After helping me, Minamoto kun stands up from the floor and goes to his seat. His seat is three seats behind from mine. He puts his school bag on his table.
I also stand up from ground but my eyes are still following his every movement. He opens his bag's zip and takes some notes out from it. I encourage myself by saying in my heart, "[ Masuyo chan, talk to him. Talk to him. ]" Then, finally I take a deep sigh before speaking out some words from my mouth.
" Ex- excuse me, Minamoto kun. It- it's rude me to ask but wh- why do you come so ear-early in the morning? " . My voice was shaking in front of him and only I know how could those words spat out from my mouth. Because he's not saying anything back, I nervously lower my head and tightly close my both eyes. I curse myself within my heart for asking such a stupid question, "[ You idiot! Instead of greeting 'good morning' why did you ask such personal question? Idiot. A total idiot. I should apologize to him before he get bad impression of me. ]"
" Ahh that. ", his voice gently echoed into my ears. Then, I slowly open my both eyes and anxiously raise my head. I look at him and it's looks like he's thinking something before giving an answer to me.
He again opens his mouth and says with a calm face, " Actually, our class president, Sato kun, had some important personal matters to attend. But unfortunately our class' vice president is also on vacation, so, there's no one who could take his responsibility. Since, I'd been already a class president of my previous class, Nakamura sensei recommended my name to him. So, he requested me to cover up his place for him until he came back. And I couldn't refused him." After listening to him, the respect and love for him in my heart grow even more. He always help others who're in need. He's just not good from outside but from inside also.
" And I've to do prepare something before the classes will start as a new president. So, I come earlier today. " After saying this, he stops and look at me with confusion and says shortly after.
" But why did you come earlier? Do you have also something to do? " My entire body starts sweating. My face become pale and both eyes get wide open with sudden surprise at his question. I try to dumfound him at this question.
"[ Ah! I'm here for you, Minamoto kun. ]", but, obviously, I can't tell him that. But his eyes are only focused on me to get an answer which are making me more nervous.
I nervously laugh, " Ahahaha! Th- that- that - that- ".
He interrupts me while talking and nods his head, " Yes, after 'that' " and patiently waiting for me to complete my answer.
I again nervously smile and say with a troubled face, " Th- that, I-I ", suddenly some of my classmates are start rushing into our class and interrupt our conversation.
" Oi! Ayumu, you're here early today. ", a voice came from behind.
We turn our head into the direction of that voice. And that person is his friend, Takahashi kun, he's standing with a group of boys. They come towards us. I'm still standing there nervously. For the first time in my life, I like my classmates and thanked them within my heart while crying rivers of relief tears.
"[ Thank you guys! You're the savior of my love life. ]" I can see a bright light emerging behind them as they're coming toward us like a group of angels is coming to protect me.
I use this opportunity to escape from his question and turn my head to him and tell him with a smiling face, " It seems like your friends are calling you. So, now I should take my leave. See you! Minamoto kun. "
I walk hurriedly from there like a scared little rabbit to my seat leaving behind a confused and speechless Minamoto kun. After going back to my seat, I once again look back at him. Takahashi kun's arms are hanging on Minamoto kun's shoulders and is goofing around him while Minamoto kun is just laughing at him with other classmates also. Minamoto kun is always like that cheerful with a calm personality like a cool morning breeze whose smile refresh my mind. I still remember that day, when I and he first met. I still remember that moment, when my heart got stopped by him.
. . . . . . . . .
My family consists of me, my dad, Aizawa Daijiro, my step mom, Aizawa Kasumi and their five year old twin sons, Aki and Akihiko. We were a happy family. There were happy meals and happy memories also. But unfortunately last year, my father caught into a dangerous accident. Still whenever I remember that day when my father caught into that dangerous accident and his blood which was flowing out of him uncontrollably, my heart starts unconsciously tighten in pain. I can still hear those screams of my step mom and wailing of my siblings.
She was calling out his name so loudly, " Husband, husband, please open your eyes. It's me, your wife. Please... Wah! Wah! Please... ". She wailed like her throat gonna damage if nobody stopped her.
My both younger siblings were also crying and continously calling him, " Papa! Papa! ".
But I were silently standing there indifferent without a single drop of tears in my eyes. I were so shocked that I forgot to cry. I didn't know what to do. Should I cry with my family or stop them to not cry?
Fortunately my father survived in that accident but he's still in coma because of heavy blood loss and sudden brain-shock. After that time, a huge burden of responsibilities fell on the shoulders of my step mom since, now she's the only one left who can support our family. I also felt very helpless by looking at her. Even though I were an introvert from always but I talked to my family but due to depression and stress, I also stop talking to myself and my family. I started absent from my school. I felt more and more loneliness inside my heart. Probably one month after that incident, my birth mom came to our house to take me with her.
She told me, " Kasumi san has called me to pick you up from here to my house. "
My heart got devastated by such betrayal. My tears were filling up until my guts became sore. I couldn't stand there anymore. I took my bicycle and ran from my house right away. My face had a very troubled and confused look which were only showing the unstable feelings of mine. I were hastily riding my bicycle in daze, so that, it lost it's balance. It started wobbling and eventually got collided with a pole. I fell on the ground with my bicycle. Its wheels were still spinning. My both knees got injured and started bleeding. There were some scratches on my hands also. I were breathing heavily. My head was heavy and were sweating a lot also. But I didn't care about anything and just lying down flat on my back and closed my both eyes.
. . . . . . . .
After sometime passed, I finally opened my eyes. When I left from my house, it was still evening but now it was already night. Darkness had covered the entire sky in which a crescent moon was shining brightly and lot of stars were twinkling.
" Aah! ", pain escaped out from my mouth.
My whole body was aching from pain. Somehow, I stood up slowly from the ground but couldn't even managed to stand still on my legs as they were trembling from pain. I looked around for my bicycle. It was lying probably four meter away from me where I lied. Its wheels which were spinning before I closed my eyes were now stopped. With my trembling legs, I reached to my bicycle. I slowly bent down to pick up my bicycle from the ground.
I walked slowly with my bicycle on an entirely empty street. My mind was still reminding me those things. I walked and didn't stop until I found a park and decided to take a rest there. My throat was also dried with thirst. So, I parked aside my bicycle first and directly went toward the water tap and opened it. First, I washed my hands and face then I quenched my thirst with it's water.
After drinking water, I sat on a bench in the park. Without even knowing myself, big tear drops were started falling from my eyes and rolling down on my cheeks. But I didn't have any expression on my face.
I started questing to myself, " Why is this happening to me? Why does my mom come here to pick me up? Am I that troublesome to them? Why do they have to do it? Why? Why? ".
A gentle voice suddenly came from behind into ears, " We can find your answer together if you are willing to tell me what happened to you? ".
While I were sinking deep into my worries, I didn't even notice that someone was already sitting behind me on another bench. But neither I nor him looked back at each other. After sometime, he again approached me, " Well, I am not that good at giving advice but I will try to understand you. " Usually, I'm not good at talking with others, but at that time from nowhere, I told him all my problems.
After learning my whole situation, he thought very carefully before asking me questions, " So, are you angry with your stepmom that she tried to send you away? "
I paused for a second and replied him back with a gloomy face and a hoarse voice, " I don't know. "
" Hmmm, so are you angry with your mom? "
" I don't know. "
" Are you angry with yourself? "
After listening this question, my body froze for a second. I lowered my head and replied him back, " Yes. "
He asked again, " But why? "
" I don't know. "
" Let me say. Are you desperately thinking that you're useless and a burden to your parents? Are you blaming yourself because you can't do anything for them? "
I slowly shaken my head in disbelief. My eyes got wide then it became watery with tears. For the first time after so many years, my face had finally changed it's expression. It had a very sad and painful expression. I burst out into tears and soon after I started crying. The park which was quiet earlier, now, it's echoing with my crying voice. I cried a lot until it made my heart completely emptied which was home of my feelings like desperation, uselessness, guiltiness and self blaming
A hand came from behind of me which was holding a white hanky. I took that hanky silently from his hand while sobbing and started to wipe my tears and snot. He took a heavy sigh before saying with his gentle voice, " You're feeling desperate because you can't gather yourselves to give emotional support neither to your step mom nor your siblings. You're feeling useless because despite being an elder child of your father, you aren't able to give monetary support to your father's medical bills. You're feeling guilty because if, you don't have your social anxiety problems, then, they could also share their problems with you. "
He paused for a second and chuckled lightly. I squeezed that hankey into my hand. Then, he continued his talking, " You'll give the things to others that you have but if you don't have it, so, how can you possibly give it to others? . You find it difficult to convey your emotions to others. I'm sure that your parents also know that you're trying your hard. So, blaming yourselves for such things are unreasonable. It's not your fault, so, don't be hard on yourself. You don't have to blame yourselves for the thing which are not under your control. If you try to control it more, it'll slip out from your hand even more. Then, your hand will eventually become empty and just left alone with a feeling of desperation and loneliness. What's happening now, let it be. So, don't worry. It will going to be good. I hope, you'll understand that what to do now. The future is unknown, so, let's just hope for happiness." With this he ended our conversation.
He stood up from his bench. He took his bag and started to walk. The row of electric lamps were illuminating in the darkness of night. I slowly turned my head to look at that person. He was walking under rows of light lamps. It felt like my heart had stopped for a moment when I looked at him. His face was looking stunning under the light. He was the most sincere boy, I'd ever met in my life.