.
"Yes! If it is Lord Chronos surely it is possible."
"Indeed it is something I can do." He narrowed his eyes. "However I would want to hear your reasoning."
I was about to explain when the door nearest to us opened.
A bright eyed and freckled Deacon popped out of the room. The moment he saw me, he gave an excited squeal. "It's the Saintess!"
Numerous door handles jangled and opened. Soon the hallway was crowded with jostling Deacon and Deaconess. They crowded around me asking me questions.
"It's the Saintess! She's so pretty!"
"Saintess did you kill the Iron Blood Tyrant?"
"When did you return, Saintess?"
"How did you defeat the Tyrant? Please tell us!"
Their wide eyed admiration place more guilt on me. I bit my lips. What will happen if they know of my intention? Chaos is all that comes to mind.
A hand pushed me forwards them. I glanced back. "Go help the Saintess prepare for the banquet. I apologize, Saintess. The people wish to celebrate your victory as soon as possible. Although you may be tired, it is necessary for you to appear before them. Don't worry about you fallen comrades for I resurrected them for you." He added in an undertone. "I shall hear your explanation after it is over."
"I understand." I was led the way by the younger Deaconesses.
Their adorable faces had more respect and admiration then the older ones. They questions were the same albeit more enthusiastic. It was good thing they don't bother to hear the answers as they were way over the moon to be beside the saintess. Although I don't trust myself with answering them. So I simply had a pinned smile all through the chattering.
They led me down to the bathing area of the temple. Down the hallway, going inside a foyer filled with stone images and murals of Rulers being crowned through the ages. A low staircase, through some doors, another hallway and down one more flight of stairs; we had arrived in the bathing house.
The structure was made entirely out of white stones with lilac colored tiles. A gigantic bath tub was built in the middle. Steam clouded the countless mirrors that coated the walls. Rose petals were floating aimlessly in the hot water.
I felt a tug on my gown. I looked down. The smallest of the band stared back at me with rosy cheeks. "Saintess, should we help you with your washing?"
"No!" All of them flinched back. The little girl released her trembling grip. "S-sorry Saintess. W-we, I didn't mean to…" All of them were near to tears…
"No that's not what I meant." I knelt down to her height and took her quavering hands. "The water is too hot for you all to handle. So I was worried you might hurt yourself. I apologize if I frightened you."
That seemed to have pacified them because they were grinning again. "O-oh then can we help with your dressing." I hesitated in replying. Finally I relented when I noticed their glum faces.
I will try to hide them as much I can…
I sent them outside to wait for me. They left closing the door, giggling among them
I undid the ribbons holding the night gown around my neck and it slid from my body. I stepped out of it and walked to the bath tub before I entered the tub, causing ripples to disturb the petals.
Tension eased from my muscles and joints. A scent of lavender and chamomile tea wafted from the bath. I sank in deeper. It was like being embraced by a warm blanket. Underneath the water I gently touched my right side of my stomach and ribs. I felt the burned skin there. It was still rough with the dumps even after these years.
One of the many scars I got from my Mother when she was less irritable. She had lit a match after dousing only that part of the cloth in kerosene. It was a good thing there was priest nearby. I was eight at that time.
Claudina had jokingly said it was the map that perfectly outlaid the upper part of the palace when we were young. But I could tell from her eyes she wanted to kill the woman I called Mother.
I soaked for a few more minutes before grabbing a magnolia tree branch from a nearby table. I scrubbed every nook and cranny with the branch and lathering of soap. I washed the soap subs with water and picked off any remaining petals.
Wrapping a towel, I called out to the Deaconesses. Eager voices came from behind the door and in an instant the door opened. Each of them was carrying a platinum tray.
Although they insisted on helping me put on my clothes I sent them outside after persuading.
I had no intention of letting innocent children see the cruelty of adults at such an early age.
I picked the first article of the clothing. A white blouse with loosely fitted sleeves and blue and silver embroider around the hem. I put it on before pulling a pair of short black pants. Over it went a flowing robe that was split in the sides. I buttoned the silver fastening on top of the blue and white robe. I clipped a silver chain joining the collars of the blouse while a pale blue sash was wrapped on my neck. A gold decoration went around my hips to hold the robe down. I pulled keen length white boots with blue soles over cream colored socks.
Finally I picked my staff. It was gold decorated with blue jewels. It was apparently wielded by the previous saint and saintess.
Someone knocked on the door. "Saintess I have come to escort you."
"Yes in a moment please."
I placed the cap on my head. It was made of white fabric with blue stones lining the brim.
I opened the door. Lord Chronos was standing outside. The little Deaconesses were now clamoring around him. He was rather amused by their antics.
He glanced up and offered his hand. Gingerly I took his hand.
"Saintess you look so beautiful!" I looked down in surprise. The Deaconesses had also surrounded me. I squirmed under their gazes. It's clear that the short interaction has already made them think highly of me.
"Thank you." I politely bowed my head to them while picking a slit side of the robe to form a half curtsey. This caused a blushing sensation among them. They followed us from behind keeping a respected distance between us.
They parted ways with us after we entered the main temple through a back door. "Humans never fail to amuse me."
"Lord Chronos…about what I said earlier…"
He rolled his eyes down to me. "I recall saying we shall speak about the matter later."
"Right." I didn't press the matter anymore.
The previous torches had dimmed off so I was heavily reliant on Lord Chronos' hand.
We walked until a translucent glass door had light streaming from behind it. Cheerful voices slipped out.
"Child, open the door. The people wish to see the light that saved them. Their salvation."
Salvation? I am no one's salvation.
"Lord Chronos. Why was I chosen as the saintess?"
"Because your soul was the kindest I have ever seen. One who could smile even after everything has been lost. Your soul was the loveliest so all. All of earth and heavens had blessed your soul. That is why you are a saintess"
My hands trembled violently. "Does this mean I am no longer one because I don't feel kind."
I didn't wait to hear his response. I turned the door knob and with a deep breath I pushed open the door with both hands.
The party was held outside in the gardens. Nobles, commoners and knights all of them raised their glasses. People were celebrating the Iron Blood Tyrant's fall. They raised their glasses
Normally the sight of people coming together for a single cause would warm my heart. Instead I wanted to shout at them for being noisy.
"Ophelia!"
I looked around when I spotted shiny blonde hair. Amidst the crowd and bright light I found Lucian gazing at me with the most adoring gaze.
I wanted to run. I don't want to face him. Not like this.
Not when I decided my resolve.
So, Lucian, don't love me. Hate me.
Because if you do my resolve crumble.
"Ophelia. How are you feeling now?" He took my hand in his. I slightly twitched but he paid it no mind.
"Fine. And you?" He intertwined his fingers around mine. I could feel the heat from his gloves.
"I am alright. Everyone is actually. I was really worried when you lost conscious when you saw Claudina's head. Lord Chronos said it was simply a shock."
His gold eyes twinkled. "I know I have said it before but you look beautiful." My face reddened. "Uh…er yes," I spluttered with my words.
"Ah, young love. Though it is not yet spring I am sure Gaia would blossom a few flowers to suit the mood." Lord Chronos swished out.
He was still behind the door?!? That means he heard everything too…
I pulled the cap to my face. "Ophelia, your ears are red," Lucian whispered. Then he winked!
The audacity! I shot him a weak glare from under my cap. He only feigned innocence. He turned to face the guests while walking past me he gave a light pat on my quavering hands
"My dear honorable guests," Lucian outstretched his arms gaining everyone's attention. "Today we are here to celebrate our kingdom's greatest victory. Our victory against the Iron Blood Tyrant!"
A commotion of cheer rose in the air. He held his hand up for silence. "This victory of ours is only possible due to one person." He firmly grasped my hand and pulled me beside him. "It is all due to our beloved saintess, Ophelia Crescent!" An even bigger uproar of applauses encircled around me.
Everyone cheered. Everyone expect for me.
They celebrated the death of a Tyrant. I mourned for a friend.
Lord Chronos swept me inside the party. The banquet had long tables in the middle, decorated with beautiful embroidery of gold linings, the cutlery shined as it has been polished many times, and in the middle of the long table was a wine glass fountain like structure. As it was held outside lanterns were hung overhead using colorful strings. These strings were all held by long poles which were joined by the longest one in the center. Seasonal flowers were tied around the poles.
He led me to the place where the king would have sat. It was a raised platform with four seats. A throne sat in the middle while beside it was a less extravagant throne. On the lower platform were two more chairs made of gold and velvet padding like the other two.
Lord Chronos saw to it that sat on the lower platform chair before he himself took the throne in the side. Lucian sat down beside.
Seeing how the throne was unoccupied the king has yet to arrive.
"Saintess I heartily thank you for saving us."
Blurry faces came to thank me. Gifts were given and I accepted them. Among the blur I could make out my friends' faces, the soldiers that went with us, envoys from the other Nations, thanking me for killing Claudina.
And I sat through it all with a fixed smile.
I don't deserve their praises. Even if I had killed Claudina I still wouldn't want it.
My stomach felt sick and my vision played everything in black and white.
Lucian must have noticed my distress because he quietly led me out of my seat and away to a more secluded place.
"Are you alright, Ophelia?" he asked.
Ah, I made Lucian worried.
"I am alright. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed," I lied.
He gripped my shoulders, looking as if he was not convinced enough. I placed my hand of top of his. Signing he said: "If you say so." Before half chiding me "But if anything is wrong tell me. I want nothing bad happening to my bride."
I leaped into his arms, burying my face in his chest. We were under one of the many large trees growing in the garden. We were behind it so there was fear of prying eyes.
"O-Ophelia?!" Although I could not see it his face must have been red as well.
Slowly he hugged me back as well. I closed my eyes.
Music was playing in the background. It seems that the first dance has already started. Neither of moved.
I tightly gripped his back. "I will wait until you finally decide to talk about it." He stroked my hair. "I am not rushing you. You can take as much time as you want. And when you do, I will listen."
The slow thumping of Lucian's heart beats along with the swaying music placed me in a sea of peace.
He hummed with the song and gently swayed us in the grass.
I want to lock this moment in a bottle so that I can relive it every time I open the stopper.
I don't want it to stop.
But that would be selfish towards Claudina.
She deserves happiness as much as I do.
I pulled away from him, hanging my head low. My hands on his shoulders kept a gap between us.
"Ophelia?"
I looked to the other side. He doesn't even remember that he gave me both of the 'royal conveyance.' What's to say he will remember what I am about to say.
But…still maybe hearing it will give more hope.
"May I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
I opened my mouth before closing it again. "What…would you do if …" It was like cotton was stuffed in my mouth. "If one day you were to lose all your memories about us, about me, what would you do?"
I squeezed my eyes shut. I wanted to hear it but I also didn't want to hear it.
"Ophelia you…"
"I-I know it's a s-silly question. F-forget about it. Hahaha…"I nervously laughed.
He gripped my chin to make me look at him. He was wearing the most sincere smile. He dragged me into his arms again and bumped our foreheads together. "Then I will just fall in love again with you, over and over. Even if both our memories disappear we will meet again."
I hid my face on the crook of my neck.
"Do you still remember that rainy night? That night I was injured while horse ridding and almost died near the river bank."
I remember that night carefully. It was our first meeting.
"At that time you were still careful of anything yet you helped me. I knew that you knew that I was the prince so you never showed your face so you would sneak in the night to pat my head. I liked the warmth of your hands." The hand around my waist tightened.
"I loved every moment with you even the time I got injured. I can remake those moments again if I can get to see you be happy. Your happiness is my happiness."
Truly someone as you is completely wasted on me…
"You are more dear to me than anything."
He already realized what I am about to do. He prioritizes my selfishness over his happiness.
I pulled away again. Taking his hand that had been holding my chin I pressed it against my cheek. "Thank you. You put me at ease."
I like you. I like you more than you think.
But I can't say them to you yet.
"Lucian when the time comes please ask me to be your bride again."
So for I now all I can say is this while I bury my feelings for you in my heart.
This way I won't hurt you.
…
…Truly I can never be honest.