Zeke made sure the door was locked before he went up to bed. He was still in shock after the revelation at dinner.
When Katie had said she had seen Gavin leaving campus with Emily, he had thought the worst. Was he so unhappy with him that he had to date someone behind his back? Did it have to be his best friend's girlfriend at that?
He had been so angry he had almost thrown everyone out of the house. His vision had tunneled and he had been ready to say fuck it to the entire contract he had with Raoul Duquesne.
Then Gavin had gotten sick in the flower pot, and Emily had told him he needed to tell them. His anger had lapsed a bit, but he still wanted to know what was going on. What was so bad that he couldn't tell him? What was he hiding that he wanted to keep secret from him?
He hadn't been expecting a cancer diagnosis. He had noticed that Anderson Reed had taken several days to update his online chart, but he knew his friend was a basketcase. Sometimes it took him two weeks to get back to him on a doctor's appointment so he hadn't thought anything of it. But now it made sense.
Emily had explained why Gavin had asked her to go with him. He hadn't wanted to burden anyone, but he had also wanted to get the results for himself and be able to deal with them in his own way. He hadn't wanted anyone forcing him to do something he wasn't sure about, but he hadn't wanted to freak anyone out either.
She told him when the diagnosis had come in. Zeke had realized it was right around the time Gavin had withdrawn into himself. He had just thought it was because of the schedule he had to keep in the last several weeks, but to find out it was because he was sick put things into a new perspective.
Gavin had already had two rounds of chemo, and he hadn't known about them. He had seen him naked and had even had sex with him since his first round, but he had not know what had been going on. Gavin had done a good job of hiding it from everyone except Emily.
Zeke retrieved a sports drink from the kitchen and went upstairs. He made a mental note to buy a mini fridge for the bedroom. He didn't think Gavin would want to walk downstairs after his next round of chemo so he would make it easier for him to stay hydrated while he battled this disease.
Gavin was on his side when he walked into the bedroom. He had a pillow wedged between his knees and was wrapped around another one. He looked tiny in the big king size bed, and Zeke knew just how shitty he felt. Even from across the room, he looked pale. His skin wasn't very dark to begin with, and now that he was sick it was even paler.
He changed clothes then walked to the other side of the bed. He cracked the seal on the bottle then set it on the bedside table. He ran his fingers gently over Gavin's face, brushing the little lines by his eyes and mouth. The thin lids lifted to reveal exhausted brown orbs.
"Can you sit up?" Zeke whispered. Gavin put the pillow in his arms behind him and sat up. Zeke slid in behind him to prop him up before he reached for the bottle. He pressed it into his hands and urged it towards his mouth. "Drink some of this. You don't need to get dehydrated."
Gavin did as he was asked. He sipped the blue liquid slowly. His back was bothering him, and he felt a bit of relief with Zeke at his back holding him up. He kept the pillow between his legs to keep his knees from hurting too much.
He handed the bottle back to Zeke and leaned against him. He pressed his face into the crook of his neck and sighed heavily. Zeke wrapped his arms around and held him tightly.
"When is your next appointment?" he asked.
"Not until next month. They'll do some blood work to see if the chemo is working, and we'll schedule some more rounds," Gavin replied. He shifted slightly until his back was flush against Zeke's chest. "I have the option to do the pill form, but I was afraid I'd miss a dose. I opted to do the intravenous route. It shocks the body, but I don't have to worry about forgetting or having to take it in the middle of class."
Zeke tightened his arms and pressed his cheek against the side of Gavin's head. "Why didn't you tell me? Were you so scared of what I'd do?"
"A little bit. Mostly I just wanted to understand it all myself. I didn't want someone to tell me what I should do with my body." He laughed sardonically and rubbed his face roughly. "I even contemplated not doing anything. No treatments, no medicine, no tests, nothing. But Emily wouldn't hear it. She told me I was stupid for even thinking about it like that. So I told her everything."
The older man sighed. "That's why she was unafraid of pushing me."
"No," Gavin denied with a laugh. "She's not afraid of you, period. She's annoyed at your behavior and the rules you have set in place, but she's not afraid of you. She even said she would beat you senseless if you acted a fool when I told you."
Zeke looked at his face when he shifted and grunted in pain. "Are you okay? Do I need to get up?"
The younger man shook his head. "No, my body just hurts. Chemo is a bitch. But I do need to lay on my side."
The older man let him go and watched him slip down further in the bed. He got up and grabbed extra pillows from the closet. When he returned to the bed, he tucked them around Gavin. He rounded the bed and got in on his side. He lay on his side and took Gavin's hand. Those brown eyes opened and looked at him. He gripped his hand and pressed his cheek to it.
"Tomorrow, I'll have Mrs. Richards order one of those u-shaped body pillows for you," Zeke said.
Gavin laughed and rubbed his nose. "Those are for pregnant ladies."
"So? It'd be easier than stuffing pillows around you every time." Gavin nodded but didn't say anything more. Zeke rubbed his thumb over the back of his hand. "Gavin, don't ever hide anything like this from me again. I may be a hardass, but I'm not heartless. If I had known what was going on, I wouldn't have forced you to have sex."
"You didn't force me, Zeke."
"But I didn't let you go either." Gavin's eyes opened again as he looked at him. "This is too serious for you to do alone. Emily was right. You need the support of those who love you to get through this."
The younger man's mouth worked as he processed what was just said. He licked his dry lips before he said anything. "What are you saying? Are you saying…" He had to take a deep breath before he could continue. "Are you saying you love me?"
"I'm beginning to. Hearing this has just shown me how much I have loved you before I even realized it." He tightened his hand on Gavin's. "So tell me when you're tired, when you're sick, and when you just need a break. I'll do what I can to make it happen."
Gavin smiled slightly and sniffled. He hadn't realized how much he needed to hear someone say he or she loved him. He hadn't heard it in a year, and his mood had been shitty because of it. He'd felt like he didn't have anyone to lean on. But now that Emily knew of his situation with Zeke and his diagnosis, he felt like he had someone to talk to outside of Zeke.
He choked on the tears that formed and coughed to clear them. Zeke reached up and stroked his face gently. He watched the sickly man closely.
"Can I ask for one thing?" Gavin whispered.
Zeke nodded. "Anything. I will give you anything you want."
"Will you kiss me?"
The older man didn't hesitate. He lifted himself up and leaned over the pillow barrier. He pressed his lips to Gavin's, sealing them together seamlessly. Gavin made a noise in the back of his throat as he gripped Zeke's hand and pulled him closer. His hand let go and moved to grip the back of his head.
This was the first time Gavin was taking any initiative, and it made Zeke realize how shitty he'd been to the young man. He hadn't been physically abusive, but he hadn't made him feel very welcome either. He'd made him follow all his guidelines and rules. He had changed his life completely overnight, and there had been no arguments about it. He hadn't seen what happened internally when someone had to follow his lifestyle.
Gavin was by far the youngest lover he had ever had. He was five years younger than the last one, making their age difference almost fifteen years. But he was also the most mature out of them, and he was the only one who wanted to negotiate with him to get what he wanted. Because he was so young he didn't have the knowledge on how his lifestyle actually worked. Zeke was always in control and he didn't like to be questioned. If he was fully in the culture, he would be a master in the bedroom.
When he pulled away, Zeke looked at him. He ran his hand through his hair gently, digging his fingertips in lightly. Gavin smiled then closed his eyes. Within minutes he was asleep again.
Zeke pulled his hand away, staring at the dark curls that came with it. He was already losing his hair. He wasn't going to be able to hide any bald spots if it continued. He would discuss shaving his head with him when he felt the time was right. But first, he had something more important he had to do.
He got out of bed and reached for Gavin's phone. He had left it on the desk where Zeke could find it. Even sick, he was following the rules put in place. Unlocking it, he opened the phone app and scrolled until he found the number he wanted. He pressed the name and put the device to his ear.
"Olivia? It's Zeke Daniels. No, everything is not fine. You need to come back as soon as you can," he said.