Gin wants to come and join me on my visit with my family but he needed to book our flight for Paris on Sunday now, since I asked for a day or two rest after everything that happened, funeral services and all. I arrive at my birth home and my dad, mom and Shane hugged me all together. Oh! I have missed them so much. We ate my favorite food, lasagna, mashed potatoes, salads, all home cooked meals, that I missed so much from my mom's cooking. We talked and talked about many things, my travels and their adventures. And they also talked about the experiences after my mom's heart surgery. I had fun and I missed my room too. Shane has grown fast and we talked about crushes and clothes.
Funny how, I disliked her naughtiness when she was younger, but appreciates her keenness and sensitivity now that she has become a teen ager. Hmm! How time flies and me… as if I'm still stuck in my own little world, tower, where I wish my prince charming would one day rescue me and sweep my feet romantically. I was listening intently, while Shane, shows me her paintings, it is her new talent among others like ballet dancing. I love her so much, watching her now makes me think, and wish, I want a baby girl when I get married. Baby girls are so much fun to be with, as if realizing this just now. I wonder! Well, need to find my prince charming, where ever he is!...Ha ha!, I said silently laughing, when… Yup! I wish you're not laughing at my painting? Shane asked when she is showing me her forrestty and serene feel painting.
Oh no! sorry, I just remembered when you were smaller, and how I get irritated when you barge into my room and piss me off with asking too many questions. But I miss that and I love you little sis! Alexa said sincerely while hugging Shane tightly. Yeah, I know, and I 'm sorry, Shane said smiling. And I'm sorry too about Edmund!, she added hugging Alexa more tighter, "I love you too!" Every one said their goodbyes and I told them that Gin and I will be travelling back to Paris on Sunday. I also added that Gin wasn't able to join us because he needed to book our flights and all. My family understood and are happy to hear Gin is accompanying me back to France. My dad said, Gin is a great guy.
Yes he is very, indeed, me grinning naughtily and at the back of my mind saying, he is also a good kisser and magnificent in bed, I bet. What am I thinking? Alex, stop imagining and day dreaming about him. I rest my case with a smile. However, thinking about my past, I wish I could turn back time when Edmund's still alive. I was so selfish still inlove with Jodie when Edmund's always been there for me supporting me all throughout the years grieving her passing. Edmund didn't mind. He was a self-less gentle man who was always there for me when I needed him. And due to his kindness and unconditional support, I totally gave in and loved him in the process, I thought crying with tears of regret of Edmund's death. As I stood in the terrace overlooking the sunset of Antipolo Hills, a mountainous neighborhood, where houses are farther apart from each other. "The sun setting is as if telling me that my sufferings will soon be over and that a new dawn, a new beginning will soon come". I inhaled positivity, the fresh air and possibilities, and exhaled the bad vibes, heartbreak and my fears in, moving on, finding new love maybe and starting anew, not knowing what my future is and where my tomorrow lies ahead of me…Hmmm!
Gin needed to fly back to Paris a day before me since he mentioned that his business partner had an emergency. Gin has to sign papers and contracts for his artists not to mention, his new stars hitting the charts in the U.K. and the U.S.
On the plane to Paris, I realized that losing Edmund was like a bad dream for me and that is not going to be easy to forget. Well! In this magnificent city one can just easily forget his/her sorrows by looking at the Eiffel Tower. Gin offered to accompany me at the Ritz. I considered the offer since I didn't have any plans anyway. Wow! 13 hours and fifty-two minutes on the plane seemed forever. If it's not wrong to commit suicide and jump out of here, I would've done it, just to escape and forget about this pain I feel. It's been throbbing so hard and hurtful that dying is the best resort and leaving everything behind, is the appropriate answer to my resolve. I was not able to sleep in the flight, so I watched three movies and two series.
I just paused every time I needed to go to the restroom. It is a relief that Gin has free time to join me, no! to wallow with me, in somewhat crucial time of my life, hmm! All about me, myself and I. I wonder how is Gin feeling with all of this!? And does he still remember the time when he boldly made out, or sort of made out with me at that parking lot?, me biting my lip checking when was the last time I had good sex before. Edmund was a gentleman and so reserved but nice in bed. However, Gin is different. He is beautiful, his moves are so natural, maybe since he is very popular among the girls, he had a lot of practice. Huhhhhh!!! What am I thinking? Am I blushing? Oh my God, I am attracted with him, sexually. This is a first! Hmm! Ahhh! Alex, now is not the time for sex, but to mourn for Edmund's death, and maybe some of Gin's rough but hot sexual advances. F*ck! Stop it, Alexa!, me talking to myself getting ready to get out of the plane with a long sigh. Thank God! Haaa!!! My second home and it smells so good here!, breathing the air, while a flight attendant is smiling as she escorts me out of the metal door.
My suitcase was sent to the counter while walking with my carry on which consists of my laptop, cellphones and personal stuff. Standing near the counter with the ground attendant I think of Gin. He is so great and we became close friends in a very short amount of time. I am thankful he is here to support me and it's just been two months since I met him here, in this same airport. When Jodie passed, my world collapsed and I was left alone in rubbles of my messed up life, not able to survive the ruins she, my love left me to suffocate on. She was my world, my breath, my life. I am blessed to have an understanding family who had been there for me all the way to get through Jodie's death and now Edmund's.
Am I cursed or something!? Am I being punished for being so stubborn, doing the things I love to do and being selfish, loving Jodie and now Edmund, but as if fate is telling me to give up my quest for finding true love. It's no use anyway, the people I love so deeply are just taken away. Why are you punishing me, or maybe, do you hate me so much, you don't want me to be happy??? God, answer me, please! I said while my suitcase is being carried to my hotel's car. I can't seem to recognize the driver, maybe Joe is no longer my regular, anyway. Where to ma'am?, the driver asked. Ah! Back to the hotel uh!!!. Oh! Manu, you can call me Manu! Ma'am, he added courteously.
Yes! Alexandra, just call me Alex!, I replied smiling at him. Okay Ma'am Alex, just sit back, relax and we're on a move! Okay, hi, hi, I said laughing slightly with how my new driver is bubbly and has a pleasant aura in him. I think I'm going to like his company from now on. Yup, to the hotel then!, me, like a child saying to my horse to charge.
While travelling back at the hotel, I still kept thinking about Jodie and Edmund. I have moved on from Jodie's passing yet I still can't forget how much I love her and the big scar she left me. And now this! Haay! I need to have a drink after, I wonder if Gin is free tonight!? I was able to survive that tragedy of losing Jodie, and now I need to move on with my losing Edmund. My life is so complicated, I can write about it and make people cry because of the drama. But I'm so tired of the drama. I pick myself up when bad things happen and when I'm caught in tragic situations such as this. I'll survive and win this too! I know break ups, deaths and tragedies happen and it's part of life. And nobody can escape challenges, trials or even deaths that the universe throw at us. We think it's painful, unreasonable sometimes that we want to quit but in the process we learn to accept them and fight to get through them for our growth and maturity. Like diamonds that are chiseled to be as smooth as possible or like gold, refined in the furnace to be shaped to whatever we are destined to be, to glitter and be the beautiful people that we are made to be. After all this I can say that I have overcome pain and depression. My personal victory over tribulations.