Pegasus Salt awoke when a golf ball was shot through his bedroom window. The glass shattered, and a little hole was now where an ornate window used to be.

''Oh not again...''

He opened his eyes. The 10 A.M morning sun that poured into his room made him quickly regret that decision. The white ball sitting there and the distinct 'crash' sound clued him in on what happened. He made it out of his king-size bed with great strength and effort then slinked across the floor to make it to the ball that disturbed his rest. Pegasus looked at it, then at the broken window. He could only sigh. The ball was picked up and thrown out of the bedroom, and the boy who threw it walked after it and opened the window to greet the new day.

''Good morning, Pepper!'' Cousin Beaumont said to a rather grumpy-looking Pegasus.

''Oh yes, it's such a good morning, Monty. Improving your aim, hmmmmm?'' Pegasus dragged the 'Hmm' out just a little too long for it to be polite. He looked down on the family golf course, hoping the game's inventor would fall in a well.

''Yes, I just thought I'd go out and get some practice!'' Monty responded as though it was the norm to use windows for targets. His piercing smile clued Pepper into it.

''You're not.''

''I.. What?''

''Monty, this will be the fourth time we have to call the window guy, this month! Your aim's not getting better!''

''It was six last time!''

''Only because you missed the window and hit aunt Gertrude!''

''Well, I haven't hit her this week!''

''She's still in hospital, Monty!''

''Hmpf.'' Beaumont Triblay said in pure defiance. ''What's with you, Pepper? You're such a grump today, what, did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?''

''More so that I'm out of the bed. You horrible louse.''

''Lazy leper you are, get down and see if you can still get breakfast! You'll turn into a vegetable otherwise!''

''Only if you start hitting your balls straight.''

''Oh shush.''

Monty took up his club and went back to his practice, trying not to hit the house anymore. Pepper meanwhile looked over the early morning and thought about the dawning day, but then a more important thought crossed his mind.

''Dang, I want some breakfast.''

While the prospect of listening to cousin Beaumont didn't sound appealing, young Pegasus was in the mood for some bacon, eggs, and jus d'orange. Sadly, that would mean he'd have to go down the seven thousand steps of terror, anguish, death, pain, oppression, loss, and evil. Or as Pepper always calls it, tadpoling.

This was how Pegasus Saint-Balthasar 'Pepper' Salt of Bassington Hall Derbyshire usually woke up. To the sound of his family doing something stupid. At this massive mansion in the English countryside, every day more chaos emerged. In the clusters and clusters of uncles, aunts, and cousins, Pegasus sat in the pure cacophony. He hated it.

He didn't live here by choice, of course. He was an orphan, after all. Rather than being turned over to an orphanage, he would grow up with his aunts and uncles. All of them. The Salts are on an old, large family. It's a rich one too, for now, that is. The incomes have steadily decreased with the march of time, so almost every adult lives in the same mansion much to the dismay of Pegasus.

Pepper had always been the black sheep of his family, ironic considering his silver hair. Aunts and Uncles are nice and all, but a lad shouldn't live with them. It's bad for the brain. Pepper was desperate to keep as much distance between the lepers of Bassington hall and himself. He's even quoted as saying that 'There must always be at least one wall between me and an aunt.' That is what 'to tadpole' is. To sneak to the bathroom or kitchen without anyone seeing you. Pepper put on a sweater over his PJs and walked out of the room. He closed the door behind him and proceeded to try and sneak out. He failed.

''Haha! Now to just sneak downstairs and...''

''Oh, good morning my boy.'' Old uncle Thachery Trimblay started his day at the same time Pepper did. He greeted his nephew, not knowing about his grumpy mood.

''Ughhhhh, good morning uncle Tak.''

''I've said it a thousand times, shaker, the Th is pronounced like a Z''

''Oh is it? Well, I'll be sure to remember.'' He didn't.

''Oh you snivelling dunce.'' Uncle wanted to change the subject from his unfortunate name.

''You're up and at them eh?''

''Yup. Not by my choice though.''

''What? Did Beaumont...''

''Yes, he did.''

''Oh dash it! I'll boil that idiot's head!''

''Well, that's nice.'' Pepper's 60-year-old uncle was seemingly far more passionate about the situation than him. Probably because he pays for the windows.

Uncle Tak was only an uncle by marriage for Pepper, but he was the closest thing he had to a father. Thachary was lukewarm when the boy was adopted whereas all the others were indifferent. Pure paternal love indeed.

''You know, when I was in the army this stuff would get you, it would get you..it... Pegasus, what's the word?!''

''Uh.. court-martialed?''

''Oh court me damned, I'll beat him with that club myself!'' Steam was quickly shooting out of Thachary's head.

Uncle Thachary was a military man.. for only 6 months. He was discharged for his terrible aim. He was also Monty's dad, proving once and for all that terrible aim was genetic. While not having served for even a year, he could have fought at waterloo by how much he talks about his time in the forces. The seniority of his white moustache only being offset by his white wig.

Seeing that his uncle was busy fuming, Pepper decided to just casually walk away and let him do his business.

''I see, well, you go and have fun ripping Monty's head off and I'll go have breakfast, sound good? sound good.''

Before even receiving a proper answer, he excused himself to the stairs and proceeded to slide down them. He always did this, and it only went wrong once. Usually, a family member would shout at him for taking the road less travelled. Luckily most of the clan was out and about on vacation, and there were only a handful of ghouls still left. Still a few too many for Pegasus.

'You know, I thought that this staircase was a bit shorter than.. oh golly!' Pegasus thought to himself.

The end of the stairs approached and Pepper had to make a quick manoeuvre so that he landed on his feet with a perfect 10 points.

''Haha, Pepper you acrobat!'' He said to himself before dusting his shoulders off.

The dinner hall was only a few steps away. He opened the double doors with as much panache as he could muster, and there his prize awaited. One plate with bacon, eggs, and sausage sat there waiting to be claimed. What's even better was that there was no one else in the massive hall.

''Ah, all to Pegasus. Someone up there likes me, well, he's begun to like me in the last few minutes. Better late than never I suppose. Well then, come to papa.''

With a satisfied smile, Pegasus approached the single chair at the foot of the table, happy to see he could enjoy his meal in perfect solitude. Well, he thought he could.

''Good morning, Pegasus.'' a shrieking, nail-on-chalkboard voice called to him.

Much to our hero's dismay, he was not alone. At the head of the table, there stood a chair. Said chair then spun around to reveal the matriarch of Bassingnton hall: Dame Rozemarie Triblay. Sister to pa Salt and devil of England. She runs the entirety of the family. She stands above all of these snobs and rules with an iron fist over her husband, stepson, but most of all: her unfortunate nephew.

Pegasus had to swallow a lump that suddenly appeared in his throat and wipe the sweat that bespangled his brow.

''Ah... Good morning.'' He lied. It was not a good morning and aunt Rozemarie seemed to agree. She looked like Saint-Stephen at a geology conference, not signifying anything jolly.

''Hmpf. I see you are finally awake.'' Aunty held the F just long enough to sound like a lisping serpent.

''Am I? Oh so I am, what?'' Pepper was a spunk lad, whose sarcasm could pierce the king, but kings pale in comparison to demons like this. Aunt Rozemarie would not let him exercise his natural charm and gave a stare that split a tree trunk from 20 paces.

''If you've finished swallowing that sausage, I have something to say. We...''

''Hmm? What did you say, aunt Rozemarie?''

''Do be quiet, Pepper. I have..''

''No, sorry, can't make it out. Should I sit closer? Because we're at the opposite sides of the table and all that. I could come to you but I'd need to make two trips and..''

'''SILENCE! YOU WILL LET ME FINISH, PEGASUS SAINT-BALTHASAR SALT!''

''Yes, aunt Rozemarie...'' The food in Pepper's mouth suddenly turned to ash and his spine turned to custard.

''Oh you Idiot, I've forgotten what I was going to say!''

''Oh, sorry aunt Rozemarie.''

''Nevermind, I've remembered it, it's..''

Then the door burst open again and two gentlemen walked through it, first pop Trimblay who let his presence be known with loud thunks as his cane tapped on the floor. The second gentleman came close afterwards, very close afterwards. Beaumont Trimblay was being pulled by his ear as punishment but protested his innocence in the strongest terms. The lad's outfit of flat cap, knitted vest, felt trousers, and nine iron in hand strongly opposed his father's morning suit. Both of their seemingly tailors opposed 2022.

''Come on pop, this sort of stuff happens sometimes! Ow ow ow ow.''

''Forsooth, my lad! Do you know what would happen to you if you was in the army, do you?''

''I don't!''

''Well let me tell you, first you'd be shaven then...''

Dame Rozemarie had just about enough of the bipedal slugs that called themselves family. She raised her voice loud enough to deafen the passengers in the aircraft overhead.

''BE QUIET! ALL OF YOU!''

''Yes, m'am!'' The said in unison. The father and son duo ran up to the seats next to Pegasus and sat down. They were all deathly scared of what was about to happen to them. Pepper closed his eyes and bit his lip

'Please, if I have a guardian angel, help me now.'

It proved unnecessary, however.

''Now, what I wanted to say is this: We are going on vacation.''

These 4 were the last members of the guild who were still either in the country or not in hospital and were wondering if they/when they would go.

''Now, my husband and stepson shall be going to Gibraltar for 2 weeks...''

''Ah dash it, I don't like Gibraltar!'' Said Monty, disappointed beyond belief.

'Did, did she forget about me?' Pepper thought. He was just about to speak up before aunt bellowed her cry forth again.

''And you, Pepper the fool, the snake in the grass, the leech on the fortune, I shall grant you no such luxury!''

Pepper and Rozemarie had never been good chums, mainly because he was the only one who wasn't completely overcome with fear by her. But this was a little harsh to her 17-year-old nephew.

''That's quite alright, aunty I'll be just fine by my lonesome here. I wish you the best of luck on your little Spanish adventure.''

He wished she would break her neck, but was happy to be on his own for the summer. He was already imagining the amount of fun he could have tearing down this soul killer.

''I wasn't finished, Pepper. I shall be sending you to stay with my good friends the Gateaus for the summer.''

This broke Pepper.

''You...you mean those Gateaus? In Cornwall? The.. the.. ones that made me read Nietzche when I was 7? The ones that taped me into my chair for proper table manners?! Please aunt Rozemarie, I beg of you anything but that!''

''Nonsense! Maybe they'll make you into a worthwhile gentleman yet. Honestly, you should be thanking me.''

The father and son looked at Pepper with great sympathy but were secretly happy that they weren't selected to go to the block.

''You shall leave later today.''

''TODAY!?''

'''Stop parroting me! I shall expect you shall be packing and dress after finishing your food, you will take the first train to Penzance at 1 P.M, understood?''

''B-b-b-but!''

''Understood?!''

''Yes, aunt Rozemarie.'' It took all the willpower Pepper had to not cry right there.

Aunt Rozemarie was in a completely different mood, her stern face of death and despair transmuted into an evil, casual smile pointing at her husband.

''Phachary dear, are you excited for Gibraltar?''

''Yes, dear'' He lied

''And you, Beaumont?''

''Yes, mother!'' He lied but wasn't any good at it.

''Good, we shall pack now. Come along then.'' She stood up and with a gloomy stride excited the room. The rest of the Spain goers joined soon after but gave Pepper a solidarity pat on his shoulders before leaving.

Pepper sat there with his breakfast, but as far as he was concerned it was pure cole and gravel. He cursed aunts, he cursed Gibraltar, he cursed Cornwall, and he cursed the Gateaus. Only one sentence could escape his mouth.

''I'm sunk.''